


Just a Sniper

by Whendoestheshipsail



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, Anal Fingering, Anal Hook, Anal Sex, BDSM, Bucky calls Steve a good boy, Bucky is a bit of an ass but he's self aware and it's for Steve's own good, Bucky just wants to make it better, Dirty Talk, Dom Bucky Barnes, Dubious Consent, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Overstimulation, POV Bucky Barnes, POV Steve Rogers, Painful Sex, Phone Sex, Power Dynamics, Power Imbalance, Steve calls Bucky Sir every now and again, Steve cries a lot, Steve is a needy bottom to no one's surprise, Sub Steve Rogers, and also make it worse, and they lived happily ever after, boys in therapy, cause sometimes a little plot isn't the worst thing to happen, enema, flirting with non con, it's what i'm hanging the porn off of...there's a double entendre in there somewhere, painful anal sex as submission, possible figging, spider monsters, there isn't rape in this story but i'd rather overly warn, to be polite and get laid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-06-30 00:56:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 118,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19842181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whendoestheshipsail/pseuds/Whendoestheshipsail
Summary: There aren't a lot of people with a dominant or submissive designation in the world and there certainly aren't many with a submissive designation as high as Captain America's. His post-mission drops are getting worse and Sgt. Barnes is the only one dominant enough to try to pull him out of it. Not that Steve's grateful, onboard or at all happy about it. Which makes it super annoying when Bucky keeps turning up and they can't keep their hands off each other.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU BDSM world and Steve and Bucky don't know each other before the story starts. All the stuff one reads in BDSM stories is here- inherent power imbalances, 'yes sir' and 'good boy'. Consent is biology driven and therefore dubious. There will be scenes with poor BDSM practices. I'm not sure there's even a traffic light convo in this story. Rape is referenced and discussed. So, you know, dead dove.

Bucky’d been lying in the dirt, unmoving for two hours. Sweat was dripping down his cheek which was both ticklish and annoying. Another target appeared and he took care of it with one clean shot. Suddenly, his commander was screeching loudly over the radio and his next shot went wide. Which was much more annoying than sweat and dirt. “Barnes! Get your ass back over to HQ. You got half an hour.”

He nodded sharply, started disassembling his rifle and his second in command radioed back that Bucky was going to be heading in.

“Sarge, I can do it.” That was Matthews and he was a kiss ass. Bucky gave him the gun anyway, wouldn’t normally let it out of his sight but he’d never been pulled out of an exercise like this before. Whatever this was, it was a big deal. He’d get his gun from Matthews when he got back and do it all over again, checks to make sure his weapon was just how it should be.

Twenty minutes later he was back at HQ, covered in dust and grime, sweaty and wondering who he was supposed to report to when a woman stepped out of the shadows towards him, looking him up and down with a small frown.

“You’re Sargent Barnes. I’m Maria Hill,” she said, introducing herself. He saluted and waited, caught off guard and unsure what he was supposed to be doing. He had the sense that she was expecting him to do _something_. Her gaze narrowed. “I’m to drive you to your appointment.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said, and she frowned harder at him.

“You’re not going to ask questions?”

“Should I?” he asked, curious. It was an order, who was he to question?

“No, it’s just I usually work with a lot of people who want to argue every damned thing.”

“They stomp that out of us here in the army right quick,” he said, with his most charming smile.

“Do you find that difficult with your designation?” she asked, as they walked to her car.

That took him back a little. “Well, jumping straight to the big questions I see.” She gave him another look and then they were at her car. Black suburban, tinted to hell. Government. “Why do I feel like I’m heading off to some shady government facility?”

“Might be the mob,” she says, with a smile.

“Very unhelpful,” he murmurs. He gets into the car on the passenger side. She drives and he can feel her attention returning to him again and again.

“You don’t seem agitated.”

“Why would I be?” He keeps his hands loose and open in his lap where she can see them. He thinks he knows but he wants her to say it.

“Because you are a very high level dominant. I’m a submissive female. I’ve got information you don’t, you’re stuck being a passenger in the car….”

“Ah. High level, huh?” She’s clearly got a lot of information on him, seems to be testing him or evaluating him which is interesting but he’ll find out why soon enough. He looks out the window, unwilling to take the bait.

“You can ask but I can’t tell you,” she finally says. Apparently, she really wanted him to ask.

He laughs. “I grew up with three sisters and a ma who would straighten us out with a wooden spoon if we misbehaved. She was submissive and she scared the ever-loving hell out of us and demanded respect. I don’t have any problems or doubts about your competency due to your designation, Ms. Hill. And I certainly don’t use my designation as an excuse for bad behavior.”

She nods slowly. “Yes, that was in your file. Good.”

Just how much of his file had she seen? Sounded like she’d seen his psych evaluations and it wasn’t just anyone who got that level of clearance. It only became more intriguing when they arrived at their destination. A man in a long, black leather coat and an eye patch was waiting for them. He looked James up and down. “Well?” he demanded.

“So far, he’s temperamentally suited to the task. No issues with aggression. He’s calm and his communication skills are good. I recommend we continue,” she says.

“Then let’s go.” He turns and leads the way and they follow him into a building. Security is everywhere, every door requires some sort of audio or visual recognition. A man who looks familiar but Bucky isn’t sure why passes them. “Director Fury,” the man says in greeting.

Director? They’re led into a doctor’s office of some kind and a woman looks him over, gestures for him to get up onto the table and proceeds to take a blood sample and walk away. He wants to know what they’re looking for. He has the sense that Fury wants him to ask, to protest. He’s still being evaluated. He’d bet money they’re checking his dominance levels.

Which means they most likely have a submissive with some sort of issue. A very high level or difficult submissive. And they want him, why? Because he’s military and they can ensure he keeps his silence or because he can protect himself? 

The doctor returns and gives a few printed pages to Director Fury who scowls over it. He nods and sighs. “Sargent Barnes. Do you know where you are?” Just then the clinic door opens and a beautiful woman with brilliant red hair steps into the room. She looks Bucky over dismissively and speaks in a husky voice. “We’re back. Injuries are minimal. Rogers is down as anticipated.” The Director nods. She closes the door as she leaves.

Well, fucking hell. Bucky tries to keep his expression blank. That was _the_ Black Widow. She’s a god damned superhero. And she’d said Rogers. Didn’t that have to be Steve Rogers, Captain America? The way she said ‘down’ didn’t sound good. If he wasn’t physically injured it had to do with his designation. Undoubtedly, Captain America could have any submissive he wanted…unless he wasn’t a dominant. 

“I see you recognize Agent Romanoff.”

“I watch the news.”

“And so you must have heard her mention the Captain.You know that anything you see, hear or experience in this facility is confidential, don’t you?”

“Of course, sir.”

“Good. Then why don’t you come with me,” he says. Ms. Hill makes a sound of protest. Fury stops, gives her a glare. “It either works or it doesn’t. What’s the point in having some long conversation about it if it’s impossible? Tell Tony to be on standby and make sure he and Natasha know they are to intervene if it looks like the Sargent’s safety is in danger.”

Bucky makes it to the elevator without question. But, once the doors are closed, he has to ask. “To clarify, I’m the Sargent you’re discussing, correct? Who might get injured?”

Fury only nods.

The doors open and he has no idea what he was expecting but it wasn’t to be in a massive gym. The sound of fists on a punching bag isn’t just loud, there’s a vibration to it that he can feel under his feet. The power of those hits is unbelievable. The Captain is there, his breath coming in heaving pants. Bucky can only see the back of him but fuck is he a beautiful man. His shoulders are unbelievably broad and the way his muscles bunch and release when he hits the bag is hypnotizing.

But, then other details come to the surface. That he’s trembling visibly. The way his breath is heaving, the hunch of his shoulders and even how hard he’s hitting the bag. The man is in severe distress. He’s still in his costume and Bucky puts all the pieces together to reach the only (even if it is fantastical) conclusion.

Captain America is a submissive.

Captain America is dropping after a mission and no one can help him. He must be very high level indeed. So very high level that they’ve gone searching through military databases to find someone who might be able to help even him out. The higher the designation the harder the drop.

The number of people who have designations high enough to warrant this sort of intervention is low. Bucky wouldn’t be surprised to find out that there are only a few hundred people in all the world that could help out Captain America. Bucky’s designation is rare, the Captain’s rarer.

The Black Widow is suddenly beside him. “Some free advice. Don’t call him Captain America.”

Bucky blinks. It hadn’t even occurred to him that he’d be speaking to the Captain let alone what he might call him. There’s a sound like a firework exploding and the punching bag snaps off the hook and flies into the wall. The man sways where he stands and Bucky can see sweat glinting on his skin.

He’s in unbelievable distress and it’s almost impossible to just stand here and not do anything. “I’m here for him?” Bucky asks, just to confirm and his voice is practically a growl. The Captain whirls around to face them, all rage and tension.

Fury takes a step closer. He’s like most people in the world, a null, and the cues and requirements of those with designations don’t make a lot of sense or come intuitively to a lot of people. Which is why Bucky throws out a hand, stopping Fury from going closer. It’s instinct, but Steve flinches back from them so he knows it was the right call. “This is Sargent Barnes. He’s the highest level we got, Cap.” 

The Captain’s gaze goes right past Bucky to the corner of the room. Bucky glances over, sees Iron Man in full suit standing at the ready. He laughs miserably. “You all gonna take me down, is that it?” He swallows, “Hold me down for him to…hurt me? Think I’m going to let him break me down? I don’t fucking think so,” he says, all fight.

Which is a fascinating idea of its own. Steve Rogers is utterly incredible. Seeing the man on television is nothing compared to the reality. He’s impossible to look away from, he’s a magnet, gravity itself and Bucky would be attracted to him even if there wasn’t a designational draw.

Steve swipes a forearm over his brow and all of that becomes irrelevant. He’s dropping hard, practically free-falling before Bucky’s eyes and it makes him nauseous. It’s painful to see and Steve must feel even worse.

“If they all leave can I stay?” he asks quietly, addressing Steve and only Steve.

“That’s a horrible idea,” Iron Man murmurs.

“What do you do in the army?”Steve demands.

“Sniper.”

“What special abilities do you have?”

Bucky shrugs. “Just a sniper.”

Steve laughs. It’s manic and grating. He looks away from Bucky, to the right, ever so slightly down and it’s enough of an invitation that Bucky is already walking forward. “Get the hell out,” he says, and instantly he hears footsteps as everyone leaves the gym. He’s pretty sure Iron Man mutters something about a funeral.

“My names is James Barnes but everyone calls me Bucky.”

“Why?” he asks.

“My middle name is Buchanan. Named after my grandfather.”

The Captain turns back to him, gaze raking up and down Bucky’s body. Did he understand Bucky’s response? Bucky isn’t sure he’s so out of it. “I don’t want you here.”

“Fair enough. What’s your plan?” Bucky asks. He stops walking when there are only a few steps between them. If they both reached out their fingers would touch.

“They’ll sedate me. Be fine in a week or so.”

“You’ll hurt if you do it that way.”

Steve snorts. “Weird how that pain doesn’t change.”

Bucky thinks about the statement, the oblique admission. “In general, do you like pain?”

His gaze is hard. “I fight back when someone hurts me.” It isn’t actually an answer.

“Yes, I saw the punching bag.” Could this man kill him with a punch? Absolutely. Are dropping submissives dangerous? They certainly can be. This one undoubtedly is. “You saying you’re gonna hurt me?” he asks, the hint of dominance unintentional. He’s reacting to Steve which isn’t what’s needed.

“Don’t fucking try to do that to me. All my life doms have been trying to roll me.”

Which makes Bucky flinch. “Fuck. I’m so sorry. I swear it wasn’t intentional. You are…well, you know how you are,” he says, and feels himself blush.

“No, I don’t. Say it.” Submissive rights have been a long-fought battle and half the country doesn’t even recognize the rights that the government has given them. There are states that don’t think any submissive should be able to object when a dominant wants them. That’s the world this man grew up in. Who wouldn’t react badly after experiencing that?

Bucky raises his hands, takes a step back, acknowledging that he fucked up. He knows what Steve Rogers used to look like, has read all about the fights he’d get into, has no doubt in his mind that some doms would have done terrible things to him just because they could.

“You’re beautiful and you’re in distress and I’m usually good with that but fuck you’re just as far off the spectrum as I am. I think it um…I just need to be a bit more on guard. I’m sorry.”

Steve hauls in a breath, looks him up and down again and for one solitary second, he thinks the man is going to drop to his knees and try to tear Bucky’s clothes off.

Rapidly, he tries to come up with another option. “Okay. Well, I can see why you’d prefer to just deal with the fallout then. My sister….” He swallows, hates talking about this. Doesn’t ever tell anyone because it isn’t his story to tell. He chooses his words carefully. “She had a very bad experience a few years back. Couldn’t stand to be touched for a long while. Those were some very dark days in our house. She wouldn’t even be in the same room with me at first. Just…couldn’t. But, um,” he has to clear his throat because just thinking about those horrible days makes him want to cry. “She did get better. She’s married now, has a kid on the way, she’s happy and so fucking strong.”

Steve’s jaw is hard enough to break something, his eyes are intense on Bucky and his hand is fisting and unfisting at his side. “She’s a submissive. Why did you say she was strong?”

“Well, she’d probably kick me in the balls if I said she wasn’t.”

This is the point where he should turn around and walk away but he can’t. Not yet. “When she dropped, right after it all happened, she’d sit by me on the couch. She could touch me. Just having a dominant next to her made things better. She still crashed but she managed it a little easier. She had lots of negative thoughts when she dropped. My being there helped with that,” he says. 

“You’re gonna do what I want?” Steve asks, his chin jerks up in challenge and he takes a threatening step closer. “Then leave.”

Bucky winces. He was afraid Steve would say that. “I will leave. But, your boss brought me here for a reason and your friends are worried about you. Could I maybe stay for a bit longer? You can ignore me completely.” He drops his gaze willingly.

He hears Steve swallow. “How long?”

“15 minutes?”

Bucky can feel Steve looking at him. He keeps his shoulders relaxed, gaze to the side and down, lets Steve look at him as much as he wants. And seemingly he wants to look a lot. Finally, he says, “I don’t care what you do.”

“Okay, thanks.” He risks a glance up and sees Steve’s gaze still locked on him. He looks away again. “In fifteen minutes I’ll leave and you’ll never see me again. The clock says 11:45. I’ll leave at 12. And, uh, in the meantime I’m going to go sit on the bench.” It sounds stupid. But, he thinks of his sister and he knows that if he’s patient and can prove himself that Steve may come around. “I won’t touch you, Steve. If you come near me then I’ll be honored and I’ll talk or shut up or whatever you want. But I’ll keep my hands to myself and be on my best behavior.”

Another quick glance. Steve is staring at Bucky’s crotch and his gaze snaps up. A muscle ticks in his jaw. Bucky drops his gaze, concedes that dominance battle to Steve again and goes to the bench.

His jacket is hot. He’s sweating and the adrenaline is pumping through him. He’d sounded calm but the truth is that Steve Rogers being a submissive is just about the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. Talk about a fucked-up cosmic joke.

There isn’t a single thing about Steve Rogers that says submissive. For most doms, a giant, strong, submissive who has no desire to submit is very unappealing. When Steve had been young and small there had undoubtedly been a number of dominants that wanted to control him. Even if he wasn’t sweet and biddable they might have contemplated trying to have him just because of how weak he was.

Dominants wanted softness, daintiness. Steve Rogers wasn’t that. And he wouldn’t give in unless he wanted to. Hell, he might not give in then either.

It must be awful. Giving in, wanting, needing to please their dominant was part of them. That was biology. Nature.

And if he didn’t go to a dom to gain release then he dropped. There wasn’t a work around no matter how strong or super one was. One couldn’t pull out of a drop or be well balanced if the chemicals weren’t made and released. He must be very unhappy. Possibly in a lot of mental distress most of the time. Perhaps even physically compromised. Although, he looked so strong and healthy that it seemed unlikely.

He continued to stare at the ground but saw movement in the corner of his eye. Steve Rogers went behind him, stood there silent and looming. His dominant instincts didn’t fucking like it at all. But the man was trying to provoke Bucky, looking for validation that Bucky couldn’t be trusted.

He breathed in and out calmly, kept his hands lax. This was just a fucking power game. He wasn’t some asshole ruled by his instincts. There was a sound behind him. Velcro and then a drop. Steve’s weapon belt hitting the ground. The thud was to unsettle him. It worked. But Bucky didn’t move.

Steve’s hand lashed out, grabbed Bucky’s neck in a hard tight grip. He shoved in close, would have pushed Bucky off the bench and to the floor if he hadn’t braced himself. Steve exhaled near his ear. He smelled of sweat and smoke. It was a lot sexier then it had any right to be.

Undoubtedly, Steve’s pheromones were amping up Bucky’s body’s reaction too. His cock was getting hard despite the fucking annoying grip. Bucky’s voice wavered, “I’d never treat a submissive like this. Not when I didn’t know if they wanted it.”

“You’re not my dominant. I don’t need one. And it’s easy to say you wouldn’t. You’re all fucking liars anyway.”

Bucky put his hand in the air, moved slowly so Steve knew what he was doing. He rested his hand over Steve’s, squeezed his fingers like Steve was squeezing his neck but gentle. So fucking gentle. An example of what he thought was appropriate. Steve’s hand convulsed painfully and Bucky drew in a breath sharply. Kept his own grip light.

“Sorry. Fuck,” Steve finally said, loosened his grip, started to take his hand away. Bucky pressed gently, letting Steve know he can keep his hand there if he wants.

“It’s okay. You didn’t hurt me, sweetheart.” He brushes his thumb over Steve’s knuckle. Gently, back and forth, predictable like a tiny metronome. Steve’s breathing starts to even out a little. He wonders if Steve is watching Bucky’s finger move over his skin. Steve’s other hand lands hard on Bucky’s shoulder. Steve is swaying, just that touch dragging him down a little.

“If you want to sit down there’s lots of room,” he says. Steve pulls his hand away from Bucky’s neck and Bucky clasps his hands in his lap so Steve knows he won’t touch him. Steve steps around the edge of the bench and sits next to Bucky, only a few inches between them. Closer than Bucky expected. Maybe because he knows he could destroy Bucky with a pinky if he wanted to.

“I hate the way most alphas smell,” Steve says.

“I was out in training before this. I didn’t have time to get more presentable. Sorry about that.” It’s more devastating then it should be.

“No, I….” He runs out of words. “Not you,” he finally says. Bucky looks at the clock curiously. It’s been ten minutes. He hasn’t any idea if that seems right. Steve chuckles unhappily. “Go ahead. I didn’t say you needed to sit here for 15 minutes.”

“I’m not leaving. I don’t _want_ to leave. It was just somewhere to look. Curious I guess. It’s been ten minutes. Does that seem right to you?” Steve doesn’t answer. He wraps an arm around his own stomach, shoulders hunching the barest millimeter. He’s dropping hard now and it hurts. Bucky tilts his head to the side in invitation. Steve’s thigh presses against his but he doesn’t move. His instincts telling him Steve can’t bring himself to move closer. He thinks the man might want to, though.

“I’m going to unzip my jacket. It’s very warm. Is that alright? Just don’t want to startle you. Sudden movements and all.”

“I’m a super soldier not a chihuahua.”

“Good point,” Bucky says, flashing a smile. Steve’s brows are drawn together tight, his head is dropped, his fingers are white as they press hard like he’s trying to keep his insides where they belong. Bucky unzips his jacket and Steve swears low under his breath.

“I can smell you,” he says, quiet and hungry.

“You can touch me and I won’t touch you. I promise.”

Steve drags in a noisy breath. His hand lifts, trembles as he brings it to Bucky’s thigh and puts it down, bracing himself as he leans closer. Bucky tilts his head and Steve presses closer in a quick movement, buries his face into Bucky’s neck.

“Oh, my fucking God,” he whispers, and Bucky breaks out in goosebumps. Can feel Steve’s breath against his skin. Bucky laces his fingers together, holds them tight, suddenly worried he’ll forget and touch Steve.

“Thank you. I like you touching me,” Bucky offers, gently. Like a secret between them.

“I don’t even know how.”How does he sound so insecure?

“I could offer a few suggestions?” Careful. Tentative. Easy to say no to.

“Yeah, please,” his lips brush Bucky’s neck. Bucky closes his eyes, can’t remember what the hell they were talking about. “My chest or my stomach. Lift my shirt if you want.” Steve’s head moves like he’s nodding. Steve’s lips press against his neck again. Not an accident. “Or my neck. All of the above,” he chuckles, weakly. Because he wants this man to touch him any and everywhere.

Steve’s hand lifts, fumbles at Bucky’s shirt which is annoyingly tucked in like regulations require. Stevemakes a frustrated sound, is so overwhelmed and uncoordinated he can barely do it. “Can I help?”

“Fuck, fuck. You make me want to say yes.” Steve kisses his neck, drops his hand to Bucky’s inner thigh. Bucky jerks his shirt up, gets Steve’s hand and moves it away from his crotch and to his stomach. Steve moans, his mouth opens, he licks Bucky’s neck and his hand roams, all over his side and his chest between his pecs and back down. On the way back down Bucky swears. His brain is convinced this man is about to touch his cock and he’s ready for it. That’s the logical conclusion of these touches. But that’s not what’s about to happen and he needs to fucking remember that.

“Tell me what you’d want to do to me,” Steve says, and moves his lips, tasting more of Bucky’s skin.

“I don’t know. We’d have to work it out.” Is that a trap?

“How? When?”

He doesn’t know. Has no idea. “A meal maybe. Or elsewhere. Just not, fuck, not in bed. And, not like this. Gotta be calm.”

“I’m burning. I think you’re burning me. Usually, I’m so cold when I drop. But now my skin feels…. Tingly. Like it’s all pins and needles.”

“Is it bad or good?”

“No idea.”

“A grip might help you. Your body is stalling out. That’s better than dropping, but not great.”

Steve is breathing heavily, lost in his own little world. Finally, he says, “I can’t let you grip my neck.” He sounds like he’s reminding himself.

“That’s alright, sweetheart. What about your hands or your wrists.?”

“I don’t…I don’t know. I can break your grip.”

“That’s good. Means I can’t do anything you don’t like.”

Steve pulls back, confused. His pupils are blown wide and his lips are pink. He licks his lips. “Why do you care what I don’t like? Don’t pretend or lie to me.”

“I’m not. I promise. This isn’t about me. It’s always about you. I’m here for you. I just want to help.”

“Dominants like to hurt submissives.”

He can’t deny that because it is true but it’s not accurate either. “Not that kind of hurt.”

The gym door opens and the doctor comes into the gym.

“I have to check him. I’m sorry.” She’s got a hormone monitor in her hand.

Steve trembles, shifts closer to Bucky. The doctor frowns. “He doesn’t like doctors or needles. Too many visits before the serum I think.”

“Okay. So what do you do?” he asks, and puts a hand on Steve’s back to soothe him.

“We usually restrain him. Or I can stun him and—”

“No!” Bucky says, instinctive. Steve whimpers. His face presses back into Bucky’s neck. “Put it next to the chair. I’ll do it.”

“With all due respect Sergeant, you’ve helped him more than we could have imagined but we’ve got to check his vitals and you’re not safe. We can’t afford to have him lash out.”

“Then why am I here if you’re not going to give me a chance?”

“Technically, this is Fury’s plan not mine.”

“Give me ten minutes to get the reading.”

She looks them both over, nods and takes the monitor to the table next to a large bonding chair and leaves them alone again. He’d been so distracted by Steve and the punching bag he hadn’t realized this room had a chair made for a dominant to hold a submissive. “She’s gone,” he says. “I want to move us to the chair in the corner. Can you walk?” Steve gets to his feet, releasing Bucky slowly and stumbles forward a step. Bucky grabs him, drapes Steve’s arm over his shoulder and helps him to the chair. Bucky sits down and holds onto Steve’s hands, threads their fingers together and holds tight as Steve stares blearily down at him. “Across or riding?”

Steve looks at his lap longingly. He doesn’t answer but his leg lifts and Bucky gets it, waits while Steve carefully gets himself over Bucky’s lap, a leg on each side of Bucky’s thighs. Bucky is far enough back in the chair that there’s plenty of distance between their crotches. He rests his weight on top of Bucky’s thighs andleans forward, trying to hunch into Bucky.

Bucky strokes his back in long, soft strokes, then starts to rub his arms, kneading the muscles. He finds the knots and digs in. Steve moans in pleasure and asks him to go harder. He presses hard enough that Steve starts to whimper into his neck and it’s the most beautiful fucking thing he’s ever heard.

“You sound amazing,” he says, because he has to say something. He doesn’t say, ‘you sound like you need my cock’ or ‘your noises make me want to come in you’ so he figures that’s gotta count for some restraint at least.

“I can do the monitor if I can stay here on your lap.”

“Good. Of course, you can stay right here,” he says.

“I’m scared. Isn’t that stupid?”

“No one would describe you as stupid.” Bucky picks up the monitor, a small handheld device. All he needs is a drop of blood. It’s a pinprick. Steve lifts his head from Bucky’s neck, cheeks pink, lips a flat strained line. He’s tensing up, genuinely scared. “Look at me, baby. You’re going to do so good for me. I know you are.” Steve bites his lip, tears fill his eyes. He offers his index finger, shaking as he does so. “I can see you being brave, Steve. I see you.”

Steve blinks rapidly, tears drip down his face, two perfect fat drops. The trust and vulnerability Steve is giving to him is stunning. Bucky’s cock twitches in response. “Lovely,” he says, and he grips Steve’s hand hard, brings the monitor close to his hand but not touching. Not yet. “Want to look in my eyes as it happens?”

“If…If you want.” He says it like Bucky couldn’t possibly care enough to want to see it happen.

“Yeah, I fucking want to watch you. I’ll tell you when is that all right?”

Steve nods sharply. He bites his lip, shifts on Bucky’s lap. Steve is really fucking hard. The outline of his cock easy to see in his costume. Not only is he hard, he’s damp, a wet spot where the head of Steve’s cock is. He’s leaking for Bucky he’s so turned on.

It makes Bucky feel powerful and protective at once. He lines up the monitor over Steve’s finger and looks back up, meets his gaze. Steve’s nostrils flare in fear, his thighs tighten around Bucky’s. Neither of them looks away. Bucky pushes the button and Steve flinches hard. Bucky had tried to prepare for it, holding tight. “Almost done. You were so good, perfect.” He keeps whispering to him as he wipes Steve’s finger on the little strip. The color change is instant. A purple so dark it’s almost black.

“Suck your finger. Show me,” he says, quiet. Steve puts his finger in his mouth, sucks the blood off obediently, looking at Bucky for further direction. Bucky smiles at him, touches his hair and runs the back of his hand along Steve’s cheek. Steve presses further into him, utterly touch-starved.

God, the things he wants to do to this man. He feels it rising inside of him and Steve whimpers, feels that shift in Bucky’s intentions. Steve presses his thighs open wider, and Bucky looks down, sees the patch of wetness expand further. “You look like you need a hand, sweetheart.”

Steve blinks, his cock flexes and Steve presses the heel of his palm down hard against the head. Bucky is going to take him apart, he’s going to make Steve scream in pleasure he decides and then the doctor comes back in, and Bucky wills himself to calm. She takes the device and looks at the strip.

She’s not happy. “I’m afraid he needs his shot now. It’s a hard stimulant and he gets tied down for that.”

Steve burrows into his neck again.

“I’m not familiar with what you’re describing. What do you mean tie him down?” he asks, focusing through their growing lust.

“He’s strapped to a bed with vibranium hand and ankle cuffs.”

Which raises the obvious question. How does he release? He doesn’t do it with dominants usually or else Bucky wouldn’t be here. The toxins that cause the drop have to be expressed so Bucky would assume he’d jerk off but if he’s tied up then that isn’t happening either. “I guess I don’t quite get the mechanics here. Do you let him go so he can touch himself or what? Steve, can she tell me?” he asks.

Steve nods. He’s not convinced Steve is in the right mind to consent but it’s something.

“Director Fury has cleared you to know his medical history.” His gaze jerks up to hers. She gives him a soft smile. “You look worried. You shouldn’t. He’s so calm. I’ve never seen him like this. But, even though he’s calm, his levels aren’t good. They are getting progressively worse after each mission. His ability to expel and release toxins is diminishing. Hence why he now gets a stimulant injection. The stimulant increases how much he expels when he releases.”

Bucky puts his hands on Steve’s back protectively. This is all so sadly dysfunctional he’s having trouble wrapping his brain around it. “But, he’s hard and leaking now. I can see it. Stimulating him seems almost cruel.”

She nods like she agrees with him. “Captain Rogers doesn’t want us touching him and he’s against manual or self-release when he’s in drop. In previous drops post-mission he’s had difficulty ejaculating. The drug means that he will ejaculate and it increases arousal so he can orgasm and then we can get him stabilized enough to even him out with medication over the next few days.”

“You give him so much of a drug he comes untouched?” He’s just checking. Cause it sounds like some bizarre form of torture. “Is that…good?”

He rubs a hand comfortingly up and down Steve’s back. “No, not really. It’s quite painful and it seems to cause him suffering. It’s a very old-fashioned practice. The sort of thing I read about in text books but never actually thought to put into practice when there are more modern and better treatments available.” He wants to tell her that it isn’t necessary to give Steve a stimulant. He’s very fucking sure he can make Steve come so hard the man passes out, but now that he knows how resistant Steve has been in the past he’s worried he’d be taking advantage of him when he’s vulnerable. Would a Steve Rogers who wasn’t dropping and compromised be sitting here with him, close to begging for Bucky’s touch? 

No, he knows Steve wouldn’t want a dom to help him like that. Every submissive he knew would do anything to avoid a drop and the ensuing days of feeling low, miserable and lost. Rundown and aching as their bodies slowly got rid of the toxins. It’s like being poisoned. Dropping and not releasing sufficiently wasn’t just bad for one’s health it felt awful too. But Steve wasn’t everyone else.

Clearly, he didn’t make the usual decisions and his past experiences had influenced that greatly. Bucky wasn’t going to be the one to make this worse.

“We need to get him to the infirmary. He has a special room with his restraints so he doesn’t hurt himself.” It sounds horrible. Like torture for someone so afraid of the hospital. “However,” she says, voice careful. “With such a strong dominant nearby and with how he’s responded to you so far I think the release he achieves with the stimulant will be greatly improved.”

“What do you want me to do?” Bucky asks, because he’ll do whatever they want him to do. This is about Steve.

“I would like for him to stay here with you until he releases. We can try to make it as safe as possible for you.”

“Okay, fine.” Maybe it’s stupid but he just doesn’t think Steve will hurt him.

“But, he’s lashed out before so we would need him to be restrained. He might hurt you.” Steve exhales sharply against him.

“I don’t think he will.”

“I don’t either. Like I said, this is remarkable.”

“Stevie, what do you want to do?” His voice breaks a little because it’s so awful to imagine this poor man alone, releasing against his will, strapped down with no one to help him.

“I want….” His voice is weak. “I…I want to stay with you. Right here. Want you to help me.”

“I have his restraints,” the doctor says, quickly. He gives her a look. “Like I said, I don’t like him in there. Human contact, touch, this would all be a lot healthier for him.”

“Stevie, I’ll stay here with you. I’d be honored, but are you sure you want to be restrained?”

Steve thinks about it for a few breaths. “I don’t want to risk hurting you. Better be…safe.”

Steve puts his hands behind his back. The doctor pulls out cuffs from her white coat, snaps them onto his wrists. She pulls out another, larger set from her bag and secures them around his ankles. A final set connects the two together. Like he’s hogtied while sitting on Steve’s lap.

“It’s policy for me to leave you condoms and lubricant.”

“That’s not necessary,” he says.

She shrugs. Policy. She also pulls out a couple of cloths and lays them beside him. “The drug will ensure he spends copiously. It can be a mess.” She readies the syringe. He presses his forehead to Steve’s and Steve makes a sound when the needle slides into his arm.

“You’re alright. It’s done. You were perfect,” Bucky says, when she steps away. Steve’s head is back in his neck, breathing Bucky in life he’s oxygen and they’re on the damned moon.

She puts the syringe away and leaves them there. 

Steve is quiet and very still. Eventually, he lifts his head off of Bucky’s shoulder and the way he lingers, lips so close to Bucky’s makes it clear what he wants. This isn’t about me, Bucky reminds himself sternly. Steve is looking down at Bucky’s lap. Steve swallows, “You’re hard.”

“I’m exercising restraint not dead,” he jokes.

Steve blushes, glances at him and away. So sweet and submissive that Bucky forces himself to look away, distract himself and take in the giant empty gym around them. His instincts are telling him to grip Steve by the neck, kiss him hard, bite his lip so he bleeds and fuck him until he comes dry. Not helpful. “Fair enough,” Steve says. Silence. “Thank you for staying. For doing this.”

“It’s an honor. And as you can tell, I’m into it. Not to be too forward but I, uh, wish this was happening under different circumstances. Like, because you had a choice and it wasn’t to avoid a drop but….”

“You saying you’re not scared away yet? From a submissive that won’t let you grip them properly, can’t come and is scared of pain?”

“That’s not….” He wants to say it isn’t true but it kind of is and he doesn’t want to invalidate Steve’s experiences and feelings. “The grip requires trust and you’ve had a lot of dominants show you they don’t deserve trust. You are, apparently, going to come if we wait here long enough, and you’re not scared of all pain, you’re scared of pain that mimics prior trauma. That’s normal. So, no, I’m not scared away. At all.”

“You’re here because Fury brought you here,” Steve says, and he rolls his shoulders, the cuffs clinking gently. The sound echoes faintly around the space and it hits Bucky with sudden clarity that this beautiful man is going to come while sitting on his lap and any sound he makes will echo back and around the room to them.

Bucky clears his throat, attempts to shift the barest amount, arousal uncomfortable..

“Am I heavy?”

“No. You’re perfect,” Bucky says.

Steve rolls his eyes. “You’ve already said that.”

“It’s still true.”

“It’s only been an hour so you have plenty of time to change your mind.”

“An hour? Seems longer I must say.” He runs fingers through Steve’s hair, pleased when Steve closes his eyes in pleasure.

“Yeah? You feel like you’ve known me your whole life?” he asks, so relaxed that the defensiveness of the question loses a lot of its sting.

“No, I’m not trying to feed you a line or something. It’s just that this is…intimate.” He catches Steve’s gaze. “For both of us.” Steve shifts again, right to left, forward and back, the smallest hints of movement.

“You okay?”

“Fine,” he says, blushing.

“We should talk about what’s going to happen while we can. I still can’t believe the cuffs are necessary. Right now, it seems unlikely.”

“I dunno. Not sure I’ve ever known how to do anything besides fight. And I didn’t like dealing with drops before I went into the ice anymore than I like dealing with them now.”

“So, if I touch you wrong might there be a problem? What shouldn’t I do?”

Steve nods. Thinking. “Um, the neck. Don’t grip me there. And, don’t…bite my neck. No biting at all.” Bucky hums an agreement. That’s easy enough. “I don’t want to be hit. Or punched. I don’t want to bleed. I don’t—“ His agitation is increasing. Bucky stops him with a gentle touch on his shoulders, palms lightly pressing to ground him in the moment.

“Let me rephrase this. I want to start over. You tell me if my suggestions of what I envision are wrong, problematic, good, whatever. Okay?”

Steve nods.

“You’re going to become aroused and come on my lap. I’ve been given cloths so at some point I’ll be opening your pants and taking your cock out. I won’t touch it because the point of the shot is so that you can come without a dominant's touch. Is that right?”

Steve swallows hard, chews his lip and thinks. “Yeah, that’s right.”

“You being close to me is important. That’s why we’re trying this. Because me close feels good, right?”

“Yeah. That’s right,” he says, and his gaze is back on Bucky’s lips, wanting.

“And I’ll want you close, too. If I could do what I wanted toyou then I would be able to touch your arms, your thighs and your face.” He thinks. “Your back too probably.”

“My ass?”

Bucky tries to read him. “Anal play is out.”

Steve shifts again. Exhales in a rush. “I know. I meant like putting your hands on. Outside…outside the fabric,” he says, and he shifts again.

“What do you want?” Bucky asks, voice lowering. The drug is taking effect and Steve is becoming restless and aroused. Early stages but still.

“That’s…um, that’s okay.”

“Okay or good?”

“Um, good. Most likely.”

“Well, if you say no or seem like you don’t like something I’ll stop doing it okay?”

“Okay. Thank you,” he says, sincere.

“What about kissing?”

“That um, that should be good.” Steve closes his eyes for a long moment. Takes in a breath, exhales. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s what I want.” He licks his lips. “Maybe um, could you stop asking me questions. Once I’m pretty far along then just act. I’m still a bit submissive at least. Even if I’ve got most of it wrong.” He sounds embarrassed. Bucky puts that bit of information away to think about later.

“Yeah. Yeah, you are,” Bucky says, and his hand comes up, cups Steve’s cheek, brushes his thumb across Steve’s lower lip. “Stop saying you’re wrong. As a dominant with some experience I can tell you that I’ve been hard as a rock since we were on that bench. You’re definitely doing a lot right.”

Steve turns his head, presses his cheek into Bucky’s palm affectionately. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, beautiful.”

Steve shifts again and this time he groans, low and quiet. Bucky looks at Steve’s lap, sees the wet patch has grown significantly. And he’s hard, the glans visibly straining against the fabric. “You’re gonna have to take me out soon. The fabric, it’s uncomfortable.”

“Good. I can’t wait to see you.” He puts hands on Steve’s thighs, runs his hands up and down the large, hard muscles. Steve’s head drops forward onto Bucky’s shoulder again. He breathes Bucky in deeply, tries to nuzzle closer.

“Anything I shouldn’t do to you?” Steve asks, nuzzling into Bucky’s neck, sucking Bucky’s skin into his mouth and tasting him. It’s beyond distracting.

“No, I’m okay, sweetheart. Pretty sure I’ll like anything you wanna do to me. And if it’s a problem I’ll say.”

“You’ll say. You’ll tell me.” He sounds like he’s dreaming.

“Yeah, I will. You’re gonna do what I want because you’re good, aren’t you?”

Thighs clench against his in response. Steve nods into his neck. Bucky moves his hands up to Steve’s arms and Steve whimpers, tries to grind closer, cuffs clinking loudly. “Please, please. Take me out now.”

Bucky finds the fastening between Steve’s legs and pushes Steve’s thighs out wide so he can get better access.

“Fuck. Yeah,” Steve says, at the touch. Bucky’s hand brushes against Steve’s hard cock, grazing it as he opens his clothing and Steve pants heavily against him. He gets Steve’s underwear out of the way, awkward and probably uncomfortable. He wraps a hand around Steve’s cock and Steve’s body shakes as he swears. Come beads at the top, slicks down his hand as he gets the shaft into the open air. Steve exhales with an explosive breath, clearly relieved at the pressure being released.

“Better?”

“Yeah. Want you to touch me again. Your hand felt so good.”

Bucky ignores that. “You have a very beautiful cock.”

“You’re a dork.”

“No, I’m serious.”He reaches over, grabs a cloth. “Can we get you up so I can put this under you?”

Steve’s eyes are closed and he’s still burrowing into Bucky as much as he can. “Don’t need it yet. Too soon.”

“Sweetheart, you’re dripping and making a mess everywhere. I think it’s time.” Steve pushes back, looks down at his cock. His cock pulses from the attention and Steve gives Bucky an almost frightened look.

“That’s not how it normally goes. It usually takes a lot longer. Fuck, I’m so hard.” He lifts up and Bucky puts a cloth under him. He gets another and puts it over his lap. He’d offer to wipe off Steve’s shaft but he’s not supposed to touch so he lets it be, watches as come slides down the shaft, onto his balls and the front of the costume.

Steve tugs hard against the cuffs. Thrusts his hips forward and begins to pant. “Hurts. Hurts. It always does but, ugh, it’s so much. You’re so close. I know you could make me. Please. Please, make me.” He starts kissing Bucky’s jaw, all along it from his ear to the slight dip of his chin. “Love this.”

“You’re okay, baby. I’m here with you. I’ll take care of you. We’ll get through this.” He rubs his hands over Steve’s chest and Steve is electric. He’s urging Bucky to grip him tighter, his hips begin to rock, like he’s actually riding Bucky. Which is such a sexy thought that Bucky groans, puts a hand over his own straining erection and presses hard against it.

“Touch me. Please. I’ve gotta come. I’ve gotta. Help me. I know you can.” He moans.

“Sweetheart, that’s not the deal. I’m sorry. I see you hurting and I’ll be here with you. It’s gonna happen. We just gotta wait for it.”

Steve shoves back, almost topples off Bucky and back to the floor but Bucky grabs him, drags him forward again. Steve’s cock spurts weakly at the rough treatment. His cock isn’t just red now, it’s dark, angry, almost bruised looking. So swollen and hard. He wants to pet him through it. Have Steve twitch away from him and back again.

“I’m cold,” Steve says, a sign that he’s dropping again. Bucky kisses him hard, hard enough to bruise, nips at Steve’s lips and Steve whimpers, goes lax against him. When he pulls away and looks, there’s a puddle on the cloth, his cock all wet and shiny.

He grabs Steve by the thighs, digs his fingers in and Steve arches his hips forward, cock straining forward needily. He moves to Steve’s ass, forces him to rock forward and back. “Slower, gentle.”

“Is this…is this what you’d want?” Steve asks, sounds broken. “Tell me, please. Tell me. If I was…if I was really yours. And I was riding you like this. For you. How you’d want me.”

Instantly, he’s lost in the idea. He can’t touch him, he can’t bury himself in him but he can tell him what he’d do if he had the chance and fuck does he want to. “If you were really mine? Oh sweetheart, yeah. You’d always start out slow and gentle on my cock. I’m big, baby. We might train you up for my cock. You’d come home from your mission and you’d already be wearing a dilator. The moment you got on that jet to come home to me you’d start stretching your hole. As soon as you finish one mission you’ve got another. Getting ready for me.” He kisses Steve, forcing his tongue into his mouth and he can’t stop talking, making promises, needing Steve to know just how good it could be between them if there was more after this. “That’s all you’d be thinking about, sweetheart. Getting ready for my cock. I’d want to come in you as quickly as possible. Get you as far away from a drop as we can. The sooner you got my come in you the better. Flood you up and then get you all clean and fed, tucked up into bed.”

“Would you…would you use me in the night?”

“You’d beg me to stop. Every time I woke up I’d want to be in you again.”

“I wouldn’t want you to stop. I know it.” Steve’s breathing is frantic, his face is flushed and he’s shifting on Bucky’s lap, moves so his balls squish onto Bucky’s thigh. He grinds hard. Painful. Surprisingly so. “That’s where you like it rough, huh, sweetheart? Is that where the pain turns into pleasure for you?” He’s looking at Bucky and he drops his gaze, shy and sweet. His lower lip pouts. “You’re a fucking dream I swear.” He jerks Steve forward and back and Steve cries out, incoherent and lost.

He leaves him there for a moment, pressure overwhelming and his cock leaks steadily the whole time. “Okay, let’s give them a rest, alright?”

“Yeah. I do. I _love_ it there,” he confesses.

“I’d play with you down there too then. I’d fuck you, roll your balls in my hand while you worked my cock, milked me for my come. Would you be greedy for it?” he asks, leaning closer, lips brushing Steve’s as he talks.

“I am. Please.” Steve seizes hard, breath held, eyes closed, straining. He sees a ripple up Steve’s shaft, thinks he’s going to come but then Steve collapses forward with a whimpered exhale. Bucky looks between them, sees a wet spot but no come. He pets the inside of Steve’s thigh gently.

“You trying?”

“Yeah. But I can’t. It just…it just won’t.”He’s in pain. There’s a hint of frantic worry in his tone.

Bucky finds his hand sliding to Steve’s neck to grip him and he yanks his hand away. “Sorry.”

Steve moans, seems lost. Bucky kisses him again, gets his hands on his ass, and forces him to rock forward and back, hard on his balls again. Steve whimpers with each movement, tears slide down his cheeks as he begs for more. For Bucky to touch him.

“I’m gonna….” Steve breathes.

“Yeah? Are you gonna come for me?”

Steve leaks, his cock bobs and Steve is holding his breath, concentrating hard but once again he doesn’t come. He relaxes and lets out a sob. Almost instantly Steve is straining again and then collapsing forward, tears drip off his chin.

“You’re alright, sweetheart.” But he’s worried. Can see this need is taking a serious toll on Steve. That with each failed attempt to come he becomes more disheartened, drops lower, seems almost weaker. Where is the balance in this? Does he get so weak that the drug can finally do its work?

Steve kisses Bucky’s jaw sweetly, whimpers as he rocks and tries again to come. He’s trembling now and his eyes are wet, red-rimmed and he looks defeated, almost broken. Is this what it’s always like?

“Touch me. Please, touch me. I’m…” Steve swallows, ashamed. “I’m begging you now. Bucky. James. Please. Haven’t I been good? Haven’t I?” 

“I can’t, baby. That’s now how you do things.” And he wants to cry because this is an utter disaster and no one should have to live like this let alone someone as good and deserving of pleasure and happiness as Steve Rogers.

“You’re not how I do things,” Steve whispers. Bucky can tell he’s thinking rapidly, trying to get Bucky to change his mind. “And how I do things doesn’t work well. This is just so I can be back in a week and a half. This isn’t…it isn’t good.”

“Sweetheart, we can’t make that decision now. Next time.” He presses his lips to Steve’s, rubs his back and his thighs, wanting to settle him. Steve would hate him if he took advantage of him and actually did what he was begging for.

“No, fuck you. This is the only time unless you touch me now,” Steve growls, twisting again like he’s going to get off Bucky’s lap. Bucky grips him hard on the shoulder next to his collarbone and Steve shudders, his cock jerks and he thinks this is it, this will be the moment Steve goes over, and it’s clear Steve does too, he’s trying so hard to come and when he gives up the tears are there and Bucky can feel how ashamed and sad Steve is as he slumps forward onto Bucky’s chest. 

He presses a kiss to Steve’s forehead and Steve swears at him again. He shoves two fingers into Steve’s mouth to shut him up and Steve opens his eyes comically wide in shock then sucks like his life depends upon it. He moans shamelessly, whimpers high and rocks to and fro, willing his cock to spend. Another spurt of come but nothing substantial. He’s trembling now and sobbing. He’s clearly in pain and it’s not a good pain because he’s alone in this, slipping away from Bucky and into a downward spiral. He can already tell how this will end, a weak release because his body is so worn down, a descent into a vicious drop and Steve once again knowing he’s a man who doesn’t fit with anyone, anywhere and in any time.

The dom in him feels sick and he can smell it on Steve that he isn’t happy. That he’s aroused and he’s weeping but he’s dropping farther and farther. If this is his normal, if whatever this drug can get out of him is all they’ve got then Steve Rogers is totally screwed in the most unpleasant way possible.

Steve is begging him. “Do something. Bucky. Bucky.”

“Fuck. I’m sorry, Steve.” And he is. He won’t do _this_ again. This can’t be the best course of treatment. This shouldn’t be allowed. There’s no pleasure, no lust, just dropping. And what’s he supposed to do now that the scent of him and his closeness is doing nothing to help Steve after all. _I’m making him worse_ , he thinks.

Hell, he probably is. His body is now closer to being fulfilled by a dominant than ever and he’s being denied. He’s a drowning man thrown into the ocean for a drink.

“Fuck this. I’m sorry. I am. You can beat the shit out of me after but this ends now.” He puts a hand on Steve’s neck, gentle but firm and Steve’s head arches back, his cock spurts come and his hips thrust forward, wanting more.

“Yes! So good. Thank you,” Steve pants, the words choked out of him. Bucky wraps a hand around his cock, jerks him quickly. Steve’s hips writhe and he groans, brows pulled down into a frown, eyes closed tight as pleasure rolls through him. He lets go of Steve’s neck and scoops up some of the come pooling on the towel, tells Steve to lift up. “I’m going to finger you now. We need that, don’t we?”

Steve pushes up, tries to open his legs more so Bucky can reach him. He falls forward, unable to brace himself and Bucky uses one hand to keep Steve upright, hand in the middle of his chest just below his neck. Steve is trying to kiss him, he can feel him exhaling against his lips. He kisses him gently, sweet, trying to check in, the heat of Steve, the pull of his almost relentless and monstrous need is trying to drag Bucky in, urging him to do more, to consume Steve and do what he wants to him, drag him along for the ride like an alligator that’s caught his prey, he’s going to take him down into the depths, twisting and rolling until they drown in each other.

Bucky freezes, closes his eyes, strains for calm. This isn’t about him. This isn’t anything to do with what he wants or needs. “Don’t stop,” Steve whispers, unhelpfully.

“Wait. Wait. Um, sit down. Fingering you is a bad idea. Sorry. Sorry, that’s me I think.”

Steve shakes his head, lips brushing against Bucky’s as he moans into his mouth, trying to encourage him, “Want you in me. Your fingers, your cock. Please. Need to come now. It hurts.” He wriggles, trying to rub himself against Bucky and it’s a hell of a persuasive argument.

“It hurts. I know. Poor thing. I’ll fix it, I promise.” Steve calms a little at that, at Bucky’s assumption of responsibility. It’s hard to think, to decide. Steve will come a hell of a lot harder if he has a finger in his ass, that’s just the biology of a male submissive. But, he doesn’t need Bucky’s cock to come hard.

That’s the line. He’s almost positive. “I’ll touch you, you’ll come on my fingers and that’s it.”

A whimper. “I need you in me.” 

“No. No, that’s not right. We don’t do that. Don’t ask again.”

Steve’s head drops again, back into his neck, chastised. “Shh, it’s not you. I want you, fuck do I want you. But, we’ll be good with this too. Trust me. Trust me,” he murmurs, shoving his tongue possessively into Steve’s mouth. He slides his hand into the costume, heel of his palm firm past Steve’s tight balls. His fingers slide against the smooth skin of his perineum, Steve hot and sweaty after everything and he can tell by the way he tenses that Steve isn’t happy about that.

“You’re beautiful. It’s okay.”

“No, wish I was, oh!” Steve’s words cut off as Bucky finds the hot heat of his hole. He moans and kisses Steve, jerking him still as he rubs a knuckle against his hole. Steve’s cock spills in heavy spurts, not an orgasm but a release none the less. “Good boy. So good. Look at you. I’m so proud.”

“Thank you, fuck, oh fuck, Bucky,” he says, “Deeper. In me. Come on,” and Steve raises again, eyes liquid and wide as he gazes at Bucky.

“One or two?” he asks.

“Two,” Steve says and Bucky rubs two fingers gently over Steve’s hole. Steve grinds down on Bucky’s fingers so they sink into him partway. Which was not the plan and has to hurt something awful. He needs lube. Before he can withdraw his fingers Steve fucks hard downwards. He cries out at the pain and comes hard, thick jets of it spilling all over Bucky’s shirt, even his chin. It goes on forever and Steve continues to grind against Bucky’s fingers. His passage is contracting hard, wanting Bucky’s fingers out, muscles so tight and resistant his fingers ache at the pressure. The friction would be awful to anyone but a super-soldier and he wonders what else Steve would like. The things he’d consider extreme that Steve might consider fundamental to his pleasure.Steve continues to grind and force Bucky’s fingers deeper, spills endlessly, soaking them both with it all. Finally, it’s over and Steve trembles over him.

Bucky is unbearably hard now, his cock insistent and painful. God, he wishes he could shove Steve down to the floor and fuck his mouth or come on his face. He forces the idea away. It isn’t happening. “How are you, sweetheart?”

Steve blinks his eyes open. “Please make me come again. Like this,” he asks, soft and hazy.

“Like what?”

“Full. I love your fingers in me.” 

“Rest against me for a minute first.” A few minutes pass and Bucky finally has control of himself enough to think about Steve’s request. It’d be good for him. And maybe the drug is still riding him. He doesn’t want to leave him to suffer. “You still want to come again, baby?”

Steve clenches up on Bucky’s fingers in answer. Steve’s eyes are closed. “Okay. Alright. Hey, clean my chin up,” Bucky demands. “You made a mess of me.” Steve leans forward, little kitten licks as he cleans up his own come off of Bucky’s chin. It’s cooled, is undoubtedly unpleasant but Steve doesn’t even hesitate, he’s been given a task and he obeys unquestioningly.

“Lovely boy,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to Steve’s forehead before Steve slips lower, awkwardly cleaning Bucky’s neck where a heavy splash of come had slipped down his neck and into the top of his clothing. He spreads his legs, arches his back, ass up and high, Bucky’s fingers hooked into him like Steve wants. It has the added bonus of making sure Steve doesn’t fall off the chair. “Think you need a hook in that ass, don’t you sweetheart?”

Steve pants, his ass ripples and he grinds down, come spurts weakly from his cock at the idea. Steve rests his head on Bucky’s chest and slips deeper into subspace. He lets him stay like that. Ass up, cheek in a damp spot from where Steve had cleaned up his come, fingers buried deep in his dry ass. “Look at you. You’re perfect. The way you smell and taste, how sweet you are and how responsive. You came so hard for me. So good,” he says, over and over while Steve drifts. He means it. God, he wishes this man was his. To have Steve Rogers as his would be constantly challenging and rewarding. He wants to know him, take him apart and put him back together again.

It isn’t that simple.

He isn’t just Steve Rogers. He’s Captain America. He’s got movies made of him, everyone in the world wants him, he was frozen for decades, he’s larger than life and…and he doesn’t actually want Bucky. He got stuck with Bucky because he was dropping and the Director clearly can’t wait a week and ahalf for Steve to get himself together after a vicious drop. After this, he’ll likely never see him again.

Which is probably for the best since he’s deeply conflicted about what they did here. He worries about how much he overstepped or if Steve will be upset after this is over and he’s come back to himself.

Time passes. Steve’s cock is hard and he kisses Bucky’s neck, nuzzling and making low sounds of need. He’d relaxed internally when he’d gone into subspace and it’d been easy to keep his fingers buried in Steve like he wanted but now that Steve is hard again and needing to come, it’s almost a torture to know that this is how Steve’s ass would feel on his cock and that he can’t have it. They’re almost done here and Steve wants to come again and Bucky wants to make him.

He kisses Steve aggressively presses fingers hard into Steve so Steve grunts and shifts forward with the momentum. Steve’s cock spills at the treatment, and Steve presses back until Bucky pulls him forward hard again. “Harder,” Steve demands, “Make me come this way,” he pleads. It has to hurt and Steve is so dry he doesn’t dare. If Steve regrets this later, the painful reminder of a sore ass will be the last thing he wants.

Bucky jerks him off slowly instead, a deep repetitive motion, pressing deep at the base and twisting up over the head. Muscles contract weakly against his fingers. Steve breathes harshly, begs to come but it isn’t like before with sobs and misery, it’s sweet and soft, malleable. This is the submissive he’s meant to be. “There you are. There’s my good boy. Jesus, look at you.” He strokes and tugs and Steve clenches up, comes like a wave moving through him, pulsing slow and thick over and over again. He strips Steve’s cock again, grabs a cloth and wipes him up gently. Steve murmurs gratefully, dozes again and finally Bucky’s arm cramps too much and he kisses Steve’s cheek, waking him up. He shifts him forward, pulls his finger’s out of Steve’s ass and Steve moans unhappily.

“Need you in me.”

“We’ve done enough, sweetheart. You were perfect. Amazing.”

“Let me suck you. Please. Want your cock. I’m so empty. Please.”

He swallows hard. “No, we can’t. I, uh, would love that but that’s not part of the plan.” _Yeah, cause I did such a good job with the plan,_ he thinks.

The door opens a minute later and the doctor comes in. She unlocks Steve’s wrist and then his feet. Steve groans, slips to the floor, buries his face in Bucky’s crotch. “Can I?” he asks, softly. Totally uncaring that the doctor is there with them.

“No, I’m sorry, baby.” He puts a hand in his hair comfortingly, lets Steve stay rested there for a moment while the doctor hands Bucky the monitor. Steve offers his finger when prompted, rolls his cheek against the hard bar of Bucky’s cock. He’s playing with himself absently, oblivious to everything around them. No change of expression when he gets pricked. The color comes back a dark green.

“Well, that’s amazing. Bright, light green is normal. He’s never been this stable. He’s out of the drop. His levels are great. A good night’s sleep and he might just be okay. Sergeant, you’re a miracle worker.” She must see the disagreement on his face. “He usually stays in the hospital for a few days. He’s ashamed and sad. I’ve never seen someone drop harder.”

The doctor drapes a blanket over him and the urge to push her away and stay with Steve is overwhelming.The door opens again and Black Widow comes over to them, frowning, arms crossed, face inscrutable. “Looks like a job well done.”

It was and it wasn’t. He knows that. He strokes a hand up and down Steve’s back and her eyebrow arches. “They’re bringing in a bed. We’ll get him transported over to medical and you can be on your way.”

He nods. This is it then. His moment of helping Steve Rogers, of getting to be his dom is done. Services rendered. Steve is hot and heavy against him. He’s totally out and the softness in his hard body, the absolute trust in his willingness to be unconscious and have Bucky protect him fills him with a deep peace he’s not sure he’s ever really felt before.

There’s a part of him that thinks this might be it. This might be the best moment in his life, the absolute highlight and from here on out it’s only going to disappointing or mediocre with occasional jumps to good. The doors open and in comes a stretcher bed and two big orderlies who are apparently going to be the ones to get the Captain on the bed. The Black Widow steps into his sightline, interrupts his glaring at the men coming closer. “We’ll take care of him. We’re his friends and we’ll make sure he’s alright.”

“You? Or them?” he demands.

A quirk of a smile. “Me.”

He nods. The men reach for Steve and he literally can’t bring himself to let go. “Don’t,” he growls, all threat. This man is his. He’s not going to turn him over, unconscious and vulnerable to strangers. It just isn’t in him. The orderlies pull back, look to the doctor. The Black Widow kneels next to him. She puts a hand on Steve and he doesn’t tell her to let go even though he wants to.

“He isn’t yours,” she says, like she’s reading his mind. “Put your hands on the chair, just hold there and we can do this as quick as possible.”

He swallows hard. He puts one hand and then the other on the chair, pushes his head back against the seat and breathes heavily. “Look, just look at me,” she says, and so he does. She becomes blurry and he blinks.

Steve is lifted from his lap and Bucky’s eyes slam shut. She wraps her arms around him, holds him tight, a complete stranger and they quickly take Steve away to the medical unit. “They’ll get him hydrated, make sure he eats. He’s going to be fine. Your job is done. You were the best dom.”

“This is really mortifying,” he says, into her hair.

She pulls back, she’s smiling but it isn’t particularly warm. “Steve has this effect on people. For someone who’s so strong and morally perfect he’s a bit of a mess.” He takes a moment before standing, feels wobbly himself. “So, if we need you again can we call?” she asks.

He nods. Of course. He gives her his cell and heads out into the sunlight. He looks back at the building after crossing the street, not really believing what just happened. He touches his shirt, feels the places where Steve’s come is drying on him. Not a lot that’s more real than that, he thinks and shakes his head.

He just dommed Steve Rogers. Most likely he’s never going to see him again. The Black Widow gave him a hug.

He needs a drink.


	2. Chapter 2

Five days later Steve is on the news. He’s decked out in his very appealing Captain America outfit, complete with helmet, and is carrying around a sick child as he helps open a new ward to a hospital. There’s a small clip of him reading a story to a group of ill children who are clearly awestruck. It makes Bucky’s heart clench.

Steve looks good. Damn good. His cheeks are flushed, his eyes sparkling. He’s tanned and perfect. Five days ago he was a mess expecting to be out for a week and a half due to his drop and here he is a hero and hot as hell. No one in the world would suspect he’s a submissive. Bucky looks in the mirror and can’t help but notice a stark difference between them.

If Steve Rogers looks like the pinnacle of physical perfection, Bucky looks like the kind of guy who’d drive Captain America around an army base and then be promptly and immediately forgotten. Sure, it’s not like he has trouble getting dates or anything, he knows he’s a good looking guy and most anyone with a submissive designation gives him at least a longing look if not an outright invitation but Steve Rogers is….Well, suffice it to say they’re not in the same league.

His mind and body don’t get the memo. Every night he wakes up around 2 am reaching for Steve. Only one encounter and some part of him feels like Steve is _his_.As a consequence of his confused biology he’s drinking more to compensate. He’d usually come home and have a beer most nights but now he comes home and has three. His body’s way of trying to numb the longing for the submissive he can’t have.

If he can just give it a few days everything will be fine. Back to normal. But it would be helpful if Steve didn’t keep turning up on the damned television.

A week later, giant spiders descend upon New York. It’s the most disturbing, nightmare-inducing, awful thing Bucky has ever seen. He gets posted on a building as they try to contain the creatures. He’s got a road to protect and is under strict orders to make sure no spiders get further into the city. Headshot takes them down but one can’t use a normal bullet. These are special, poison-tipped bullets that glow a little orange and are stamped Stark on the side.

Six hours go by and his orders change, he’s replaced, ordered to go down to the lobby where he’ll meet up with his asset and guard his back as they make their way deeper into the infestation area.

He goes to the bathroom, eats and drinks something and is down in the lobby a few minutes later. He’s kind of excited, adrenaline pumping through him in preparation for being in amongst the creatures instead of above and at a distance.

In the lobby there’s a coordinating officer waiting for him who gets him into a helmet and straps a shit ton of bullets and weapons onto him. Captain America walks in just as he’s finished getting outfitted. He doesn’t notice Bucky at first. He’s covered in green spider guts, one splash of it on the right side of his face, his hand has it caked on and his shield is actually dripping onto the floor behind him.

Bucky wants to fuck the hell out of him. He looks away, forces the thought down as far as it will go. That’s just not helpful. Like at all. “Sergeant Barnes,” the Captain says and Bucky looks up, forces a smile. He’ll wait to see how Steve plays this and will act accordingly.

“Captain. It’s an honor,” he says, and gives him a salute, like maybe they’re meeting for the very first time. In a lot of ways they are. The submissive in distress that he met before bears very little resemblance to the man in front of him. Steve nods, looks relieved. “You’re going to cover me as we clear out a few blocks?”

“Yes, sir,” he says and is impressed he sounds so calm about it. The faintest wash of pink goes up Steve’s cheeks when he says ‘cover me’. Bucky lets it go completely. If anything, he tries to stand up taller, be even more professional. This isn’t going to be awkward because of him, dammit.

He’s given an ear piece and he can hear Steve and the occasional comment from other Avengers as they head out. They exit the building and a tank follows along behind them, giving them a ten yard gap. Steve gets Bucky’s attention and gestures to the earpiece. Bucky turns his off. “I just wanted to say thank you for the other day. And I’d appreciate your discretion going forward. My designation is apparently a state secret,” he says, voice deep and his Captain America persona firmly in place.

“Yes, I signed a lot of forms that threatened horrible things if I told anyone. Which I wouldn’t do anyway,” he adds, hastily.

Steve’s jaw clenches. They’re both scanning the area around them. “If you’re uncomfortable guarding me we can get someone else.”

“No. I’m good” The question is annoying. He knows how to compartmentalize and won’t let their history get in the way. “Are _you_ okay with it?” Bucky asks, mainly to throw the question back at him.

Steve is quiet for a moment. “It isn’t ideal.” He stops, does his best to loom over Bucky, “If you try to dom me in public I won’t be responsible for my actions.”

He wishes he felt anger but instead he feels something close to grief. Any notion Bucky’d had that they had shared something is gone. Fizzled to nothing. This man doesn’t know him on some fundamental level. That was conjecture on Bucky’s part. “Yes, sir,” he says, finally. He meets Steve’s gaze, lets him see that he’s ready to follow orders to hell and back. “You’re the Captain. I understand.” He raises a hand towards his ear but waits, asking permission.

Steve nods, turns on his own earpiece and takes his shield off his back, puts it on his arm, flexes his hand as he gets the right grip. Bucky does his best to keep his attention on everything else, even if every single thing the man does is unreasonably attractive.

“Heavy engagement in the subway. Eastside. If someone could go in on the west and meet in the middle that’d be fucking helpful,” Black Widow says over the comm unit. Steve is looking at an electronic map on his watch.

“On it,” Steve says, since they’re right next to the stairs heading down into the subway. Bucky puts on his infrared goggles, surprised when Steve doesn’t. Steve can apparently see in the dark, the lucky bastard, and almost instantly they’re engaging the enemy. Bucky is picking off several to their left, then one skitters up the stairs towards them, a lone kamikaze and Steve slices it in half with his shield. It’s all over in under a minute, the carnage enough to rival a horror movie. Steve has stopped, waiting for Bucky to determine if he’s good to continue on.

“Hear anything? Don’t know if I’m grateful or traumatized that they’re loud.” Bucky says.

“Negative.”

Bucky nods and they start moving again. It’s oddly uneventful until they hit the platform and drop down onto the tracks. He doesn’t see anything behind them and although there shouldn’t be any that made it this far into the city it still makes Bucky uncomfortable. “Three more guys would be real helpful,” Bucky mutters.

“I’m offended. I have the strength of ten men,” he says. Black Widow snorts over the intercom.

“I saw that movie dubbed into Russian when I was a girl. Even then you came across like a goody two shoes,” she whispers. Bucky says nothing because he’s pretty sure the man beside him is anything but a goody two shoes. Or, maybe that’s just in bed.

“It was a real clunker,” Sam says and Steve smiles.

“Yeah, it was,” Steve agrees lightly. Bucky saw a few of Captain America’s movies as a kid. Most of them were cheesy as hell.

“One could argue that there wasn’t actually a ‘good’ movie made until the Godfather,” Tony says.

“What about the Wizard of Oz?” Bucky says.

“Who’s that speaking?” Tony demands.

“Steve’s sniper backup,” Black Widow says.

Sam cuts in, dragging them back to the topic at hand. “Oh shit. Is that the queen? Are those _eggs_? That’s naaasty,” Sam says, utter revulsion in his voice. And then the comm goes quiet except for the sounds of fighting and messy slaughter.

“Incoming,” Steve murmurs and Bucky strains to listen, his human ears not picking up anything yet. He turns in a circle, moves closer to Steve to ensure he has his back. “Yeah, I have visual,” he says, and a moment later Bucky sees them too, a seething mass of them coming towards them.

“Grenade,” Bucky says, and he grabs one from his belt, throws it into the bodies and Steve slams into him, takes them down to the ground as the grenade goes off. Horrible squealing comes from the tunnel, echoing all around them. Steve gets up and Bucky shifts to his belly, picking off everything that moves as it comes closer. The position makes him feel vulnerable, unsure if he could get to his feet or protect himself if something came from the side or behind. “Oh fuck. They wouldn’t be above us, would they?”

“Negative,” Steve says after a moment. “At least, not right now. I’ve got you covered. Keep it up,” he says, and he can feel Steve on his left, his presence radiating strength and power. Warning bells ring in his mind, his designation sending intruding thoughts, urging him to take what is his, hyperaware of the Captain in a dominant position above him. It’s so stupid and he needs 100% on killing these stupid spiders. He exhales, blinks, focuses on the task at hand.

He gets them all. It’s silent except for his breathing and Steve’s boots as he turns around to look about them. He doesn’t get up. They wait for another minute to go by and then Bucky pushes himself to his feet, nods at Steve to say he’s good to go and Steve leads the way.

“Your aim is so good you could give Clint a run for his money.”

“Fuck you,” Hawkeye says, over the line.

“Just checking you’re still alive.” Steve sends Bucky a smile. He can’t help but return it.

Steve looks from the gun to Bucky’s face like he’s waiting for a response. What was the question? Oh. “The stability I have on the ground made it easy. I’m not sure I would have felt alright about it if you hadn’t done such a good job covering me.”

Steve nods tightly and they fall into silence. Steve checks the positioning again, tells Natasha they’re closing in on her position and he can hear it then, the gunfire closer, suddenly loud. “You’re around the corner. We can help you if you stop firing and go hand to hand.”

“We’re almost done here. Stay there, I’ll let you know when it’s safe,” she says. Steve and Bucky wait. A moment later the gunfire stops. “All clear,” she says. “Uh, don’t come this way. It’s like a million spider corpses.”

“Roger that, we’ll see you up top,” Steve says. They walk slowly back the way they came, listening carefully to make sure there aren’t anymore spiders about to ambush them.

Tony comes on the line. “Cap, I’m in the tunnels about a mile from you. Can you stay where you are while I work towards you? Just wanna make sure nothing got by us.”

“How long will it take?” Steve asks, jaw muscle ticking visibly.

A few seconds go by. “Uh, we have a few side tunnels that dead end. Hopefully no more than an hour.”

“Understood,” he says, sounding calm and completely in control. Bucky moves to a wall, leans against it and waits. The army is all about waiting. He closes his eyes for a moment, centers himself, thinks about what he needs from the grocery store, wonders if he’ll really be able to get spider guts out ofhis uniform. He very resolutely does not think about the submissive nearby.

The Captain, on the other hand, is not still. Bucky can hear him pacing. He opens his eyes just enough to see him, tries not to let on that he’s watching him. Steve checks his watch. Exhales and rolls his shoulders. He even reaches for the shield on his back and then leaves it there. He pauses, stares down the tunnel like a fight is coming their way. 

“Incoming?” Bucky asks.

He finally shakes his head. “No, no I guess not.” He sounds annoyed.

Steve unbuckles then rebuckles his helmet. Another few minutes tick by. “How are you doing, Tony?”

“Eh. Slight problems. But we’re working on it.”

Steve licks his lips, rubs a hand across his stomach absently. “We could come help you?” Which is a stupid suggestion as they’ve been assigned to stay here. He gives Steve a look.

“Uh. We need you there. We’re trying, Cap.”

Bucky gestures to the earpiece and puts his on mute. “What’s up?” he asks Steve, quiet.

Steve mutes his earpiece. “I don’t want to sit here is all.”

Bucky nods. Hopes he doesn’t piss the man off. “How long have you been on this?”

Steve thinks about it for a minute. “Two days? We’ve been on the trail of this mad scientist, thought we caught him. But he released some of these spiders before we caught up to him. I don’t know how many we killed before we got here. A lot.” Bucky can tell that’s a massive understatement.

“Are you dropping?” he asks, quietly.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” he growls, glaring at Bucky.

“Steve. You’ve gotta give me more credit then that,” he says, softly. He’d hoped that them working well together, Bucky easily following Steve’s lead, fighting this battle together would have settled Steve’s hostility a bit but apparently not.

“Do I? Why do I have to fucking do that? Because you showed up and followed orders today? One time you were obedient to a commanding officer and I’m supposed to just…what? What do you _want_?”

That interpretation of what happened between them is so insulting and diminishing of their connection that he can’t help but laugh. He shoves off the wall, does a little bit of his own pacing to put some distance between them.

“You would think it was funny,” Steve says, voice hard and defensive.

“It’s not funny as though it’s _actually_ amusing, I’m laughing at myself for beings so stupid. Jesus, here I was wondering if you were thinking about me as much as I’d been thinking about you, feeling like we’d had a fucking connection. And, you know what, not just a little connection but like epic, profound connection and I was totally wrong. So, I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing at me. Maybe that will make you feel a little better at least. You may hate me but I don’t feel that way about you.”

Steve swears. “I have to get out of here. I don’t know if I can do this.” He punches the wall. Bits of the ceiling rain down on them. Steve is panting heavily, he looks down at his hand and Bucky removes his goggles, lights up a visibility flare and throws it off to the side so he can see.

“Give me your hand,” he orders and Steve goes utterly still, refusing to do what Bucky asked. But he doesn’t move away, so Bucky reaches for him instead, holds out his hand, palm open and Steve finally sighs, places his hand gently in Bucky’s.

Bucky nods in approval, knows Steve is so volatile and looking for a fight that his best course of action is to stay calm and try to exert his dominance as lightly and as quietly as possible. Bucky looks at the bleeding knuckles, can’t tell much under the wash of blood. “Make a fist. Is it broken?” Steve doesn’t do anything but he can feel a tremble in Steve’s hand. The regulations say that if a submissive begins to drop that a dominant can assume command and use whatever means necessary to pull them out of it but he doesn’t want to do that. For a lot of reasons he doesn’t want to do that.

“ _Please_ make a fist so I can see if it’s broken. Please?” he asks, very soft and low. Steve’s head raises slowly, looks at Bucky like he’s searching for the trick. Steve makes a half fist and there’s a slight pause as he exhales.

“Don’t you fucking push through the pain, you’ll make it worse.” Bucky snaps out. Steve gasps, almost sways on his feet. “Come on then,” he says, and he takes Steve’s wrist with one hand and gently feels along the palm and then the fingertips with the other, working his way up the hand. He presses carefully along each knuckle, starting with the pinky to give him a moment to get used to it. Steve hisses when he gets to the middle finger.Something is clearly broken.

“Fuck. I think you shattered something in there.”

“I’m fine,” he says, breathily and it’s so far from the truth that Bucky doesn’t bother to argue with him.

“I’ve got bandages in my pack,” he says, and he lets go of Steve’s hand and takes off the pack, finds the bandages and stands back up. He can feel Steve looking at him. “Hand,” he murmurs and Steve raises his hand again and holds it out for Bucky. “Thank you, Steve.” He starts bandaging Steve’s hand, gives him a moment when Steve shifts on his feet, clearly in pain, and rubs his thumb gently over the non-injured part of his palm, trying to reassure him.

Steve clears his throat. “Sorry. I guess I’m not in the best condition. Really tired. But, I shouldn’t have lashed out at you.”

“I pity the wall, rather than me,” Bucky says, content to move past this.

“They’re going to know I’m crashing. I hate that. Hate that as soon as everything goes normal again I just lose it.”

He shrugs. “You’re super. You do everything better than everyone else. Apparently, that includes dropping.” He finishes bandaging Steve’s hand and Steve doesn’t pull away.

“I hate it. Being a submissive was awful when I was smaller. I was such a punk, I always pushed back. If you’re a submissive you should know how to submit,” he says, laughing unhappily. “I, uh, prided myself on not giving in. Never got my designation issues worked out before the serum. And, now it’s just….Well, I guess you know. This might end my career and my reputation and everything before too much longer,” he says, soft and lost sounding.

“Steve, no.”

But Steve doesn’t appear to have heard him. “I can’t. You have to understand.” He may as well be in confession he’s so quiet and hunched in on himself. Revealing his failings to be judged like Bucky is some kind of god instead of just a guy born with a high designation. “I know I’m not good at it and I’m not what anyone wants. Hell, when I looked the part no one wanted me now I look like a dom and I’m not and…it’s a disaster. I’m a disaster. You made me feel good. Really good. And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at you and not be reminded that I wasn’t enough. So, I’m sorry but I can’t do another mission with you. I’m going to tell Fury it’s me. I mean, he knows. He wanted this. You to be here. But, I don’t. No blame will come to you. You’re a great sniper. I think the others would love to have you—” he stops, swallows. Apparently, he can’t go on.

“It was very hard for me to let you go.” It’s the only thing Bucky can offer. And he doesn’t like the idea that Steve thinks he wasn’t good enough.

Steve’s breath hitches in his chest. “Please don’t say that if you don’t mean it.” He’s so fucking vulnerable it makes it hard to not touch him.

“Honestly, it breaks my heart to hear you talk about yourself like that. I’ve never wanted anyone like I wanted you. I went home and I drank myself into a god damned stupor. I keep waking up and reaching for you. Which is insane, and….”

Steve grunts, wraps his good hand around his middle. Physically in pain from dropping so fast. “Wanted, huh? Past tense,” Steve says, glancing at Bucky and then away.

He’d roll his eyes but Steve is very determinedly not looking at him. “No, it’s very much a present tense situation.”mBucky steps in close, pulls Steve into him and holds on. Steve goes with a small sound, puts his forehead against Bucky’s neck and shivers.

Steve wraps his injured arm around Bucky’s neck, careful of his hand.

“Is this okay?” Bucky feels the nod.

“More. I want…hell, I don’t know what I want.”

Bucky rubs his hands up and down Steve’s arms. Steve shifts closer, cock brushing against Bucky’s hip and groin as he settles tight against him. “I think you do know what you want. You just don’t trust it. I swear, whatever you want, I want it too.”

“Yeah, exactly.” He agrees, sounding wrecked.

“I want to grip you so fucking bad,” Bucky says.

“Good,” Steve whispers. Bucky puts his hand up on Steve’s neck, finally gets to put his hand there and know it’s wanted. He could practically feel his hand tingling this last week as he thought of Steve and all he’d wanted to do to him. He presses hard and tight, squeezes the smooth skin and locked muscles, feels gently along the column until he finds his submissive trigger points. They’re swollen, feel like knotted muscles. He brushes against them lightly and Steve moans. “Harder. So much harder.”

Bucky presses hard, right on top of them, steady and long, feels the hard bundles of muscles seize up and relax. 

“That’s so good,” Steve says, sounding like Bucky is doing something far more intimate. “I want you inside me,” Steve says. “It’s all I’ve been thinking about since you left.”

“What about it do you want? To feel impaled, to have it hurt, what?” he asks, finger stroking along the sides of Steve’s neck.

“I don’t know. Just…you,” he says. He kisses Steve’s jaw, puts a hand on Steve’s ass, right between his cheeks and presses his fingers against Steve’s hole as much as he can. Steve grinds forward with a groan, cock hard as he presses it against Bucky’s hip. Steve gasps at the pain of his dick pressing into bone, does it again and again, rutting almost mindlessly against Bucky. 

The more it hurts the louder Steve gets. “Still,” Bucky orders and Steve whimpers but holds still. He’s trembling. Finally, he lets up on Steve’s neck and his ass, goes back to hugging him. Steve tries to rut again and Bucky stops him. “No, sweetheart. Be patient. Want you hard and needy for me. You can keep it together a little longer for me, can’t you?”

“I don’t know,” he says, and he looks up at Bucky with wet eyes. He kisses Steve chastely.

“I know you can.” 

“I wish I could come,” he says, and it almost sounds like he’s begging.

“We can make that happen. We just need to get out of here first. Focus on me, how much I want you, how I feel and we’ll be okay.”

They stand like that until Tony pipes back up into the com. “See light ahead. Steve is that you?”

Bucky activates his ear piece and slowly disengages himself from Steve. “Yeah, that’s us.”

Steve fumbles for his ear piece. “Private channel,” he says, and there’s some clicking in Bucky’s ear as Steve and Tony go to a private channel where the rest of the Avengers and command can’t hear them. “I need a place,” he says.

“Standby. Let me see what’s above us,” Tony says, like it’s nothing. A minute passes. “Your apartment at Stark Tower is a 45 second flight. Let me get you there and Bucky can meet you.”

“Okay,” Steve says. He turns to Bucky. “I didn’t even ask you. Maybe you don’t even want to help me.”

“I do. You know I do. Leave your door unlocked and do what you need to do to prepare and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Tony closes in on them. Mask off, body covered in spider guts. “This one was gross,” he says. “You know where Stark Tower is?” he asks Bucky.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Great. We’ll see you soon. Well, he will. I won’t. I’m going to be far away. Come on, Cap,” Tony puts out an arm and Steve stumbles into him, grabs Tony around the neck so he doesn’t fall and they fly down the tunnel and disappear. Bucky exits the station and finds Natasha waiting for him. “If anyone asks just say he was hurt and Tony took him for treatment.”

“He broke something in his hand so that’s accurate.” She frowns. “Glad you’re here,” she says. “Have fun.” She winks at him and walks off. “I’ll run interference. Fury will make sure no one asks about where you are. Just go to Steve.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Because there’s an order he’s only too happy to obey.

***

Security at Stark Tower is impressive to say the least. He’s asked to wait in the lobby and a few minutes later Tony himself comes down in the elevator. He escorts Bucky up to Steve’s apartment, calls a halt to the elevator somewhere between levels and gives him a look. “You seem like a good guy, Barnes.I’ve done my research on you and you don’t seem to have any skeletons in the closet…Nor are you _in_ the closet which is good. I think it’s pretty clear Steve isn’t looking for a straight whips and chains dominance session. Did I already mention not straight?”

“I can’t imagine it’s any of your business.”

Tony rolls his eyes. “Please. Just trying to help. I’m a null. I have the vaguest understanding of what goes on between you unlucky few. Be nice to him or I’ll hurt you. And here, have fun,” he says, holding out a bag. Bucky takes the bag but doesn’t look inside. “Jarvis, let me out and drop off Steve’s visitor.” The elevator glides back into motion. Tony gets off almost immediately and the doors shut. They open again and he’s in a monstrously large apartment. “Captain Rogers’ quarters,” the elevator says, helpfully.

“Right. Thanks.”

He looks around, the floor to ceiling windows that take up two walls and make Bucky a little dizzy just looking at them, the living room and kitchen which are very tidy, and down the right is a door, a bedroom from what he can tell. He can hear water running. The shower. Good. He takes off his various weapons and his jacket, then his disgusting bug covered boots and goes to the sink to wash his hands. It’s immediately clear that the sink ain’t gonna cut it.

Which is when Steve appears. He’s pale but clean and covered in water droplets. He’s holding a towel around his waist but it’s clearly doing the bare minimum to conceal an impressively large erection. “You’re here,” he says, and he comes towards the kitchen. He sees the bag on the counter. “What’s this?”

“Tony gave it to me. He said ‘have fun’ so it’s gotta be something obscene.” Bucky keeps his distance, leaning against the counter, watching Steve while he peeks into the bag. His brows raise.

“I don’t know what half of these things are or what they might do. And I don’t know if that’s just because I’ve never been with someone in a way that meant I wanted to explore or if this is just an example of progress. Maybe there have been…” he reaches into the bag and pulls out a small syringe, “whatever this is available for the last seventy years.”

“It’s for lubricant.” His arms are crossed and he wills his cock to calm down. Nothing is happening yet.

“What? Why?”

“It’s called a lube shooter. That way one doesn’t have to worry about getting their partner slicked up inside. Typically, it’s used for anal sex.”

“Oh.” He puts it down. He blushes rather adorably.

“Which we certainly don’t have to do. You look worried.”

“That’s not how I’m feeling,” he says, looking Bucky up and down like he’s a steak on legs.

Bucky holds out a hand when Steve takes a step forward, stopping him from moving any closer. “Just a moment. We should talk about what’s going to happen. What you want out of this experience.”

“Are you going to be here in the morning?” Steve asks, dragging his gaze from Bucky’s mouth to his eyes.

“If you’ll let me then yes I am.”

“If my levels aren’t good in the morning will you stay longer?” he asks, carefully blank. The answer is a lot more important then Steve is letting on.

“I don’t have to be back on base for 72 hours,” he says, with a smile. “I’ll go when you kick me out and not a moment before.”

Steve blinks. “Nat said…Nat said you didn’t let me go at first. That you had to be convinced to leave me after last time.”

“Yeah. That’s true.” Now he’s looking at Steve’s mouth. “Think it’s going to be true this time, too.” 

Steve starts moving forward again, stops close to Bucky. He drops the towel. “In that case, you can do whatever you want to me.” As if to make his point he drops down to his knees, puts his hands on the flat of Bucky’s pants. His eyes are pleading. Bucky wants to touch him. He wants to stroke a finger across Steve’s lips, slide it into his mouth, get his cock out and feed it to him. He’s rapidly making a mental list of what he wants to do to Steve Rogers.

“I have bug guts on my hand. I can’t even touch you right now. I need to shower.”

“Unless you were doing something very bizarre then I’m pretty sure you don’t have bug guts in your pants. Do you?” he asks, coy. His fingers start working on the button and then he’s pulling down the zipper.

“Steve,” he says, and puts his hands on the counter behind him so he doesn’t touch Steve who’s clean when he’s just come from a very dirty mission. “We were in the subway, you saw the things we were fighting. And, I can promise you that you will like anything you find in my pants more after I shower.”

“I’m not sure that’s true. I really don’t think I care. I just want you,” he says, and buries his face in Bucky’s crotch, breathing him in. Steve’s hand goes between his own legs, around his hard cock and he begins to jerk himself off, hard and aroused. He moves his face to the crease of Bucky’s thigh and mouths at his balls through the fabric and then along the shaft. “You didn’t use me. That’s all I keep thinking. I was on my knees for you and you didn’t let me. Will you let me now?”

He imagines if their roles were reversed, Steve after a mission, showing up and needing to get off. Would he deny him for a shower? Would he care? Or would it be more exciting to have him like that, a bit dirty and real? Steve shouldn’t have to make it a request, to ask. Not when he knows Steve would love to be ordered to do it. Not when he knows how hard it is for Steve to admit he wants anything. “Yeah, I’ve gotta feel your mouth on me. Take me out, sweetheart.”

Steve groans, uses one hand awkwardly on Bucky’s underwear while he continues to touch himself.

“Two hands.”

Steve frowns but takes his hand off his cock and gets Bucky’s underwear down. He looks up at him pleadingly, hand straying back down towards his weeping erection, unable to stay away and Bucky nods, loves the way Steve moans as he starts jerking off again. Steve takes Bucky as deep into his mouth as he can, sucking him and licking everything he can get. He’s frantic for it, desperate and whimpering. He’s gripping his own cock rather desperately as tears slide down his cheeks and Bucky stops him, puts a hand on his jaw, even though his hands are dirty.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Deep breath.

“We wait here until you tell me, baby. You’re mine now. I’m taking care of you. Your tears, your cock, your ass, it’s all mine right now because I’m your dom.”

Steve pulls back, slumps down so his ass rests on his ankles, looking defeated. His voice is wavering. “It’s always difficult for me to come. I want you and I need to, fuck, I _need_ to come. I tried in the shower before you got here and between that and the tunnel and here I’m just…” he swallows. “I wish it wasn’t so difficult. I should have gotten the stimulant before you got here but I had hoped I wouldn’t need it. Not with you. And I worry you won’t want to be with someone that can’t get off easily or often. But, it’s not you. I’ve just always been this way.”

“Ah. Well, you know that’s something to talk about. But, not right now. I don’t want to be an asshole but Steve Rogers I’m pretty sure you don’t have the faintest idea what you need. So, I’m going to give you what _I_ need. And you’re going to give me _everything_ and we’ll see where we wind up.”

Steveswallows hard, fists his cock and leans forward to start sucking Bucky’s cock again.

“Now then, put your hands on my thighs. Both of them.” Steve’s eyes widen and he stops with his mouth open and an inch away from Bucky’s shaft. He closes his mouth, raises his hands and puts them on Bucky’s thighs. Bucky touches his hand. “Where’s your bandage?” he asks, a little ashamed he hadn’t noticed until just now.

“Gone. It’s fine.”

“Healed already?”

“Yeah.”

“Amazing.”

He shrugs. “If you want to see your marks on me tomorrow then you won’t think so.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll get mine,” he says, and Steve’s hands clench tight on him. “You’re going to make me come. And if you don’t like what I’m doing then you can tap me with your fingers. Got it?”

Steve licks his lips, nods. “Come on then,” Bucky orders and Steve opens his mouth, sucks Bucky in, hot and wet. “You stay pliant. Soft. Lips soft, neck soft, all of you as soft as can be so that when I want you to moveyou do. Easy. Got it?” And then he pulls Steve forward and back by his hair. Steve whimpers. Bucky stays shallow for a few minutes and Steve keeps looking at him, enjoying himself but not slipping into submission and out of his drop at all. _Interesting._

“Keep your eyes on me, sweetheart. I’m going to choke you on my cock.”

Steve’s nostrils flare, he sucks energetically and Bucky shoves deep, uses a hand to keep Steve down on his dick. Steve coughs instantly, throat spasming and Bucky shoves deep and makes Steve take all of him. He drools and makes a spluttering noise, tears come to his eyes and he can’t breathe. Bucky is watching him intently. He pulls out finally, wanting to give Steve time to recover but Steve follows Bucky’s cock, wanting more so he presses back in deep.

Steve drops a hand down between his legs. Come is sliding down the shaft and he looks ready to explode. “Don’t you fucking dare. Hands on your thighs,” he orders, and Steve whimpers in apology. He fucks deep and long, pulling back only enough to let Steve breathe, lick his lips, stop coughing or gagging and then he’s deep again.

Steve’s eyes glaze over, his pupils blow wide as he sinks into submission and finally Bucky has to stop, knows he’s about to come and he wants to do it right. “Scoot forward,” he demands, moving his foot between Steve’s legs. Steve gives him a questioning look but does as he’s told. “Good boy. And down. Balls on my foot, over the laces, yeah, that’s right. Shaft against the tongue of the boot.” Steve obeys, but then waits. He’s blushing. “Think you’ve worked out what I want. Fuck my foot. I’ll tell you when to stop. And if you come, you still don’t stop. Got it?”

Steve closes his eyes, tentatively thrusts forward. “Eyes open. Look at me.” He gasps around Bucky’s cock, shifts in discomfort. God, his eyes are hypnotizing and expressive. He can feel how aroused Steve is, how needy. Steve’s cock begins to leak steadily as he gently fucks Bucky’s foot. “Harder. Like you mean it.”

Steve obeys, body trembling, hands digging bruises into Bucky’s thighs. He fucks deep into his mouth again, puts a hand at the back of Steve’s neck and goes in as far as he can. Steve’s throat flutters around him, his cock shoves hard against his foot, scraping against the material and Steve comes hard, copiously on Bucky’s shoe.

“Don’t you stop,” he growls and Steve moans and shakes. Bucky finally pulls off, gives him time to breathe. “How do you feel?”

“Fuck that felt so good. Now it hurts. Just hurts.”

“Just hurts? You’re pretty fucking hard still considering it ‘only hurts’. Come on, I’m going to come down your throat. You swallow every drop, alright?”

Steve hums in agreement and Bucky slides deep again. Tears come down Steve’s cheeks and Bucky presses hands into Steve’s face, like he’s fucking into a hole instead of Steve’s mouth. Bucky comes with a groan and a forceful shove. Steve swallows and swallows, chokes as he comes again. Bucky pulls Steve off of him, goes down to the floor and wraps a hand around Steve’s twitching cock. He strips it roughly and Steve cries out, puts hands on his shoulders, asks him to stop through choked gasps.

“Look at you. Look at the mess you made. What do you mean you don’t come easily? You’ve ruined my trousers.”

“No, the bugs ruined your trousers,” he gasps, lips in a hard line at the overstimulation.

“Always with the back talk. I love it. You didn’t _help_ my pants. Let’s put it that way.” Steve fucks into Bucky’s grip, desperate and urgent. He grimaces.

“Where are you at?”

“I could come again,” he finally says.

Bucky chuckles. “Do you want to?”

“Yes.”

Bucky wipes a tear off Steve’s cheek and puts it into his own mouth. “Is it going to hurt?”

“Yes,” he manages. 

“You come so fucking easy for me. Good. Do it.” Steve thrusts over and over again in Bucky’s tight grip. “You’re fucking gorgeous. Perfect. Come for me, baby. Come for your dom, yeah?”

And Steve comes. Like he has no other choice then to do what Bucky wants him to and he imagines what it might be like if he was Steve’s dom in truth.

He gets out of the rest of his clothes in the kitchen, not wanting guts on the carpet and pushes Steve towards the bedroom. He’s almost out, so deep into submission and being pulled out of the drop and two days without sleep as he chased spiders all over the city that he’s pliable and sweet as Bucky gets him into bed and under the covers. “I’m going to take a shower and get you something to eat,” he says, pressing a kiss to Steve’s forehead.

“I want to shower with you,” he mumbles, forcing his eyes open.

“Next time. You need a bit of rest.”

He starts to pull away and Steve grabs his arm. “You’ll be here?”

“Yeah, sweetheart. I’ll be here.”

Steve lets him go, closes his eyes and drifts to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Bucky finds fruit and cheese, as well as an entire shelf of high calorie shakes, in the fridge for Steve. Super soldiers need super calories apparently. He takes food to Steve, sets it next to the bed and gets Steve roused enough to drink the shake. Steve does it on autopilot, downing it in three large swallows and lays back down, reaching absently for Bucky.

“I need to shower, babe. I’ll come to bed then. Just wanted to keep your energy up.”

“Thank you,” he murmurs.

Bucky stands, starts to walk away and hears the covers being thrown back as Steve gets to his feet.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“Going with you. I’m not letting you out of my sight.” He rubs a hand tiredly over his face. It’s adorable, almost innocent. But, the sight of him in his boxer briefs is anything but. They’re blue, form-fitting and he’s getting all sorts of ideas just from this. He makes himself look up, not wanting to get distracted before he’s had a shower.

“Oh, really?” he asks, staying where he is. Steve comes up close, nestles into him like he might fall asleep where he stands.

“Really.”

“I’m very happy about that,” Bucky says, kissing Steve on the lips for a long moment. He takes his hand and pulls him along behind him to the shower.Bucky takes his shirt off while Steve turns on the shower. When he turns back to face Bucky his expression is unreadable. He’s staring at Bucky’s chest and then his mouth. He licks his lips, finally drags his gaze back up.

“You gonna help me with my pants?” he asks.

“I can do that,” Steve murmurs, carefully reaching for Bucky’s pants. It’s almost like Steve thinks Bucky is fragile. Or maybe it’s just a sign that Steve is. His cheeks are pink with embarrassment.

“What is this? You’re so shy, so inexperienced. I don’t understand. Looking like you do…you must beat them off with a stick.”

Steve frowns. “A lot of people don’t know my designation. And I certainly don’t tell people. When I was younger, sicker, doms didn’t want me. I probably wouldn’t have lived past 25. You wouldn’t have wanted me, either,” he says, with a grimace.

Bucky and Steve get into the shower and Steve picks up the soap, looks to Bucky for permission.

“Good boy. Thank you,” he says, and Steve starts to wash him clean, slowly and thoroughly. Maybe he should let the conversation lapse but he doesn’t want to and there’s a certain fragility to Steve as they stand here that makes him think Steve needs to talk about it too. “If you hadn’t had the serum we wouldn’t be here now. So, I’m glad you have the serum. And I’d like to think that the feistiness of Steve Rogers would always have made me want you but I don’t know and I guess I never will. I’ve seen pictures of you. And, I can tell you that I like my submissive to have a little fight in them, I like them to by needy and passionate. I like it when they’re willing to cry for me. Physically, you were very appealing. I can’t imagine that I wouldn’t have wanted you.”

Steve nods. His voice is scratchy. “I guess there isn’t any more I could ask for then that,” he says.

Bucky puts a hand over his, stilling him. “What is it?”

“It’s ridiculous.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“You don’t even know what it is,” Steve huffs.

“No, but you’re thoughtful and intelligent.The odds of it being ridiculous are very low. Tell me. Please. Because I want to know you.”

Steve wraps arms around him, sweet and clingy. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to have to look Bucky in the face when he answers. “I guess I just…when I found out I was a submissive, that I had a very high designation, I fought it, I wanted to pretend it didn’t matter and wouldn’t define me. But, sometimes I thought I might find that dom who would treat me like I wasn’t fragile or breakable. They might use me and thrash me to the edge of what I could endure and I’d be sore and black and blue but we’d both know I could take a lot. That was my thing. I’d make my dom proud of how much I could take.” He shrugs, Bucky can feel the slick rise and fall of steve’s nipples against his chest. He strokes Steve’s hip encouragingly. “Now, everyone would assume I can take anything they give me and I can. I don’t get welts or marks and if I do it goes away quickly. No one will ever be amazed at what I took and I’ll never prove myself. All these doms who wanted to beat me down for being a punk and I was waiting to find the one I wouldn’t fight. Or who’d want me to fight and would appreciate it. That’s gone now. I mean, no one’s impressed if you’re 6’6 and you play professional basketball. It’s like, what else would you do?” He shakes his head, gets more soap. “Maybe that doesn’t make any sense,” he says, and he pulls back, gets more soap on his hands and rubs them overBucky’s biceps.

Bucky’s hands go onto Steve’s hips, stroking the skin there gently, small circles over and over again. “You think I couldn’t hurt you?” he whispers, so quiet and soft, his eyes close as he kisses Steve gently on the lips, just a press, not even a hint of tongue. Steve trembles where he stands. “You worried I don’t want to?” He drags one hand down and cups Steve’s heavy balls in his hands. He slides his fingers back, strokes his fingers over Steve’s tight opening. Steve whimpers. “I’ll give you what you need, sweetheart.”

“When?”

“When there’s time for me to take care of you after. At least a few days.”

“Who knows when that will be. Either of us could be called away at any moment.” He’s practically pouting.

“We schedule it in then. Vacation days or something. We can put the request in today but I’m not going to really let myself go with you if I can’t put you back together after. That’s not good for either of us.”

“What do you mean by let yourself go?” Steve’s shoulders straighten and he isn’t sure how to interpret that reaction.

“Isn’t that what we’re dancing around here? Me giving in, following my desires to the fullest and you enduring, finding pleasure in it? I have a high designation too. I made the mistake once, and only once, of trying to be with someone who was a low designation and after we’d been together a few times and we started talking about what we wanted, it was very clear that it just wouldn’t work.”

“Why not? I mean, what were the differences?”

Bucky shrugs. “I thought we were just starting, like we’d had appetizers and would get to the main course the next time we played. He, uh, he was pretty horrified when I talked through what I liked.”

Now Steve looks at him. “What do you like?”

Now it’s Bucky’s turn to pull back, to be embarrassed. “Let’s give it a few days, okay? Before we get to specifics. We’ll find common ground. And, I like that you want to be hurt and you think I can’t do it. That’s a pretty exciting statement there, Steve.”

Steve chuckles. “Oh yeah? I’ve been shot and beaten up and I get up and walk it off. You saw my hand and how quickly it healed. I don’t think you can, not really,” but the joking tone is a little strained. Like he’s hoping Bucky is going to tell him he’s wrong.

Bucky lifts Steve’s chin with a finger, forces the eye contact. “Is that still what you want? You want me to make you cry and hurt you, want me to be impressed by just what you’ll do for me?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Even when you don’t want to?” He presses harder, hard up under Steve’s chin, feels pushback as Steve swallows. “Think about it for a minute. That’s a different question. What if I want something and you don’t want it?”

“Like what?” he asks, his pupils dilating.

“Like I want to fuck you and you’re tired. I want you to not come while I do. Or maybe it will be petty like wanting you to wear something you don’t want to just because it will please me.”

“Yeah, I want that. That doesn’t sound difficult.”

Bucky grins. “It is difficult. It’s not difficult in theory but the reality is different. You don’t see how easy it is, do you?”

“What do you mean?” Steve’s gaze narrows, aware that Bucky is gloating about something but he doesn’t know what or why. He likes Steve a little uncertain.

“I don’t have to be physically stronger than you to break you down, and you proving yourself isn’t just a physical task. It can be mental too. You won’t be struggling against me, sweetheart. That might be hot but we know how that will usually end. And you don’t want to win. And I don’t want you to win.”

“You’re just talking in riddles.”

He strokes a finger down Steve’s cheek. “Don’t know. You look nervous. Who can bring down Steve Rogers? Who’s the one person Steve Rogers will struggle against? You, sweetheart.”

Steve tilts his head, licks his lips. He’s thinking, trying to come up with scenarios and solutions. Too damned smart for his own good. “That assumes I don’t want what you want to give me. I’m pretty sure I want everything you want to give me. I do. I know it’s soon and maybe that’s a bit too forward but I do. God, this is so lame. I’m not usually like this.”

Bucky shushes him with his mouth, tells him how good he is, how sweet. “We played hard, you’re down far is all. Vulnerable and receptive. You can touch me all you want baby. And anything you need, just ask me. I’ve got you. I love you telling me how much you want me.”

“Okay. You’re right. And, I do. Want you. I do.” Andhe rests back against Bucky sighing into his collarbone.

“Is there any pain you don’t like? Stingy or thuddy?”

“I don’t know. I guess I never thought about there being a difference,” he says, after a long moment.

“What if I whipped you and you bled?”

“Is that what you want?”

Bucky can’t see Steve’s face and literally has no idea what he’s thinking about any of these questions. “What if I put you in a cock cage and didn’t let you come?” he asks, waiting for some reaction.

“Wouldn’t I drop too easily? All the buildup?”

Bucky shakes his head. “No, we would just have to be careful. Milk you a lot. Keep you drained and if you’re not coming but you ingest mine you’d be okay. It’s a symbiotic relationship. I have what you need and you have what I need. Contact, bodily fluids, the pheromones you give off when you’re in the right headspace and I got you there, coming regularly, that keeps me stable. We could find a way to keep you even despite that cock of yours being locked away.”

“I can do that for you,” Steve says, almost bashful. But does he want it? Hell, maybe he doesn’t know what he wants. Maybe it’s unfair of Bucky to expect him to know what he wants or might like when he’s so experienced.

“Perhaps we try lots of things and see where we wind up? Get your toxins down, get you coming a lot, dropping down the right way and feeling good about everything and then we experiment.”

“I don’t usually feel good about it.”

Bucky holds him tight, gently rubs the side of his neck, fingers digging in to his pulse points. “Right. So it’s like a bad trip. And your designation is so high that you get a lot of toxin build-up quickly. How often do you come?”

Steve flinches, barely noticeable. But, Bucky’s holding him so he notices. “After we were together I came three or four times a day. I was hard all the time. But, um, after that it dropped off. Back to normal.”

“What’s normal?” He can tell Steve is trying to dodge the question.

Steve shrugs. “Depends. Once a day usually.”

“But sometimes less?” he guesses.

“Right.”

There’s no way that’s enough. “Well, there you go. So, you don’t come and then it builds up more, you go on a mission and you have all this stress and adrenaline and you crash hard because you can’t get balanced with drugs like a lot of people can. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I can’t either.”

Steve pulls back a little. “So, how often do you come?”

Bucky shrugs. “Few times a day. After you? It was five times a day for a few days there. That’s too much. Think we’d even each other out after awhile. Hopefully. Or else we just give up on work and become hermits. Fuck each other’s brains out and get groceries delivered.”

Steve doesn’t laugh. His brow is furrowed. “And you…who helps you with that?”

Ah. He wants to tell Steve that his past is behind him, that from now on he’ll have Steve and only Steve but that seems presumptuous and optimistic. Hell, maybe it’s even a little bit creepy. “Steve, I’m not going to apologize for my life. I have a few partners I see regularly and you um… you should probably do that too, to stay balanced.” A large part of his brain is telling him that he is a fucking idiot and the last thing Steve should be doing is trying to find another partner.

And Steve wouldn’t do it anyway. Hell, if Steve had a choice in the matter he wouldn’t be a sub and he wouldn’t be here because he wound never choose to want to need Bucky in the first place.

“No,” Steve says, voice hard. He takes a step back, putting distance between them. “That’s not what I’m looking for. I want to belong to one person and I want that one person to be mine. I can take care of…my man.”

“Sounds like he’d be pretty lucky,” Bucky says, carefully. Steve’s got a flush of anger and jealousy on his cheeks and he looks gorgeous. 

“Yeah, he fucking would,” Steve growls. He turns, opens the glass door to step out, pissed.

“We’re still talking, Steve. You don’t get to leave in a fit of rage when the conversation isn’t over.” He likes Steve jealous and it probably makes him a terrible person but if this goes on for too much longer he’s going to get hard again. Steve all pissy and annoyed because he wants Bucky to himself is something Bucky wants more of in his life. And the dom in him, the high designation part of himself that gets off on a few things that make him quite a jerk sometimes, likes it too. He wants to cajole Steve, push him, make him give in. Bucky wants proof that Steve wants him despite himself. That even when he’s annoyed he still wants Bucky. Maybe that’s too much to ask.

Bucky’s going to ask anyway. 

“What, you think I’m going to wait for you to excuse me? Get your permission? No. Screw you.”

“Yeah. That’s exactly what I think. Shut the door and stand exactly where you were before.” A blush comes to Steve’s cheeks and Bucky drops a hand down, touches himself idly. Steve looks, a long moment of watching Bucky touch himself then he swallows hard. He blushes more. He’s beautiful.

Steve drags in a breath, exhales. His voice shakes. “I can’t share you. If that’s the test then I fail. You found the one thing I couldn’t do. Congratulations.” He’s pretty sure Steve won’t hit him. Bucky hopes not. Because there is no way they’re getting out of here before Bucky gets off.

“Do you have a safe-word?” Bucky asks, idly.

A pause. “No.”

“Come up with one now then. Or you can use red.”

“Red is fine.” His eyes dart to the side and his hands are in fists like he’s hoping for a physical assault.

“Good. If it’s too much you use your safe-word, okay?” The look he gives Bucky is murderous. “Saying it doesn’t make you weak, Steve. Now, come over here. Do what I asked you to. There’s a time and a place to be a brat. This isn’t it. Finish washing me so we can get out of here. You have amazing water heating by the way.”

And then Bucky gathers the nerve to turn around. Give Steve his back like he knows for a fact Steve won’t leave. “Fuck you,” Steve says.He reaches for the door. Hesitates. “You said it was hard to let me go. You really think you’d put up with me seeing someone else at the same time as you?”

“No. Not at all. And if we wanted to pursue a relationship I wouldn’t see anyone else either. It’d be you and me. That’s it. And, the truth is, I already want that.”

“Why didn’t you say that?” He’s still annoyed. He can hear it in Steve’s voice.

Bucky looks at Steve over his shoulder, “I was going to. But then you decided to storm out. But, look. You stayed and now things are alright. Aren’t they?” he says, like an asshole would. “Now, wash my back, doll. Then you’re going to make me come.”

“Stop…stop touching yourself. Just…be serious.”

“I don’t joke about orgasms, sweetheart. God, you make me hard. Come on now.”

Steve isn’t moving. His voice is pained, almost lost. “It isn’t that easy. You don’t mean that, though. You wouldn’t be content with just me when you’ve got lots of people on the side.”

“Well, I didn’t say lots. That makes it sound a little sordid.”

“You’d give up multiple lovers for me? I’m a basket case. You don’t even know if we’re compatible. I don’t believe you,” he says, voice rising. He sounds panicked. This has gone on long enough and he isn’t quite sure he can get them where he wants them to go.

“Sweetheart, this conversation is over now.” Bucky turns around, takes Steve’s hand and brings it to his cock. “Stroke me, sweetheart. I want to come. That’s your job. Do it.”

Steve doesn’t take his hand away. Bucky is warm and half-hard and the idea of making him come, of following Bucky’s directions makes him feel fuzzy and has his own cock twitching. His fears and worries, even his anger is slipping away from him, replaced by lust and Bucky.

“I’ll take care of you. You’ll take care of me. You have to be vulnerable and trust me even if it isn’t what you want to do sometimes. You just agreed, didn’t you? Give in to me now.”

Steve wants to argue. Bucky adjusts Steve’s grip so Steve’s hand is wrapped around his length. Bucky moans, kisses Steve’s cheek and along his jaw. He kisses Steve on the mouth, his cock fully hard even though Steve hasn’t been actively participating. Steve doesn’t know what to do. He wants to leave and he wants to get Bucky off as well. He wants to question everything and get some sort of proof that Bucky means what he says. He doesn’t want to be dismissed and used like some sort of toy. Steve shifts on his feet, balls getting full as his cock begins to harden. A toy. An object. A hand.

“Tighter,” Bucky says, and Steve does, begins to jerk him off like Bucky wants. Bucky’s eyes are closed, his hands all over Steve, like he’s just there for Bucky’s pleasure. Apparently, he meant it when he said the conversation was done. And now he’s moved on. Steve doesn’t know if he can let it go. Bucky nips him hard on the lip, demanding his attention. Steve tightens his grip, kisses Bucky’s neck and focuses on the hard cock in his hand. Bucky groans low, the sound echoing around them and reverberating off the tiles. “There you go. Good boy. That’s what I need from you,” he says, and Steve puts a hand out to the wall to brace himself, stay upright when it feels like he’s just had a ton of bricks dropped onto him.

Bucky chuckles, thrusts hard into Steve’s fist, pursuing his orgasm. Steve thinks he’s falling apart somehow, like this is too much and not enough and his own cock is hard and he isn’t quite sure why but he’s trembling and he needs his dom to come. Needs him to be satisfied. More than anything that’s what he suddenly wants. “Please, Bucky. Please.” He doesn’t even know what he’s asking for. How is it getting twisted around? How come he’s slipping into submission?

“What do you want, sweetheart? Want me to come on your face?”

“I don’t…maybe. I don’t know. No. What do you want?”

Bucky chuckles. “There you are, sweetheart. I’ve got you. All you need to do is please me. And you do. You are. So good. There are times to talk and there are times for you toshut up and make me come. You need to be a good slut for me now. Take care of me and then we’ll talk. Get down on your fucking knees,” Bucky demands, and Steve tries to stop himself from doing it, he really does and he manages for several heartbeats, gaze locked with Bucky’s, his flushed face and hard cock. Bucky squeezes Steve’s pec, hard and careless, just gropes him and Steve goes down to his knees.

He’s a _thing_. He’s here for Bucky’s pleasure. Bucky needs to use him now. That’s… everything. It’s a fundamental part of him and Bucky wants that. Give in, he said. Steve sits down on his heels for a moment, practically sways, wants to lay down on the ground and kiss Bucky’s feet, just be near him and warmed by him. Can he love him already? Does he? Is that possible when they’ve only just met? The water is irrelevant, everything is background noise except for Bucky above him, perfect and demanding.

“There you go. You just let it all go. I’m everything right now. All that matters.”

He is. He fucking is. Gravity pulls him forward and he’s licking Bucky’s cock, what he can reach of it around their combined hands. When did that happen? Wasn’t Steve the only one touching Bucky? “God, you’re gorgeous. Open your mouth. Swallow what you catch. Here, sweetheart. This will make you feel better. I want to give this to you.”

The very idea that Bucky’s come is going to make him feel better infuriates some distant part of him that he can usually reach. But not now. Now his own cock is straining, hard and yet unimportant. Bucky is all that matters. The weight of Bucky’s desire is heavy, almost oppressive. Steve’s not sure he could get up and leave even if he wanted to.

And then he understands that _this_ is what Bucky means when he says it’s symbiotic. Bucky using him now, forcing him to do this when it isn’t exactly what he wants is perfect and confusing. It’s horrible and necessary and he doesn’t want anything else besides this feeling, him diminished to Bucky’s desire.

“Oh fuck, you’re gonna make me come. You still annoyed, babydoll?” And he chuckles.

He’s an asshole.

And Steve is on his knees for him and Bucky needs to come so Steve is going to do what he can to make that happen because he is Bucky’s. He wants to be. He wants that more then he wants to argue or be right.

Steve grabs Bucky’s thighs, holding on, supporting himself as he gives in completely, doesn’t want to be anyone, anywhere or anything else but a thing on his knees for Bucky. His skin prickles and he struggles to drag in a breath, feels like he’s drowning. And Bucky is his air, is filling in the cracks and choking him.

Bucky’s dominance crashes over him and he gives into it completely. Seems to go away and remain at once. His mouth is open, waiting, and Bucky comes in thick spurts on Steve’s tongue, angles his cock so he comes on Steve’s nose too, before one last weak pulse marks his eyebrow. When Bucky’s finished he wipes his cock across Steve’s forehead.

“I feel better now.” He looks down at Steve. Lowers himself and puts a hand on Steve’s cock. Steve shudders, almost comes from the light touch and Bucky hums deep in his throat. “How could I want anyone else when I can have you? Fucking perfect, needy as hell, and look at you, look how hard you are now just because you were good to me when you didn’t want to be. You can come, sweetheart. Whenever you want.”

“Tighter,” he begs.

“No,” Bucky says, resolute. Steve whimpers. Closes his eyes. “How about this?” Bucky offers, and a finger slides behind his balls, to his hole and presses hard and deep, screwing into him painfully. His body seizes, comes hard and he falls forward onto Bucky, lets him support his weight as he slips further into dark quiet.

“Whatever you want,” Steve says, reverent. Steve cries out when Bucky takes his hand away to turn off the shower. He pulls Steve to his feet and gets them out, dries Steve off, hauls him to bed and tucks him under the covers.

“Sleep, sweetheart. We can work out everything else in the morning. But, it’s just you and me, alright? No one else.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I have no idea how much longer this story will be. At least a few more chapters. pretty quick after the end of this story will be another story (maybe two) that deal with d/s world themes because i'm apparently fixated and working through it all or something. I'm currently traveling so I'm only working in the evenings and I'll try to get another few thousand words up tomorrow. next week will hopefully be fairly prolific as I'll be in Cornwall with my in laws and the days will be long. LOONNNGGGG. 
> 
> Did you know comments get you into the afterlife? I'm almost positive that's true.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because you're mine....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much writing and editing has been done listening to Bad at Love by Halsey but her version of Walk the Line is definitely the song and theme of the next chapter.

“Oops,” Wanda says, as a wave of spider guts splashes over Steve and Nat. “On the plus side, I did just save your lives. Next time, I’ll direct the guts the other way. Promise. Or, I’ll really try.”

“This is the worst mission I’ve ever been on. And the Red Room sent me out on a few pretty unspeakable missions,” Nat says, wiping her eyes and blinking through the green viscous blood. Is it blood? Do spiders bleed? Steve doesn’t even care enough to ask at this point.

“I don’t know. Pretty sure I had a trip to the Arctic that was worse than this. But, it’s a close call.” Steve wipes his forearm across his jaw and shudders in revulsion. He takes a look around the abandoned town square and sees nothing but spider limbs and human remains.

“Is it over?” Clint asks, in his ear.

“I think we can take a break at least. There’s an abandoned cart over here that appears to have skewers of chicken and shrimp,” Tony says. “Ooh, lemongrass and coconut! This is good stuff and it’s bug-free. I’m pretty sure the owner of this particular cart won’t mind us helping ourselves since we just saved his city and all that. But, I’ve got money in my pocket if anyone is worried. Steve, I mean you…. Ooh, soda!”

“I am hungry,” Nat says. Wanda shrugs agreeably and they turn to start heading towards Tony.Now that the fighting is on a brief hiatus, the exhaustion Steve has been able to ignore is suddenly overwhelming. He needs to sit down. Steve doesn’t really comprehend that anyone is talking to him until Nat pokes him with an elbow.

“I’ll be back. I’m gonna check-in,” he says, and he walks away from the group. He pulls out his phone and calls Fury.

“How much longer?” he asks, as soon as the man answers.

“And good day to you too, Cap,” Fury says, and Steve almost tells him to shove the sarcasm up his ass. Which is definitely a sign of just how far gone he is.

“We’ve got two power signatures that still need to be investigated. One in the mountains and the other looks to be in the middle of a jungle a few hundred miles to the north. The amount of energy being used could mean more spider labs.” Steve has nothing to say. He can do this. He always can. Once the fighting starts again, he’ll rally. “I’m thinking of sending reinforcements. Maybe give you all a break. I can have support there in 12 hours.”

“I’m not sitting here waiting for another twelve hours when we could be out of here by then. And that gives these things 12 more hours to grow. We could bomb the facility and be out of here in an hour.”

Fury’s silence is significant but Steve can’t think clearly enough to figure out why. “There are likely to be hostages in there, too. That’s what we’ve found at every other base. You saying we let them die?”

“No, of course not.” He just can’t think is all. But, he can think well enough to NOT say that.

“You should know that I’m in the middle of arranging Barnes’ transfer. But, it isn’t done yet. There won’t be too many more missions where you’re on your own.” His heart clenches just from hearing the name and his eyes burn with unshed tears. He needs Bucky. It’s pitiful, pathetic and the man is all he can think about.

“This has nothing to do with him.”

“Well, I’m sorry to hear that because he’s available to talk if you are.”

“What?” he asks, and he actually squats down to the ground, leans against the side of the wall, shield scraping the brick and making a shrill, horrible sound and tries to breathe evenly as he processes the information.

“His mission is completed and he’s on his way back to base at the moment. I’m pretty sure he’s in Germany.”Germany. Steve is in Cambodia. He is literally halfway around the world. “How about I patch you through, Cap?”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

Fury’s voice is kind. “Hang in there. We’re gonna get all this resolved.”

And then there is some kind of hold music. There are a few clicks on the line and then the line crackles, someone speaks and he can’t even tell what they’re saying it’s so fucking garbled. Then there’s another click and he thinks they’re gone. The call dropped. He wants to scream. “This is Barnes,” he suddenly hears, clear as a bell.

“Bucky?” Steve asks, which is stupid because of course it’s him but he had nothing else to say.

“Hey. How are you, sweetheart?” he asks, and he’s so calm and protective sounding. His voice washes over Steve, deep and concerned.

“I’m….” And this is where he should lie. He should say that he is fine because he is Captain America and he can endure anything. Or he should say he’s fine because he doesn’t really know Bucky beyond the two times they met up, or maybe he should say he’s fine because it’s not like there’s anything Bucky can do so why bother him? It sucks and he’ll get through this and then it will be over.

“You know what I want?” Bucky asks, and Steve hears a door shut, just knows that he’s now gotten complete privacy.

“No. I have no idea.” He closes his eyes so he can concentrate on the words and the way they’ll sound coming out of his mouth.

“I want you to be honest with me. I want to be your exception for everything. I want you to give me more of you then you give anyone else. I promise I won’t betray your trust. I’ll do my damndest. Alright?”

“Alright.” He has to repeat it because the words were silent.

“Good. Wonderful. So, I’m going to ask you again. How are you?”

He swallows hard. It was a lot easier to agree before he had to actually do it. “I…I wish I was with you back in New York.” And just that little bit of honesty, of putting some weight onto Bucky and trusting him makes Steve feel a little calmer and clear-headed. “Wish you hadn’t had to leave when you did.”

“I do, too. I’m on my way back now. Should get to New York in about three hours.”

He wants to punch the wall. He doesn’t. “I don’t know when I’ll be back. Maybe…maybe 24 hours?” There’s a pain in his scalp and he realizes it’s because he’s gripping his hair hard. He lets go, brushes it down. “More spiders. We have two more possible sites to investigate. And if one of them is out already or gets out before we can get there then….” Fuck. He clears his throat, brushes absently at something horrible but not green on his stupid blue pants. “I, uh, I don’t know how long it will be. Can you imagine them loose in a jungle? We could be here for weeks or worse.”

“Stevie,” and he knows that if Bucky was there he’d have Steve wrapped in his arms and be holding him tight.

“I, um, I don’t know how much longer I can go without dropping completely,” he confesses.

“What do you mean ‘dropping completely?’” His voice is hard.

“I dropped already. Yesterday. My levels got too low. Went almost comatose. They’ve given me something. And now they have to keep giving it to me. Every six hours now. I’m worried about it. I shouldn’t be because they say it’s fine but…each time I feel more nauseous. It’s like my blood is burning from it. And, you know, maybe I should trust doctors considering what science has made of me, but I don’t.”

“You need to be pulled out. I should be with you.”

“No. They need me. I can’t go. What if something happens and I wasn’t here?”

A heavy sigh is loud in Steve’s ear. He feels it down his back, to his ass, his hole clenching on nothing. It’s an odd, disturbing feeling. “If you drop and they have to save you, you won’t be happy either. And if you get hurt then what?” He shakes his head. Doesn’t think about the fact that Bucky can’t see it.

“Stevie, I want to talk to the doctor and know what you’re on. How best I should take care of you when I get you back.” He smiles. Feels a little glow of warmth in his chest as Bucky talks about him possessively.

“You can do that. Whatever you want to know about my history is fine with me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. I told you.”

“You told me lots of things,” he says, voice low. “I’m sorry I got called away.”

“Not your fault.” It seemed like forever ago now that Bucky had gotten him out of the shower, put him to bed, and only a few hours later got called out on a mission. He hadn’t wanted Bucky to go. Bucky hadn’t wanted to go. “Uh, you should know that Fury is trying to get you assigned to me. Or the Avengers, I don’t know, but the point is he’s trying to get you transferred.” What if he’s angry?

“Sweetheart, I know. As soon as I got called away from you I talked to him about it. Maybe that was presumptuous and I hope you’re alright with it. I guess I thought we’d talk about it when I got back or if he could make it happen. Fury and I both thought it was a good idea.”

“So, you don’t mind if you get stuck with me?”

“Hell, no. It will be a relief. God, I miss you so fucking much. I keep thinking of you, babydoll. Worrying about you, aching for you.”

“Promise?” his breath catches in his throat as endorphins flood through him.

“You don’t even know. You’re all I’m thinking about. It’s terrifying how much I want you.”

The first hint of calm he’s had in days washes over him. “I know. I feel it too.” Desire is suddenly alive and demanding within him. “Please, Bucky. What do you want? When I see you again,” he asks, blushing. He looks around, sees no one behind him, the alley in front of him is a dead end, and he feels secure enough (well, horny enough) that he drops a hand down over his crotch, gently cupping himself. Just his luck he’ll get eaten by a spider as he tries to rub one out. Might be worth it.

“Fuck, Steve. Everything. Will you let me be inside you?”

“Oh god. You know the answer to that. I begged you,” he says, and his voice wobbles.

“Shh, I’m sorry there wasn’t time.”

“How do I make it through this?”Steve asks.

“You will. You’re going to keep calling me. You can text me. How about you talk to me when you get your next shot?”

He nods, thumbing the head of his cock absently. “I’d like that.”

“When did you come last?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Stevie. You tell me the truth.”

“Not for a few days now,” he whispers. 

“Oh, babydoll. Could you come now?”

He thinks about it. He’s half hard from Bucky’s voice, his body very sluggishly responding. “I need you here.”

“Do you have five minutes?” he asks, purring the words. The hair on his arms stands up and he grips his cock hard.

“Yes.”

“Do you want to come for me?”

“Always.”

“How sweet you sound. You hungry for me? Cause I’ve gotta tell you, sweetheart, that my cock sure misses you. Your mouth, fucking hell. I’m in the bathroom now, Steve. I’m unbuttoning my pants and stroking myself and it should be your hand on me.”

“I know,” he says, anguished.

“You’d make me come so hard, wouldn’t you, Stevie?”

“Yes, sir.” He wishes he could take it back.

“Oh, sir now. I like that.” The way he says it, the hitch in Bucky’s breathing can only mean that he’s touching himself. “I keep thinking about that night. I shouldn’t have let you go to sleep. I should have fucked you.”

Steve agrees. He feels incomplete, almost unwanted. “You were tired. It’s alright.”

“No, actually you were tired. I wanted to fuck you into the mattress but was trying to be a gentleman and wait. Thought I’d let you get some rest and in the morning we’d get up and have breakfast, get you ready for me and then spend the day in bed.”

“Who said I wanted a gentleman?” he jokes.

“Well, it’s a good thing you don’t because that’s over. I’ll be taking everything from you just as soon as I get you alone.”

God, he fucking hopes so. “What if I’m tired?”he asks, the tone of his voice undoubtedly indicating what he hopes the answer is.

Bucky growls. “I don’t care. I need you. Need to put my cock in you.” Steve squeezes his cock roughly, tries to cut off a sound of pain, grip clumsy and overly aggressive. “Good. That’s what I want.”

“Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it. God, what a sound. Will you let me open you up and fuck you?”

“Yes, Bucky,” he says, and he squeezes one ball and then the other hard pinches the skin between them hard enough to bruise.

“You hard now, sweetheart?”

“Yeah. Yes.”

“Good boy. Get it out. Come for me. I need to hear you. Those little gasps. The moans. God, you just go boneless when I get you right. And you’re so fucking hot and tight inside.”

“Too tight? What if I hurt you?”

The slightest hesitation. “You think you’re going to squeeze my dick off?” he sounds like he’s trying not to laugh.

“Maybe. Don’t laugh. I know it hurt someone before. What if I hurt you?”

“Oh, you won’t be able to. I’m gonna open you up so fucking wide before I fuck you. Sweetheart, I’m going to leave you gaping for me. We’ll get you cleaned out and ready. I’m going to help you. Supervise. Get you just how I want you.”

“No. That’s…no,” he says, but his hand is flying over his cock, he’s beginning to drip and it feels so fucking good. This week without Bucky had been awful but now he realizes just how bad it was. It’s like he’s been asleep and now his body is waking up.

“You’re mine. You don’t hide anything from me. I’m going to fill you up with water and I’m going to make sure you’re all clean. Put you in the shower and get every inch of you washed up. I’ll dry you off and lay you down on the bed. Do you know what happens next?”

“Please. No. I--”

“Then I’m going to push your legs open, wide and you’re going to lay there and let me do what I want to your cock and that hole of yours. My fingers and my mouth, my tongue, you’re going to be all pink and swollen before I’m done. And then I’m going to fuck you pump you full of my come and….”

Steve doesn’t know what, if anything, he says. He’s coming hard, so fucking hard and he feels more awake and clearer-headed even as he’s still pulsing come onto the street of some back alley in Cambodia. “Thank you, Bucky. Thank you.”

“Thank _you._ Fuck, I came all over myself just listening to you and the sounds you make.Stevie, you need to keep going, don’t stop stroking that cock of yours until I say you can.”

He keeps going, tries to find his way through the pain of overstimulation, has to move his feet and count each breath in and out. “Hurts.”

“Say ‘thank you, sir.’”

He whimpers. Bucky waits. Steve finally repeats the words, sees no other option. His shoulders drop in relief and he goes back onto his heels, legs wide open, vulnerable.

“Faster, baby. Harder. You work that cock for me. And I want it done fast. Want you coming so soon it’s agony.”

“Bucky,” he manages. “How? How would you, if we were together? Help me.”

“Okay, sweetheart. Of course, I’ll help you. When you get back it’s going to be my cock. I’m going to split your ass open and you’re going to come, aren’t you?”

“Yes, sir.” He will. He’s positive he will. He likes it to hurt.

“I know you do.” He hadn’t realized he’d said it out loud.

“Where do you want it to hurt baby? Your cock? Your tits? Your hole?”

“H…Hole, love that. You saying it.”

Bucky swears under his breath and a shiver goes through Steve. “Oh, saying it is nothing, sweetheart. My baby needs more than words. You’ve only gotten dry fingers and sharp pain from me. We’ll do better than that. Give you what you really need. I’ll take you hard and make you sore, you’ll ache when I pull out of you.”

“Do you think that’s enough?” he asks, almost taunting. Steve hasn’t come yet so no. No, it isn’t. “And then I’ll put you to bed, ass leaking my come and a nice thick piece of ginger will get you hot and squirming. You won’t beg me to take it out but fuck I can’t wait to see your face, the look in your eyes. It won’t come out until I’m ready to go back inside you.”

“Bucky.” The pain has shifted, there’s pleasure there but it’s hot, bright and burns him.

“If that’s not enough we’ll move on to something else.”

“What?” he gasps. He wants more, needs it to make this happen when it hurts so much and Bucky isn’t even here to help him through it. “Need your hand on me. Don’t like knowing I can stop.”

“You can’t stop,” he spits the words out. “Because then you’d disappoint me. And you would never do that, would you?”

“No. I’m trying sir.”

“Are you close?”

“I don’t know.” Saying it makes him feel like a failure. Reminds him of how his desire is unreliable, how difficult everything has always been for him when it comes to getting off.

“Soon, I won’t have to ask. I’ll know because I’ll be watching you, touching you, making it happen,” he says, dark and intense. “You’ll always come for me. I’ll fucking make you.”

“Buck.”

“Five times I came thinking about you. Do you know how awful it is on a covert op to have to find ways to jerk off all the time?” Steve would laugh but he’s getting close, muscles locked up tight as he imagines Bucky desperate to get off because he’s thinking of Steve and needing him. “Soon I won’t have to. I want you in my home and in my bed, naked and willing. You willing, sweetheart?”

“Y-yes.”

“I’m gonna use you hard, babydoll.”

“I love it when you say that,” he manages.

“It’s true. Need you. Need your ass. And your mouth. Need to feel you under me.”

“Bucky, I’m going to come.”

“What a good boy you are. So good for me. I’m proud of you. You’re perfect. Miss you, baby. You have no fucking idea how much I miss you.”

Steve comes again, it’s blistering hot and like a dull knife in his balls and he bites down hard, tastes blood in his mouth from biting his lip and the overstimulation is horrible.

“Good. Good. A little longer. Keep going. You sound wrecked, love.”

“Bucky,” he begs, desperate for permission to stop.

“Tell me you want to stop,” he says, slowly, dragging out each word.

“I need to. Hurts,” he gasps. It’s as though his hand isn’t attached to the rest of his body, it’s obeying Bucky’s wishes, his whims, really, while the rest of him is in agony and protesting. But, there’s one more part of him, detached, at the back of his mind, some primitive part of him, some base form of his own identity that is pleased, proud and at rest. Content to be suffering for his dominant. His Sir. Bucky. Strong and protective. His voice low and rough, his blue eyes and heavy cock. He fixates on Bucky, on this as an act of devotion, a test of his faith in Bucky and himself and them and he knows he can keep going for as long as he has to. If Bucky wants him to come again then he will. It will be a torturous nightmare but he’ll fucking do it. 

“I need you to keep going.”

“I….” What would he say? Would he agree, protest, fuck would he tell him he loves him, loves this and anything Bucky wants to make of him?

“Give in to me. Yes, I like that,” Bucky murmurs. 

And so he does, easy and hard as that he keeps touching himself even as he feels his eyes blur with tears. Even as his entire body tries to pull away and demands he let go of his spent and oversensitive cock.

“Good boy. Now, now you can stop.”

He lets go carefully, breathing deep. He can hear his heart beating in his ears and all of him is mushy and soft. He could sleep now and Bucky would protect him, curl up behind him and let him rest. Just be there with him. Bucky is still talking to him, reassuring him. “Wish you could hold me.”

“Me too. Soon, baby.”

“Do you need to go?”

“No, I need to talk to you until you can go back to do your job.”

“Just…a few. Um, minutes.”

“It’s alright. Do you want me to tell you about my trip to Germany?”

“More than anything.”

And so Bucky talks to him, light and casual, putting Steve at ease, letting him float to the sound of his voice. He doesn’t know how much time passes but his heartbeat slows and he gets steadier.

“You sound better,” Bucky finally says.

“I haven’t said anything.”

“Your breathing has evened out then” 

He likes that Bucky is paying such close attention. Finally, they hang up and Steve stays in the alley for a little longer, until he can get his feet under him and go find the others. He’s ready now. Ready to kill a shit ton of mutated spiders and get back up again.

He can do this.

Tony holds out a skewer as soon as he shows up and Nat gives him a single eyebrow raise and says he looks better. “I thought we weren’t going to mention it,” Tony says.

“That isn’t mentioning it. Not really,” Clint says, with his mouth full. “But, whatever he did.” He’s talking with his mouth open. “He’s clearly got your number. You don’t look like a man on the edge of a nervous breakdown anymore.”

“Okay, if we’re talking about it then I have questions,” Tony says.

“We’re _not_ talking about it,” Steve mutters and reaches for another skewer. It is good. “You are gonna leave money, right?”

“Of course. I’m not a savage.”

On the way to the next base, Steve has a bit of time to think about what they did. How Bucky said exactly the right thing to get Steve where he wanted him. Coming twice had been crucial to him feeling as good as he does now. He knows it. What makes a bit less sense is why Bucky made him keep going even when it hurt. Was that just for Bucky? Or was it for Steve? Steve feels better after it and when he thinks about what they did that’s the moment that resonates, the words he can still hear in his head and the memory he’ll be jerking off to for the next few days- Bucky telling him to keep going, to endure and hurt for him.

He clears his throat and shifts on the seat. A new guy, Rumlow is sitting across from him. He smirks and gives Steve a leer. He doesn’t like him. He wonders if the man is an alpha and if he is, does he know what Steve is? He closes his eyes, blocking the man out. He’s a good soldier and that’s all that really matters at the moment.

He needs more information about his designation. When he was younger there hadn’t been a lot of information available and those with a designation not only faced a fair amount of prejudice, but no one was particularly interested in getting accurate information, either. Not when they were such a small minority of the population. Now, there probably is information available, but Steve hadn’t made much effort to find out since coming out of the ice, happy to try and ignore everything and let the doctors deal with it.

After the serum, he’d gotten rid of so many illnesses he’d just accepted that he still had one left. What was one reoccurring illness when he was now going to live a long life and had no aches and pains? But, he’s now realizing he’s done himself a disservice and maybe he’s doing wrong by Bucky too (or not doing as much as he can to make him feel good or keep him healthy) because he doesn’t know what the hell to do.

And, his ego may be involved just a little bit. There’s a certain personal pride and need to be the best submissive Bucky has ever encountered. That’s gonna take some fucking work.

And, if he’s really being honest with himself, what he really wants is for Bucky to lose his mind. He wants to see what a high designation means in reality. There are hints of it and maybe this small exploration of pain was part of that. When he gets back home he’s going to figure this all out.

And then he’s going to be happy. Bucky is going to be happy and they’re going to spend the rest of their days saving the world and knowing they have each other.

Hell, that makes it sound easy.

Steve Rogers can’t remember a single time in his life where anything has ever been easy.


	5. Chapter 5

“You don’t look like you’re doing too hot, Captain,” so says Rumlow when Steve’s hand shakes as he reaches for the door. They’re deep in the last base and have rounded up a few scientists, killed a few guards and freed a few hostages. Now it’s just finding the tank. That’s what the spiders are kept in until they’re mature enough to be released. And that will give Steve nightmares for many years to come.

People have branched off, cleaning up other messes and it’s just Steve and Rumlow to blow the tank. It’s fine. Throw in a grenade, take cover, make sure they’re all dead. Fine. Nothing to get upset about. Nothing to remind him of the war and the endless shelling and grenades, the friends he lost, etc. It’s a task, a series of actions that don’t even require direct contact.

“I’m fine,” he says. And boy is that the opposite of the truth. He’s a god damned mess. When this mission is over he’s going to tell Fury he needs a week off and Bucky does too. He wants to be taken to Bucky’s home, where he lives and eats and sleeps. A place that smells like him _is_ him and he wants to be taken apart. He wants to be stripped down and remade, fucked and absolved and so hard used that he doesn’t even remember his own name, all he knows is Bucky. He wants marks. He wants to bleed. He wants Bucky to be a crashing wave the drowns him, where there is nothing but his will and his wants and Steve doesn’t have to be more than flesh.

It’s that thought alone that’s keeping him almost perfectly stable now. Except for the hand tremor. Which Rumlow has noticed because all he’s done is watch Steve since the mission started. Which is also fine. “Be nice for you to get some time alone with the Sarg. I gotta say, you heal even faster than I expected.”

“What do you mean?” Steve asks, only half paying attention. His mention of Bucky doesn’t even register at first.

“Just that you’re not walking funny. That man has pounded me into the ground and made me beg for more. I’ve taken sick days after being with him. God, if I had some serum maybe things would have been different.” He chuckles.

Now Rumlos has his full attention. He shouldn’t. Steve needs to open this door and get it over with, but his heart is shattering in his chest and the sooner this is cleared up the better.

“Who are you discussing?” he asks, formal and cold.

“Sergeant Barnes. James.”

He calls Bucky ‘James’? What does that even mean? Steve pulls himself up to his full height, shoulders broad, imposing and he has no problem with using his mass to intimidate. A quirk of a smile on Rumlow’s face like he knows Steve is all possessive and insecure. “No need to get your panties in a twist. He told me about you. Said it was over because he had an obligation elsewhere.”

“Obligation?” There were two words that caught his attention. The other was ‘over’. 

“Yeah, being Captain America’s dominant.”

“Because you’re…submissive.”

He shrugs. “Yeah. Two years we had something going on and he ended it like it was nothing. So, as I said, you must heal fast because I can’t think of any other reason he’d be willing to commit to one guy. He’s got needs, you know? He could be cruel. It ain’t the sort of thing one can take all the time. Except I guess you can. Anyways, good luck is all.Now, how about you open that door so we can get out of here? I’ve got a date with a red-head from accounting.”

Steve hasn’t said anything yet. He doesn’t know where to start. “I’m sorry he broke it off with you,” he manages.

Rumlow shrugs. “I couldn’t handle him anyway. Designation is just too high. God, I gotta say I wish I could be a fly on the wall for when he gets his hands on you. A man like that and the one sub he doesn’t have to hold back with? Jesus. You could sell tickets.” He says it like this is a normal thing to say. Is it? That he wishes to see Steve taken apart and brutally used by a dominant? “Tell me. Where does he start? In fact, we should get a beer and trade stories. War stories. Horror stories endured at the hands of James Buchanan Barnes.” He can’t think of anything he’d want to do less than hear about what Bucky has done to someone else. Another soldier no less. From his own time. Less complicated no doubt.

“You loved him.”

Rumlow laughs. “No, I’m not that stupid.” His eyes are shining, he seems sincere, without spite. “We were friends. Lovers. Designation compatible. I won’t say I was never tempted. But he always made it clear that it was temporary. You seem like a good guy Steve so I’m gonna tell you, I got a buddy in medical and the rumors are getting around that Bucky was ordered to dom you. Hell, people are saying he’s got to leave his unit and be assigned to you full time. Maybe tell Fury, he can shut people up. Rumors are nasty. Undermine command, you know?”

Steve turns away from Rumlow and opens the door. There’s a tank and it’s heaving with spiders. “You take it,” Steve says,because the hand tremor has spread and it’s both hands now and weakness in his knees. Rumlow shrugs and heads towards the tank. Steve looks at him, really looks at him since Bucky has been with him. The man’s a fighter. Even when he goes down he probably doesn’t stay down. Not like Steve who goes down and is like a puppy following its owner around. Does he fight harder than Steve? Is that why he got rougher treatment?

Rumlow is what Bucky chooses when left to his own devices. Before he was ordered to dom Steve. They blow the tank and Tony is outside the door with a frown on his face. “You guys all done? Great. I’m ready to go home.”

Rumlow leads the way out of the base and Tony is practically hovering over Steve. “You gonna faint?” he asks.

“No. I’m fine,” he growls. He’s quiet, doesn’t want Rumlow to overhear.

Everything is different now. Wrong. Everything seems like a lie and Steve doesn’t know what to do with that information, what to think. Bucky has made no indication to Steve that this is temporary or that Bucky would rather be with someone else. And he sure as hell hadn’t told him he was seeing anyone else.

Truth be told Steve had this weird idea that they’re both on the exact same page of thinking they have some unbreakable, cosmic connection. Almost soul-mates. If someone told him he went into the ice for seventy years just so he could meet Bucky Barnes, the love of his life, he might have believed them. As though Bucky Barnes had been fully-formed and waiting just for Steve instead of being his own person, with his own life and his own past. “Stupid,” he says.

“What’s that?” Tony asks, clearly concerned.

“Nothing.” Of course, he’s not Bucky’s first choice. Bucky is doing a job. He’s leaving his friends to be Steve’s babysitter, is the subject of gossip and rumors and undoubtedly any praise Bucky gets will be trivialized. Favors earned, services rendered. He’s tanked Bucky’s career. Jesus. Jesus. He hadn’t thought about it. Hadn’t even considered the ramifications.

And he’d had to break it off with Rumlow. Two years? There’s a ringing in his ears and the floor rushes up to meet him.

They’re on the jet back and Steve is in and out of consciousness. He woke up, started shaking so badly they thought he was seizing and had given him an IV of drugs to stabilize him. He’d pulled the line out and had been sedated heavily. Every time he comes out of the dark and regains consciousness it feels like his skin is on fire. His blood is like ice and if this could all be over then he’d be pretty happy to just die.

Nat keeps coming by to check on him, brushing his hair back from his face and hovering in a way that is actually soothing. At one point she puts the phone next to his ear and it’s Bucky saying sweet things to him, promising Steve that he’s going to take care of him, that he’ll be waiting. He doesn’t speak but he goes to sleep listening to him.

Time passes and he comes in and out of consciousness, hears different people chatting around him, coming to check on him but he has no idea what they’re saying. It seems like a lot of work to pay attention to the words so he doesn’t bother. He’s in pain. He needs Bucky. And then he remembers the conversation with Rumlow and he lets himself drift farther down and away. It’s always a horrible shock to remember.

Over and over Steve wakes up, feels pain, longs for Bucky, usually calls aloud for him, and then he remembers Rumlow. It raises another question: what’s the point of being in the world when it’s just death and bombs and people doing their duties to placate the special snowflake a few scientists made of him? Why is he here when he’s a burden? What’s the fucking point of it all?

And then, he could swear he hears Bucky’s voice, so he forces himself to focus, to wake up. “How long has he been like this?”

“Twelve hours.” He has no idea who that is.

“Why the fuck didn’t someone do something?”

“He rejected most medical treatment. We need his consent.”

“He clearly isn’t capable of making these decisions if this is the outcome. If everyone knows it then why — fuck this. I’m not arguing with you. This all ends. _Get out_ ,” the rage in his voice, the barely controlled violence drags Steve awake.

Bucky is standing over him. His lips are pressed tight and he makes a visible effort to smile down at Steve. He sinks down beside him, runs a hand through his hair, kisses him lightly on the forehead. “How’s my sweetheart?” he asks.

“Been better.” He turns his head, gets Bucky’s wrist under his lips and tastes his skin, swipes his tongue over the area and then he’s panting, needy, shoving forward clumsily and he almost falls off the bunk.

“Jesus. Wait. Stop. You have to stay where you are.” Strong hands are keeping him still. Bucky looks worried.

“How did you get here?” His mouth is dry, his head is pounding and he aches in a bad way everywhere.

“You’re back, baby. This is New York. I came to meet you.”

“I don’t feel good.” Bucky pushes Steve to his back and undoes his pants, reaches in and palms Steve’s soft cock. Which, under different circumstances, would be stupidly hot. The proprietary way he does it, without even asking, is perfect. “When was the last time you came?”

He doesn’t know. Doesn’t really care. He just wants to sleep and sleep forever. “After you. A few times.”

“What’s that, 36 hours then?”

“Maybe.”

“And you’ve refused drugs? You can’t fight treatment, baby,” Bucky is stroking him lightly, takes a moment and pulls out a packet of lube from his pocket and puts some into his hand before wrapping his fist back around Steve’s cock. Steve arches weakly into the touch. “That’s better. Look at you half-hard already for me.” Is he? Doesn’t feel like it.

Steve just lays there, waiting, watching Bucky. Bucky’s hand drops down to Steve’s balls, rolls them, pulls on them so hard and good that his hips rock up, wanting more. “There you are. We’re gonna get you through this, I promise.” Bucky says that, but ten minutes later and Steve still hasn’t come. He isn’t hard enough.

Because Steve has remembered. Rumlow. He’s been trying to push it away, to keep his mouth shut and he can barely feel Bucky’s hands on him. Like he has no body. No heart and no home.

Who else has Bucky made promises to? The conversation he’d had with Rumlow before that final base is repeating, verbatim in his head. The joy of an eidetic memory. They’d gotten out of there safe but Steve wasn’t sure he’d ever recover.

Can he push it aside for Bucky? For himself? At least to come because Bucky wants that from him? And he wants to. He does. But he can’t. And now Bucky is disappointed in him. He throws an arm over his eyes, hiding. “Don’t. Don’t want to be here with you like this,” Steve rasps.

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

He grabs Bucky’s hand, holding on tight. “I know. So go. Do whatever you want. You don’t owe me anything. Get someone better, someone you choose.”

“What the hell are you talking about? I only want you. There is no one better.”

Steve laughs, bitter and miserable. “Maybe you can catch Rumlow on the way out.”

The hand on his dick pauses. “Rumlow. He was on your mission. Well, fuck,” Bucky says on a heavy sigh. “Steve, it was casual. It was nothing. And, we can talk it through in a little bit, but right now we’ve gotta get you more stable. Get out of this jet and get you home.” Bucky puts more lube on his fingers and is suddenly pressing against Steve’s hole, a finger in and deep. Steve groans and feels a spasm in his balls. A sharp pain. “Are you alright?” Bucky treats him like glass. That’s not how he treated Rumlow. If Bucky had really wanted Steve he wouldn’t treat him like he was fragile.

“No. Feels wrong.” He doesn’t just mean his body, he means the two of them.

Bucky is downright clinical. Brow furrowed, fully dressed and distant. Bet Rumlow didn’t get this version of Bucky either. Bucky had been insatiable, demanding and cruel with Rumlow. He’d let himself go. He’s never seen that before. Can barely imagine it when this gentle fondling and tender care is what he gets. Rumlow knew things about Bucky that Steve didn’t and maybe never would. Because, apparently, Rumlow with his cocky attitude and rough-around-the-edges good looks unleashed something in Bucky that meant he wanted Rumlow to _take_ it. 

He was just Steve’s nurse.

“I know, baby. I know.” The tip of a finger slides over his prostate. “Oh, sweetheart. That’s so hot and swollen.” Bucky presses another finger into Steve and Steve turns his head away, trying to get on top of the emotional pain, wanting to hide away in a corner. The fingers are deep, rubbing and Steve’s body is spasming weakly.

“We’ll get you there. Don’t worry, sweetheart. Can you look at me?” Bucky’s free hand is on Steve’s cock again, pressing deep and hard into glands deep under his balls. “This is going to hurt. Look at me.” Steve’s head is faced away still. “Look at me,” he orders again, and Steve does.

“Do you like to see me hurt?” and he prays Bucky says yes.

He just looks concerned. His gaze narrows like he’s trying to figure something out. He shakes his head, smiles weakly. “Just be good and let’s fix you up.”

Bucky’s fingers are back, digging hard into his glands and the pain radiates outwards, is unbelievable and breath-stealing. And then it’s gone and physical relief washes over him.

“There you go. Once we get you started you’ll leak all over for me, won’t you?”

Bucky takes his fingers out of Steve’s ass, wipes them on a cloth and pulls Steve’s pants and underwear off, gaze sliding away from Steve’s naked body. He reaches into a bag and comes out with a ring made of silicone. He puts it over Steve’s cock, slides it to the base where he presses it snug. “Keep this here. When I turn it on it stays on and against your balls until I take if off you. Understand?” He puts some dominance in his tone and it’s horrible to feel aroused and wanting and inferior all at once. The command rolls off of him, rejected, in too much emotional turmoil to give in to him.

“Rumlow said—“

Bucky’s gaze jerks to him, clearly surprised Steve is bringing him up again and arguing. “Don’t make me gag you because I will. You’re obsessing about it because we didn’t take care of you again between missions. I would have told you, I swear.” Bucky turns his back on Steve and drops a blanket over him then goes to the door. He opens it up, talks briefly to someone and comes back in carrying a portable bench. Straps can tie his hands down, ties for his thighs and his calves. If he was strapped in he’d be the perfect height for Bucky to fuck him. He’d just be a hole for Bucky to use. Reduced down to nothing, helpless, only able to take it. Bucky locks the door again and comes towards Steve, reaches for him.

“Come on. Let’s get you onto the bench.”

“Why? What are you going to do?” Steve’s voice is panicked, fear goes through him. He wants to get away, wants to leave and disappear. “I don’t want you to fuck me. I want you to leave me alone.” He’s not going to be a pity fuck. Some charity case for Bucky. 

Bucky’s eyes close. He presses his forehead to Steve’s. “Leaving you alone is not an option. You don’t…you don’t mean that. You’re just in a bad place. You have to trust me, Steve.” But Bucky sounds uncertain. Just a little. Steve latches onto it, counts it as more evidence that Bucky doesn’t really want him. If he did, he’d be certain. He’d _force_ Steve because Steve was _his_. Bucky said he’d do things to Steve, made lots of promises and here they are and he’s getting nothing. Bucky can barely be bothered with him. He hates this. He gags, his stomach heaving.

Bucky is all consideration and unending softness. Acid burns through his throat and he hates Bucky suddenly. “I don’t _have_ to do anything. You’re lying to me. This isn’t you. I can tell. I’m not crazy or sick. He told me how you are. Fuck you.”

Bucky grabs him hard by the jaw, forcing him quiet. “This is how I am with _you_ ,” he snarls. “And you are to be agreeable and open and willing when you are with me. When we are together, you are what I make you and everything, _everyone_ else is irrelevant.” He kisses Steve hard, bites him and Steve tastes blood. Fingers are back at his hole, two thrust into him hard and without enough lube. He cries out, hand on Bucky’s chest and he can feel Bucky’s heart pounding. He reaches down, presses his hand against Bucky’s cock, needing to know for sure. He’s half-hard.

Tears spillout of his eyes. Bucky makes a crooning sound, licks his face, tasting his tears, breathing suddenly ragged, and then he pulls back, seems disoriented. He reaches into the bag, comes out with a plug and hesitates. Bucky licks his lips, stares at Steve like he’s in a daze. “Look at those tears. You gonna give me more of them?” he asks, voice husky. He still has a hand on Bucky’s cock, the man is now hard but it isn’t enough. It’s the dominance itself that made him hard, not necessarily Steve. Maybe Steve could’ve been anyone.

Bucky fumbles for more lube, squeezes a cold glob against Steve’s hole and presses the plug in. It’s hard and stubby, not particularly large. A moment later it turns on, vibrating inside him. Then the cock ring turns on and he can’t escape it although he wants to.

“No,” Steve gasps.

“Who do you belong to, sweetheart?”

He knows what he should say. And a part of him wants to reassure Bucky and say what Bucky wants him to. But it isn’t true. Bucky isn’t his and he isn’t Bucky’s. That’s become painfully clear to him over the last twenty-four hours. 

He looks at Bucky’s face, sees that the dominant is distressed and he swallows down bile. He wishes he could give Bucky what he wants. He wishes he could be what Bucky desires.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

Bucky blinks back tears. “Don’t apologize. You’ve caught me a little off-guard is all. It will work out. I’ll work it out,” he says, but he doesn’t sound convinced or confident. He sounds devastated. And if Steve was a little less tired that might be genuinely upsetting.

“Turn this off. Please? I don’t like it.”

Bucky flinches. His hand is hovering, shaking, over Steve’s crotch. The buzzing in his ass has been getting worse. He feels numb and shaky. His cock spasms and come slides out of the head, pooling on his stomach. It’s not a lot, maybe a dime’s worth but Bucky puts a hand on Steve’s cock and jerks him off, careful and easy. “You’re almost hard,” Bucky murmurs.

“He said—“

“Please don’t do this, Steve. Not right now.” Bucky is biting his lip and he looks pale. He’s no one Steve recognizes.

“You hurt him. He said…he said it was like you knew him. Knew exactly what he wanted and you gave it to him. He loves you. You don’t care, do you?”

The hand stills. “No, I don’t guess I do care,” he whispers. “He isn’t you. He’s jealous and bitter and irrelevant.” His tone lacks conviction. The words are right. This is wrong. Bucky can’t even look at him, his head is down, shoulders hunched a little. A puppet with his strings cut.

“I felt like I knew you, too. I don’t know you right now. Hey, look at me,” Steve demands and Bucky’s gaze slowly turns to him, eyes wet and wide. It’s all wrong. Bucky should demand. Steve is supposed to submit.

A horrible wave of something goes through Steve and his body locks up again then shudders, his cock spills and it takes him a minute to get his breath back. He hates this thing on him. He doesn’t need it. He reaches for it, puts a hand on himself to take it off.

“No, leave it. Please, Steve.”

Steve ignores him. He starts to take it off, tugging it up his cock, shivering with sensation as it touches the ridge under the head of his cock. Bucky reaches for him. Steve bats his hand away, pulls the ring off and Bucky grabs Steve’s wrist hard in his. “Give that to me. This is for your own good and you know it.”

“This isn’t submission and you aren’t dominating me. We both have to want this and I don’t. You, I don’t know what you want. I can’t stand this after what you’ve done to him. I just can’t.” He throws the ring and it hits the wall, buzzing on the ground then stopping abruptly. “You should go now. Send in one of the doctors. They’ll pump me full of whatever and you can go find someone you really want. Who knows what they’re doing and—“ His voice breaks. It doesn’t make any sense. Why is he crying?

“Steve, I don’t know what to do here. I don’t know if this is you dropping or if you genuinely don’t…don’t want me now. If I push us now and you really don’t want me….” Bucky’s hunched over. Terrified suddenly. “Rumlow was nothing, truly, but if….” He shoves his hands in his hair, paces away from him. Bucky opens the door, is talking to someone out there. It sounds like Tony. Later, he’s going to be mortified.

“He’s not up and at ‘em like the good little soldier he is. Why not?” Tony asks.

“He’s upset, I think he needs the doctor. I—I don’t think I can help him.”

“I thought the whole point of this was that you knew more than the doctor? Seriously, she was packing up and leaving. Jarvis, get the good doc back up here just in case. She was all relieved. She has faith in you. Steve has faith in you. What’s the problem?”

“Things…things have changed. I’m scared I’ll…I can’t get him through this if he doesn’t want this. Honestly, I can’t.”

He can practically see Tony rolling his eyes. “Doesn’t he _want_ to be hurt? Isn’t that what you _do_?”

“Under the right circumstances, yes. But, I only want to take advantage of him if we’re on the same page. I don’t think he is. He’s hurt because of something I did. He says he doesn’t want me here. How can I not honor that? I don’t know what the fuck to do!”

“Okay. Easy there. Uh, well, he’s in pain. I mean, you have the bench. It has padding and straps. I wanted to order one for my “dungeon chic” remodel. Did you use the bench?”

Bucky’s voice is low and furious. “I’m not going to tie him down to a god damned bench and fuck him raw when I don’t know if he wants it. Rape is rape, Tony. If he didn’t want it and I made that mistake….fuck, I’d probably kill myself.”

“Okay. Well, that’s strong language. We don’t like those words. So, yes. You go home and I’ll deal with Steve. Jarvis, where is the good doctor?”

“She is on her way back, sir.”

“Great. See? All will be fine. Maybe you wait for her and — here she is. It’s kismet! Bucky here is concerned he might defile Cap in a way he doesn’t like and then he’ll have to kill himself. Steve is not doing well and uh, this guy isn’t either,” Tony says, summing it all up.

Steve lets them talk. None of it matters anyway.

***

The doctor is clearly giving Bucky a thorough once over as Tony talks. “Thank you, Mr. Stark. You may leave,” she says.

“Well, alright. Goodnight. I’m going to go take a long shower and call pest control. The eradication of all spiders— eight-legged of course— has moved up my to do list.” Tony gives Bucky a nod and leaves. Which leaves Bucky, the doctor and Steve who suddenly shifts on the cot, hips pushing out and another shudder rocking through him, the vibrator inside of him continuing to work even if everything else has gone to hell.

“What happened?” she asks him, and she’s so kind about it that Bucky worries he might just fall apart.

“Steve didn’t want to see me. I thought he was just…too far down and I had intended to fuck him out of it. Tie him down. But, he couldn’t get hard and he was very emotional…he doesn’t want to see me anymore. He found out something about my personal life he didn’t like. He’s rejected me completely. I can’t…I won’t risk it. If that’s how he really feels and it isn’t the drop….no. Fuck, _I’m_ saying red. For him. For me. Fuck.! Steve hears something crash to the ground.

She moves past him and goes to Steve. She takes out the monitor and pricks his finger, has a look at the readings. Steve is pale but with red patches along his cheeks, like he has a fever and the chills at once. His hair is matted with sweat, eyes closed tight in pain and Bucky would do anything to help him. If only he knew what that was.

“How is he?”

“He’s terrible,” she says like Bucky is an idiot. “Sit with him at least. Hold him. He needs you.”

Steve doesn’t, though. Of course, it was too good to be true. Of course, his past would come back to haunt him. She’s going through her bag, pulls out a shot of some sort and swabs Steve’s arm, then pushes the needle in. Steve doesn’t object at all. Doesn’t even seem to notice because he’s so out of it.

“You know, Mr. Barnes, I have seen a very extensive file on you. Psychological, mental and physical reports and evaluations. And now that the process has started to get you under SHIELD’s jurisdiction there’s been a background check, too.”

He laughs unhappily. “So what?” 

“Does he know?”

“No, he doesn’t.” Because he knows exactly what she’s talking about.

“Were you planning on telling him?”

“Telling him that I hurt someone?” he thinks about it, has no answer. Shrugs. He’d thought he would. When they finally had time to talk and be together, when he could reassure Steve that he’d always be safe with Bucky, then yes, he would have told him. But now that he knows how it feels to be rejected by Steve he isn’t sure he’d ever have been able to confess his past mistake for fear of losing him.

He’d give anything to have this man be his. And, if that meant lying, he might do it. He wants to touch Steve, wants to beg him to let Bucky in. He wants Steve to want him, to turn that perfection his way so he can bask in it for a little while longer. 

“I think you’re being over-cautious. I think it does you great credit to be so careful, but he needs you now. This isn’t just a personal relationship but your obligation to him as a dominant. He is in need. Keep it professional.”

“I’m not stupid. I know that isn’t how it works and so do you. He has to consent. And maybe another dominant could help him and keep it professional but our relationship is personal. It’s a classic abuser excuse of helping out a submissive because he was in need.” He laughs. “You know like they used to do in the 40’s!”

The doctor looks at him and then at her monitor. “I’m fine,” Bucky declares. “I’m not dropping or having a reaction. I’m doing the right thing here.” There’s a small voice in the back of his head telling him this whole thing is wrong and off. That Steve is his and that this is emotional and irrational.

“I don’t think you are. I think you should let me check your levels and that will prove to you that you are not capable of making this decision. That your judgment is clouded.”

“And then what, you have me help him because we’re both dropping and I’m too stupid to make the best decision? No. It isn’t that simple. Besides, it’s not like he’s used to having a dominant. He’s used to drugs and working through it on his own.” He might throw up. Is he really advocating letting Steve go back to the way things were? Dysfunctional and torturous? That can’t be right, but he doesn’t know what’s right.

“James. The drugs are not good for him. Do you know how long it’s going to take him to come back from this? I move him to the hospital, pump him full of drugs and he’s in physical and mental pain for days as we force his body to do what it needs to do. He’s not going to come easily, he’s clearly in emotional distress, as well as physical distress, and I suspect the only reason he’s sleeping is that it’s better to shut down than deal with everything. If ever there was a time where he needed you, this is it.” She’s matter of fact, serious and Bucky doesn’t know what’s right.

“I just don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want him to hate me.” His voice is shaking and he wipes his face, nods gratefully when she hands him a tissue. She’s very prepared.

“This is what I recommend,” she says, like a good general. “We get him out of here. He should be in his own home. We get him cleaned up, fed and you lay with him. Let him sleep beside you if nothing else. It will help. They’ve done studies showing that babies will always choose warmth and comfort over everything else, even food. Touch is essential for survival. All people are that way. Submissives, those who require more touch and affection, more physical and emotional engagement than the rest of us, need it even more. Can you at least do that for him? He’s hurting.”

She’s right. He nods. Yes, he can do just that. And he should. Steve might not want Bucky to take care of him but Bucky doesn’t want to let him go. And if he gets him for a little bit longer, he’s pretty sure he’s just enough of a bastard to take it now that the doctor wants him to. “You tell me what to do for him and I can do that.”

“Right. Lay with him. I’ll make arrangements for transportation and come back in about half an hour. Okay?” Bucky nods. 

“Shirt off. And his too. I’ll just take care of that part,” she says, and she cuts Steve’s shirt off so he’s naked and beautiful, laid out like an offering. _He’s not mine_ , Bucky thinks.She gives Bucky a once over. “Your turn. This will all work out, Sargent Barnes.” And she leaves.

Bucky strips down slowly. The shirt is easy. Shoes and socks are not a problem. Pants are a little more concerning and he leaves his underwear on. There is no reason to take them off. Steve is still unconscious on the cot and Bucky lays down behind him, awkwardly climbing over him to get into the narrow gap of space. Steve turns over instantly, presses up close, inhales Bucky’s skin and sighs happily.

The joy of being unconscious.

Steve moans, body tightening and then relaxing as the vibrator in his ass makes him spasm again. At least he seems to be enjoying it now. He was so backed up and full, so swollen that Steve hadn’t liked the first few at all. It will feel like a miniature orgasm now, and warm come seeps through Bucky’s underwear.

And then Steve is shifting closer, cock finally hard where it presses against Bucky’s groin. Lips brush his skin and Bucky tries not to move. “Bucky,” he murmurs, mostly asleep, and his hand slips over Bucky’s body to his ass, hauls him closer. Bucky is hard. It would be impossible not to be. Steve’s breathing is picking up, arousal building again,Bucky’s scent making Steve desperate.

Steve’s hand wanders to Bucky’s cock, tries to stroke him through his underwear. He stills Steve’s hand, “No, Steve. Touch yourself instead.”

A noise of unhappiness. Bucky takes Steve’s hand, puts it over his own cock and Steve grips himself, starts to jerk himself off slowly, almost falling asleep as he does it.Bucky gives them a little more distance between their bodies, looks between them and gets Steve’s hand moving again. Another shudder goes through Steve and more come slips out of his cock, a larger spurt than before. Bucky kisses Steve on the forehead, puts a hand on the back of Steve’s neck and grips him. “There you go. Good boy. You need to come, sweetheart. These little dribbles aren’t enough.”

“Missed your hands,” Steve says, like a man about to die on the battlefield who has one last confession. It’s as if Steve’s not really here or there, he seems unaware of time or place. This means nothing. Steve is only being needy now because he’s out of it. If he was aware he’d be pushing Bucky away again. Bucky needs to stay on task, be responsible, not get distracted by the beautiful and needy submissive begging so sweetly beside him.

“Show me how you want me to touch you then.”

“Kiss me.”

Bucky leans down, kisses him, helpless not to. Steve’s hand begins to move. Up and down, knuckles brushing Bucky’s stomach as he touches himself. “You won’t even do it with me? You’re so hard,” he whispers against Bucky’s lips.

“Not yet. Just you,” he manages, closing his eyes to try to block out some of the desire roiling through him.

“Why can’t you help me?” Steve asks, close to begging.

He wants to scream at the unfairness of having Steve so close but not. “You know I like to see you. Prove to me you want me. It’s a… test,” he says, hands tight and to himself. Steve nods, works for it. He’s straining, struggling. With a sharp exhale Bucky puts a hand on Steve’s neck again, squeezes tight to help him come.

“Can I? Can I?”

“Of course. Come on, sweetheart.” Steve comes with a cry, presses his mouth against Bucky’s, open and wanting. Bucky’s breathing hard, his cock is aching but he’s got himself on lockdown. He’s not some young fool. Some over confident dominant who’s convinced he’s right. He’s careful. He’s better than his desire. This is his own test.

He doesn’t make mistakes anymore.

“You’re not touching me,” Steve whispers. Fingers brush Bucky’s lips. Wet and come covered. Steve’s fingers push between Bucky’s lips, making Bucky taste him and it’s like his whole body is filled with napalm and lust. He’s incinerating.

“Fuck,” Bucky groans, sucking Steve’s fingers clean. “Please, don’t do that. I can’t…Fuck,” he shoves himself over, landing on his back, face turned away from Steve as he does everything he can to resist temptation. Steve is kissing his chest, he’s sliding his tongue down Bucky’s stomach and Bucky raises a hand, puts it on Steve’s head to stop him, grips tight and hard and Steve moans, is somehow pressing wet kisses to Bucky’s cock through his underwear, hot cavern of his mouth surrounding him through the fabric. He pulls hard to stop him, gasps in tortured breaths. “No. You…don’t want you to regret this.”

Steve pauses. Seems to be thinking, eyes still closed. His nostrils flare. And then he cries out, his face presses into Bucky’s crotch, nuzzles the hard length of him as a hand goes back, presses against the plug inside him. His hips jerk. “Can I? Can I?” he’s frantic, using his mouth to get into Bucky’s underwear, desperate for his cock. “I can come if you give me your cock.”

Which is true. The act of submission would doubtless push him over the edge. And that is the priority. But, it seems more than a little self-serving to agree. “I’m not sure you want it enough. Come, Steve. Prove to me,” he rasps. Steve’s pressing rhythmically against the plug and shifting it inside himself, and his cock is dripping now, finally, finally his body has gotten with the program, trying to get rid of the toxin build-up. 

Steve cries out, comes hard, cock dripping in heavy spurts onto the cot. He nurses at Bucky’s cock through the thin fabric. It’s heaven and hell. He doesn’t want it to end. He wants to come down Steve’s throat.

“Come here,” Bucky demands and Steve moves hastily to comply. He lays on top of Bucky, groans in frustration. Bucky’s cock would groan in frustration too if it could.

“Why aren’t you on top of me? Why aren’t _you_ touching _me_? What do I have to do to have you? Tell me. Please.” Steve’s voice is shaking, distressed and grieved.

He swallows against the knot of pain rising in his throat. Steve is so sweet, so perfect. Bucky wishes he were good enough for Steve Rogers. Wishes Steve was desperate enough to look past his failings. But, he isn’t. And tomorrow when Steve gets up and he feels better, then he’s going to think about what Bucky did here and it’s going to be hard enough to explain himself.

“I love watching you,” Bucky offers, having to give Steve some reassurance. “I…I want you to come again. Come on me and then I’ll take you.”

Steve makes a low sound of need and pushes back clumsily, buries his head onto Bucky’s stomach, opens his mouth and breathes in Bucky’s scent while working the plug in his ass more. Bucky’s never seen anything so beautiful. Steve strokes his own cock with his free hand and he’s a picture of devotion, of single minded focus. Head pressed against Bucky’s stomach for balance, mouth nursing Bucky’s weeping cock through the fabric as Steve works his own cock and his hole with his hands. He’s going to come so Bucky will take him. That’s what he wants, what he’s striving for.

It takes Bucky two tries to say “here,” and get Steve to suck on his fingers instead of his cock. Out of the corner of his eye he can tell the doctor is back. She’s picked up the cock ring and as unobtrusively as possible she gets Steve to pause and put it back on his shaft. Steve swears at the sensation and makes a guttural sound. “Fuck, too much. Sir. Sir! Too much.”

She gives Bucky an approving nod then leaves the room and shuts the door behind her. The buzzing is a quiet hum, Steve’s breathing is frantic and pained. His hand is hovering over his cock, not touching as he adjusts to the feeling. It’s pressed snugly under the big vein running down the length of his cock.

“Get your hand where it belongs.” Steve grips himself, jerks himself off, eyes squeezed tight against the feeling. “There you go. Look at you hurting for me. So good.” Steve’s response is electric. He sucks Bucky’s fingers back into his mouth, almost bites Bucky’s fingers and arches his ass up, like he wants the plug deeper. Like he wants Bucky to slide into his ass and take him.

Within moments he’s coming, ragged and low between them. “So good Stevie. Beautiful.”

“I can…if that’s what you want. I’ll do it again. For you. Even though I need your cock so bad.” His hand is still moving on his cock, grip looser. “I just have to know you want me.”

“You’re all I want. I swear. I promise.” 

Steve cries out, comes again and clutches Bucky, wrapping tight around him as much as he can even as his body continues to be tortured with vibrations. “There you go. That’s it. You fall to me. I’ve got you,” Bucky says. Steve is shaking, trembling, his cock is still leaking and his balls are tight and red. The overstimulation must be intensely painful.

But Steve is slipping into a good headspace and Bucky strokes his back, tells him how lovely he is. “Please, please fuck me now.”

The doctor comes back in then, gives Bucky a look. They both know that Steve needs to be fucked to fully settle and go as deep as he needs to. “This isn’t about you, James. Give him what he needs.”

His cock is throbbing, agrees wholeheartedly with the plan. Steve is his. He is. And the dominant in him is howling at him to fuck Steve and stay buried in him all night long. He can’t do this, though. Not this way.

“I need another option. He’s not cognizant and able to consent.”

Steve’s body tenses. “I want you. I do. It’s you who doesn’t…being with me ruins your whole life. I wasn’t your choice, I’m your job. And you…you don’t feel like _my_ job. You feel like…like your mine. Fuck, I just wish you were mine.”

“No, Stevie. I am yours. I’d give anything to have you. I would. I’ll leave the army if that’s what you want. Then it won’t be a job. But I’m not good enough for you.”

“No one is good enough for Captain America.”

“I suppose that’s true too. But that’s not what I mean. I’m not good enough for Steve Rogers and half an hour ago you agreed with me.”

“Captain Rogers, do you consent to anal penetration?”

“Yes, I do,” he says, seriously. “If…if he wants to.”

“I do.” How can he doubt?

“Now it’s your turn to prove it,” Steve murmurs into his arm. Bucky shifts them so Steve is on his stomach, pushes Steve’s thigh up and wide, touches his hole and the base of the plug. He pulls it out slowly and Steve huffs a breath. Steve’s face is blanketed on his forearm and he’s looking back at Bucky, patient and wanting.

The doctor hands him lube and leaves the room again. Bucky coats his cock and drapes himself over Steve’s back. He lines his cock up to Steve’s hole and presses steadily at his furled entrance. Steve clenches weakly against him. Some instinctive physical reaction to protect himself. Bucky kisses his neck, makes a sound and whispers in his ear, “Open, sweetheart. You gotta let me inside you now.”

“Do you want me?” Steve asks, voice a whisper.

“More than I’ve ever wanted anything in my entire life. I’ll only leave you if you make me. It won’t ever be my choice to give you up.”

“I need to believe you. Make me believe you. That I’m everything.”

Bucky kisses his lips gently. So soft and Steve feels the tears welling again. “Why won’t you hurt me?”

Bucky’s fingers are still wrapped around his own shaft, keeping him poised at Steve’s entrance and now Steve feels the head press harder into him as Bucky holds himself steady and pushes.

“You think I gave him my cock like this?” he breathes and the head is huge and Steve feels like he’s being rent into two. He’s steady and relentless and Steve’s walls clench and protest at the steady invasion.

“Hurts. Hurts. Bucky. Bucky. Yes, thank you.”

“Of course it does, sweetheart,” he’s crooning the words like they’re nice. Like the pain is the gift and it is. “When I use you to get mine that’s what happens.” He groans and he’s half inside but still pushing and Steve gasps. Bucky is there to take it in his mouth, more soft and sweet kisses as the pain grows and morphs.

“Tell me how much it hurts you, sweetheart,” he whispers it, a secret between them.

“Can’t. Too much.”

“Maybe you can next time. Oh, here we go. Fuck. I’m gonna bottom out here in a moment. There, _there_ ,” he moans, and he’s flush against Steve’s ass, balls resting against Steve’s taint. He shifts from side to side, making it clear how much he’s enjoying being in him.

“You know why you get me gentle, Stevie? Because I’ve thought about it too. Why you make me like this. Just you.” He pulls out and Steve’s mouth is open in a wordless cry at the unending drag of his cock pulling out to the tip and then popping free. Steve’s back had arched, tried to keep Bucky in him but now he collapses back down, his ass is clenching on nothing, the pain is registering in a different way now that Bucky is out. A throbbing ache instead of sharp pain. Another cold glob of lube is on his hole and Bucky’s cock is back, heavy and huge and hot.

“Please, please,” Steve says, eyes open, trying to see Bucky behind him. He’s biting his lip, his nostrils are flared and his cheeks are pink. He presses in again and Steve cries out in pain as Bucky goes slow and relentless all over again. A wave of something goes through him and Steve feels his cock release.

“Fuck, that feels amazing.” Bucky says, through gritted teeth. “You wanna clench on me, sweetheart?”

“No.” It’s too much. He doesn’t want to do that.

“I do. I want that from you. Clench up on me now, baby doll.”

It takes him a second to gather the will to do it. As soon as he does Bucky slams home hard. Steve yells, back arching up but Bucky rides him back down. He whimpers and heaves under him and Bucky moans happily, buried all the way deep again, weight heavy and oppressive and perfect.

Steve whimpers. “Is this what my baby needed? Not more care, but less? Show you I care by using you meanly? I can do that. Don’t you fucking doubt it.” He moves his hips, plunging in and out shifting above, over and down until he finds an angle that makes Steve yell.

Bucky laughs, low and dark. “You get me gentle because I’m scared about the line, babydoll. Worried I’ll go too far. Because this is nothing. I could do this all day. Ride you like this. I feel you shaking under me. Close to going down. That’s why it’s slow. If I fuck you too hard now you’ll just disappear on me. It will become a blur of pain and you’ll go soft and pliant into that happy place. That’s now how I wanna treat you. Sometimes, I want you to scream for me. You don’t get to escape me by going down yet. Clench now, sweetheart and I’m gonna pull out and you’re gonna keep making me feel good and I’m going to ruin your hole, alright? Go on, sweetheart.” An open mouthed kiss on Steve’s neck like they’re two teenagers necking. Innocent and fun.

Three breaths and Steve gives a nod that he’s ready. He can do this. Take this for Bucky. He clenches and it makes him almost faint as Bucky drags back out again, moaning in pleasure, Steve’s passage burning as he resists. He slips out of Steve’s hole and pushes back to his haunches, a glob of lube on his hole and two fingers press into him, careless of his rim. It stings, intense. Steve’s leg straightens as he tries to shove up the bed and get away. Instinct.

Bucky chuckles, pulls his fingers free with an upward tug that’s blindingly painful and drapes himself over Steve again, cock angled at his hole. He doesn’t wait, doesn’t give Steve time to prepare just pushes and Steve’s walls convulse, wanting the hard bar of his cock out. “Fuck, you feel good,” he says, and he slides in, pushing through resistance until he’s deep and grinds for that last quarter inch. His weight presses down, forehead against Steve’s lips and nose as he tucks in close. His free hands pull at Steve’s cheeks, opening them wide as he grinds a little deeper.

He makes a sound like he’s dying, every molecule of his body is aware of Bucky, is on fire for him and there’s nothing else in the world but him. “I love you,” Steve says, because there isn’t anything else to say when they’re like this.

“Sweetheart. I’m gentle to you because I love you too. You can have soft kisses because you need to remember I can be that way. Look how nice I’m being to you right now. So sweet but you’re aching and throbbing, aren’t you babydoll?” It’s like he’s breaking Steve open gently. A long, drawn out death instead of a swift clean one. “Clench, sweetheart. I’m ready to pull out again.”

“Please, don’t.” He whimpers. He isn’t ready. He isn’t.

“One, two, three,” he says, nuzzling Steve’s ear before moaning and pulling out again. Clenching makes it worse, infinitely worse and his body shakes through it, a matter of mind over body as he follows Bucky’s order. Bucky doesn’t pull all the way out this time but sinks back in with short, sharp thrusts, seating himself in four quick movements.

“Now, I’m going to fuck you, baby. You all warmed up now? Wanna thank me for being so good to you before I let you go down?”

“Th-thank you,” he says. And then Bucky is fucking him in earnest, he drags Steve’s hips up, fingers bruising on his hips and one hand on Steve’s neck to keep him down where he wants him. He makes Steve feel small and powerless like this, open and vulnerable.

His cock releases again and he breaks out into a sweat, can practically feel the toxins flooding out of him. Bucky slams home again and again, agony radiating outwards, becoming him, and thee’s nothing else to do but let the black consume him, an abyss of calm and peace as Bucky drops him.

Eventually, he comes and Steve distantly feels the pulses of it flooding him, feels it soothe his insides and Bucky collapses onto him. Steve bears his weight as Bucky pants against him, while he comes back to himself. Steve drifts and Bucky stays buried in Steve’s ass even as his cock softens. “I need to know if that was good for you,” Bucky says, serious, his voice rougher then he has any right for it to be.

“I think it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Fuck, it was so good. You were so good,” Steve slurs, everything black and soft around the edges.

“What did you like about it?” Steve laughs. Bucky hisses and grinds against him. “It’s a serious question.”

I liked that it was slow and torturous. I liked you making me thank you. The clenching was…fuck, that was just evil.”

“God, I could barely control myself you were so beautiful and responsive.” That pings Steve’s radar. Still able to control himself. He turns his face away.

“What is it, baby?” Because he doesn’t miss anything.

“It’s nothing.”

“No lies. You’re gonna give me everything.” Bucky says, kissing his neck.

He nods his head, but can’t speak yet. Bucky strokes a hand gently up his side, presses more kisses to his back. And then the kisses change, become firmer, and then nips. He feels Bucky’s cock twitch inside him, get hard again, and he focuses on breathing and letting it happen.

“Good boy. You just rest while I fuck you again.” Bucky bites him hard above the shoulder blade, taking the skin and muscle into his mouth and clamping sharply down. Steve’s ass clenches in response and Bucky thrusts in response. He’s so sore that it brings tears to his eyes. His hips begin to move again and the bites continue, pace picking up when Steve clenches in pain. He licks the teeth marks that must be there and it stings. Maybe there’s a little blood.

Steve disappears, floats away from himself, feels safe and happy as Bucky works inside him, the bites grounding him, forcing him to pay attention and then allowing him to recede like water pulling away from the shore. Bucky is the moon and he ebbs and he flows in subspace while Bucky rides him.

Bucky finally comes and he’s grateful for the soothing come filling him up. His balls are wet with come and slick that’s squished out of him. He feels dirty and used and whole for the first time in his ridiculously long life.

“I should get up and go to the bathroom. I have to pee.”

“Let me get you a plug. Keep my come in you as long as we can.”

He blushes, hides his face. Bucky pulls out of Steve’s ass and Steve whimpers, feels tears rush to his eyes.

“Oh fuck, you should see your hole. It’s red, sweetheart. You’re all sore inside, aren’t you?”

“You know I am.”He doesn’t know how he feels. Proud, embarrassed. Maybe even resentful. Bucky strokes a finger over his hole and Steve does close his legs, squeezes his cheeks tight which makes Bucky laugh at him. “Relax. I’m inspecting you, baby. You put up a fight and I’ll fuck you again.” Half of his brain shouts yes and wants more and the other (saner) half of his brain wins and he holds very still and let’s his cheeks relax.

“That’s good, sweetheart.”Fingers brush against his rim again, soft but he’s so sore it’s horrible. “How am I ever going to leave this hole alone?”

“Then don’t.”

Bucky shoves him over, settles on top of him, thrusts a tongue into Steve’s mouth and kisses him hard. His hand goes down to Steve’s cock and balls, slides through all of the come Steve spilled while Bucky fucked him and wipes his hand on Steve’s chest. “Once we get you balanced I’ll have you eat it.” Bucky licks the side of one finger, grimaces. “You taste like chemicals and toxins right now.”

Bucky pushes back, stands and grabs the plug, presses it carefully into Steve’s body, watching Steve’s face while he does it and pulls him to his feet. Steve wraps his arms around Bucky, holding him. Steve touches him all over, like he needs to reassure himself that Bucky wants him. 

“Hey. Go to the bathroom. We’ll get you dressed and then we need to spend some time together, alright?”

“Your place?” Trying to keep his tone neutral so he doesn’t impose.

“Do you want to go to my place?”

Steve looks down, shy. “I want to be surrounded by you.”

“Good. That works out then. I want you at my place. We can go by and get your things.”

He frowns. “I don’t need anything. I’ve got my wash-kit from the trip.”

“And you won’t need clothes.” Bucky puts a hand on Steve’s balls again, squeezes hard so Steve drags in a breath. He presses his other hand hard against Steve’s stomach where he has to pee. “Bucky!” It isn’t a complaint but almost an acknowledgment of his dominance. His hands go to Bucky’s shoulders, gentle and relaxed as he accepts the uncomfortable and painful touches.

“Good boy. I want you for three days. No interruptions. No one else. Naked. Collared. You’re mine for that time. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir.” It’s perfect. It’s overwhelming how much he wants that.

“Good. Now, go ahead, baby doll.” Bucky lets go of his balls and they throb. He slides his hand away from Steve’s stomach and a thank you rushes out of his mouth. He hugs Bucky again, can’t hardly bear to be away from him for more than a moment.

It won’t be long before Bucky wants to take him again. Their biology doesn’t adhere to normal human standards with refractory periods, but, rather their needs feed off each other. Bucky’s sex drive as a high dominant can rise to Steve’s in order to satisfy him and vice versa.

Steve is needy, feels shaky and empty. He wants Bucky to fuck him all the time. Which means there’s going to be a lot of sex over the next three days.

He tries not to limp to the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter didn't get a lot of comments and I'm wondering if that's a signal that people are ready for the story to come to an end. I feel like they need to have another convo but am not sure how much more is needed after that. if anyone has any thoughts i'm super open to suggestions. also wondering if maybe i've gone off track somewhere and that's why it's slowing down a bit. Hope everyone is doing well.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right. So the response on whether or not I should wrap this story up has been so enthusiastic and gratifying that here is another chapter with a ridiculous amount of sex (serious dehydration must be occurring) that you all totally motivated me to write. I was so busy writing it that I've not responded to comments but I hope this is a consolation as I am so grateful you can't even imagine. In terms of how much is left...IDK. The three days aren't up. I hope I maintain energy to have them go on a mission. please feel free to send sex recs or ideas and I know there's at least another 10k to go. This is the longest fanfic i've written yet. Crazy!

Steve goes to the bathroom, spends a bit of time trying to clean up the mess between his thighs and washes his hands. The come Bucky smeared on his chest is dry and uncomfortable. He’s pretty sure that anyone who saw him now would think he’d been fucked six ways to Sunday.

As long as Bucky is by his side he doesn’t care. Let the whole world know what he lets Bucky do to him. What all he wants Bucky to do to him. Bucky is dressed when he comes out. He’s holding a pair of pants and Steve reaches for them. “No. I’ll help you. One leg at a time. Come on, Stevie.”

“Bucky, I can dress myself.”

“Don’t argue, sweetheart. I want to keep you at least a little bit down as long as possible. You need it and so do I.” Steve tries to think about that a little, why Bucky wants to keep him in a soft, receptive headspace but he can’t come up with a reason.

“Why?” he asks, because he always needs a reason. Bucky shakes the pants in his hands and Steve goes closer, lets Bucky help him into them. It makes him blush, makes his cock twitch and he kisses Bucky’s neck because it’s there and he can and he wants Bucky to know that he’s his if he wants him. He’s glad they’re not arguing anymore, can barely remember why he was so upset. He pulls back, swallows hard, “Rumlow, we were talking about him.”

Bucky frowns, presses closer and closer until Steve backs up, yielding easily until his back hits the wall. He adjusts his stance, legs open enough for Bucky to stand between them. It makes him a little shorter than Bucky and it would be so easy for Bucky to reach into his pants and touch his hole this way. Easy for him to open his pants, get his cock out and fuck up into Steve. “We’re not going back to that now. Time to go home, sweetheart. Open your mouth,” he says, and he pulls gum out of his pocket. It’s small and rectangular. “This is to sit on your tongue until we get home. You don’t chew it, don’t move it around your mouth and certainly don’t fucking talk.”

Steve opens his mouth and Bucky puts the piece of gum on his tongue. He closes his mouth. It’s weird. His dick considers getting hard. Which is even weirder. Bucky takes a step away from him and Steve grabs his arm in protest. “Put this on, sweetheart.” Bucky says as he picks up a zip-up hoodie and holds it so Steve can put his arms through. Has that been there the whole time? His hands come forward to zip it himself and Bucky gives him a look. He drops his hands and waits. Bucky zips it up, reaches a hand between Steve’s legs, fingers run lightly along his perineum to the plug. He presses firmly against it through the material and Steve makes a sound. “How are you here?” Bucky is watching his face, searching for his own answer. “Are you healing already?”

Steve nods. “Will you be all better by the time we get to my place?” Steve shrugs, uncertain. Probably.

“Interesting.” Bucky turns away and then back. “Hands.” And he shows Steve the cuffs. He lets Bucky snap them on. The first click of the lock has him flinching, straining closer to Bucky. “Other hand, sweetheart.”

Steve is trembling as he holds out the other hand. Another click as the metal locks. Bucky gives the cuffs a gentle tug and Steve’s hearing goes a little funny, almost a ringing in his ears and the world is very far away. He clenches on the plug inside him, would thank Bucky if he could talk. Bucky has taken away his ability to speak, to move freely, has filled him with come and a plug and smeared it all over him. Where is Steve in all of this? His will, his ability to act and his identity as a person is all being wiped away.

He loves it. He strains hard against the cuffs, not knowing if he wants out but he has to try.

“Yeah, they’re vibranium. You’re not going anywhere.”

He drags in a breath through his nose, pulls against them some more. He’d thought he could get out. Bucky pulls out a leash. An honest to god fucking leash and clips it between the cuffs. He’s holding the lead in his hand.

Steve shakes his head in negation and Bucky grabs him by the jaw. “Is there some reason that you are physically unable to do this?”

Steve looks down. He just doesn’t like it. People are going to see him. They’ll know how much he likes it. His jaw works to say something and he almost chews the gum. Bucky is watching him. “This is what I want from you. Silence. Obedience. Get down on your fucking knees,” he says, and he jerks hard on the leash. Steve drops to the ground easily, his legs had been shaking anyway and he rests his head against Bucky’s thigh.

“We’re ready now,” he says, loudly and the door opens. Bucky’s hand drops to his hair, fists gently, reassuring and telling him to stay. He doesn’t need to look up. This doesn’t concern him. He’s removed from the occasion. He presses his forehead deeper into the muscle, not liking that someone is now looking at him on the ground.

And, of course, it’s Tony.

“Well, this looks better. Is this better?”

“Yes, this is better,” Bucky says, dryly. “Steve won’t be in for a few days. Tell Fury.”

“Messenger is not a good look on me. However, that’s where we are. Fury told me to tell you that the transfer is done. You are now the property of SHIELD. Well, you know. Hired gun of SHIELD. He said to take a week. Get Steve settled.”

Steve tenses at the reminder that he’s Bucky’s job. The fingers clench in his hair, his reaction not going unnoticed. “Great. See you in a week. Come on, Steve.” He tugs on the leash and Steve gets to his feet. He meets Tony’s gaze, practically daring him to say something. Tony blushes and turns away. Which is almost funny enough to make it worth it. Tony, embarrassed.

The doctor is waiting outside, too. She smiles at them both and takes Steve hands, has him hold out a finger so she can check his levels. Bucky murmurs that he’ll be alright as she pricks his finger and collects a single drop of blood. He gives Bucky a look. It’s a bit hypocritical to be worried about him being hurt when Bucky has just done far worse to him and is going to do more over the next few days. Bucky winks.

“It’s different if I haven’t caused it,” he says, with a shrug, like he’s read Steve’s mind. “I don’t like anyone hurting you. Except for me.” Steve rolls his eyes, shifts his hands so the heel of his hand can press against his hardening cock. And then he follows Bucky off the jet and to the parking lot. He gets into Bucky’s car and Bucky reaches in to fasten Steve’s seatbelt. He raises his hands, touches Bucky’s chest like he’s making sure he’s real. Bucky gets the belt secured and pulls away, kissing Steve quickly on the lips before shutting the door. Steve is asleep before they leave the parking lot.

He wakes up in the dark of a parking garage. “Out you go,” Bucky says, as he turns off the car. He undoes Steve’s seatbelt and gets out, goes to the door and helps Steve out even though he doesn’t need it. It’s hard to focus on anything and he blinks again and again. The heat of Bucky next to him makes him moan and he wishes he could put his arms around him and drag him closer. Steve’s cock is hard, his balls feel full and achy and deep in his ass there are spasms, weird and uncomfortable and if only Bucky would fuck him he’d settle down.

Bucky takes out the key to the cuffs and unlocks them. Steve flexes his wrists. “Gum,” he says, and holds out a hand. Steve hesitates. Is he just supposed to spit it into his hand? Bucky waits. Steve drops his head, presses lips to Bucky’s palm and kisses him. Then he slips the gum out of his mouth and into Bucky’s hand. It’s in the same shape it’s supposed to be.

“Good boy,” Bucky murmurs, and a hand on Steve’s chest shoves him back against the car. Bucky keeps his hand there, fingers pressing bracingly into his sternum while his other hand goes down to Steve’s cock, to the plug in his ass, pressing against it harder and harder until Steve shifts onto his tiptoes to try to get away.

A low groan escapes him and he lets himself go back to the ground, accepts that it hurts, that Bucky wants this and his body feels like there’s hot gold running through his veins and his muscles. “There you go. Beautiful boy. You feeling good now?”

“Yes, sir.”

Bucky gives them a moment there, watching Steve in the near dark of the garage. Finally, he nods. “Let’s go, Stevie.” Bucky holds out a hand and Steve grips it with both of his, like he’s still cuffed, following along close to him.

They go upstairs and into a townhouse. It has a good feel to it and Steve finds himself looking at surfaces and places he could be fucked on, like over that blue couch for example or maybe he’d be on his knees on that nice Turkish rug. Later he won’t have any idea if it was decorated for comfort or looks, it just feels like Bucky and so he wants to stay and be of use.Bucky takes him to the kitchen and gets him a glass of orange juice and then makes him eat some almonds.

He comes back a little, the room becomes sharper, his arousal more manageable as he surfaces from being down so far. He’s still calm and relaxed and receptive, still feels a necessary need to get fucked and used by his dominant but he’s himself again and he’ll have to make a choice if he wants to obey now instead of just doing it.

“Come on,” Bucky says, and finishes giving him the tour. Kitchen and living room on the ground floor, bedrooms on the second floor and the third floor is empty. Which seems bizarre.

“Huh.”

“What?”

“Thought you’d have a play room.” 

“I don’t bring people here, Stevie. Family and friends only. Not people I’m domming. Not until you,” he says, putting a hand on Steve’s shoulder and squeezing tight. “But, I wouldn’t be averse to turning it into a playroom for us. We can discuss it on Tuesday.”

“What happens on Tuesday?” His shoulder tingles from Bucky’s touch, the plug is suddenly uncomfortable and he’s clenching around it. It’s deeply unsatisfying and too hard.

“Your 72 hours is up.”

That drags his attention sharply back. Right. Three days he’s Bucky’s and then what is he? Who is he? Will Bucky let him go? “Where are you going?” Bucky asks him, hands on Steve’s face and voice soft. Nowhere, he’s not moving at all. Bucky kisses him, drops his hands down to Steve’s ass and hauls him against his erection so Steve can feel it, heavy and needy. It twitches against him like it wants to be inside Steve and Bucky’s fingers pry his cheeks open through the material, making him feel exposed and pulled wide.

Something in him settles and then Bucky steps back. “Better. You keep going away from me. Keeping you down is going to be a challenge.”

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs.

“Don’t apologize. I like a challenge.” His smile isn’t cruel but it isn’t kind either. “We’ll get you where I want you,” he says, and Bucky slaps him gently on the cheek. It startles Steve and has him gripping the doorframe so he doesn’t sink to his knees.

Bucky’s gaze sharpens. “Fascinating. You like being slapped, sweetheart?”

“I don’t know,” he says, because no one’s ever done it to him like this.

“Look into my eyes and that’s all. Don’t look anywhere else, understand?”

“Yes, Bucky,” he says, all in a rush as he exhales.

The blue of Bucky’s eyes is everything and then his face stings, the slap coming out of nowhere. He puts a hand on his cock and squeezes. Bucky drags Steve’s hand away, presses it to the door frame instead. Steve’s breath shudders out of him and he blinks hard, trying to maintain eye contact when he feels like he should be looking down and offering himself to Bucky.

“Good.” Another slap and he grunts loudly, cock jerking in his pants. He’d thought it would be the other side, hadn’t expected it to be the same one again.

“Fuck,” he manages.

Bucky smiles. “Focus. My eyes.”

Steve draws another breath in, deeply, trying to settle and prepare himself and Bucky slaps him again, traps the exhale in his chest and his face stings. It was harder, the same right side of his face and the left side is untouched and it’s weird and wrong. He shifts his jaw, feeling like there’s a shadow of a palm on his face, the echo of sensation where half his face is untouched.

“Bucky, Bucky please.”

“Are you looking into my eyes? Up. Up, Steve,” he orders, because he’d been looking down, eyeing the bar of Bucky’s cock in his pants instead. He makes eye contact and waits, expectant. Will he finally slap the other side? 

“The left side of my face.”

“Are you telling me what to do?”

“No, I—“

“You think I forgot? Think I can’t see that one side is warm and pink and the other isn’t?”

“No, I—“ and Bucky slaps him again on the right side and his cock spasms in his pants, his hand is back and he’s trying to jerk himself off through the material and slide to his knees at the same time. His mouth is watering and he needs to suck Bucky’s cock.

Bucky’s hand goes to his throat, halts his downward progress. His jaw is hard, his eyes cold. Steve’s hand drops away from his cock and he forces himself back up, for his knees to lock so he doesn’t sink down again. “I’m sorry,” he says, looking down at Bucky’s feet in guilt. His cheek burns as Bucky hits him yet again and then Bucky is against him, kissing his hot cheek gently, stroking fingers over it and Steve has to put arms around him to stay upright. “Need to be on my knees for you.”

“No, you don’t. You need to do what I tell you.”

“Please, please let me,” he whimpers, shaking.

“No. Stay on your feet. We’ll need a St. Andrew’s Cross for sure, won’t we? So I can cuff you and keep you upright.”

“You’d get one for me?” he asks, desperately wanting it to be true.

Bucky chuckles. “Steve Rogers, the amount of purchasing and rearranging I’m willing to do to have you as mine should disturb you. It’s actually creepy.”

He smiles like a fool and presses close, twines their hands together. “Not if I feel the same way. You’re so hard, I can feel it. Please fuck me. Or let me suck you. Please.” Steve kisses him, reaches for Bucky’s cock, touching him through the clothing of his pants. “I need your cock.”

“Do you now?” he asks, voice low with arousal.

“Yeah, I do. Please.”

“Shower first. Come on, baby.” And he leads Steve to the master bedroom and the four poster bed which Steve approves of. “Looks sturdy.”

“We’ll see.” Which makes Steve have to suppress a giggle. He doesn’t giggle.

The bathroom is large, with a tub and a separate glass shower. He has a toilet and a bidet and on the counter is a shower enema kit still in its box. He eyes it and looks away, almost afraid of it.

Bucky strips Steve and turns on the water. “Wait there,” he says, pointing at the ground. Steve goes to his knees and waits while Bucky takes off his own clothes, watching as his body is revealed. He’s hard, his balls large and full, even for a dominant. His cock really is beautiful and heavy and wide. Fuck, wide and long. He can’t really believe he had it in him. He shifts to feel the plug inside him. Ever since he got out of the car he’s been able to ignore it. Even now he only gets the barest hint of sensation from it, his body adapting. Is that the serum or his designation? Either is worrying.

“Up,” Bucky orders and he pushes Steve down onto the chilly marble counter, kicks his legs apart gently and reaches for the plug. The counter feels good on his hot cheek. “Let’s see what we’re working with here.”

“I’ll leak onto the floor.” He’s embarrassed to admit it. And he doesn’t want Bucky to know that he’s healed completely. That the plug isn’t even a blip on his radar. Bucky won’t want a sub that can’t stay down in subspace and processes this fast. His breathing is picking up and Bucky puts a hand between his shoulder blades, the other on his ribs. “Why are you breathing so fast? What happened?”

“Nothing, I’m fine.” He tries to stand up.

Bucky growls at him and he flushes red, can feel it up his chest and on his neck and his face. Bucky reaches under him and cups Steve’s cock in his hand. “You’re softening. Tell me.”

“I’m fine,” he says, and swallows hard. “Healed, I mean. And the plug is so small it’s practically comfortable now.”

Bucky makes a noise, almost curious and his hand slides down Steve’s back to the plug, presses hard against it and he doesn’t go up on his toes to avoid it, it feels good. At least a bit. But it’s not going to be enough to get a big reaction out of him either way.

“And why does that make you anxious?” He doesn’t want to say it. “You think I can’t keep you down?”

“No! I mean, it worries me. A little.” Maybe a lot, the more he thinks about it. “But it’s not really that. It’s more that you won’t want me. It’s going to get tedious if I don’t drop when you do stuff to me. You’ll think I don’t want you.”

“You need to stop making bizarre assumptions. You’re not a dominant. You’re not me. You have no fucking idea what I want, how I play or if you can even meet the goals I set for you. Let it go, give us a chance at least.”

“I am! I want to, I’m not trying to drive you away. But see, I am, already. I don’t want to think it, don’t want to question, I swear--”

Bucky reaches for the plug and pulls it out half an inch then shoves it home again. He presses it down so it puts pressure on Steve’s rim and then uses his other hand to tug on Steve’s rim from above. It’s weird and painful and absorbing. Bucky forces the plug in and out and there’s a horrible squishing sound and noise as Bucky gets air inside him.

It makes him want to cry and he tries to lower his hips and get away but he can’t. Bucky does it again and it’s horrible and wrong. He breaks out in goosebumps, his cock is trying to climb back into his body and he’s apologizing now, beside himself and then Bucky drapes himself on Steve’s back and he’s so grateful and needy that he’s pressing back, offering his ass, clenching on the plug and desperately wishing it was Bucky’s cock coring into him. He’s silent now, waiting and ashamed. “Good boy. Now shut the fuck up and stop thinking.”

Then Bucky pulls out the plug. Come and lube slip out of him,drools out of him and drips down his thighs. It cools quickly. Bucky pushes away from him and looks down, whistles at the sight and shoves come back into him with two fingers.

“Look at you. Like a virgin. I can see you closing up as I watch you.” Fingers brush roughly against his hole in firm circles and he then spanks Steve directly on his sensitive skin. He yelps. Another squishing sound and Steve’s mouth is open in a silent cry as Bucky spanks him with two fingers over and over again, shifting his fingers through the mess so it sounds obscene and Steve falls into a gentle subspace. There’s nowhere else to go. 

Bucky smirks at him. “Don’t worry, I have towels and cleaner for you to clean up your messes.”

“It’s your come,” he finally says, but it comes out fuzzy instead of sassy.

“No, babydoll. I’ve given it to you. It’s a gift. You made my cock hard, made me need to come and I put it inside you where it belongs. It’s your come and you’ll clean it up” Steve doesn’t know why that affects him so deeply but it does and he goes a little deeper down, grateful to have the counter under him. “You should be thanking me that I’m not making you use your tongue this time. Once we get you balanced you’ll be responsible for it.” The horror of it roils through him as he imagines how disgusting that would be. His eyes are unfocused, jaw loose in response as he breathes shakily.

“Right. Let’s see you,” he says, and he drops down to his knees, peering intently at Steve’s hole. He jerks when Bucky touches him. “What was your pain level when we had sex the first time?”

“I don’t…well, what’s the scale?”

“One is green, ten is red.”

“Umm, 4.”

“The second time?”

“Umm, 6.”

“The second time made you come harder.”

“Yes.” 

Bucky stands back up and slaps him on the ass. Fingers press into him, feeling inside, checking him for injuries. “Do you feel injured?”

“No.”

“Did you? Could I have hurt you inside and it healed already?”

He isn’t sure. “I haven’t done this enough to know my body that well. But I don’t think so.”

“Good. You’ll get used to how it should feel and the varying intensity. If it ever feels like it’s going wrong just say red and we’ll check.”

He doesn’t like Bucky saying that. The casual way he talks about Steve failing. Or how easy it would be to just take a break like it’s interrupting a task instead of hot have-to-come-in-you-now sex. “What if you need to come?” he asks, carefully.

“I can come when we know you’re fine. I can come on your ass or on your face. There’s always a workaround, Steve. Some scenes will work better than others. It doesn’t matter.” His voice is gentle, the hand on his back is soothing.

He blinks back tears. Can’t say how he feels except unsettled and emotional. Frustrated. Maybe even angry. Bucky looks at him, face and chest still pressed to the tile.

“What is it?”

“Later?”

His gaze narrows. Bucky’s noted that Steve is asking questions, is deflecting, not necessarily defiant but certainly not in a headspace that means he belongs to Bucky. Steve’s beginning to think he could never really feel like he belonged to anyone. Bucky is the highest dom they could find for him and they looked through a god damned data base. Shouldn’t he be down all the time? Maybe Steve is just broken.

“No, I don’t think so. You’re mine right now, Steve. You’re in my house and you’re bent over my counter and I want to use you and I can’t do that until we talk about whatever this is.”

‘Right now’. Why the fuck does he say right now? Like he’s assuming it ends or reminding Steve that it ends. He exhales hard and pushes himself up to standing. Subspace is gone. He’s returning to himself quickly. So quickly that in a minute he might think it never even happened at all. He crosses his arms in front of his chest and Bucky presses a kiss to his mouth. Gentle and approving. “Do you want to kneel at my feet while we talk?”

“Do _you_ want me to kneel?” he demands.

Bucky’s brows pull together, serious and oh-so concerned. “Do you want water? A sandwich? Let’s go to the kitchen,” he says, and he gets a towel, wraps it around his hips and holds one out to Steve. Steve takes it slowly, puts it on and Bucky nods at him. Bucky won’t even put it on him?

“So what, this is a time out?” Anger is building up inside him.

“Yeah, Steve. I guess this is a timeout.” He doesn’t sound annoyed but he’s quite carefully keeping himself collected. Which really just pisses Steve off even more. Some part of him is telling him to turn back, to not fuck this up. Never in his life has he listened to the voice of reason, why would he start now? 

“Fine. I don’t need a fucking sandwich, though. I can talk to you like this.”

Bucky crosses his own arms, mirroring Steve, patient, head tilted to the side as he puzzles Steve out. And he doesn’t like that, either. Him emotional and Bucky getting even calmer.

Which is probably why it just bursts out of him. “I can’t _do_ this if I don’t think you want me. And every time you do _this_ ,” he says, with some random gesture in Bucky’s general direction, “pull away or whatever the fuck it is and act like it’s casual and easy and I’m just some random sub to top, then it pulls me out of the right headspace and makes me anxious! Well, it makes me feel like _shit_ , truth be told. Anxious might be an improvement. You’re supposed to be a fucking super dom so do it already!” and then something horrible occurs to him. What if this is because of the serum and he just _can’t_ belong to someone? Maybe the problem isn’t Bucky or whether Bucky even wants him or not. Maybe it’s just that he is so far off the submissive scale that no one can handle him?

The idea of not having Bucky makes him feel ill. The even worse idea that maybe he’ll never, ever have _anyone_ has him on the verge of passing out. Like, fuck, he can’t even die in a plane crash and now he’s got to be alone too?

Bucky reels him in, holds him close and tight. Three fingers are shoved hard into his ass to the first knuckle and he cries out, is pinned in place. He throbs and burns and every movement would be agony so he does nothing but breathe shallow and fast. “Good boy. Settle. Steve, there is a pace to this. If I drop you too far you’ll agree with anything I want. You might regret it afterwards and think I’ve taken advantage of you. I’m sorry I took the cuffs off you. We can put them back on in a minute if we need to, but I was hoping we could talk first. You like anal sex, anal play and anal torture. You respond well to cock and ball pain, most likely torture, rough handling and slapping. You go down when you’re embarrassed. Cuffing you brought you down too. Sensory deprivation is also something you respond to positively.”

Steve melts a little, “You’ve been paying attention?”

“Of course, Stevie. I want you to be happy. I want us both to be satisfied. You just need a little patience. Honestly, I don’t know who you’re fighting me or you, or what.”

Steve wants Bucky to be satisfied but he nods in agreement anyway. His wants are irrelevant. Or at least they should be. “I’m not trying to fight.”

“I know, sweetheart. The fingers crook, rub a little and he holds his breath through it. “So, what don’t you like?” The fingers shift inside him, widening a small amount so they’re not quite so forced together. It’s unbearable and lovely at the same time.

“Nothing. I promise. I like everything. I just want more.”

“That’s not helpful.”

“It’s true. I just…I wanna be good for you.”

“Sweetheart, you try so hard to be perfect. I see it. I don’t need perfect. You’re wonderful. You are.” Steve waits. Bucky sighs. “Are you familiar with Jones v. Smythe?”

“Is that a court case? No.”

“It’s a landmark case in submissive consent. It’s from 1984. Think about what that means. It’s almost 30 years after you went into the ice and that’s the first case dealing with consent. I understand the idea of a complete power exchange appeals to you but it’s not standard or normal anymore. In that case, a dom lost control and he almost killed his sub. The submissive had no way to end their dynamic. The lower court had recognized the sub as property. Submissives were the last group to get equality and not enough of you to get more than cursory protection by the law.”

“Doms make mistakes. They learn,” Steve says, unsure what he’s supposed to be learning here.

“Well, that’s no longer acceptable. Letting people be hurt so someone can theoretically learn to control themselves is wrong. Now, if a dominant hurts a submissive they have to go to court. If they’re young enough they get educational classes and community service. The records will be sealed and as long as they don’t hurt anyone else, people usually let it go. But, once a dominant is 21 they’re expected to have control. You keep asking for something illegal and something I can’t do.” His gut response is to say Bucky could do it but he chooses not to. “Please tell me you understand that losing control isn’t a good thing.”

Steve shrugs, “Of course I do. But that’s not you. Or us. And….and it happens. That ignores biology. A dominant is overcome with passion and a submissive responds to that. I want to be swept away. I want to be everything to you.”

“I thought you had experiences with dominants thinking you just needed to be persuaded to consent? And my memory is you saying it was a nightmare. You want me to be that guy? Actually, it doesn’t really matter if you want me to be that guy. I _won’t_ be that guy. That’s not something I’m comfortable with. But, don’t think that means I don’t want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone in my entire life.”

“Then why do others get things I don’t?” he whispers. Fingers pump in and out of his hole several times, sinking a little deeper on each thrust. Distracting and soothing. God, he loves Bucky doing anything to his ass. “God, I can feel myself going down when you do that.”

“And you’ll be even better once I get my cock in you again. Feel good, baby?”

“Makes this bearable,” he says, kissing Bucky on the mouth. He feels Bucky smile and it makes him warm inside.

“Good. We’re almost done talking. You’re amazing.”

“He said you were cruel. You gave him things you won’t give me.”

Bucky pulls his fingers free and Steve is both relieved and grief-stricken.

“Like what?” he asks, calm and distant.

“Like, limping. Just being overwhelmed.”

“That’s not even…. I don’t even know how to answer that question. Hell, it’s not even the right question! Maybe in time our relationship will change. The things I’ve…done with people change depending upon how long I’ve been with them. I don’t want to have my relationships thrown in my face over and over again. That’s not fair to me. But, Rumlow, I saw him…once a month for two years. I knew what he could take. That was cultivated. Whatever he made it sound like, what we had was negotiated and choreographed and truthfully it was essentially the same thing every damned time.”

“He said you were—”

“No.” Bucky interrupts, firm.

“What do you mean ‘no?’” Steve pushes up to his full height, knows he’s using his stupid Captain America voice.

“We’re done with this discussion. You want me to be harder on you, let myself go or whatever you think that means, then prove to me that I can trust you. Fuck, Steve, if something goes wrong then you won’t even say. I know you won’t.”

“You don’t know that.” And he can take anything Bucky can dish out. But he’s smart enough to keep that bit to himself.

“You think saying red is failing. It isn’t. It makes me feel safe enough to go further because you won’t be too far gone and let me get out of hand or, even worse, change your mind later and regret it.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” he says, horrified. Some part of him realizes Bucky has brought this up a few times but he has no idea why, doesn’t think about it enough to make him ask questions.

“Tell me some things you don’t want then. Hard limits.”

Steve swallows. “Sharing you.”

“Good,” he says, “What else?”

“Just, what I said, you have to be firm enough with me. Make me know you want me. I can’t take it if you’re too sweet to me.”

“Too sweet. Got it. Not a problem,” he says, dismissively. “Now then, bend over the counter, princess.”

“I don’t like being called princess.”

“Are you safe wording?”

“No, but—“

“Then bend over the counter. You’re mine and your ass is mine for the next three days.” He jerks Steve forward and Steve goes along with it, faces the counter, braces himself with his hands, but doesn’t go down. “What about a shower?” Steve asks.

Bucky shrugs. “After. You think we need more slick?”

He swallows hard, drums his fingers on the counter in excited fear.

“Oh, it’s like that. You don’t want it, huh? Want to know what that pain is like? Sure, baby. I’ll give you that.You know why? Because I’ve fucked you and fingered you and seen how you heal and how you react. So, I’ll fuck you now without enough lube and you can beg me to stop and I won’t. Because I know what you can take. Just think what we could do if I knew you’d protect yourself and say red when you need to. Now bend the fuck over,” he says, and his hand moves fast, so fast Steve wasn’t expecting it. Bucky punches him in the stomach and he bends over reflexively.

In a flash of movement he’s got a hand on the back of Steve’s neck, grip so fucking tight, and he’s pressing the head of his cock between Steve’s cheeks. His arms go weak and he couldn’t push away even if he wanted to. Steve shuffles his legs further apart and cries out at the invasion.

“Want more?” Bucky pants, just the head of his cock inside Steve’s clenching hole.

“Yes. Of course, I do.”

Bucky laughs and fucks forward. “Of course, you do. Of course,” he murmurs, almost mocking. He fucks into Steve harder, hands move to Steve’s hips and he slams home brutally. Steve throws an arm in front of himself so his head doesn’t hit the wall behind the sink and Bucky ignores it completely. His attention is on Steve’s hole, watching his cock slide in and out. It’s short and sharp thrusts because Steve isn’t slick enough and Bucky doesn’t seem to care, just keeps pounding into Steve.

He wants it to end. Needs it to end. He whimpers and bites back the cries of pain that are building in the back of his throat. A wave is descending on him. “Did you know—Fuck— so tight, Christ I could fuck you for days, UH, did you know that when you start to drop I can feel it on my cock? I’ll take you down, sweetheart. And I’m going to keep you there. You’re _mine_.” And he speeds up, fucking hard and careless, paying Steve’s pleasure and cries of pain no mind, just grunts and jabs deep into Steve. He pulls out at one point, just _out_ and Steve shouts. His hand actually goes back, whether he’s trying to protect his hole or drag Bucky back he doesn’t know but Bucky grabs his hand, jerks it up hard behind Steve’s back and slams back into him. The pain in his shoulder is exquisite. Steve comes. He loses time then. Finds that Bucky has come inside him again and is groping Steve’s balls absently as he rests his weight on him.

He pinches and pulls and squeezes until Steve’s attention drifts back to him and even then it’s something in the background that’s happening to him, unnoticeable while the pain in his ass overwhelms him.

“Did you come?” he asks, and he grabs Steve’s cock, strips it for the last drops and smears it on Steve’s face, on his cheek. “Look at you, getting yours and I didn’t even have to help you. What a good slut you are.”

“Don’t call me a slut,” he slurs.

“Are you safe wording?” Steve keeps silent. God, he feels good. Bucky steps away from him and he shivers hard. He turns the water on, comes back, plays roughly with Steve’s balls until he’s gasping, rising on his toes and twitching away with each touch. Then he grabs Steve by the hair, pain prickling along his scalp and spreading through his body, as Bucky pulls him into the shower.

He washes Steve thoroughly and then orders Steve to wash him. The task is fascinating. The play of Bucky’s muscles, the slick silk of his skin, the hardness of his biceps is possibly the most perfect thing he’s ever seen. “I want to sketch you,” he says, hands following the line of his forearm to the top of his hand, the strength there, the vein in his hand oddly appealing like some weird representation of virility and strength. 

“Tomorrow. You can do that.”

Steve reaches for Bucky’s cock to wash it and Bucky slaps his hands away. “No. You can touch my cock when I tell you and not a moment before. You’ve gotta earn that.”

Steve is struck silent, looks at Bucky with pleading eyes. “How?” Could he die if he doesn’t get Bucky’s cock? Seems unlikely, feels possible. Bucky denying him access to his body like that, because Steve isn’t good enough, that’s…that’s not something he wants.

“I’ll think about it. Get down on your knees and watch me,” he orders. Steve goes down to his knees and watches as Bucky soaps his cock, strokes himself so he’s almost hard and then plays with himself leisurely. He’s looking at Steve the whole time, his eyes very blue and he’s so cool and unapproachable that Steve suddenly feels like he doesn’t belong here. Like he’s not good enough. Maybe he isn’t. He is a job, after all. Steve keeps his hands in his lap and they practically itch with the need to touch. If he could just touch him he’d feel better, it’d chase away the negative thoughts trying to rush in.

Thoughts that tell him he’s not good enough. That he’s only Bucky’s job. Of course, he wouldn’t want to be touched by Steve all the time. “What are you thinking, Steve?”

He blinks, shoves the negative thoughts away. “Nothing.” He tries to smile. He’s going to be good and then Bucky will reward him.

Bucky turns away from him, lets the water run on his face and down his chest. Steve’s cock is soft now and he reaches for it, knows Bucky would want him hard. Stupid to fixate on things he can’t change and that Bucky says aren’t true. Not that he would tell Steve he was just a job. Because Bucky is kind and genuinely good. Not like Steve. He’s not getting hard. Focus. Focus. It’s an insult to Bucky to be here and be distracted.

“Don’t touch yourself. Right now, you’re only watching me. Don’t you want to get it right?”

“I—yes.” More than anything. And then Bucky will keep him because he’ll want Steve with him.

“Good. If you don’t do it right, I’ll be very disappointed. I’ll shove you away and finish myself off and—“

Steve makes a sound of horror low in his throat. The idea of being pulled away because he didn’t do a good enough job, of Bucky jerking off because Steve was so unsatisfying makes him feel sick. He closes his eyes and tries to stay there and be good.

Bucky is watching him. Sees he’s in distress because he doesn’t seem to miss anything. “Does that frighten you, baby?”

The smallest nod.

“So, what do you say?”

He doesn’t know. This is what Bucky wants, to make Steve ashamed, make him feel insecure and pathetic. Steve can do that. Bucky will want him to beg, plead for his cock even though he’s undeserving. That’s going to hurt something awful. But, he can do that. It’s just words. A good submissive doesn’t complain, certainly not for something silly like words.

Bucky is quiet for a long moment. He gives Steve his back again while he lets the water fall on him. The word red is pounding through Steve’s body, urging him to say it, to tell Bucky not _this_. Anything but the denial, belittling and mocking. He needs to know Bucky wants him. Doesn’t ever want to doubt that or think he’s not good enough. He looks over his shoulder, down Steve’s body to his small, soft cock. “How does it help me if your cock is going soft? That makes me think you don’t want me. And if you don’t want me then why would I want—“

“Red!” Steve says, voice breaking on the word. He throws out a hand like Bucky might hit him and is somehow in the corner pushed up against the glass. Bucky turns the water off, hauls Steve to his feet and drags him out of the shower. He doesn’t even give him a towel, just pushes him down to his bed and lays down on top of him.

“Thank you, Fuck, thank you. Jesus, Fuck! I didn’t think you’d do it. Sweetheart, oh my sweet fucking babydoll, open your legs. Do it. _Now.Now.”_ And he’s pressing the head of his cock back to Steve’s entrance.

His hole isn’t as tight as it was, is still a little loose from getting fucked on the counter but his rim is swollen and hot and it stings when the smooth head of Bucky’s cock presses against him. He hisses and his thighs rise, clenching on Bucky’s hips.

Bucky isn’t paying him any attention. Doesn’t seem to notice Steve’s distress, just turns Steve’s face to the side and clamps on to his neck in a brutal bite as he shoves his cock into Steve possessively. He gasps and the pain is so brilliant that Steve clings tighter, is actively trying to influence how Bucky’s cock slides in and out of him. Fuck, it burns and if he cants his hips just right it gets better. Bucky grabs him by a hip, palms the flesh and cheek, tells him to arch his back and it’s even worse now. Hurts more. His heart is pounding in his head, he can almost hear it beating through him. And his hole is everything, demands every scrap of his attention as Bucky fucks him careless and brutal, fucking Steve like it’s a necessity and his life is on the line. “Hurts… Buck.” He’s trying to blink through tears.

Steve’s balls hurt, his cock is hard and leaking and he feels like his body is a traitor because this hurts and yet he’s leaking and might come. He’s dropping into subspace from the pain and he hopes it never ends even as he wishes desperately that Bucky would just come. There is nothing else for him to do but hold on to Bucky and hope for it to end, pray for Bucky to take care of him and see him through as the submissive part of him unfurls, expands and overtakes him.

Doesn’t he trust Bucky to be there for him if he can’t keep himself together and crashes? He’s going to fall apart, split into a million pieces, he’s being split open on Bucky’s cock and there will be nothing left of him.

Bucky’s voice is a rumble of sound in his ear. Is it a laugh? His dominance has physical weight, every point of contact between them is searing and Steve knows he has to let go. He has to give up, give in. Do it willingly and make the choice. “Can’t you take it for me? Can’t you, sweetheart? So good, now I know you’ll use it, don’t I? You’ll say red for me, won’t you?” And he does something with his hips, somehow pulling down and half out that’s unlike anything he’s ever felt. His body doesn’t register it as pain, like he’s gone too far now and those receptors are all burned out, fucked into oblivion and now there’s this sensation, like thick liquid metal, and sharp thorns and it’s in him, in his ass and in his cock, moving through his balls. Bucky hasn’t noticed whatever is happening, he’s too busy fucking Steve, using him, praise falling from his lips, “So now I can fuck you harder. Now we can do a little bit more. Already. Isn’t that soon enough, baby? Aren’t you happy? Tell me how fucking happy you are to have me fuck you like this,” he demands and fingers are there, beside Bucky’s cock and he’s pressing against the rim, threatening to put a finger in beside his cock, and all Steve can do is huff and pray he doesn’t, wait in exultant fear that he might. That would be more. Does he have more to give?

Everything he thinks. Give Bucky everything and more, until he’s nothing but dust. He comes, feels like he’s dying, his heart has stopped, his lungs don’t work, there’s nothing but floating and Bucky.

“There’s that clench. That’s right. You just go down, baby doll. Go right on ahead,” and he pounds harder, longer and when he’s done he comes, rests on top of Steve and then gets his hand between them.

“You came again. I’m so glad. So fucking proud of you.” He wants to tell Bucky that he loves him. That’s part of giving him everything and being his. His mouth won’t work. He’s never been this deep and vulnerable and gone. But Bucky is there, surrounding him, keeping him whole and safe and Steve lets everything go.

When he wakes up next it’s to feel a click on his wrists as Bucky secures him back into the handcuffs. He thanks Bucky fuzzily and goes back to sleep. He gets woken up for food and then he’s asleep again, wakes briefly to feel Bucky holding him tight, the big spoon and soft words in his ear, a little unsure what woke him or what time it is. It is day? The middle of the night? Cool slick on his hole and Bucky’s back is tight against him, he’s lining his cock up to Steve’s hole, pulling his cheek open, the blunt head of Bucky’s cock catching on his rim, prodding at his hole again. “Better relax, sweetheart.”

Steve tries, he does. He’s not as sore as he should be. He’s not hot and swollen and as Bucky goes into him it’s nothing more than a small sting of being entered too fast. “I’m tired,” he says, and Bucky grabs his breast, pinches his nipple hard, pulls on it and mounts him from behind, breathing heavily in his ear as he forces his cock into Steve’s tight hole. He tries to move, arches back, wanting to find a good position that will make it pleasurable for himself but he’s tired. So tired. “You need it, sweetheart. It’s been 12 hours. You gonna come on my cock?”

“Doesn’t hurt,” he manages. What had Bucky said about twelve hours? Bucky is big and he’s smooth and hard inside Steve but it’s easy, so easy and he relaxes, accepts, has nothing to fight or protest against.

“Fuck I felt that. That’s right. You just open up for me. Oh my god, Oh Steve, you’re perfect. So good,” he groans and he’s quick and fast, thrusting easily in and out of Steve. Is this what it’s like to fuck a woman he wonders? With his body receptive and warm and wet, loose and wanting?

Bucky comes inside of him and then there’s a plug being slipped into his ass. “Keep you sloppy, baby,” he says, and he’s jerking Steve off quickly, pinching his nipples, making him come fast and perfunctory. Steve groans and comes and Bucky was prepared, catches most of it in tissue and wipes him up gently. Then Steve goes back to sleep, feels Bucky close behind him and everything is perfect. When he wakes in the morning his eyes are crispy with dried tears.

He tries to take stock of himself. His pecs are fine, his cock is hard but not sore and his ass. He closes his eyes and concentrates on the plug inside him, on how it feels, tries to shift on the bed a little, wondering if he might be sore, even a little bit. He’s not. He’s fine.

It’s depressing. He wanted to feel it all day. Wanted to limp and wince and know that everything he felt was because Bucky had needed to use him. His phone is charging on the bedside table and he presses the button to see what time it is. It’s 10 am. But the date is wrong. It has to be. Has he really lost 24 hours? Being asleep and fucked so much he has no concept of anything?

He realizes he’s smiling. That inside he feels…well. Not just good. What does that even mean, feeling good? Like he could conquer anything and like the day will be perfect. He feels loved and safe and happy. He wants to see Bucky.

Bucky isn’t in bed but is in the kitchen rattling around. He waits in the doorway until Bucky looks over at him. The smile he gives Steve makes his cheeks go pink and he has to look down and away. “Morning.”

“Good morning, baby. You want to have breakfast?”

“Bathroom first?”

“Are you asking permission?” Bucky asks him, turning back to the eggs and giving them a push around the pan.

“Yes, sir.”

Something in his eyes lights up, pleased. “Go ahead, Steve.”

Steve nods and goes to the bathroom, splashes water on his face, the cuffs clinking gently. He feels good. Rested and happy. He brushes his teeth with the toothbrush Bucky left out for him and then drifts into the kitchen and drops to the cushion Bucky points him towards. Bucky sits down at the table and gives Steve a kiss on the lips, runs a hand through his hair and then feeds him with his fingers, bacon, and slices of a simple omelet, strawberries and grapes. How do you feel?” he asks.

“Tired. Amazing and tired.”

“Think you need another twelve hours or so and then you’ll be back on a normal schedule.”

“What do you mean?”

“You were so imbalanced and deficient that now that you’re getting your needs met your body is frantically trying to heal itself from all that time you weren’t okay. It’s making you tired. Look up at me.”

Steve looks. Bucky is peering into his eyes. “Your pupils are dilated more than normal.” He puts two fingers against Steve’s neck and then withdraws his hand. “Your pulse is a little slow too.”

“Is that bad?”

“No, you’re still in subspace that’s all.”

“Yeah. Feel…drifty.”

Bucky smiles at him fondly. “You want to go back to sleep?”

“Yes, please.”

Bucky picks up Steve’s hand, presses the toxicity monitor against his finger and the prick of the needle barely registers. Bucky checks his levels, nods at him. “Looking good. Get a couple orgasms out of you first and then you can go back to sleep.”

“Yes, sir.” And then he’s aware of his cock, hard and flushed red, pressed against his stomach. How long has he been hard?

“Come on up here,” Bucky says, patting his lap. He’s wearing some sort of tracksuit pants and he gets up just enough to pull them halfway down his thighs. He grabs a couple of kleenex and looks up at Steve. “Plug out, darling.”

“I’m cuffed,” he says, voice weirdly small.

“Then you better ask me to do it for you,” he says, like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

He nods. Of course it is. Bucky is here to help him. “Would you please do it?”

Bucky licks his lips, “Fucking gorgeous. There you are. Is asking me easy now, Stevie?” Steve can’t look away from Bucky’s hard cock, how flushed and red it is. Bucky puts a hand on his balls, stroking just under them like he’s ensuring a good load for Steve’s ass. “Since you’re so good you can ask me nicely. Say, ‘Please, sir, will you take the plug out of my ass and clean up my come so you can use me again?’

Steve blushes, is mortified and hesitates. Bucky waits, plays with his balls. Steve says the words and Bucky grins at him. “Why yes, sweetheart, I will. Turn around now.” He turns around and Bucky’s fingers press between his cheeks, fingers on the plug, brushing his rim. Intimate and proprietary. He’s going to need to be cleaned up because he’s full of Bucky’s come. Before he can be too concerned Bucky has pulled the plug out and he’s leaking copiously on the kleenex as Bucky presses it against his hole, taking care of him and getting him clean. He loves it. Is stunned and overwhelmed with how much he loves it. “I’m gonna fall down,” he manages. He’s overwhelmed and he needs Bucky’s cock in him.

“No, sweetheart. You’re alright. Come have a sit down right here on my cock.” And he turns Steve by the hips, so they’re facing each other again, leads him forward and Steve straddles his thighs, looks down at Bucky’s hard cock, red and weeping before him. “Arms around my neck now,” he says, and he lifts the cuffs over Bucky’s head and holds onto him loosely. He clasps his hands together, like another way of limiting himself and has to close his eyes for a moment.

This is exactly where he belongs. Bucky reaches around him and gets the lube off the table, slicks his cock quickly then urges Steve to rise up. He goes where Bucky puts him, little movements of his hips while Bucky angles his cock. “There you go. All set. You just sit right down, honey.” Steve sinks down onto him, Bucky biting his own lip and squeezing his eyes closed at the first hot clutch of Steve’s body. Bucky presses his forehead between Steve’s pecs as the first few inches sink into his hole, fingers pressing bruises into Steve’s hips. “Fuck that’s good, sweetheart.”

“It doesn’t hurt,” he says, when he’s all the way down and his passage is weakly clenching in protest at the invasion. He buries his face in Bucky’s neck, weirdly anxious. Bucky grips the back of Steve’s neck and Steve sighs into it.

“Do you need it to hurt baby? Is that what you’re thinking so hard about?”

“Yes, sir. Liked being down so far.”

“I bet you did. Lovely boy. Look at me,” and Bucky has Steve’s face in his hands, on both sides, cupping him tenderly as he forces eye contact. “It’s never been like that for me. It’s never been like this for you. This is real. Understand? This is all that’s real.”

“I know.”

“Do you? You went out, baby. You went down hard and then you slept deep and the whole time I was hot and wanting you. Nothing could have made me leave you when you were like that. I just wanted to be in you, couldn’t help reacting to you and how much you trusted me.” He kisses the side of Bucky’s neck in response.

“Then why weren’t you in me?” he asks, clenching on Bucky’s cock.

Bucky laughs. “I was in you plenty.” Steve disagrees with a sound. Bucky rolls his eyes. “Insatiable. Ride me, sweetheart. Come on. Make it up to me for all those hours I left your sweet ass alone then.” Steve lifts and lowers, rocks forward and back and Bucky grabs him by the cheeks, moving him where he wants him. “Fuck, you’re going to make me come before I’m ready. Lift up and hold, baby. Just on the head, okay? ” Steve rises, the bulbous head of Bucky’s cock notched just inside him.

“Good boy,” he says, and Steve isn’t sure what he’s doing but fingers brush against his hole as he slicks his own cock more. And then he’s swiping something onto Steve’s cock too. Lube. It has a scent. Not mint but something faint that makes his nose tingle like he might sneeze. His hand wraps around Steve’s cock and he jerks him off ever so slowly.

“Kiss me, baby. Make me feel good.” Steve kisses Bucky but Bucky won’t pick up the pace, keeps everything languid and frustrating. He chastises Steve when he nips at Bucky and tries to go faster, tries to get some pain and feeling. “Be sweet to me. I’m going to be sweet to you all day, babydoll. Today is a gentle day.”

Before he can come up with a reasoned response besides, ‘I want you harder,’ he spasms on the cock inside him. It takes Steve by surprise. He didn’t come. And he’s not sure it was pleasure. Bucky groans in satisfaction, apparently happy with the way Steve’s body is now milking his cock.

God, he feels hot inside and Bucky’s shaft is getting harder, bigger, straining against his walls and Bucky is trembling under him in pleasure. Steve cries out, hot inside, and on the edge of coming but he can’t. And it’s not desire, it’s an itch he won’t be able to scratch. It’s something he doesn’t know how to soothe but he’s moaning and needy with every shift of Bucky’s cock inside him. And then he feels it on his cock too, where Bucky’s grip is. The lube.

“Ohh! What is that?” he fucks down harder, has to, trying to soothe the itch inside him. “Incentive, sweetheart. The active ingredients will cause increased blood-flow and irritate you inside. I can feel how swollen you are on me. Like a fucking vise, Stevie. Poor, baby. You want to make it stop? Want the antidote?”

He nods, helpless and frustrated, unbearably aroused and sinking further into submission.“My come. You make me come baby and you’ll feel so good. You might come just from the relief of it all.”

“Oh god,” he gasps, hands clutching at Bucky’s shoulders.

“The ingredients don’t react to dominant hormones. Only submissive ones. You’re off the charts so it will likely be very intense.”

“Fuck. I can’t. Fuck. I need it harder.”

“Do you? You think that will help? No, that will make it worse, get you even more sore inside, babydoll. That’s part of what makes this so perfect for you. The gentler you are the better you’ll be. No rough and hard and fast for you today.”

He tries to quicken the pace and Bucky puts a collar around his neck, buckling it closed. A small strip of leather hangs down and Bucky tugs on it so Steve doesn’t rise too high, the pull on his neck stopping him. A sound like a growl comes out of Steve’s chest.

“Stay still, sweetheart. Let me work,” he murmurs and Steve trembles as he struggles not to bounce on Bucky’s cock. It exacerbates the feelings inside him. He’s sure of it. And his cock is actually swollen, not just red but almost purple and he needs to come so bad he could cry. His ass must be in s similar state, the muscles spasming inside him harder and harder.

“I have to move. Please, please let me,” he gasps, head thrown back in pleasure and pain.

“No you don’t. Just stay.” A hand grips his shaft and three quick pulls and he’s coming hard. The relief is profound and momentary. Before he has his breath back he’s hard and aching again, can practically feel the blood flooding into his cock and forcing his shaft painfully erect. Fluid spills out of the tip as he watches.

“Oh god. It’s not better. Why isn’t it getting better?” he grinds against Bucky’s cock and it’s like lightening inside him. It makes his muscles lock and there’s no way he’s going to recover quickly from this. He’ll go to bed and his ass with throb and ache for hours and hours. Every movement makes it worse, like there’s sandpaper inside him. “Fuck, that’s… _yes_ ,” and he rises and falls quickly, wanting to get a rhythm going before Bucky can stop him, make him feels so good he won’t stop Steve from doing what he wants.

Bucky pulls the strap again, pressure on his neck and Steve can’t rise. He cries out at the restriction, his passage ripples and Bucky swears. He grinds his hips back and forth, seeking something, anything but there’s nothing and he’s not winning this battle. He just isn’t. He falls forward, bites Bucky’s shoulder. Fingers are on his nipples, plucking them hard, biting deep so they’re a little swollen and then he’s clamping them and Steve pushes back to look down his chest. His eyes are wild, overwhelmed with confusion, sensation, and pain.

The sight of his nipples clamped tight, the painful pleasure radiating out of them makes him come again, weakly but untouched, and his head drops back, exposes the column of his neck. Bucky fiddles with his collar.

“There you go, baby.” Except for a touch of breathlessness (and the ragingly hard cock in his ass) Bucky would seem unaffected.

Steve looks down again, sees the chains linking the clamps and the collar and he’s got something else in his hand and Steve is going to beg him not to do it. Whatever it is. He opens his mouth and Bucky presses a soft plastic bit between his teeth and Steve shakes his head against it since he can’t speak. The bit is connected to the nipple chains and the agony makes him yell. The bit falls out of his open mouth and Bucky is chuckling at him as he gathers it up again. 

“Poor baby,” Bucky whispers to him, kisses his mouth, his jaw, even his cheeks, his hands palming Steve’s pecs and the pain of them shifting in the clamps steals his breath. Bucky touches his cock, hand tight again, pulling and twisting at the top, over his head, the stimulation too much. “Still fighting, aren’t you?”

Is he? He takes the opportunity to rise up and down, to milk Bucky’s cock and try to make him come, fucking forward and back roughly. He’s going to make Bucky come if it kills him. “No, sweetheart,” Bucky growls and he pulls on the cord around Steve’s neck, forcing him to still. His thighs strain in protest as he tries to rise up again but Bucky is steady and determined and he collapses with a hard huff of breath. He can’t even look at Bucky. He’s positively pouring with sweat now. He can tell he’s drooling around this god damned bit in his mouth and he has no more moves. Nothing he can do to get what he wants here. He swallows down the emotion rising in his throat.

“You look so good like this. And when you come, like this, where it’s agony, christ, it’s a fucking revelation. And that makes me fucking hard, baby. Don’t you want to give that to me?”

“Unh!” He manages. But yes, yes he does. More than his own pleasure and his own pain, he wants Bucky to be happy. More than the fight even. “I do. I will. Whatever. Whatever you—” And the bit is pressed back in his mouth and Steve turns his head away, resistant. Pain again, from his nipples and the yanked on chain and he yells in frustration, angry at himself for forgetting. “Fuck. _Fuck_ ,” he says, incoherent and lost.

Steve collapses suddenly and his cock pulses, come sliding down the shaft. He rests his forehead against Bucky’s, giving in, suddenly exhausted. He twitches and his passage milks Bucky’s cock. It’s too much. “What do I do? Help me. Tell me how.” His voice breaks.

“My love.” Bucky croons, pressing kisses wherever he can reach. “You giving in now?”

“Yes, sir.” He’s agreeing before he’s really thinking about it.

“Good boy. No more fighting?”

“No, sir. Was I?” He fights so much and so hard sometimes he’s not even aware he’s doing it.

“You gonna let me do anything I want to you?”

“Yes, sir.” He hisses in a breath as a wave of ache washes through him.

“Good. I’ll take care of you. God you gave in so fast. Not fighting me today, are you babydoll? You’re my good boy today. Kiss me. Sweet, now.” Steve’s lips tremble, Bucky’s eyes are half-lidded in pleasure, his cock spasms in Steve’s ass and he starts to grind again, just a little, just gentle like Bucky wants, but Bucky shushes him, a slight exhale on his lips and Steve knows that’s too much, and he makes himself go pliant and accept what Bucky wants no matter how small and restrictive and horribly fucking soft it is.

“Good. That’s right,” Bucky murmurs. Steve nods, whimpering into Bucky’s mouth as he kisses him softly, slowly, feeling every moment of it. Like Bucky wants. Delicate. Barely a touch. It’s agonizing and impossible. “Yeah, yeah. Fuck, Stevie, I’m gonna come sweetheart.”

“Gentle,” Steve finds himself saying, like he has to remind himself or prove to Bucky that he’s trying, that he can do it. “That’s right, my angel. Didn’t I tell you I was going to be sweet to you all day?”

“It’s hard.” Steve whispers, close to tears.

“I know. I love how hard it is for you. God, you’re just so sweet.” 

Is he? He’s never thought of himself as sweet. He’s never wanted to be sweet. Even now he isn’t sure if he wants it or if Bucky’s wants have replaced his own. “I’m not…soft.”

“You are soft. You’re soft here, aren’t you?” He asks, sliding a finger along Steve’s rim, pressing gently where they’re joined. Where Steve is all fire and need. Steve whimpers and huddles closer to Bucky’s strength. “Good. I hurt you and you snuggled closer. That’s my good boy. That’s where we’re going to get you, baby.”

Will he get Steve to behave that way? There’s no time to think because Bucky is talking again. “You’re sweet here, too,” he says, and he’s touching Steve’s cock, then he’s kissing his lips and he’s forcing Steve to arch up so he can take Steve’s nipple into his mouth. The sensation is warm, wet and muted, just dull pain seeping around the clamps but he wants more.

Always more.

“You were worried about the wrong fucking thing, sweetheart. Now, tell me where you hurt the most and you can make me come and we’ll get you feeling better.”

His ass. No, his cock. He looks down. It’s practically purple. Bucky drags a finger up the side and Steve’s mouth drops open, his whole body shudders and he comes. It’s agony. “Cock.” He gasps.

He blinks through it and Bucky is intense and focused on him, blue. Eyes so fucking blue. “But I’m in your ass. I’m all snug and warm,” Bucky says, practically pouting. He’s so far gone it doesn’t even occur to him to tell Bucky he’s being a jerk.

“Okay. Whatever you want,” he says and he bites his own lip roughly. He blinks, knows there are tears sliding down his face. “Closer to you,” he says, and tries to get nearer.

Bucky is looking at him like he’s a miracle. “Fuck, fuck, You. _God,_ ” Bucky says and he kisses Steve roughly, fucks up into his body like he’s in pain and comes almost instantly, wet and soaking, soothing and so good.

***

Bucky’s cock is still spasming in Steve’s ass, the orgasm almost endless and Steve is making little noises of something in his throat. He’s never seen anything more beautiful in his entire life than Steve Rogers in pain, sweet and submissive and perfect. He’s practically folded in on himself, made himself small and somehow vulnerable as he’s perched on Bucky’s lap. His nipples are red, his lips bitten and swollen and his ass is trying to milk Bucky’s cock for all it’s worth. His passage is sore and raw and he knows the squeeze is his body’s way of trying to get Bucky out. That’s not happening. Bucky strokes him on the back soothingly and rubs his shoulders as soon as he’s able to, tells him how good he is, how proud he is to have him as his and Steve goes boneless at the praise.

“What do you want, sweetheart? I can pull out of you and use my come to make your poor cock feel better. Then you could nap. Two for the price of one.”

A frown crosses Steve’s face. He swallows before he can speak. “Cheating. Come again.”

He barks out a laugh. “Me or you?”

“You.” 

“I think that’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard. It’s very Captain America. You gonna do right by your man? Make him come again?” That gets him a glower. Bucky licks Steve’s lower lip, speaks the words directly into his mouth. “I am very patriotic, you know. Any chance to serve my country.”

Steve exhales sharply. “That’s my line,” he finally says.

“Good point. How are you? You seem very good I must say.”

A sharp nod. Another forehead press, firm. His brow is sweaty. Steve kisses him sweetly again, so soft and kind and Bucky helps him rise up so his cock slips out of Steve’s ass.

“Miss you,” Steve says.

“Cause you’re my perfect boy. All you want is to keep me warm, isn’t it? You want to be sweet to me? Be gentle to me?”

He blinks. Like the idea has never occurred to him before. That it might go both ways. That maybe Bucky wants the softness. That it isn’t just to punish Steve and make it difficult for him but is giving Bucky what he actually wants. And then his kisses are gentle and soft and his hands come off of Bucky’s shoulders and over his head, down to clasp Bucky’s cock and fondle his balls as he jerks him off in steady strokes.

He stares at Steve’s cock, at how dark and pained it is, takes in the small gasping breaths Steve is exhaling, reaches back to finger Steve’s loose hole. Still puffy and swollen. Steve whimpers and dives in for a kiss. His hands clench on Bucky, his pace picks up and then he seems to remember and he loosens his grip, goes soft again.

“Anything you want, Bucky. Anything.”

Which makes him come, faster than he meant to, his cock pulsing in heavy spurts. Steve catches it in his hand and slicks it over his own cock, sighing in relief almost instantly. He shudders hard, shivers like he’s gotten some kind of release just from the cessation of pain.

“Make yourself come, sweetheart. You can’t sleep like that.” Steve whimpers, doesn’t want to. Bucky wraps an arm around him, hugs him close, keeps Steve’s head buried under his chin and wraps a hand around him too, so they both do it, gentle and sweet and Steve comes, hips jerking in oversensitive twitches, tears spilling down his cheek and just before he goes back to sleep he says thank you.

Bucky is pretty sure he’s the one who should be fucking grateful. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've not started the next chapter yet so I don't know when I'll post. Hopefully in a few days. The day of gentle treatment will continue and Steve will definitely be getting more than he bargained for. Happy Thursday!


	7. Chapter 7

Bucky got Steve into bed (no small challenge considering the man was built like a brick shit-house and would likely sleep for a solid twelve hours) and ordered provisions for the days ahead. First on the list was some damned electrolytes because no one was supposed to come this often.

And then he ordered a giant lasagna and salad from the Italian place down the street that did delivery, and put in a delivery order for groceries. Since Steve would be sleeping so heavily he could go and get them himself but that felt wrong. He needed to be here just in case. There was almost something primal about it. The man was his, was down so far because of Bucky and to leave him alone, even in a safe house, was too unsettling.

When all the physical stuff was out of the way his mind went to the mental challenges of dominating Steve. Being with Steve was like planning an assault mission. Bucky needed contingency plans and emergency exits. And, just like most missions, the one thing he didn’t know to plan for would be the thing that would bite them in the ass.

For example, Rumlow. First of all, who’d have fucking thought he’d run into him, and secondly, who would have thought Steve Rogers, a living fucking Adonis who was a hero and a symbol of heroism to millions would be envious of Brock Rumlow.

Brock was ordinary and Steve was extraordinary. It had never been serious. What he’d liked about Brock was how sure he was about what he wanted. Hell, Brock had been the one to approach him! If Bucky was pushing him too hard, he said. If Bucky wanted to do something he wasn’t interested in, he said. He was mouthy and obnoxious and a decent enough guy, but Bucky had known he’d never fall in love with him. He’d never get carried away and hurt him. Which was actually the most important thing. The guiding premise of Bucky’s choices regarding his designation.

_Never get carried away._

He’d learned that lesson. Fallen headlong in love at 14 with a submissive girl in his neighborhood and they’d gone all the way at 16. Her parents had been out of town and his parents didn’t really care where he was, so they’d spent the day in bed having lots of sex and exploring each other’s bodies and all the the things one does when they’re young, stupid and in love. Her parents came home early. Caught them in bed together.

They’d been enraged and in disbelief that their little girl would do those things. At her parent’s insistence, he’d been accused of rape even though it had been consensual. The DA knocked down to a charge of Confused Consent with Sexual Mischief and he had been ordered to do 5 weeks of community service and not go within 300 feet of her.

He’d had to change schools. People avoided him. It was a weird thing. He’d known it was consensual. And yet, other people didn’t know that. Rumors had spread and he’d started to wonder if maybe he had done wrong. He’d done a lot of fucking therapy and educated himself a hell of a lot more than most people to make sure he didn’t wind up in that situation again and although he was solid in what had happened and had made peace with himself and her and her parents and the whole awful experience, it had still shaped him and the dominant he’d become.

When his levels had been tested at 18 and he’d been ridiculously dominant he’d feared what he might become. What might happen. What if he hurt someone? What if he treated someone like Becca had been treated? The last thing he wanted to do was hurt someone. Like, _actually_ hurt someone in a way that didn’t bring them pleasure. In a way that scarred and harmed and caused shame and emotional turmoil.

Because, sadly, it happened all the time. It was expected, it was part of the reason he’d only been given community service. A 16 year old dominant boy with his submissive girlfriend? Got carried away all the time. Until recently, there wasn’t even a crime to commit.

And, actually, Bucky had been lucky (At least, this was the peace he’d made with it). He’d never crossed that line and hurt someone. Even though he was a weirdly high level dominant, even though people had expected him to go off the reservation. He hadn’t. He wouldn’t. His very sense of self was dependent upon the fact that he could control himself.

He knew submissives who’d been traumatized, knew the damage a shitty dominant could cause and that would never be him. Bucky was educated and informed and prepared and hopefully Steve would realize (please, let it be fucking soon) how much better things were, how much safer Steve was because Bucky cared enough and took the time.

Bucky knew how to get a sub to ask for what they wanted. And he could craft a fucking scene that would make Steve lose his god damned mind. And he’d make it be something Steve didn’t even know he wanted. Because Steve Rogers didn’t _know_ what the fuck he wanted. And he certainly didn’t know what he needed.

Bucky did. And he’d do it right. And then everything would be fine.

Steve was lonely and touch starved. He was anxious and had confidence issues. He wanted to be forced because it would be easier for him to keep to himself. He’d be fighting someone else, could stay protected and closed off.

Steve didn’t want to be vulnerable. He _needed_ to be vulnerable, he _needed_ to give in and get comfortable with his designation or he’d never go deep enough into subspace and release enough dopamine and rewardin to be healthy. If he wasn’t vulnerable, he wouldn’t be able to process the alphazine and hormones that Bucky’s semen contained, biologically necessary for Steve to thrive.

It was complicated and exciting and he genuinely believed there was no one else in the world who could be what Steve needed besides himself. Was that overly narcissistic or romantically naive? He saw his therapist again in a week and a half. He’d ask.

He drank a beer and took a shower, then the deliveries arrived and he put everything away, got some food and something to drink for Steve. Instructions had been sent over to him from SHIELD with amounts of calories Steve needed to consume because he was a super soldier. And they’d sent over almost all of his medical files. Well, since he’d woken up. Nothing from the 40’s. Was that something he should be concerned about?

His medical records were glowing depictions of health except for when it came to his submissive designation. Then it was just a long list of drugs, dosages, and speculations by various doctors of why certain medications weren’t working.

Steve’s stubbornness was noted, too. Steve was a fighter. Although Bucky thought that might diminish as they built up trust and Steve balanced out. Watching Steve fight his nature was both arousing as hell and distressing. The only way to deal with one’s designation was to accept it, find the good where one could and move on. He wasn’t sure Steve would ever accept that. Feared he’d always be trying to climb out of subspace and stay alert and ready to defend himself.

His psychiatric charts were another matter all together. They were heavily redacted in areas. As he gathered the files together and locked them away in his desk, he couldn’t help but re-read the questions he’d come up with during his read-through of the file. Bucky had written a few dates and places, questions he had over what was there (or not there). And he’d bookmarked the corresponding sections in the reports just in case. He wanted to talk to Steve about them. Didn’t seem like the sort of thing he should ask someone else since it was Steve’s medical history. But he had concerns and questions, and if Steve tried to avoid or evade answering them, then he would be prepared with his dates and his bookmarks and he’d get the answers they needed.

Then he found himself walking towards the bedroom, hand straying towards his cock which was already half-hard. No. Not yet. He was going to let Steve sleep. He’d get the man fed and watered, watch tv for a few hours and then go to bed. At which point he could wake Steve up to fuck him and then hopefully sleep for several more hours before he’d need to take him again.

The dominant in him didn’t like that plan. Didn’t like being held back and forced to wait. If his cock was getting hard then Steve was hard. Normally, that would be reason enough to fuck his sub’s brains out but this wasn’t normal. It wasn’t the sort of thing one complained about necessarily. Too much sex wasn’t a _bad_ problem to have. Especially when it was so fucking good. But if they needed to leave the house or god forbid go on a mission then it would definitely be a problem. He forced himself to leave the bedroom. Steve needed to sleep and be in subspace.

Steve’s sex drive was off the charts normally. Now that he was getting his needs met his body was making up for lost time. This state of hyper-arousal could go on for days, weeks or even months. No one knew because Steve was a one of a kind super soldier. But Bucky wasn’t. His body was revved up to satisfy Steve’s, a sign of their deep biological and designational compatibility, and satisfying Steve was basically all-consuming at this point.

Physically, Steve’s numbers were now great. Every chemical that corresponded to ejaculation and physical satisfaction was moving towards normal range. The toxic build-up was close to resolved. But, mentally, he just wasn’t in subspace long enough. They were working on it.

He had plans. Many plans. But that all could wait. First, he had to…what? What the fuck was he supposed to be doing? Why was he in the kitchen staring at the microwave while he groped himself? Right. Steve needed food. Food not cock. Simple.

He grabbed Steve’s food and brought it to the bedroom, set it carefully down on the nightstand, then got fully dressed and sat down beside him on the bed. He’d even put on shoes. Sneakers that laced. If he got carried away and wanted to fuck Steve instead of feeding him and letting him sleep then the clothing would hopefully remind him of his real purpose. 

“Hey, sweetheart. We need to feed you,” he said, rubbing his thumb gently across Steve’s lower lip. Steve licked his thumb, warm and wet, let his mouth open so Bucky could slide his cock in and fuck his mouth. Bucky’s free hand went to his pants, unbuttoning the top button so he could get Steve to suck him. Wait. _Not helpful._ Bucky pulled his hand back from Steve’s mouth, let got of his pants and patted him on the forearm instead.

Steve moaned, a sound Bucky would describe as pornographic and opened his eyes. He blinked slowly, saw Bucky and smiled. The cuffs jingled. Bucky loved the cuffs and put a hand to the bedspread, wanting to pull it down and see his boy all chained up. _Not helpful._ He let go of the bedspread. “We have to feed you now,” he said, shaking his head to clear it.

“Yes, sir,” he said, and he sat up, looped his arms around Bucky’s neck. Jesus. The bedding fell away from his chest, exposed the flat planes of his stomach, the muscles all bunching and releasing as he sat up, sleepy and warm and soft. He’d only been out for a few hours. He was naked and he reeked of sex.

“Look at you,” Bucky said, instantly captivated, and he dragged the covers off of him, needing to see his boy’s cock. He was hard, curved up and hot to the touch. A smear of pre-come was on his stomach. Bucky’s hand was somehow flush against Steve’s erection, fingers pressing into him at the base of his shaft, just above his tight, full balls and Steve rolled his hips into the touch. His kisses were wet and sloppy on Bucky’s neck.

“Need you naked,” Steve said, and goosebumps broke out all over Bucky’s skin.

“Yeah, sweetheart. Help me take this off so I can give you my cock.” Why was he wearing pants when he needed to be able to fuck Steve at a moment’s notice? Wait. He stood up. Blinked.

Right. Because he wasn’t here to fuck Steve. He was here to feed him. He swore and threw the covers back onto him, opened the window and took a few deep breaths of cold air. His cock was hard. So hard. Uncomfortable, his balls heavy with come. He got the key to the cuff out of his pocket and went back to Steve, unlocking him quickly and then going back to where he was. Steve should feed himself.

Distance. Although…he could fuck Steve and _then_ feed him. Steve’s hand was moving under the covers as he touched himself, gaze fixated on Bucky.

“What are you thinking?” Bucky made the mistake of asking.

“I’m thinking you have something else I could eat.”

Well. Ask a stupid question….He pointed at the tray. “Drink your water. All of it.”

Steve looked at Bucky’s crotch and licked his lips invitingly. Bucky looked down, wondering just how visible his erection was through these pants. There was a giant wet spot on the front. Fantastic.

“I’m not thirsty for water.”

It was such a cheesy line. He should roll his eyes and dismiss it as a joke. “Would you take every drop, Stevie?”

Steve pushed the covers away and crawled closer, on all fours, ass up, intently watching Bucky’s cock like it was the finish line of a marathon. “Stop! No. Not yet. Get under the fucking covers!” He made his voice firm. “Don’t speak. Drink your fucking water.”

Steve blinked at him. He frowned. The corner of his mouth twitched into a smile and Bucky gripped the window sill tighter. Steve turned around, presenting his ass as he crawled back towards the covers. His hole was pink and virgin tight, his crack shiny from where he’d leaked come and slick. “You’re a fucking punk. Drink your water. I promise you, you won’t like it if I have to tell you again. We get you fed before anything else happens.”

He can practically feel Steve thinking, wondering what he’d regret, what Bucky’s promise of punishment might be. He wasn’t actually sure. The easiest thing was to deny Steve his cock. Tell him he couldn’t have it but that was the one thing that had caused Steve to say red. He needed to be confident Bucky wanted him. Denial wasn’t an option.

Steve picked up the water and drank it all then set the glass down. “Good. Now the other drink. You need electrolytes.”

Steve drank that too and put the glass down. He looked at the plate of food. He was pretty damned sure Steve was considering not eating it just to figure out what the punishment might be. Steve’s stomach rumbled audibly.

“If you don’t eat the food I’ll put an anal expander in you, get you so loose you won’t feel a thing and that will be your day. I’ll still come happily enough in your ass but it won’t hurt you at all. Totally your choice,” he says, and he almost wished there was someone there to give him a high five for coming up with the right thing. Steve glowered at him but instantly started eating. When he was almost done he looked back at Bucky.

“What’s the expander?”

“It’s like a balloon. Goes in small and a pump puts air into it which makes it get bigger. Hands off stretching.”

Steve looks utterly horrified. “Hands off? There’s no touching _at all_?”

“It does all the work. Hell, you could hold the pump and I could take a nap or watch tv. Pay bills.” He keeps his expression blank.

“Me?” he asks, and he actually looks a little pale.

“Finish your food.”

Steve does.

***

“You should go back to sleep,” Bucky says.

“I’m not tired.”

Bucky takes the plate to the kitchen and tells Steve to take a shower, loudly calling the words out so he doesn’t have to get too close. A full thirty seconds goes by before Steve comes out of the bedroom. He leans against the door, arms crossed. His cock isn’t as hard as it was.

This is officially as good a time to do practical things as any. “It’s probably time for an enema, too.”

Steve is suddenly wide-eyed and pink cheeked. “What? Why?”

Bucky sighs. “You were in distress, your body made sure it was empty so you could be well used but it’s been 24 hours now. We’ll both be happy to not deal with that particular problem.” Steve is still just staring at him. “Unless scat play is something you’re interested in?”

“No.” He looks revolted. It’s a relief. Bucky tries to avoid ass to mouth as much as possible. Unless a sub really wants to suck his cock after he’s fucked them Bucky will always get himself cleaned up before going into a sub’s mouth.

“What’s wrong, Steve?” Because his cock is still softening.

“You want me to shower alone, too?”

Bucky does the math. Enema and shower and then bed, it’s an hour apart. The cuffs are off and he’s gone almost four hours without sex. It shouldn’t be long enough to cause a drop but ‘should’ and Steve Rogers don’t really go together anyway. He comes around the island, the island he’d so carefully made sure separated them, and presses close to Steve. Steve’s arms fall to his sides so Bucky can be closer. His head is turned away sulkily.

“You need sleep, baby. I was hoping to get the chores out of the way, then fuck you and we could sleep together. A shower and an emema doesn’t mean I don’t want you.”

He nods, stiff. “You wanted to wait. Wanted a break from fucking me. I get it. It’s a lot, having to…I’m a lot.”

“No. You don’t get to twist my words and go to a dark place. You know for a fact I want to be buried in you all the damned day and night. You _do_. A few hours isn’t a break up, Stevie.”

“I know that. I know.” His voice is rough. “That isn’t how it feels, though. And it’s got to be annoying, that I constantly need attention.”

He laughs, can’t help it. He tilts his head to the side to catch Steve’s gaze. Waits until Steve relents and makes eye contact. “You’re really gonna try and say I find it annoying that you want my cock?” A flush goes up Steve’s chest, his cock is beginning to harden again. He cups Steve’s face in his hands, runs a thumb over his cheekbone. God, he’s beautiful. “What other ridiculous idea is running around in your head? You think I don’t want to fuck you all the time? Come on, princess.”

“Don’t call me a princess.”

Bucky raises a brow at him. “My princess.”

Steve turns away, but his cock is getting harder now. He’s more than semi-hard. Interesting. “Come on, babydoll. I’ll help you.” He leads Steve to the master bathroom and gets the enema kit open, starts affixing it to his shower. It takes a few minutes and Steve is silent the whole time. He turns the water on, testing the temperature and then turns the shower off. He steps out of the shower, careful to step only on the mat since he’s still dressed and wearing shoes (and to think it seemed like such a good idea 30 minutes ago) and then strips off his clothes.

He gets a small tube of lubricant out from under the sink. He’d just ordered it a few days ago. A giant box of a hundred tubes of lubricant for travel so he’d always be prepared if he needed to fuck Steve. There was lube stashed all over his house now, in his car, he’d even put some in his work bag.

And wet wipes. But he didn’t need those right now. “Come on, sweetheart,” he said, getting into the shower.

“What are you doing?” Steve asks, genuinely distressed.

“You’ve done an enema before?”

“No,” he says it like Bucky is the freak. His eyes drop to Bucky’s hard cock. Yeah, he’s totally going to get off on this. Steve must see it in his smile. Steve chews on his lower lip.

“Come here. Put your hands on the glass and arch your back. Let’s see your sweet hole.”

Steve swallows but moves forward, cock hardening with each step. He closes his eyes as his hands touch the glass and his shoulders relax as he gives in. His back arches, and Bucky gives a hum of approval as he brushes a hand down Steve’s spine. He puts lube on his finger and presses it gently to Steve’s hole when it’s warm, wanting him as relaxed as possible. “Do you know what’s going to happen?”

“Tell me.” He’s pretty sure Steve just wants to hear him talk.

“We’re getting you all slippery and then a little nozzle, small and barely noticeable for a cock slut like you will go into your ass.” This gets a gasp and a swift look. His hand comes off the glass, goes to his balls.

 _Oh_. Steve wants to be called a cock slut? Wants to be Bucky’s cock slut? Well, it’s really no surprise, and the idea is fucking hot as hell. In fact, the words are now on the tip of his tongue. He’ll ask Steve if he’s Bucky’s cock slut, get him to beg for Bucky’s cock and then he’ll fuck into him in one slow, steady thrust, get him to take it and ask for more, because he’s a slut for it.

No. No, he’s _not_ going to do that now. He stops touching Steve’s hole. Bucky clears his throat and has to look away from Steve’s hole which he can see tightening and relaxing in need. What the fuck was he saying? Right. He’s holding an enema hose, it’s not complicated. The need to fuck Steve is making him stupid.

His voice is rough. “Stop touching your cock. Um, anyway, it will be warm and there’s a good chance you’ll go straight into subspace as we get you all filled up. Then you’ll hold it for awhile, and we’ll get you to the toilet where you’ll eliminate, then we’ll come back to the shower, get you all washed and sparkling clean, and then I’m probably going to eat you out and then fuck you very, very hard.” His cock throbs warningly. “At least twice.”

“I don’t think I need you here for that,” he says, carefully blank. He isn’t looking at Bucky. 

“Do you want to use your safeword? Or say yellow and we can slow down, talk about it some more?”

Steves shifts from one leg to the other, legs still spread. Bucky puts a knuckle against Steve’s hole and presses gently, soothing him. “No, I—I don’t know. I just don’t want to do it.” He pushes away from the glass and turns around, wrapping his arms around Bucky. He’s so sweet and clingy, he’s trembling and he’s doing that thing where somehow he makes himself a little smaller so it seems like Bucky is taller than him. He tries to burrow into Bucky and it makes him feel like the luckiest and most powerful man in the world.

There are a lot of subs who would do this and he’d yank them back into place and get on with it because they were deliberately being a brat and/or trying to manipulate him. That isn’t Steve. He knows it. “You’re going to need to use your words, sweetheart,” and he rubs fingers into the back of Steve’s neck where the muscles have gone tight. Steve shivers, the submissive part of him recognizing and yielding to Bucky’s dominance.

“It’s embarrassing. It’s just too much.”

“Are you telling me you want to do it on your own?”

Steve is quiet for a moment. “It’s gross.”

That’s not an answer. “I’m not going to go with you into the toilet. If you want to get in the shower and start cleaning yourself when it’s over, before I get in, we can do that, too. But, sweetheart. I really don’t care. I feel very possessive of you and your body, particularly your ass and your hole. It’s the primary way I assert dominance over you. For me, this is another way of controlling you. If the idea of me being in there with you makes you ashamed but aroused and you want it, I’ll be very happy to do that.”

“I don’t want you in there with me while I take a shit.”

Bucky chuckles. “Fair enough.”

“But, you _want_ to give me the enema?” Steve clearly doesn’t believe him.

“I do. You’ll be surprised to know,” he says, very deadpan, “that I want to fill you up and have you gasping and begging for relief in any form that takes. Cock and come or water and hose, that is all very, very arousing to me.”

Steve cuts off a laugh and tries to get closer to Bucky. “I don’t know,” he whispers, even as he’s petting Bucky’s sides. It’s clear he wants it. Wants Bucky to just do it and not make him ask. They’re not playing that way yet. He doesn’t know him or them together enough to do that.

“If that’s what you want, squeeze my arm twice. I have to know, Stevie. I need you to help me, too,” he says, kissing him, forcing Steve’s mouth open with his so he can press his tongue into him.

Which is a mistake. Fuck, he’s so hard and Steve is here and he’s naked and he stinks of Bucky’s come, and every reason he had for delaying the inevitable is gone fromhis mind. He moves them, getting Steve against the wall and presses his cock against Steve’s groin and hip which isn’t soft enough or satisfying enough, and he’ll be damned if he puts up with such poor accommodation when there’s a mouth and a hole to use. Hell, Steve has two fucking amazing tits or even the clasp of his thighs which Bucky would be overjoyed to come between.

Steve is squeezing his arm which is a weird distraction and it takes him a moment to figure out why he’s doing it. The enema. Steve is telling him he wants Bucky to give him the enema. He palms Steve’s ass, thrusts a little harder against Steve. “Okay. Yeah, we’re going to do that, but, I just have to fuck you first, I can’t think about anything else until I come, sweetheart. You’re driving me crazy.”

Steve whimpers. “Truly?”

He takes Steve’s hand and wraps it around his shaft, gets him jerking him how he wants. He lets go and Steve keeps going, “Good boy,” he murmurs into his mouth. He squeezes Steve’s pec and flicks his nipple as praise. “Yes, truly. You know it.” He growls. “You fucking know. Don’t tease me, you gotta let me fuck you now.” He’s breathing hard and Steve trembles.

“I could turn around for you?” His voice is high, almost completely altered as he slips right into subspace. Bucky has to remember that when this is over. It’s not really a surprise that Steve would slip into subspace if Bucky aggressively tells him he needs to fuck him. Something else to play with and try out. Steve sounds so polite about it, like he’s helping a stranger take groceries to their apartment or something.

“Oh, could you? That’s obliging of you. But no, don’t think I can wait that long,” he says, fucking into Steve’s fist. Steve is gasping, eyes closed. “Here, you need to be _here_ ,” he says, through clenched teeth, shoving Steve to his knees. He moves Steve’s hand away, replaces it with his own, stripping his cock fast and hard. He just needs to come. Immediacy is all that matters. His other hand grips Steve’s hair, hard, tilting his head back. “Open your mouth. I’m going to come in your mouth.”

“Bucky. Bucky.”Steve’s cock is an angry red, he can see it out of the corner of his eye.

“You’re not coming. Don’t you dare,” he says, and Steve’s mouth closes, he squeaks indignantly. His hands fist and relax at his sides as he thinks about disobeying. “Open your mouth, I’m going to come.”

Steve is still thinking about arguing. He lets go of Steve’s hair and pinches Steve’s nipple torturously hard. His mouth drops open in pain and Bucky comes, floods Steve’s mouth and Steve coughs, struggles to keep his mouth open as Bucky’s cock spits come in heavy stripes against his lips and onto his tongue. He’s been caught wrong, tries to swallow and cough and fuck it feels like he’s coming again, watching Steve struggle to get him all down.

Finally, he’s finished and he wipes the head on Steve’s cheek, alongside his nose and Steve is shaking like a leaf. His cock is dripping, his eyes are furious and lost at once. “Cock sluts swallow, baby. You’re my cock slut, aren’t you?” He wipes a finger under Steve’s chin and spoons the come into Steve’s mouth. He hesitates before swallowing. Like he might protest or demand to come.

Bucky scrubs a hand over his face, exhaustion settling in. He feels better at least. “Up now,” he says, and he can see the moment Steve realizes he isn’t coming, that Bucky isn’t going to let him. “Thank you, Stevie. I needed that. God, you make me come so hard. There was a lot of it wasn’t there. Feeling full now? Was that the dessert you were looking for?”

He goes red, blushing hard as he gets slowly to his feet. “Hands back against the glass,” Bucky orders. Tears are in the corner of Steve’s eyes.

“Gotta get you cleaned out for my cock, baby. You know I’m gonna be hard again soon. And it’s going to be all your fault. When you make me hard I come in you, don’t I?”

“Yes, Bucky,” he says, very faintly. His pupils are blown wide like they should be, his cock is dripping, throbbing in front of him. He looks at Bucky’s lips like he wants to kiss him, but that’s later. That’s the rest of the day if they can just get through this. Steve turns to the wall, spreads his legs a little and looks over his shoulder at Bucky.

“Forehead on the glass. Close your eyes.” He puts lube on his fingers again, then rubs it against Steve’s hole, works his knuckle into him, and his hole clenches, clenches, tries to keep him out and then spasms and relaxes for a moment. He presses deeper, keeping that ground and Steve’s body clenches again, wanting to close up and keep him out. More spasms and then he relaxes. “Good boy. Couple of deep breaths, honey.” Steve does. They’re a little shaky. Tears are still running down his face. “Here we go, baby. You can always safeword and I won’t be mad.”

Steve flinches away from the idea, shoves a hand behind him, grabbing at Bucky. He touches Bucky’s arm, wraps his hand tight. Does a few squeezes and keeps holding on. Bucky rubs a few fingers over Steve’s hole and nuzzles the side of his face, trying to soothe him. “Thank you, sweetheart for letting me know. I like you reassuring me. Taking care of me. So sweet. You are. Hand on the glass now.”

Steve whimpers but does it. Bucky gets the nozzle against him. “Push out, Steve.”

Another shaking breath and he sees the hole relax and open. He pushes the nozzle in, gets it lodged tight and turns the water on, gentle, just a trickle while he gets used to it. The effect on Steve is instantaneous. He cries out and reaches for Bucky. Bucky presses alongside him, keeps the hose where it belongs but rubs a hand over him to comfort him.

“So good, sweetheart.”

“I feel it.”

“How does it feel?” he asks, and his cock is getting hard again. He’s not sure where Steve is headspace wise so he keeps his cock from touching him.

“I hate it,” he says. Bucky puts a hand gently on Steve’s lower stomach, rubbing circles and trying to calm him. He’s thinking they shouldn’t do this in the shower next time if this is how Steve is going to react. The hose is long so he grabs the towel that was hanging over the top of the door and puts it onto the tile in a pillowy heap. “Let’s get you down on the ground. On your side.”

Steve doesn’t even argue. Bucky carefully helps him, keeping the nozzle in place. Steve shudders as he moves, little sounds of distress with each breath. “Oh god, oh god,” he says, as he lays down. He squeezes his eyes shut tight and pants through it. His cock is dripping and his hand is hovering close over it, desperately wanting to touch.

“Should I let you touch yourself a little? Would that help?”

“Can I come?”

“No.”

A frustrated cry. His cock flexes, come pulling out of the tip and he puts a hand over his face.

“No, let me see you.”

And just like that Steve crashes into subspace. So deep and suddenly quiet. His mouth goes slack, a steady drip of come spills from his cock as he goes down hard. His eyes lose focus and he is out. It’s beautiful. “Lovely. Good boy. You’re perfect.”

Steve’s stomach is beginning to distend. Just a hint but he can see it. He turns the water off and pulls the nozzle gently free. Steve whimpers. “You’re alright. Just a bit longer.”

Steve is so deep that he’s wondering if he’ll need make the decision on when he should go. And then Steve moves a little, legs coming up as he cramps. “Bucky.”

“I’m here, baby. Just a few more minutes and then you can go to the bathroom.”

His eyes open. He’s staring at Bucky. He looks at Bucky’s hard cock, how much he’s getting off on this and his lower lip trembles. “Please let me come,” he says. Is that what this is all about? “Hurts. It needs to come out. Please. I’m…to balance me out.”

“No, sweetheart. You’re leaking just fine and you’re in a good range now. You don’t need to come as often as you did before.”

More tears. “But I want to.”

“Let’s get you all cleaned up and see where things are. You ready to go?”

His lower lip wobbles. Steve squeezes his eyes closed again. He helps Steve to his feet and Steve is practically beside himself. He leads him to the toilet and has to help him sit down. “Go away,” Steve orders. 

Bucky is happy to leave him there and closes the door, goes back to the kitchen and drinks some more water. The enema has been an unparalleled success. His baby was down and a total mess from something so small and necessary. Keeping him that way might be tricky but denial seems good so far. He’ll need to be careful with that. Make sure Steve doesn’t take it as a rejection. Steve seemed a little unstable and if things were going badly denial might send him into a negative drop.

His instincts are telling him Steve will be an absolute mess if he’s being denied orgasms. So long as Bucky is coming and wants him, it should be fine. They have the whole day to find out for sure. 

Several minutes later Steve peeks around the corner. Cheeks pink, chin down. “Come here, sweetheart,” Bucky says, and Steve is in his arms and snuggled up without a hint of protest.

“Do you feel better now?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

He tries not to laugh. “Should we get you in the shower then?”

“Yeah.”

“Um, no. Yeah, what? Who am I?” he asks, chucking him gently under the chin.

“Bucky. Sir.”

“That’s right.”

Steve swallows. “Are you…you gonna be all strict about it?”

“How you address me?”

Steve nods.

He’s trying to guess how Steve feels about it, but ultimately he doesn’t care all that much what he thinks. “Probably not. As it suits me. You can call me Sir or not but if I decide to call you on it and pull you over my lap and spank you because you haven’t called me Sir for two weeks then so be it.”

He blinks. “That doesn’t seem fair.”

Bucky laughs. “We’re not doing fair. This will never, _ever_ be fair.” Steve’s cheeks flush red. Bucky reaches down, under the towel Steve wrapped around his hips and gropes his balls and then his cock. “Did the enema make you hard, sweetheart?”

Steve’s jaw locks up as he refuses to admit how much the enema turned him on. He’s got his Captain America I-can-take-anything-you-can-dish-out look on. It’s adorable. He leads Steve to the shower, turns on the water and goes back to the bedroom for the cuffs. Steve is waiting in the bathroom, towel off, cock down to half-hard. The moment Bucky walks away he goes soft. Will that go away when Steve evens out over time or is he just that keyed into Bucky?

He blinks at the cuffs. “In the shower?”

“I’ll wash you. Come here,” and Steve comes over to him, lets Bucky put the cuffs on him. He pulls him into the shower and turns him where he wants him, soaps him up leisurely, arms and legs and every bit of him, spending a long period of time on his pecs and his nipples. “Nipple play is clearly a necessity.”

Steve swallows but doesn’t deny it. He looks a little hazy around the edges and a drop of come is clinging to the head of his cock. He washes Steve’s cock, gets him slicked up and sudsy and jerks him off until he’s panting and about to come and then stops. Steve swears when Bucky lets him go. Presses closer, head on Bucky’s shoulder.

“When?”

“When what, my angel?”

“When do I get to come?” Oh, his voice is trembling and Bucky pushes him back under the spray and washes his hair, leaving the question unanswered. Hair clean, he gets more soap and works Steve back up, the edge there in twenty strokes. Steve growls in frustration and stumbles into Bucky, tries to put his arms over Bucky’s head and kiss his mouth. “Sweetheart. I’ll take care of you. I promise. You worried I’m going to leave you like this?”

Steve’s lower lip actually trembles, his head turned resolutely away from Bucky. “Turn Steve. Gotta wash your pretty hole next.” A glare. “Pretty isn’t the right word, I’m sorry,” Bucky says, not really attempting to sound contrite.Steve’s gaze narrows. Bucky kisses him a little before bringing it back up again. “It’s beautiful. It’s the sweetest hole I’ve ever seen. I don’t think there is a person anywhere with a more perfect, tight, pink little hole.” His fingers dip down, thumb stroking soap over his hole. “Not even a princess,” he says, and kisses Steve before he can bitch. He gets Steve rinsed off and then turns the shower off.

He dries Steve off and studies him, meeting his gaze, kissing him gently, petting his arms, his hands, his hips and a finger up the side of his cock, trying to check in and read him. “What do you think you need right now?” he asks.

“What are my options?”

“Anything. I may not do it but I want to know.”

“Come. I need to.”

“Want or need?”

Steve hesitates.

“Be honest, sweetheart.”

He tries to take a step back, get some space but Bucky loops a finger through the cuffs, keeping him where he is. “You don’t get to move away from me. You stay here.” Steve nods sharply. A blush on his cheeks. Steve likes that. “I need you close, baby,” Bucky says, and Steve comes closer, like he was just waiting for permission to paste himself against Bucky. Affection is so important to Steve that orgasm denial really might not work.

“I want to come. I just spent so long having difficulty….I want it all the time. Want you to make me all the time.”

“Thank you for being honest. I like you coming too. You’re gorgeous when you come. I want to try some denial and see how you do. Just for the afternoon and then we try something else.” Steve isn’t happy but nods in agreement. “Good. Okay. You get to come once now and then you’re going to take a break.”

Steve zeroes in on that. “So, I do get to come?”

“Yes. Now. Go ahead.” Bucky leans back against the counter and waits.

“You won’t help me?”

“I might. Get started and let’s see how it goes.”

Steve blinks and wraps a hand around his cock. He adjusts his grip a bit and jerks himself in a fairly fast, tight grip. He stops under the head, focusing on the shaft and then stroking down as far as he can get. His gaze is roaming Bucky’s body like he’s imagining Bucky fucking him. He’s hard but he’s not as hard as he was when Bucky touched him.

“You want lube?” he asks, and opens a drawer, pulls out a tube and holds it out.

Steve opens his mouth to say something, closes it again. Indecisive. “What do you want?” Steve asks, a hint of desperation in his tone.

“I want to know what you would do if you could do whatever you wanted.”

“Well, if it was whatever I wanted then you’d be fucking me, now wouldn’t you?” he snaps.

Bucky shrugs. “You didn’t ask. How was I supposed to know?”

Steve looks stunned. “Then fuck me.” He lets go of his cock and is adorably annoyed.

“What…you mean, like, in your ass?” Bucky asks, keeping a straight face because he is, occasionally, a bit of a jerk.

“Where else would you fuck me?” And he thinks Steve is joking but he’s not totally sure. It may be a genuine question.

“You could fuck _me_. In the ass,” he says, curious if Steve wants that. As a high level submissive he thinks he knows the answer.

“I don’t want to fuck you in the ass,” Steve says, dismissing it instantly.

Bucky puts lube on his hand and reaches for Steve’s cock, starts jerking him off as they stand there. “Wait,” Steve says, even as he rests his cuffed hands on Bucky’s shoulder, bracing himself. Bucky keeps jerking him off. “Fuck.” Steve’s eyes are sliding closed and he grunts and thrusts helplessly. “Not too fast. It’s gonna be over too quick. Buck. Buck. No,” and then he’s panting and all of his attention is inward as he strains to hold his orgasm back. His cock is leaking and achingly hard and he’s trembling with the struggle of not coming.

“I’m not fucking your ass now because I’m going to fuck your ass for the rest of the day.”

“Uhhh!” Steve gasps loudly as his orgasm explodes out of him.

“There you go. What a good boy.” Come is on Bucky’s stomach and even his chest. He holds Steve loose and careful and opens another drawer, gets out a few wet wipes and cleans himself off and then dabs at Steve’s cock. Steve shivers at the light touch on his sensitive head.

“What about you,” Steve asks, tired.

And yes, Bucky is hard, because he’s apparently always hard when Steve is around. “It can wait. We have to break the cycle somewhere,” he says, half-joking. He opens his drawer of supplies and pulls out Steve’s cock cage.

“What’s that?” Steve asks.

“Just arrived this morning. Thank goodness.” He puts the cage on Steve as soon as he’s soft enough. “This one is interesting. I’ve not used one of these before. I have others if we don’t like it. It’s silicone so it’s soft. If you get hard, the straps on the side of your shaft will be very uncomfortable as they pull tight and stretch. We still have metal for your balls and around the base of your shaft and the silicone loops through here and voila,” he says, smiling at Steve. “It’s lovely. Looks painful. It’s like a little pouch for your cock with a silicone basketweave.”

“There will be marks on my skin when it comes off.” Steve licks his lips as he looks at it, fascinated and terrified as Bucky gets it into place.

“Not if you don’t get hard.”

“Bucky,” he says, soft and desperate. He pets Steve’s cock gently with one finger, noting the texture difference between his satiny skin and the silicone caging him small.

“I don’t want it.”

“Fuck, I know. I can tell,” he says, and he kisses Steve hungrily, suddenly ravenous for him. Steve’s brought his hands up, arms bent upwards because Bucky was touching his cock and his hands were in the way.

“Cuff my hands behind me. Please.”

“No. We’re gonna take a nap. You’ll be more comfortable this way.” He leads Steve to bed.

They get in naked and Steve is stiff as a board next to him. Bucky takes the cuffs and puts a chain through them and hooks them onto the headboard. He pulls out the last toy he thought they’d try during nap time.

“What’s that?” Steve asks, sounding worried.

“It’s an anal hook.”

He hears Steve swallow, a sound cut off. His cock is straining against the silicone and fluid is sliding down the shaft. He’s going to leak everywhere. He gets up and gets a towel, puts it under Steve and Steve blushes and looks away. “I like you wet. But no one wants to nap in the wet spot.”

“You’re pretty confident.”

He gives Steve his cockiest grin. “You have no fucking idea.”

“Oh, shit. I want you so badly,” Steve says, and he buries his head into his arm. He spreads Steve’s cheeks and squirts lube into him with the syringe and presses the bead of the hook into him. Steve jolts at the intrusion but his ass swallows it easily enough. He connects it to the head board and Steve is panting.

“How are you baby?”

“It’s too much.”

“Is it?”

“I just…fuck, I need to come. You have to make me come,” he implores.

“Sweetheart, at this point your only option is red. Otherwise, I’m going to assume that all of your complaints are just you being mouthy.” He strokes a hand down his face, a finger over his lips, full and pouty, dark pink from where he’s gnawed on them. It’s been a hard day for his boy.

He shifts and freezes as the hook moves inside him. His eyes go wide, thigh muscles bulging. Fuck, he’s incredible.

“Tell me.”

“Hnh,” he manages, which might be ‘fuck you’ in grunt. “It’s in me. I know it’s not that big. I know. But, it’s in me. And I’m pinned and I….” His cock is trying to harden and he’s slick and shiny all over the head where he’s leaking. He hates it but he loves it. He licks his lips, his breathing speeds up and it’s clearly an enormous struggle to stay calm.

He rattles the cuffs, jerking against the headboard. He goes to his stomach, tries to grind his cock against the bed and swears at the discomfort of the cage. His shoulders begin to shake and he whispers Bucky’s name. It’s beautiful and precious and frankly it steals his breath to watch his boy fall apart. He thinks he could remember this moment for the rest of his life and every time it would make him hard and amazed.

“What do you need, sweetheart?”

“Why do you want this?” Like he’s asking God why he created the universe. He’s so desperate for an answer.

“Why do people want chocolate? It’s just good. You look fucking amazing. So fucking sexy. Want to feel how much I like it?” He shifts so his cock is pressed up along Steve, against his ass as he’s still turned almost all the way over, away from Bucky.

“This is stupid. Just hurt me. That’s what doms do.” He’s trying to be mad and defensive so he doesn’t fall apart. He needs to know it’s okay to fall apart.

“How should I hurt you?” he asks, and he gets up, goes to the other side of the bed and lays down so he’s facing Steve, both of them on their sides. Steve’s hands are pulled against his chest, under his chin because of the cuffs. Bucky kisses Steve on the mouth. He’s hot and salty from tears and sweat. He mouths his jaw, tasting more of him and down his neck. He wants to taste Steve’s cock but that might be cruel at this juncture. And he’s trying to be sweet to him. He swipes a finger lightly against the head and brings his sticky finger to his mouth, getting the taste of Steve on his tongue.

Damnit. He’d wanted to eat Steve out and make him scream from his tongue and his lips on his hole but he’d gotten distracted and now Steve is full of lube which tastes disgusting. He mentally sighs. Eating out his boy goes back on the list for another time. But he swipes up another bead of fluid from his leaking cock and sucks it off.

“You taste good, baby. Now, tell me how I should hurt you.”

He keeps his hand on Steve, puts a leg between his so Steve feels him close by. He tries to bury his head near Bucky’s armpit, breathing him in surreptitiously. “Why won’t you just beat me?” he asks, so quiet Bucky almost doesn’t catch it.

He makes Steve look him in the eye, holding his chin. “That’s not who I am. I will never just beat the hell out of you. I’m not careless and imprecise and a thug. I won’t ever bring you down because of brute violence or in anger. I’m sorry.”

Steve sobs once, eyes shut. “I need _that_. I don’t need _this_. Weird toilet games and calling me princess and so much fucking softness I could scream. I’m crying and it doesn’t even hurt! This is stupid.” He takes a deep breath, says very calmly and rather persuasively, “This isn’t what I need from you, Bucky.” It’s his Captain America voice and Bucky watches him until Steve blinks and more tears spill from his eyes. He slams his eyes shut.

He kisses Steve’s closed eyes and pulls back, patient. Steve finally looks at him again. “No. This is who I am and what _I_ need. I can give you more, and I’ll give you my body and even my heart if you want it, but it happens this way. It will be precise and it will be ours and I will come undone for you, and make you come undone for me, but it’s never _ever_ going to be a knock out fight in a back alley. I’m _never_ going to be the bully who beats you up til you can’t stand and then fucks you because you have to let me.” Steve flinches. His cock has gone small. He’s distressed and upset. But, this is important. It’s breaking Bucky’s fucking heart but they have to have this conversation. And he has got to find a way to make Steve understand.

“I’ve seen the reports, Steve. All those broken bones that are healed, how many times you broke your fingers and your wrists in fights. Your nose and your jaw. The doctor’s know what’s from before and after the serum. It shows up on the x-rays. I’ve seen the x-rays and the reports and all of it. That wasn’t submission. It was just…self-harm. It was a way for you to hurt yourself.” He’s being careful and keeping his tone even, not condescending or accusing. He keeps his touch steady and close. This isn’t a rejection and he has to make sure Steve knows that.

“You don’t have _any_ fucking idea what you’re talking about.” He’s enraged. He pulls on the cuffs, but he doesn’t say red and he doesn’t try to get away from Bucky. “The doctors didn’t know then and they don’t know now. All of those files are supposed to be gone because they’re _wrong_. We didn’t even have shrinks or PTSD or any of this made up bullshit back then. I like to get _hurt_ and I like to get _fucked_ and it isn’t more complicated then that. Don’t make me—” He isn’t sure if Steve cuts the words off himself or if they’re stuck in his throat.

“What? Tell me.”

“Don’t make me leave you when the three days are up.” He’s crying. Steve is crying and so Bucky holds him in his arms until he falls asleep.

And then he gets out of bed and he texts Fury. “Where are Steve’s medical files from before he went into the ice?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, look. I was expecting to be out of this story soon because there was just a smutfest with the three days and Bucky’s convo with Steve about his past to be had, and then I figured most of the plot would be resolved. But I was writing this last chapter and all the sudden this plot shit of Steve and his self-harm and how it ties into his submission turned up and i think the story is still growing rather than winding down. I very much hope this revelation of Steve's self harm and his unhealthy approach to submission works because i wrote it and was like 'oh man, that's nuts!' 
> 
> I also hope the consent, submission, self harm, etc issues are being handled delicately and if that's not the case please let me know. 
> 
> This chapter was all Bucky POV and a lot of internal narrative at the beginning. I had a lot of fun writing it from his perspective so that may continue for a bit. Did this work for people or would you rather go back to Steve? Was it too introspective? 
> 
> I struggled with Bucky and what this issue was with his past re consent and how far to take that violation. Ultimately, the angst is between our two boys and Bucky is a good man at heart and so it seemed unrealistic to have him make a grievous mistake. The idea of a false rape accusation was something I thought about a lot and which would have impacted him deeply. I hope this rings true and any feedback or suggestions are welcome. 
> 
> If you’re still reading this ridiculously long note then thank you and if you’re someone who’s commented then please know I’m reading the comments, I do reread them and they are definitely the only reason this story is still continuing as it probably would have wound up in the last chapter and the three days would have been condensed, etc. So thank you and your comments do make a difference! 
> 
> PS- I’m traveling for the next two days from london back to california and so there will defo be a few days before the next chapter is up but I’d be very, very surprised if there wasn’t something by friday (10k is my guess).


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surely, no warning is necessary. Like, if you made it this far, you know what this shit is. But, just in case, they're flirting with the idea of non con.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Much. Smut. Probably should have waited and gone over it one more time but ugh. This story could be called smut, smut, talk. like duck, duck, goose but obscene.

Fury’s reply is prompt: “I don’t have anything besides what I gave you. I’ll have someone do a search and get back to you ASAP.” Ten minutes later he gets another text: “All the files have been deleted. Found out who authorized the deletion. Agent Sharon Carter. Peggy Carter’s niece. Do you know who she is?”

Does he know who she is. Of course he fucking does. She’s the woman Steve was going to marry before he crashed the plane and saved New York. There’s really only one relevant question.

Bucky: “Was she a dominant?”

Fury: “No. She had no designation.”

How the fuck was _that_ going to work? He paces the living room. Well, probably in the same dysfunctional way Steve had been carrying on before the war. When the needs got too bad he’d go out and get the shit beaten out of him, get some kind of release and make it to another day.

If the plane hadn’t crashed would he really have married Peggy and pretended to be a dominant who could fuck her into the mattress? Steve hadn’t even wanted to fuck _him_. Bucky couldn’t imagine it. The odds of them having a successful relationship when Steve’s designation was so high had to be non-existent. Didn’t it?

Maybe he liked fucking women? He shrugged, not that anyone was there to see it. Anything was possible. Steve _could_ only want to submit to men, but be able to perform his husbandly duties like the world and Peggy would have expected. Sexuality was complicated. Having a designation was complicated. Having a _high_ designation….Well, that just made everything worse.

He has another question for Fury: “Who authorized the deletion?”

Fury: “She won’t say anything so I suspect it was on her aunt’s direction.”

Bucky: “Why would Peggy delete Steve’s files?”

Fury: “It was done shortly after he came out of the ice. I’d speculate it was at his request but don’t know for sure. Is there a problem?” Now isn’t that the fucking question.

Bucky: “Working on it.”

****

“Bucky,” Steve shouts from the bedroom and he sounds frightened. “Bucky!”

“I’m here, sweetheart.” He lays down next to Steve and Steve pulls sharply against the headboard making it groan. He’s almost hyperventilating, skin pale and cold. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” he says, but Steve isn’t listening.

“Red. I need… _red_!”

Bucky moves instantly, unhooks the handcuffs and the hook from the headboard, unlocks the cuffs and straddles Steve so he can see what he’s doing when he takes the hook out of his ass. As soon as he’s done, Steve has grabbed him, pulls him down on top of him and wraps him up tight. “Fuck me. I’m sorry. Please, please be in me. Don’t let me go. I didn’t mean it. I swear. Please, don’t let me leave you.”

“Baby, baby, it’s fine. We’re fine. You are alright, I swear it,” he says, already reaching for his cock and putting it to Steve’s entrance. Steve is sticky and too dry and he swears and grabs the lube shooter, pressing it into Steve’s hole and filling him with it. He’s trying to put a dab of slick on Steve’s hole and Steve is barely giving him any room to do any of it. He’s clinging and needy and upset and he can’t stop touching Bucky and trying to kiss him, practically consume him.

He’s got his legs open, and he’s gripping Bucky’s hip to get him closer and keep him flat on top of him. He’s like a drowning person pulling down his rescuer. “Fuck, sweetheart. Give me a second.” He’s trying to slick his own cock so he can go nice and easy and deep into Steve but it isn’t fast enough for his panicking submissive. Steve is grabbing at him, arching his hips, trying to press his hole against Bucky’s cock, needing the calm that will come with getting his dominant’s cock. He shoves into Steve in short thrusts and fucks him hard and solely for his own pleasure, working to come as quickly as possible. Steve is begging him to come, is doing his best to clench and writhe and get Bucky there, his own cock soft since this isn’t about sex but designation. “I’m gonna come, baby. Deep inside you like you need. And I need to give it to you. Always want to fuck you and make you mine, always, sweetheart. I won’t go anywhere when I have this hole. Of course not.”

“Just use me.”

“I am, baby. I’m gonna get mine. Be my perfect slut and take it. Look at you, not even hard, but still wanting me, pleasing me. Perfect. You are. Open baby, relax, here it comes. Tilt up, get my seed deep in there, sweetheart.”

Steve is whimpering in agreement, hips tilted so Bucky’s come will slip deeper into him. When he’s finished, he doesn’t pull out but keeps Steve under him, stays in to ground him for as long as he needs. Almost instantly, Steve is better, eyes closing, lips kissing Bucky languidly. “Feel you in me. So full now. Thank you.”

“You gonna leak for me today? All day I’ll keep you fucked full and dripping. Is that what you need now?”

“If you want that.” Steve buries his head into Bucky’s neck again. “I want that.” He whispers, voice rough with unshed tears.

Bucky reaches down, feels Steve’s cock, still soft and small. “Poor baby. It’s alright now. I won’t let you go, Steve. I’m here now and you’re mine.”

“I didn’t mean it. I swear. I don’t want to leave you.”

“Baby, I know. This is difficult. That’s why we need lots of time to get to know each other. It’s hard. Neither of us comes without baggage and history. We’ll work through it together. I promise.”

Steve is tucked in tight against him, legs wrapped around Bucky’s waist. He’s got his head turned and Bucky knows he smells like sweat and come. “I think…I think I’ll get hard again soon.” It’s like he’s confessing to stealing or something.

“That’s alright. Sometimes our designation overrides our normal responses. You panicked and needed me. It wasn’t about getting off for you, it was about knowing I needed you. I’m not upset you didn’t get hard.”

“I need to learn more about being submissive.”

“I’ve got some books you can borrow. And you can always ask me.”

Steve nods, presses closer, deep breaths and his cock twitches, slowly begins to fatten between them.

“Do you like the way I smell?” he finally asks, hoping to lighten the mood, and Steve is practically in his armpit.

“I was in the army during a war. You smell like roses in comparison.”

“Well, that’s quite the caveat.” He says, and Steve finally gives him a smile. God, he’s beautiful and needy and Bucky is positive this man in _his_. “But, that’s not what I’m asking you. Earlier you reeked of sex and sweat. Your come, my come and it made my cock hard. My first thought was home. So, I’m asking you if you like my smell because I love yours.”

Steve blinks rapidly, tears still close. “Home is…home is a big word for me.”

“Yes, it’s a big word for me, too.”

Steve drags in a wet breath, nods sharply and seeks out Bucky’s lips. “It already feels like you’re everything. It’s terrifying. And everything is a struggle.”

Does that mean being with him is a struggle? “Do you want to go? Be elsewhere?” With someone else? The question kind of feels like a knife to the heart but the way Steve says ‘struggle’ makes him feel like he should ask.

Steve clutches him so hard he’ll have bruises. He grunts and Steve relaxes his grip. “Sorry. No. I swear to you, there isn’t anywhere else I want to be, anyone else I want to be with. I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”

“Stop apologizing, sweetheart. We’re okay. Do you believe me?” If the cock in his ass doesn’t convince him and the words don’t either, what will?

“Show me,” Steve whispers. “I can do things others can’t, you know. Maybe, I….”

“What, sweetheart?”

“Wanna prove to you that I can take it. I hurt your feelings, hurt us. I’m sorry. Make me prove it to you. That I only want you.”

“You’re going to. I’m going to fuck you again.”He shoves Steve’s hands up and out of the way so they’re along his pillow. He cups Steve’s cock, keeps a tight grip on him, too hard for most people and feels the resistance as his cock hardens in Bucky’s hand. Steve shakes his head, begging him not to touch him, not to get him hard when he wants to suffer and make amends. Steve lifts his arms like he’s going to grab Bucky’s hand and Bucky growls at him.

Steve’s arms drop, his pupils dilate and he lets his legs go lax so Bucky can move him where he wants. Bucky opens him wide, looks for a long moment at his leaking hole, pink and still fucked open. He presses his thumb against the rim, pressing down and then feeling just inside where he’s so satiny wet and the muscle stretched. “Fucking love this,” he utters.

He reaches over to the bedside table and opens a drawer, pulls out a hand mirror and holds it out to Steve. Look. Look at your hole while I touch you like this. See what I see.”

His hand is shaking as he positions the mirror. It actually drops down, like his arm had gone weak and then the mirror is back up, in place and Steve’s eyes widen as he looks at his hole, open and a little sore. “Look, babydoll. Look at this sweet cunt of yours.”

“Bucky,” he murmurs, frowning at the word choice. Two fingers press into him and push down, showing off the pink inside and Steve drops the mirror and turns his head to the side.

“What are you thinking?” he asks, wanting to be sure. He _thinks_ that Steve is feeling owned and used and like he’s just a slutty hole to be had by his dominant. And, if Steve _is_ thinking that, then he’s pretty damned sure Steve is overwhelmed with the idea.

“I don’t know.” 

“Get your hands on those pretty tits of yours and play with them for me.”

Steve’s hands rise, rest over his chest, delicate, almost fluttering. He strokes lightly at his nipples, refusing to look at Bucky even as his cheeks turn pink.

He presses Steve’s thighs back further, until Steve winces in discomfort. “Yeah. You stay like this while I take what I want from my good boy.”

“It’s hard,” he gasps. Bucky gives him a look, knows it’s a little uncomfortable but it’s not that bad. Certainly not for Steve. The look Steve is giving him now, wide and desperate, uncertain and afraid, raises all of his dominant instincts, makes his heart beat faster, blood pounding in his ears, his cock suddenly aching to prove to Steve that he is essential.

“Is it hard? Not too hard for you, though, right?” he asks, cajoling, giving Steve that hint that maybe he won’t let him say no to this because Bucky needs it too bad.

“I’d do it for you.” Steve is so needy, looking at him like Bucky might walk away, trying to make sure Bucky knows Steve will do anything for him. Even hurt. Maybe, especially, hurt for him.

“I know, baby. That’s why I need you. _Only_ you. I want this and you’re gonna do it even though it hurts, aren’t you?”

“Yes, sir. Always. Just want you to feel good.” He mouths the words, tears slipping down his face. “I shouldn’t have threatened to leave.”

“It’s alright. I swear.” Bucky lines up and presses forward, relentless. Steve is hot and damp against the head of his cock and he bites the inside of his cheek as he slides right back in. He lets himself groan, wants Steve to know just how good he feels being balls deep inside him. Steve whimpers and flinches, body shuddering as Bucky’s cock breaches into him.

“Good boy. Relax. Relax,” he whispers, into Steve’s mouth. He puts fingers to the pulse at Steve’s neck, feels his heart beating fast. He pushes forward hard and they scoot a few inches up the bed. Tears slip down Steve’s cheeks. “Is it hurting, sweetheart?”

“You won’t stop, will you?”

“No, baby. I won’t stop. I’ll always want you this way. Want you hurting on my cock, giving yourself to me even when it doesn’t feel good.”

“Promise?” He’s so sincere, so worried Bucky will take this away from him.

“You think I don’t want to hurt you?”

He turns his head away, arches up as his passage convulses around Bucky’s cock. He’s so tight. His Stevie is trying so hard to stay clenched, to give Bucky the best ride of his life.

Steve breathes in deep, makes little sounds as Bucky fucks into him. When he’s finally seated and Steve’s body is still protesting and shuddering at the rough invasion Steve is creating for himself, he kisses him, plays with his tits and lets him feel the heavy weight of his body pressing him into the bed.

Steve goes boneless and his passage abruptly relaxes, enough for him to start fucking in deep, sharp thrusts. “Clench, baby. God, that felt so fucking good. Might make you always do it like this. Is it good for you yet?” he asks, voice dark.

“Hurts.”

“That’s a shame. Do you want to stop? Want me to be sweet to you?”

“No. You know I don’t.”

“Good. I’m glad. This is how I want to come. You’ll just have to keep doing this. Maybe all day. All night.”

“Yeah. I can do this all day, Bucky. If that’s what you want.”

“I’m afraid it is, sweetheart. I’m sorry it hurts but you’re just going to have to find a way.” He feels damp on his belly and looks to see that Steve has abruptly leaked a puddle of come between them.

“Did I?” he asks, sounding scared. “Was that pee?”

“No, baby. It’s come.” He forces himself not to chuckle. “Submissive release. It means I’m hitting your prostate and the glands around it. This is how I’m meant to take you. And you’re meant to come while I do it. Through pain or pleasure so you stay balanced. It’s evolution. You get backed up and your body is supposed to do it this way. Look at me,” Because Steve seems embarrassed and ashamed. “It always should have been this way. This is right. This is good for you. This means I’m taking care of you.”

Steve seems unconvinced. “You want me to fuck you so hard you believe me?”

His lips twitch into a smile. “I’d certainly like you to try.”

He puts a hand on Steve’s hip to get him to turn over but then stops him. “Just so we’re clear. If you say red or yellow I’m going to slow down and check in with you, adjust as needed and still fucking hurt you. It may change a little or be different but I swear I’ll give you everything I can.”

All the calculations and plans, everything he thought he knew about Steve is rapidly being rewritten. He knew Steve wanted to struggle and prove himself. But, this isn’t just dubious consent they’re flirting with but non-consent. And that’s what made him release like that. Fucking hell.

Steve lifts his chin. “Kiss me first,” he says, and Bucky makes himself focus. Steve kisses Bucky like a man on a mission. It’s hungry and possessive, he nips Bucky on the lip and his tongue is everywhere as he tries to taste him. Bucky moans and it steals his breath. He pulls back and Steve looks smug. “You’re welcome.”

“Yeah. I guess I am. Turn the fuck over. Christ.”He pulls out quickly and Steve’s hips rise to follow him, wanting him to go slower, the drag intense.

Bucky helps get him turned, hauls his hips up into the air, shoves his legs out a little further and tells him to arch more. He spits on Steve’s hole and Steve rocks forward, like Bucky had slapped him.

“Your ass is unbelievable,” he says, and he spanks him hard on each cheek. He yanks his cheeks open, sees the skin pull tight around his hole. He isn’t swollen. He’s a little pink but he isn’t puffy or open yet. That’s going to change by the end of the day. “I can’t believe I get to come in you. You’re going to be filthy with it. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Bucky,” he says, a breath of sound.

“Turn your head so I can see your face when I fuck you.”

He turns as best he can and Bucky sinks into him again, gets straight to it, fucks him hard and deep, braces himself, forces his legs even wider so Steve swears and his arms are braced to keep him up. His cock is dripping and his ass is clenching and releasing with each thrust. “Tight, sweetheart. Milk my cock. Be my good slut.”

“Bucky!” He shouts, indignant as he always is when Bucky calls him something girlie.

“No pussy is this tight. No pussy would work my cock like your ass does. Fuck, Stevie.” And then he can’t speak anymore, his balls are tight and he wants to come but he wants Steve to feel it. He’s going to be sore, he’s going to ache. By the end of the night he’s going to beg for a break and mean it. His baby would never safeword for this, he knows it. There won’t ever be enough for him when it comes to this.

“Please take it off. Please, please Sir. _Please._ ” It takes a moment to register what he’s saying, what he’s asking for. He wants the cage off. “I like the cage on. I like you begging. God, you have no idea what you do to me, how you sound, how you flinch and beg and whimper. Odes could be written and sung to the sounds you make for me.”His fingers dig in beneath Steve’s balls, pressing bruises into the sensitive flesh and Steve’s ass becomes a vice, clamping down as he’s helplessly unable to push away from Bucky’s painful touch.

“No! No, no,” Steve chants, back arching, going down to his chest like that might help him escape, as if any change at all might make things better. He pulls on the cuffs, the headboard creaks and he keeps his movements short and even, his grip steady until Steve gets himself together again and quiets, resumes his position. “So lovely. What a good boy you are.” 

Experimentally, he opens his hand and digs in again and Steve shakes but doesn’t go to pieces. He fucks him in earnest then, the way Bucky likes, no longer concerned with what Steve wants or needs because he’s clearly deep and on the edge and his shield arm keeps bending, as if it’s a struggle to stay upright.Bucky uses the tips of his fingers to rub roughly at Steve’s shaft and the head of his cock through the silicone and Steve is grunting, almost feral with each touch. “I can’t, I can’t,” he says, and Bucky pulls all the way out and then slams back in.

Steve’s hole convulses in protest at the too fast movement. Steve goes flat to get away and Bucky rides him down, grinds hard so Steve’s cock is pressed into the bed. He’ll bruise from this. He yells out, hoarse and his ass goes loose in submission, Steve’s cock unloads on his fingers and he comes deep in Steve, panting heavily as he kisses his back.

He pulls out and watches his hole flutter, sees the come trembling on the rim and then pulsing out of him in thick rivlets, soaking his balls and thighs. He turns Steve to his side, slides in behind him, lifts his cheek and sinks back home. “Oh. Oh, oh I can’t,” Steve says, almost to himself.

“You can because I want it.” Steve nods, and after several short, panting breaths he settles. His breath evens out and he’s asleep from one moment to the next.

When Bucky wakes up it’s dark. Steve is still out. His cock is still in Steve and they haven’t moved. Steve needs food. They both do. But, he is uncomfortably hard again. He slides a hand around Steve, feels that he’s slick with come where it’s beginning to weep from the tip and he rubs a thumb over his head, what he can reach of it through the silicone and that gets an almost instant jolt of protest. Bucky chuckles in his ear, feels the shiver that goes through Steve.

“Just lay there, baby. I’ll be quick. Gonna come in you and then get us something to eat.”

“Sore,” Steve says, voice thick with sleep.

“Oh yeah? Inside?” Bucky asks, not bothering to slow his pace or ease up as he starts thrusting lazily in and out of Steve.

“Yeah, yeah. Inside. _Oh_. Sir. Sir.”

“You want me to be quick then?”

No answer.

“Do you need more lube?”

He shoves hard and Steve inhales and grunts. “No, sir. I can take it.”

“And you want to, don’t you? Sore and a little dry.”

“Want you to be happy with me.” His words are muffled, mouth turned into his own arm like he’s hiding.

“I am. You can’t doubt that, can you? My perfect boy.”

“I’m not perfect.” There’s a thread of vulnerability there.

“Perfect for me then. Your flaws and worries are perfect for me. I know how to handle you.” He does. He fucking prays he does.

“Yes, sir.”

“Three days isn’t enough. I already want you longer. I want you here in my home. I want people to know you’re mine. I want you to leak my come and wear my cage and be my toy. I want to keep you warm and make you cry and put you back together again. That’s what I want. I’d never get enough of that.”

“You might change your mind,” Steve says, voice hoarse.

“I won’t.”

Steve’s hands are clenched tight into fists and his eyes are pressed tightly closed, nostrils flared as he endures. He grabs at Steve’s cock again and Steve releases with a gasp. “Oh fuck! Oh, you’re too big. It’s too much now. Bucky, Bucky. _Please_ come. Please come, sir!” He gasps, ass rippling around him. He’s oversensitive and the soreness must be increasing drastically with each thrust. He’s harder to fuck, there’s no more smooth glide. It’s short thrusts and screwing in deep, and it feels like he’s claiming territory instead of fucking into a well worn path. He needs lube.

He checks Steve’s face, sees tear tracks, but he isn’t crying or sobbing. He’s alright. “Open your eyes. Let’s see where you are.” Steve opens his eyes, tries to turn and look at Bucky over his shoulder, pupils blown wide. If he were wetter inside, he’d feel loose he’s so far down into submission.

He pauses and gathers his breath, wants to think about how Steve is right now so he can know his boy better and treat him well. Steve is down, his muscles not locked tight but receptive. Any tightness is from pain and there isn’t much of a difference in terms of feel inside Steve. He needs to know his boy, find these little clues to how he’s doing. Can he tighten his muscles if he’s afraid or is he too far gone?

Bucky reaches down to Steve’s hole, feels his cock sinking in and pulling out. Bucky is testing Steve’s rim, his finger threatening to work its way in beside his cock. “Sir!” he whimpers.

“Shh, You can do this. I know you can.” Steve’s thigh has moved and is trapping Bucky’s wrist. “Move your leg. Be open now, sweetheart.”

“It’s hard,” he whispers. “You always make me think about it. I always have to do it.”

“Of course it’s hard. That’s why I want it. That’s why you’re going to give it to me. Because you’ve decided you’ll fight yourself enough to give in to me.”

“I’m tired, though. Of the mental part. Could you make me?” he asks, sounding ashamed as he asks.

“You know you can safeword.”

“No, I just…I want you to make me at least a little. Please.”

Back to the non-consent games already. “Yeah, baby. I can make you.” He pulls his arm free, grabs Steve’s thigh and hikes it forward, knee bent so he’s open and his hole is exposed. He picks up the pace again, holding him wide for several thrusts. And then his finger slips down again, to Steve’s rim, testing to see how rigid it is, how sore. He’s deep enough down that the rim is soft and swollen. His finger slips in along his cock, just the tip, fairly easily, although Steve thrashes and begins to beg for Bucky to stop. “No, sweetheart. I won’t stop. Don’t you worry. I’ll keep going. Look, it’s happening. Your hole is opening and god that must burn sweetheart. That must sting something awful. I’m almost in to the knuckle. _There._ There,” Bucky groans.Steve’s cock releases again and his breathing evens out, the fight gone as he sinks into subspace and back into unconsciousness.

He finishes shortly after that, pulls out to look at Steve’s hole. Red rimmed, puffy now and the area around it is most definitely hot and swollen. How long this will last? He leaves Steve in the bed, floating and out of it, and Bucky takes a quick shower, getting himself all cleaned of lube and come and then goes to the kitchen, gets them food sorted out and finally goes back to the bed to drag Steve out of it.

***

He’s slow to rouse, gives Bucky a big smile and cuddles up next to him as they go to the kitchen. He’s sweet and biddable, eating everything Bucky gives him and in general just looking at Bucky like he’s the best thing ever. He is the most contented submissive Bucky has ever seen.

Steve rests against him for a little while and then Bucky gets him to the bathroom, has him drink even more electrolytes and takes a quick shower with Bucky’s assistance. Steve is finally staying deep in subspace,and so he sits him on the couch and they watch tv. Well, Bucky watches it. Steve has his head in Bucky’s lap and his eyes drift open and closed but he’s clearly in his own little world. He gets restless after another hour goes by, his eyes opening for longer. Finally, he rubs a hand across his face and then slides it down to his cock, lightly feeling it through the underpants Bucky had put him in.

Special submissive underpants he’d ordered for Steve that are absorbent in the front for releases and can be opened at the back for access to his hole. They’re satiny and blue and he looks beautiful in them. He pulls his hands away from his cock, and lays there calmly for a few more minutes. The tension is returning, he’s coming out of subspace and Bucky wants to see if he can get him down again.

“You wanna suck my cock, sweetheart?” he runs a finger along Steve’s lower lip. Steve doesn’t even look at him, just turns his head and rubs his face against Bucky’s crotch, tension easing out of him. And, there he goes. Bucky represses a chuckle at Steve’s cock focused submission. He seems almost entirely sexually submissive. A lot of submissives can channel their needs into jobs or tasks, exercise or meditation. But, that’s not Steve.

Bucky had put on underpants after the shower too, going minimalist, the cut of them designed to snap open in the front so his cock and balls can be easily serviced.

“Don’t move your hands, I’ll help you out.” Bucky slips a hand to his crotch and opens his pants, spreading the material. He’s half hard and Steve looks down at him. He presses light kisses to the shaft and the head, eyes closing, happy to be there and like the rest of his day could be happily spent with his face buried between Bucky’s thighs and his mouth full of cock.

“That’s good, Stevie. Take your time. I like that.”

“Be gentle with you Sir,” he whispers, in-between kisses.

“Good boy, Steve. You love on my cock and I’ll watch my show. Treat me right, like I know you want to.”

He nods and hums, finally gives Bucky’s cock a little lick. The kitten licks go on for a while, all around the head and the shaft and then it’s open mouthed kisses on his balls, which have become tight and hard, dusky with arousal and pent up seed as Steve takes his time.

A show ends and another begins and Steve is still directionless, down in subspace and contented. He lets another half hour go by. “The shaft now, baby,” he says, voice just a little hoarse as he watches Steve, getting off on how much he’s enjoying it. He reaches a hand to Steve’s pants, slipping between the fabric and pressing his middle finger against Steve’s hole.

Steve starts to grind into the couch but stops and groans as his caged cock presses into the fabric painfully. Bucky flicks open the cap on the lube and puts a small amount on Steve’s hole then presses his finger in to the first knuckle. He leaves it there while Steve mouths wetly at his shaft.

“Fuck, you’re good at that, sweetheart. Need you to suck on the head now. You’ve got me all hard, babydoll. So good I’m going to come down your throat. You’ve earned that, haven’t you?” Steve grinds against the couch again and huffs out, annoyed at having forgotten how much it hurt.

Bucky withdraws his finger, adds another dollop of lube and sinks in to the second knuckle. Steve takes the head into his mouth and sucks at him in slow, pulling drags of his mouth.

His mouth is wide and he keeps his teeth well out of the way. Bucky spreads his thighs and puts his free hand on his own balls, playing with them, bumping Steve’s chin periodically as they both work him up. A few minutes go by and Steve’s hole clenches on his finger, reminding him. He chuckles and pulls his finger out, then swipes some of the smeared lube on his ring finger, coating it in slick and then presses two fingers into Steve’s hole. He works them in steadily, shifting and pressing until he’s as deep as he can get them. He crooks them, like his hand is a hook too and pulls until Steve has to scramble up to his knees and get his ass in the air with a whimper. Bucky’s cock throbs warningly, his erection no longer something he can enjoy. He needs to come.

“Yeah. Here we go. You be good now while I fuck your face.” Steve tries to nod, his breathing has picked up and he’s trembling a little. He pulls out his fingers and slicks a third finger briefly, then shoves them all into Steve, hooking upwards and giving Steve another tug, like all the wants to do is pick Steve up by his asshole.

Steve sucks frantically in response and Bucky moans. He puts his free hand on Steve’s head, keeping him there and pushing down when Steve bobs down onto him, getting Steve to take more of him in his mouth. Deep and deeper. Never deep enough. He holds him down after awhile, just groans and lets his head fall back on the couch, enjoying Steve’s mouth and heat, how willing he is. When it gets to be difficult, his ass clenches on Bucky’s fingers. As if some part of him has to alert Bucky and protest. He fucks up into Steve’s mouth instead of letting him go and Steve’s back arches, his throat convulses as he gags, and Bucky’s that much closer to coming.

“There you go.” Bucky reassures him and lets him pull back and catch his breath. He takes his fingers out of Steve’s hole and slaps him there, the flat of his hand, catching his hole and his perineum and Steve’s mouth opens on a cry at the shock and the dark, dull pain. Bucky forces Steve’s head down, arches up so his cock sinks deep into the back of Steve’s throat and spanks him again, getting Steve so turned around he can’t think where to protect himself first. His back arches and Bucky shoves his head down. His head comes up, ass going out and he spanks his hole. Steve is lost, so deep that he’s gurgling and twisting ineffectually.

“Swallow,” he order and then Bucky’s cock is in his throat and he’s gagging, tears making Bucky’s underpants wet. He spanks him again and again, steady and painful, then pulls the band of his underwear aside so he can see Steve’s cock. Hard and dripping, painfully cramped in the cage and aroused as expected. But he hasn’t released yet. The weight of his balls indicate he needs to.

Bucky lets him up, lets him breathe, a giant lungful of air dragged noisily into his lungs and Bucky grabs him by the throat, squeezes off his air flow. Steve’s eyes go to him. His hands are clenching tight together, resting on Bucky’s thigh as he struggles not to fight.

“Good. That’s right. Do you want air, baby? Do you want to breathe?” and he enunciates clearly, wants to convey the full magnitude of just how far he’s going here, how much he’s demanding and taking from Steve. Steve is helpless but he doesn’t have to be. He’s a god damned super soldier and he could do a hundred different things to escape Bucky and breathe but he doesn’t. He forces himself to stay where he is, goes even limper in his grip and Bucky spanks him again and Steve chokes, the pain and the hit instinctively making him draw in a breath but he can’t.

Tears streak steadily down his face as he looks at Bucky, keeping the connection. His pupils visibly expand so they’re almost all black. God, he’s down deep. 

He lets Steve go and Steve collapses onto him, breathing heavy and hard, mouth open but head to the side, ear pressed to Bucky’s thigh. He feeds Steve his cock and pulls Steve’s head closer until he gags, plays with keeping his head still, not letting Steve catch his breath.

“Oh fuck. Here you go. You earned it.” He’s coming in moments and Steve tries to draw back, no doubt remembering the last time they did this and Bucky shot come into his throat and he choked on it. He clenches his fist into Steve’s hair so he stays where he is.

“Good boy. Enjoy what I give you. You’re lucky, babydoll.” He moans loudly, strips his cock as he rides out his orgasm and pulses into Steve’s mouth. Steve swallows, of course he does, and then he’s back down on Bucky’s thigh, near to unconscious but drifting in subspace with Bucky’s softening, sticky cock pressed to his cheek.

****

“You know, it’s been four days,” Bucky says.

“Yeah, I guess I do.”

He’s fascinated by Steve’s lips, is staring at them and Steve smiles when he catches him looking, licks them like the flirt he is. He laughs at Bucky’s distraction and Bucky blushes and forces himself to focus. “Would you like to go home? You’ve got another few days before you’re back in to work. We both do. Slightly strange thought. Anyways, I could take you home.”

Steve frowns, looks bewildered. “Do you want me to go? Are you worried about working together?”

“Hey. We’re not doing that. No, I want you to _stay._ I think you’ve been pretty clear that you want to stay with me, too. But, I feel like I have to tell you so you can make a decision. You have the option. And I’m very happy to be serving under Captain America. Or on top of Captain America….Wherever I’m needed really.”

“Very funny,” he says, brows going sky high. Then he sighs. “No, Bucky. I don’t want to go.”

“Good. Good,” he says, again and then he’s on him, pinning him to the bed.

***

For the next 36 hours everything is perfect. Steve is mellow and the constant lust actually ebbs a little. They sleep a lot and even go to the grocery store and to get a coffee.

At first, he’s not sure how Steve wants them to behave on their first public outing. On the record, Steve is a dominant. Bucky is concerned that if he touches him it will be pretty obvious what the relationship actually is— Steve submissive as hell and Bucky his greedy, indulgent dominant. 

“How will it be obvious?” Steve demands, as they’re walking down the street. He’d reached for Bucky’s hand and Bucky had had to tell him.

“I don’t know. There are just mannerisms.”

“I’ve pretended to be dominant for a long time. It’s fine.”

“That was before you had one.”

“Just tell me you don’t like public displays of affection,” Steve grumbles. He adjusts the baseball cap Bucky had given him.

“Do _you_? You don’t strike me as Mr. PDA.”

“Well, no. It makes people very uncomfortable,” Steve says, looking around them like someone might attack them. “But, I like touching you. It’s actually a little weird being out with you and _not_ touchingyou.”

“We’ll get used to it,” Bucky says, keeping his hands in his pockets. 

Steve doesn’t say anything until they’re standing in line at the coffee shop. Bucky is rubbing his hands together because they tingle he’s so desperate to touch Steve.

Steve has already reached for him twice and finally just took off his hat and fiddled with it until people started looking at him. Now the hat is back on and he’s leaning against Bucky, a warm line of comforting heat that will have to do. Steve keeps his voice down and confesses, “It actually makes me worried for work. What if I just want to hold your hand the whole time?”

“It will be fine. You’ll switch into work mode. I think Fury wants us practicing for a week before we do anything active. Just to check our dynamic.”

Steve crosses his arms over his chest, shifts away then back again, pressing firmer into him. Is that slight touch really going to make him hard in the middle of a god damned coffee shop? He tries to adjust himself surreptitiously.

“Probably a good idea,” Steve murmurs, glancing down at Bucky’s crotch. He licks his lips and Bucky shakes his head and looks away. “You’re evil.”

“Out of curiosity,” Steve asks, carefully, like it isn’t a big deal. It instantly puts Bucky on alert. “Are you worried about following my orders?”

“No! I’m worried I’ll be so busy thinking about fucking you I’ll get someone injured but I’m damned sure I can follow a chain of command. Besides, you’re fucking good at it. You know we had to study some of the crap you did during basic.”

“Sounds unlikely.”

Bucky snorts. “The memorable one was to do with capturing German guns with only a small force and heavy fortifications.”

Steve grunts but says nothing. Bucky’s not sure what that means. The line has gotten long behind them and isn’t moving as fast as it should. “I could suck you off in the bathroom?” Steve says, from out of nowhere. 

There’s a gasp from behind them. A woman is there with her hands covering a child’s ears. “Sorry,” Bucky says, with a shrug. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Steve turning bright red.

“Mommy, that man looks like Captain America.”

Bucky turns back. “He gets that all the time.”

And then they get to order which is a fucking relief. They get their drinks and go to the grocery store and pick up some food and some more electrolyte beverages and then go back to Bucky’s place. They walk in the door and some mutual eye fucking happens while they get food ready. “Maybe we should try to make it to bedtime. Like 8pm before sex. Prepare ourselves for the real world.”

Steve gives him a look. “If you think you can.” He unzips his jacket and takes it off, throws it on the couch and comes back to the kitchen. He’s pretty sure Steve just wanted to take his jacket off and that it was an innocent gesture but his cock is definitely twitching in interest like it’s the start of a strip tease. He adjusts himself and turns back to the salad he was making.

By the time they’ve eaten dinner and are doing the dishes they’re both twitchy and ready to tear each other’s clothes off. Bucky’s hands are soapy as he finishes up the last pot and Steve is beside him drying plates. Bucky’s phone dings with a message and Steve looks at it and reads it to him as it pops up on the screen. He pauses for long enough that Bucky is pretty sure it isn’t something good. “Fury says ‘Do you still want Steve’s files?’”

This is not a good time to talk about the files. “I thought you had my files,” Steve asks, as Bucky hands him the pot.

“Did you know that there are no files on you from before the ice?”

Steve ignores him completely, rinses the pot and sets it on the counter to drip dry, throws the towel on the counter and starts to walk away.

“Did you hear me?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“Were there files?” Bucky asks.

Another pause. It’s annoying. Bucky dries his hands on the towel and then looks up at Steve. Steve who has his arms crossed defensively and legs spread wide in a seriously dominant pose. Maybe he could have fucked Peggy for twenty years and been happy, he thinks inappropriately. “You know there were.”

“Did you know that they were deleted?”

Steve’s gaze narrows, potentially trying to figure out just what Bucky knows. “Yeah, I knew.”

“Did you _ask_ for them to be deleted?”

Steve shakes his head and starts walking away.

“Steve.”

“You’ve gotta let it go. The past is the past. Considering how much you said we were supposed to be moving forward together and building a relationship _together_ , you sure make it seem like my past is a big deal. It was 70 years ago.”

Well, that’s disingenuous as hell since he was in the ice for all that time. “Some of this has to be talked about, Steve.” The look Steve gives him is just shy of murderous. Steve doesn’t want to talk, he’s not been dropped by Bucky all day long and they’re both worried about starting work together. If Steve doesn’t want to be grilled on his past maybe it’s time Bucky finally do some talking of his own. He’s been putting it off. Using the excuse that the moment had never seemed right. But, the moment was never going to be right, because he didn’t want to talk to Steve about his mistakes and failings. He wanted Steve to want him. Hell, he wanted him to _love_ him. 

“You know what. Why don’t I tell you some stuff from my past that I’d rather leave behind me? Since I’ve been putting it off,” he says, and feels like a total coward.

Steve is considering him, almost stoic. This is the man the country worships. “No. I don’t think I need to know. I’m happy to take you as I find you. You can tell me because you _want_ to tell me but not becuase you feel the need to disclose.” Steve shrugs. “Ultimately, you’re a good man. That’s enough for me.” Oh, the temptation to just agree with him is strong. But, that’s not just making it easy for Bucky, it makes it easy for Steve. Steve’s willingness to let it go is self-serving, a duel bargain. They’ll both let the past go and start over.

“Yeah, I uh, I really wish it was that simple.” He takes a deep breath, shrugs helplessly. “So, when I was a kid in school they could tell if you were going to have a designation. A blood test, mandatory before you enter middle school. You get it done with other vaccinations and they tell you if you’re dominant, submissive or nothing. The thought was that I would be dominant. The men in my family, several generations worth, the boys are _always_ dominant. My parents are very liberal. Anyway, I was raised a little different I guess. I wasn’t one of those boys that got into fights or excuses were made for if I misbehaved. There’s always been a weight, expectation I guess, of what was expected of me. If I fucked up and acted out the punishment was enough to make sure I didn’t do it again.” Steve is, at least, listening. He comes closer and leans against the counter, puts his hands in his jean pockets.

He wants to touch him. Seek comfort and strength from this man who is a rock and a pillar of moral fortitude. God, to be good enough for Steve Rogers. He bites too hard on his lip and it’s enough to get him talking again. “I grew up with sisters and they are all submissive.My dad absolutely doted on my mom and sisters. When they presented we had a party. Books on dominant etiquette and submissive rights were all over the house. The last thing my parents wanted to raise was a victim or someone who was ashamed of what they were. And, they were going to make sure I wasn’t an abuser. They are…well, they’re probably the best people I ever met. So, anyway….” And this is where he runs out of steam a little. Steve is just watching him. He can probably tell by Bucky’s flat tone and the way he won’t meet his gaze that he’s ashamed and unhappy. God, he’d give anything to not have to tell Steve this.

“Let’s sit on the couch,” Steve says, and he takes his shirt off, actually flexes his pecs, which gets Bucky’s attention because who the fuck wouldn’t look? He takes Bucky by the hand and leads him to the couch. Bucky sits and Steve sinks down between his legs. His hands go to Bucky’s thighs, framing his crotch, gaze going from Bucky’s soft cock to his face. “Can I keep you warm, sir?”

Bucky smiles at his perfect boy, runs a hand through his hair and grips tight, close to the scalp as he can get until Steve tilts his head back, nostrils flaring at the spike of pain. “You’re amazing. Better than I deserve. Incomparable.” He’s leaning forward, wants to kiss Steve, devour him, make him understand just how much his devotion means to him. Hopefully, he can do that later. He lets him go, gentle, presses a kiss to his forehead, has the terrifying fear that this could be the last time he gets to do this because Steve might leave him. Steve reaches for his arms, gives him a squeeze. “Buck. It’s alright.” 

He doesn’t know that. And he won’t know until Bucky grows a pair and fucking tells him. He pulls back, forces himself to sit back against the couch. “That’s, wow, that’s a generous offer. But, um, you might not want to make that offer in a minute. I won’t hold you to it,” he says, and wants to smack himself because of _course_ he wouldn’t hold Steve to it. He couldn’t even if he wanted to. This is Steve Fucking Rogers, the man does what he wants to do and that’s it.

“I will,” Steve says, utterly confident. “You aren’t going to say anything that will make me not want to be yours.” He shakes his head. “I don’t like you being this worried. This…insecure of me.”

Hence the offer of cock-warming.“If you want to when this is over then you can.”

“Bucky,” he says, and Steve rises up to his knees, comes in close which means Bucky has to spread his legs wider to accommodate him. Steve touches his face, gently, and Bucky turns his head to kiss Steve’s wandering fingers. “There isn’t anything you could tell me that will make me not want to be with you.”

Bucky takes Steve’s hands, twines their fingers together. “I want you to always look at me with trust and respect. With the certainty that I’m going to do right by you and be worthy of you. Pretty sure I could spend a life time working for that or trying to keep that.” If you’ll let me when I’m done, he wants to say.

“Worthy of _me_? I’m not worth—“ he bites the words off.

“What?”

Steve drops his gaze, shakes his head. “Nothing.”

“Steve. You’re priceless. Not because you’re Captain America but because you are and always have been a good man.” Bucky blinks, tries to drag himself back on track. “We’re quite the pair. Anyways, I had my first girlfriend at fourteen. And, my dad was totally up in my business. It was embarrassing.‘It’s natural to want to tie a girl up, James, but you need to wait until you’re 18,’ kind of thing.” He laughs, but it’s out of embarrassment rather than humor. “And for some of his advice I listened, for other advice I just thought he was old, you know? Too cautious. So then I dated this girl who’s designation was a surprise and her parents hated it and she was totally ashamed of it and I was young and dumb and ready to be the dommiest dom to ever dom and guide her, etc….And she was so naive…she made a sixteen year old, very confident, dominant boy feel even more confident and dominant. I’d promised my parents I wouldn’t have sex until I was 17 and that I’d talk to my dad about it first. I didn’t. Her parents caught us when I was 16 and…and you know, maybe I had given her some confidence and convinced her that her submission was beautiful but that wasn’t how her parents saw it.”

“They thought she was a whore,” Steve murmurs, quietly.

“No. They thought she was perfect. I was the bad influence who’d taken advantage of a girl who couldn’t say no. Do you know it had never occurred to me that a girl would say I hurt her? That was something monsters did. Those dominants were practically a different breed as far as I was concerned. Her parents accused me of rape and she didn’t deny it. She’d always been a good daughter. I’m not sure she could have disagreed with them even if she’d wanted to confess that what we did was consensual. So, I had to do community service and take classes and the things they taught me were different then what my parents had taught me. It wasn’t normal to have a designation. It couldn’t be fun and healthy, it was an overwhelming urge, almost like an addiction and if I didn’t find a way to manage my urges I’d wind up a criminal locked away.”

“That’s not you,” Steve says, looking up at him with steady, confident eyes. He sounds so certain.

Bucky swallows hard, choked up. “I don’t know if it’s me. Maybeevery dominant has the capacity for that. It _should_ be me because I’m such a high level. After this happened, my parents had me retested and that’s where they figured out how dominant I really was. My parents love me unconditionally, but I think part of my dad always wonders if I lost control. Just a little bit. I’d been young and stupid and I let my family down. And, my sister, well, she got hurt by a dominant and.…I guess the point of it, what you need to understand, is that I take my designation very seriously. I do. I _have_ to, I _want_ to, that’s what’s right for me. I think I would hate myself if I lost control. And, I can’t even imagine it. It’s not like some secret, forbidden fantasy of mine or anything. I want what my parents have. I want it to be love and respect and—“

“But, it isn’t. The relationship is unequal by definition.”

He isn’t quite sure what point Steve is trying to make. “My dad always said he was the captain of the ship but my mom was the first mate. If he was on the wrong course she’d speak up. They had porch time which meant that they could go outside and talk as equals and every weekend they went on a date as equals. My mom would organize where they were going to go, book the restaurant, she’d drive them, that sort of thing. She was submissive but she wasn’t lesser.” And _that’s_ the moment he feels Steve withdraw. Steve rests back on his heels, his eyes go down. “What, baby?”

“I guess I’m just processing. I don’t…I’m glad you told me what happened because I want to know everything about you, but it doesn’t change how I feel or make me worried you’re actually an abusive monster.”

Which is such a fucking relief that Bucky exhales and swears the air in his lungs was weighted. He could literally float off the couch he’s so relieved.

And yet.

Steve isn’t touching him anymore beyond lightly leaning against one leg. His own hands are in his lap. His shoulders are rolled in a little. He waits for Steve to speak up, will wait for as long as it fucking takes. “I’m glad you want us to be equals sometimes since I’m your boss. And, that is something I’ve been trying to not think about too much. I’m not sure how that will work but…my dream has always been a total power exchange. That was the sick fantasy I had and what I got off on when I was 16. That a dominant would _own_ me.” He looks quickly at Bucky, trying to gauge his reaction. “This is stupid, but as a teenager there was this radio program based on this book about the white slave trade. This was a ‘concern,’” he says, and he uses air quotes, which is a lot cuter then it has any right to be. “Girls and submissives would get abducted and sold into slavery, disappearing forever so we should be locked up and kept close by for our own protection. And, I spent a lot of nights jerking off to the idea of what that would be like, if I was sold into slavery and had to do whatever my master wanted.”

Steve risks a glance at him and Bucky is glad he was smiling at the idea, doesn’t want Steve to be ashamed or worried that his fantasies will upset Bucky. And who doesn’t want to role play kidnapping and taking a beautiful submissive as a slave?

“That was actually easier, you know. If I was _forced_ to give in, and I had to, then it wasn’t my fault. When I was a teenager…well, my dad was gone or dead, I don’t know which, and my ma never said. We didn’t talk about my dad. From what little she said, I think he’d been a dominant and my mom, she was submissive, but it was low level stuff. She worked a lot, and we were constantly on the verge of starving to death, so designation wasn’t exactly entertained in my home. We had to take charity from the church and the official Catholic position at that time was that designations were basically tests by God to overcome. Temptations.” He frowns intently like he’s remembering it all and it still hurts. He lets out a breath slowly. “And, if you gave in to this temptation and something happened to you, well then, you were getting the punishment you deserved. I wanted…fuck, I just _wanted_. But, that wasn’t allowed.”

He puts his head on Bucky’s leg and takes another breath, looks up again.“There was…eugenics was a movement. I wasn’t just weak, I was defective and a lot of people viewed me as a mistake. I was pretty sure that when I did die that it would be a relief to my ma because she wouldn’t have to spend money on medicines or doctors and she could get on with her life. I just,” Steve shrugs. “I _expected_ to die young. And death was everywhere. World War I had decimated the population, then there was the Spanish Flu, life was uncertain and cheap. I did, well, I did _a lot_ of risky shit. And I hated myself afterwards. But, being hurt sure did make me come hard. The more it hurt the better it felt and I didn’t…I didn’t have to feel bad about it if someone beat me up. I couldn’t defend myself because I was weak and small. Fragile. Being beaten up was okay. So, I um, yeah, cracked ribs was a thing. So fucking painful. You can’t breathe normally but when you’re about to come you know, you hold your breath. You can’t help it and it would be agony and I loved that. Made me feel good afterwards. Calm. Or if I was…injured inside. That was good, too. Because you can’t forget _that_ pain. You sit and you feel it, you walk and you feel it, you dread going to the bathroom, it’s like…it’s everywhere. The worse I was the better I was.” Bucky lifts Steve’s hand and kisses it, presses his palm to his face, wanting him to know he’s there and he’s not going to judge him. Steve nods and pulls away, hands in his lap. Steve’s voice is rough. “There I was, already weak, already supposed to die, and I was going out trying to make it happen sooner. I loved it and I hated it. I _needed_ it and when I got hurt my ma could hardly stand to look at me.” 

“And, if you were a slave you’d have had no choice.”

A blush on his cheeks. “Exactly. I just wanted to not feel bad about what I wanted.”

“That makes sense.” He feels a visceral need to touch Steve. “Can I touch your hair?”

Steve’s lower lip trembles which was not the reaction he’d expected. “You still want to?” he asks.

“Stevie. Of course I do. Look at me,” and he reaches for Steve’s face, turns him so he has to look. He knows Steve likes that, has a tendency to look away just so Bucky will turn his head. “You haven’t said anything that’s made me want you any less. I can’t imagine what could make me not want to be with you. I want you now and I’ll want you tomorrow. Hell, I want you to the end. End of the line.”

Steve kisses his hand, like Bucky is giving him benediction. He’s wondering if that’s enough for now, if they should take a break from the heavy stuff but he does need to know about the medical records and Peggy.

“Do you want to finish telling me or come back to it?”

Steve pulls back a little. “Tell you what?”

“The medical records. Peggy.” Steve chews on his lower lip for a minute. His grip on Bucky’s thigh is harder then he probably realizes.

“There’s nothing to tell.”

Which is such a crock of bullshit. “You wouldn’t lie to me, sweetheart, would you?”

“I’m not Captain America, Bucky. Would _I_ lie? Yeah. I would. I’ve lied to people I love before.” He clears his throat. “To keep you? I’m not above a lie or six for a good cause.” Ah. Is that it then? Is this a confession that he was willing to live a lie with Peggy Carter and hope he could struggle through?

“I’m not her.” 

“There are other ways to disappoint people. To not be able to live up to their expectations.”

“So, you’ll lie to me then? Hurt yourself with that burden and deny my right as your dominant to help you if you struggle?”

He turns his head, tries to wipe away a tear without Bucky seeing. “Yeah. Yes. Would you forgive me?”

“That’s a silly question,” Bucky says.

“No, it’s real. Will you forgive me when I lie to you?”

“I’m not answering that because you won’t lie to me. Not to me.”

“I would. I will. Will you end it with me, if or when, it happens?” He demands.

Bucky shrugs, vaguely fascinated and stunned by this conversation. But, he’s for damned sure not giving Steve permission to exclude him or hide or whatever Steve thinks he’s obliquely asking for. “I’d be disappointed, so it won’t happen,” he says, blithely.

Steve smirks. “Disappointed. That’s the story of my life, that’s nothing.” He’s looking at the wall. Bucky will wait him out every fucking time. “You should get used to being disappointed, Buck.”

“No. You don’t disappoint me. You won’t. You’re my good boy.”

A muscle ticks in the corner of Steve’s jaw, his expression is hardening. Is he defensive or angry? Both? And who’s he pissed at? Bucky or himself? “Well, I’m not a good boy if I’m lying to you now am I?”

“You are my good boy, though. So, I don’t have to worry about you lying to me.”

“No. _No_.” His weight shifts, he’s going to get up, stalk away. He reaches out, grabs Steve by the back of the neck. Steve pulls back, like he’s going to shake Bucky off of him.

“You don’t leave until I say you can or you say red.”

Steve snarls at him, his hand slaps over Bucky’s digs in to his tendons where he’s got Steve by the neck. They’re done with this conversation now. “Take your pants off.”

“I’m going to lie to you. When it’s easier. I _will_. I’ll disappoint you. Tell me you accept that.”

“No. Not my good boy,” Bucky says, and he unbuttons his own pants instead, pulls the zipper down, awkwardly with one hand because he has to keep Steve at his feet. “Come sit on my cock now, sweetheart and we can continue this conversation.”

“I—“ Steve’s face goes red. He’s flustered and annoyed. “I’ll disappoint you. I will. You tell me you understand that and I’ll do…whatever you want.” The fight drops out of Steve and the grief and fear surrounding him is heavy and awful. He lets go of Steve, hears the faintest whimper at being released.

Bucky lifts his hips and gets his pants down his legs, lets them pool around his ankles and starts stroking his cock. Steve is hypnotized. “I trust you to be my good boy.”

“What?” He’s licking his lips as he looks at Bucky’s cock, clearly befuddled already. Steve blinks, shoves to his feet and puts a hand over Bucky’s, stopping him from touching himself. “We’re not done talking yet. Just…put it away. Please.”

“What do you think needs to be said?” Bucky asks. And he grabs Steve’s hand in his, tight, keeps it hovering over his cock. Wanting Steve to know that he’s on borrowed time because Bucky getting off is now the most important thing in his world. Steve’s hand should be on Bucky’s cock and that’s exactly where it’s going to go when Bucky’s finite patience is up.

He isn’t going to tell Steve that he’s a disappointment or that it’s okay if he disappoints Bucky. He isn’t getting that permission or negative validation. Steve needs to get fucked. He’s gone too long without subspace. He isn’t sure which of them prompts the other into a sudden designational imperative to be together but it’s like electricity in the air, crackling and dense between them.

His cock flexes, come wells out of the slit and Steve tries to pull his hand away, even as his other hand cups himself, thumb stroking between his balls.

“Bucky, please. I just told you I’d lie to you if I had to. That I’ll let you down and you’re acting like…I don’t even know.”

“I’m not acting. I’m hard and you’re my submissive. I’m ready to use you now. For someone who claims to want TPE you’ve got a lot of attitude.”

“That’s not the fucking point and you know it.” Steve jerks his hand out of Bucky’s grip. Bucky extends his arms along the back of the couch, widens his thighs and gives Steve a look, then looks down at his cock as if to say, ‘it’s not going to come on its own.’ 

“I’m being serious,” Steve says, voice wavering.

“So am I. Come on. Now, Steve.” It’s a firm order, filled with dominance. 

“Shit, I felt that. You can’t do that to me. It’s not fair.”Steve slowly undoes his own pants, as if he’s fighting himself and trying not to. His breathing is picking up and he’s looking at the ground, lost and a little confused. He takes his pants all the way off and then just stands there, holding them in one hand like he doesn’t know what to do next.

“Drop your pants. There’s a lube shooter in that drawer,” he says, and points.

“I don’t—“

“Go get it.” Steve stumbles forwards and gets it out. He looks at Bucky and down at his hard cock. “Put a leg up on the coffee table, bend over and show me how you do it.”

“You have to tell me it’s okay. You have to. Stop, please.”

“No. You can say red. But, I will never let you lie to me. Accept it.” Bucky makes a noise of frustration and drops a hand towards his cock when Steve just stands there.

“No, I’ll….Okay.” He’s very embarrassed, awkward as he turns, spreads a cheek and puts lube into his hole. His hole winks at Bucky as he takes the syringe out. He throws it in the sink and comes back.

“Good boy,” Bucky says, and puts his arm back on the couch. Steve is hesitant as he moves closer, straddles Bucky and puts his hands on Bucky’s shoulders. Once he’s over him, he reaches for Bucky’s cock to line him up but Bucky’s stops him. “Just move around on me until you find the angle you want.”

Steve blushes like he’s some virgin bride and moves jerkily, uncomfortable and somehow vulnerable. Maybe anything would make him vulnerable right now but Bucky thinks he’s going to have particular difficult with this. For someone who’s so determined that they’re going to disappoint Bucky he’s sure behaving like he’s scared to death of making that disappointment a reality.

The sticky head of Bucky’s cock slidies against his cheeks and then his perineum. Steve moves forward a little and Bucky’s cock slips back, past the rim and pops out behind him. Steve shifts back, his coordinationabsolutely non-existent and his eyes wide as he’s trying to blink back tears. “I can’t get it. Just let me do it right.”

Bucky hisses as his cock gets dragged between Steve’s legs, pokes at the crease of Steve’s thigh and Steve reaches for him again.

“ _No_.” Bucky orders sharply and Steve’s hand goes back to Bucky’s shoulder. He shifts around and Bucky’s cock weeps at the pressure of Steve’s taint against the head. He’s hot and warm there. Even though they showered this morning Steve has leaked come while they were out running errands and he’s sticky, tacky. He loves that the man is filthy with his come.

And now, it has the added bonus of making it hard for Steve to get lined up easily, means he has to lift and lower repeatedly, try sitting and see where Bucky’s cock lands. And when he finally gets it right, cock lined up to his hole and he tries to push down, Bucky shifts minutely and his cock slips back again. His hands clutch at Bucky’s shoulders and he bites his lip.

This is so hard for Steve. It’s charming. Bucky is definitely getting off on how much Steve doesn’t like it. How quickly it’s breaking him down.

Steve gives him a look, uncertain if it was an accident. “Just tell me you understand that I’ll lie to you. If I feel like I have to. You’re going to be disappointed.”

“Come on, baby. Work for it. I’m hard, you know.” He slaps Steve on the ass, not holding back, and then grunts at how much he liked it. He grabs the globes of Steve’s ass when Steve gets him lined up again and squeezes so hard that Steve shifts and his cock slides out of place again.

“I’m trying! Let me! Why won’t you let me?” Let him what? Get fucked or disappoint him, give him permission to lie?

Bucky grabs Steve’s cock and starts jerking him off, rough and fast, his hand dry. Steve moans and the head of Bucky’s cock lodges into place. Steve lowers himself quickly, not wanting to mess up again but the angle is wrong and he hisses in pain as his hole begins to give. “Shh, it’s alright. Just try again,” Bucky says, as if this is nice. As if he’s nice when he’s rapidly deciding that what Steve needs is to be broken down and remade tonight. He grabs Steve by the hips, lifts him off his cock and Bucky’s cock smacks his own stomach, pre-come leaking from him. Steve is shaking above him. “Please, may I use my hands,” he asks, softly.

“No. I like this.”

“Like me failing?”

“I thought you wanted me to tell you I expected you to fail?”

“No, I said lie and disappoint. That’s not failure. I don’t want to fail you.”

“Do you want to lie to me? Disappoint me?”

“No. No, of course not. Please. Please. _Sir_.” He falls forward, buries his head against Bucky’s neck and he feels damp skin as Steve cries silently. It’s on the tip of his tongue to tell Steve that he’s going to break him down but he doesn’t. He’s not sure if he will or even if he should give him warning.

Steve reaches blindly back, gets a hand on Bucky’s cock and tries to position the head at his hole. He grabs Steve’s hand, puts it back on his shoulder and then hesitates because he isn’t really sure what to do next.

Once again, his complicated boy is having some unfathomable breakdown and Bucky has no idea what to do or what Steve’s reaction might be to whatever course of action he takes. Steve’s submission is so tangled and chaotic and overwhelming that he has no idea if it will ever settle down. Maybe this is just how he is when he’s being dominated and sliding towards sub-space. Maybe it’s always a fight and tears and emotion.

Which doesn’t help him figure out what to do now. He could be sweet to Steve, line his cock up to Steve’s hole and help him out. He could order him to work it out and be distant…disappointed even. But that doesn’t tend to work well since Steve needs to know he’s wanted. It’d be a disaster. Why is Steve wanting that?

“Here’s the problem, sweetheart. You’re asking me to lie to you. We have no lies between us. Look at me,” he orders and Steve raises his head, tear stained and beautiful. Fuck, he loves him like this, crying and needy and vulnerable. “I will never lie to you, Steve. And you won’t lie to me. So, I don’t need to give you permission and I won’t. You’re my good boy. Good boys don’t lie. And if you do wrong, if you do something I have to forgive you for. I will. I promise you I will.”

Steve is crying in earnest now and he’s in no shape to be having this much control over how their sex plays out. “Get on your back,” he says, already moving Steve. He falls to the side, then moves to his back on the couch and Bucky takes a moment to get his pants off and then climbs over him. Steve’s arms are open and waiting for him. He presses him into the couch, resting his weight on Steve and Steve’s eyes close. 

“Please, hurt me.”

“Of course, sweetheart.” He backs off of him, gets into the pocket of his jeans and comes up with the clamps he’d planned on using. He affixes them to Steve’s nipples while Steve watches him and hooks them up to a long chain. Steve turns his head away.

“What are you thinking?”

“This isn’t enough.”

Bucky tries not to laugh. “Well, that’s good to know,” he says, calmly. He gets the ring opened and loops it over the base of Steve’s cock and then behind his balls. It’s tight, but not too tight as it will hurt more if it shifts around and this scene is designed to provide Steve with a hell of a lot of pain.

“What is that?” Steve asks, sounding worried as he looks between his legs. “It’s poking into me.”

“Isn’t it?” His grin is villainous. “It’s studded for your displeasure.”

And then there’s a small anal hook which he hooks into Steve and connects to the chain on his balls. He ties a scarf around Steve’s head, gagging him and hands him a tiny ball with a bell. “You drop it and I know you need to stop. Otherwise, you can just wail away and scream to your heart’s content. Fuck, I need to get off.”

Steve says something muffled and Bucky smirks at him. He shortens the chain between Steve’s pecs and his cock so there’s the barest slack. Any movement and Steve will be in agony at several points of his body. Steve’s breathing is picking up already. A shudder goes through him. “Oh yeah, you worked it out, huh? I’m gonna fuck you now and every time you move, or I move you, if you arch at all, you’re going to pull on your rim and the spikes are going to dig into your cock and balls and your nipples are going to be yanked on. Tell me it won’t hurt enough, babydoll.”He strokes his cock, anticipation making his balls heavy.

“Actually. Wait. Just a sec. Let me get one more thing.” Bucky shoves to his feet, casts a fond glance at Steve’s body and then leaves the room. He comes back with a corset, specially ordered for Steve. It’s just a half and he gets it under Steve and snaps it closed. It’s utilitarian and for submission rather than looks so it clips closed like a life vest and he pulls the straps hard to restrict Steve’s breathing. It goes from just above his belly button to right below his nipples.

“Fuck, your tits. God, look at that rack.” Steve’s cock pulses at the constriction and then he whines and whimpers and goes still.

“Yeah, gonna be hard to leak or come it’s so tight right here,” he says, and he puts a finger between the ring and Steve’s cock, on that bit of skin, and traces over the big vein that the ring is clamped down on so tightly. “There’s a specific spike for right here, feel it? You’re gonna get so backed up. You’re gonna be a fucking mess, sweetheart. I’m gonna wear myself out in your ass and you’re gonna be so desperate for it. But you can wait until I’m finished getting mine and then we’ll see what’s gonna happen with you. Fuck, you look so good. Can’t even wait to be in you, sweetheart,” he says, and he jerks himself off hard and fast, pulls gently on the chains between Steve’s pecs, making him whimper and arch. Steve yells desperately into the gag when his cock is yanked by the chain and it’s so fucking gorgeous he almost comes right then. 

“Fuck you got me worked up. Gonna just,” he gasps, his cock threatens to spill and he grunts as he tries to let it build up a bit more before coming. “Gonna get a little release first so I can really take my time. _Fuck._ Stevie. Gonna come on you now, doll.” And he comes with a hard shudder, come exploding out of him and striping Steve’s stomach. He aims down, gets some on Steve’s cock and his balls too.

He strokes out the last drops and then swipes up the puddle and presses it onto Steve’s lips. Steve writhes, wants to taste it but can’t because of the gag and the resulting pain makes him shout in frustration.

“Much better.” He’s relaxed now, ready to focus on Steve for awhile and gets lube on his fingers then presses it into Steve. Steve reacts as it starts to heat. “Yeah. I told you, you’re going to be a mess. You keep saying I can’t give you what you want, that I won’t hurt you enough. I just wanna reassure you, baby. I can give you what you need.”

Steve’s eyes squeeze closed and his cock lifts a little and lowers, fluid dripping out of him in excitement. He gets his breathing back under control and opens his eyes. His pupils are blown wide already. Bucky pulls on the ties of the corset again, making it tighter and Steve’s cock flexes, his eyes go shut as the agony of his cock sluggishly leaking demands his attention. His breathing is shallow, clearly difficult and Bucky takes that opportunity to get lined up and press into him. Once again he’s gone tight as a virgin. The hook is very small but it’s still going to mean he’s taking the width of Bucky’s cock plus an extra finger’s worth. That’s gotta be hard for him.

By the time he’s halfway into Steve, Steve is crying. His body is pliant, tensing only when the pain is overwhelming and then relaxing like he’s coming rather than enduring the agony of Bucky using him roughly. There isn’t all that much fluid on his stomach but his balls are getting fuller and more swollen. The ring is tight and the skin around it is red and undobtedly aching.

Steve’s perineum is flushed dark with frustrated arousal and his rim is being tugged with each thrust, the hook stretching him one way while Bucky’s cock is tugging him the other. Steve’s hand is clutching the ball tight but the other one is touching Bucky gently. His neck and his jaw, over his chest and his arm. Like he’s grounding them both.

It’s cute.

It’s also a sign that he’s not where Bucky wants him yet. He gets fully seated and presses from side to side, finding the deepest possible angle and Steve’s hand drops from him, lax. His cock pulses again and he arches up then cries out. His nipples are pulled hard and Bucky flicks one gently. Steve yells in response and Bucky starts to fuck him, slow and easy at first. Steve drops completely into subspace then, the ball still in his hand but he’s so deep that doesn’t mean anything.

He’s not sure Steve could say red now by dropping it, even if he needed to. The come Bucky had wiped on Steve’s lips has dripped into his mouth and run down his cheek. He fucks him slow and thorough, feels Steve’s body clench and relax. Little sounds come from him, his balls become more and more swollen, his nipples red, distended. He’s red where the hook is too, and Bucky pets him there, examining him to make sure he’s okay. He pulls out of him and puts a finger inside Steve’s channel, feels around the hook and takes it out, then feels the skin again. Just checking that the hook isn’t hurting him more than it should. He should be sore, maybe bruised but nothing worse. He puts it back into Steve and Steve is watching him, detached and floating. “Mm kay” he tries to say around the gag.

“Thank you, baby.”

He eases his cock back into Steve and fucks him until he comes, pulls out at the last possible moment so he comes on Steve’s cock and stomach. Steve whimpers anew at that, a lost, little sound. “You thought you’d get some relief inside, huh? At least you wouldn’t burn because I’d soak you with my come?”

“Please,” he murmurs.

“Maybe next time,” he says, and he wipes the spare drops of come that are on his cock onto Steve’s thigh before sinking back into him, fucking him slow and steady all over again.

That seems to push Steve over the edge and he comes with a hoarse cry, clearly miserable and hating every second of it. He picks up his pace at that, makes it hurt more because he’s overstimulated and Steve’s cock releases again, his passage rippling up and down Bucky’s cock. “Fuck!” Bucky swears, pulling out of Steve as he comes abruptly, spurting before he can get a hand on himself, coming on Steve’s balls and finishing on his stomach. 

Steve releases again and Bucky is positive it’s nap time. He pulls out of him, removes the hook and strokes Steve inside with two fingers for awhile. Just playing with his rim and the shiny pink skin he can see now that Steve is gaping.

Steve flinches at the touch, squirms every now and again and finally lets out a sob before Bucky moves his hands to Steve’s chest. He undoes the clamps and Steve is silent at the pain of blood rushing back in. He strokes Steve’s pecs through it, rough and careless, climbs up his body and rubs his cock between them while Steve stares up at him with wide, helpless eyes. “Fuck, you are so soft and perfect here. Maybe next time we can get those clamps back on you and I’ll fuck your tits with them on. Doesn’t that sound good?”

Steve’s eyes close, his hand clutching weakly at Bucky’s forearms.

He takes the gag off next and has to remove the ball from Steve’s hand. His hand is cramped and so he rubs it out until the fingers relax. He unsnaps the corset and Steve huffs out a breath then breathes like he just escaped drowning, eyes closed, cock releasing again because the relief is so great.

“Oh please, it hurts so much,” he says, sounding hopeless, hand hovering over his throbbing cock.

“Keep your hands above your head.” Steve does, nodding along absently as he follows direction. At the first light touch of Bucky’s fingers on Steve’s cock he arches up and swears.

“Hush, sweetheart. You take what I give you now.”

“You’re hurting me.” It’s a plea for him to stop and yet he’s clearly still in subspace and loving it. He moves his fingers to Steve’s balls. They’re hot and horribly swollen. “Oh, fuck. Please, Bucky. Bucky. _Please._ ”

“Please what? What do you need?”

He shakes his head, unknowing. He releases the clasp around Steve’s cock and balls and Steve rolls to his side, knees drawing up protectively. He gasps so deep it’s almost a gag. “Alright, my love. Almost done. Ride my cock and then we’ll sleep.”

This takes a moment to get through to him. “What? No. Please, no,” his voice breaks. Bucky strokes his own cock, he’s hard but not hard enough because what they really need is to fucking go to sleep.

But Steve needs Bucky’s come to make the lube stop itching and swelling his passage. It’s this last bit, when the whole thing is misery that Steve claims to want. This is the TPE he’s always fantasized about. How a slave would be treated. Steve’s own desires, his needs are nothing. Bucky’s whims are everything.

And, as much as he’s a sadist and their designations are compatible, he thinks Steve’s super soldier status exacerbates things and that Steve’s natural inclinations are probably a bit more than Bucky would normally choose. If it wasn’t for the lube he’d just take them both to bed. But, he needs to come in Steve before they can sleep and this will be a good test, see if it really is too much or what Steve does actually need.

If this turns out to be the level Steve needs then he can devise scenes that require that little bit more. Steve coming until it’s agony is something he’s all in favor of.

Bucky likes the idea of it so much that he gets a new burst of energy, his cock goes rock hard and he genuinely leers at Steve as he lifts his cheek to look at his hole. It’s well stretched and red from the hook. He’s leaking slick and all of him, from his perineum to the tip of his shaft, is swollen from his frustrated and unsatisfying releases.

“I can’t,” he finally says. His lower lip is trembling.

“I want you to.”

“Bucky, please.”

“I thought you were mine? My good boy. My property. Isn’t your ass mine?”

Steve swallows hard, still looking away. Bucky gets the tube of slick from the table and Steve looks at him. “What are you doing?” Is he afraid?

“I’m going to motivate you.”

“You said…you said you didn’t want to treat me like that.”

He chuckles. “Like a slave? And you swear up and down that it’s what you want. So, come get what you want, babydoll.”

Steve shakes his head miserably. His cock is hard, though.

“I can do this all day, Steve. I’m not the one with burning lube inside me.” He flips the cap and squirts lube onto his fingers then reaches between Steve’s legs. He presses it to his hole and sticks his fingers straight up into him and Steve moves like he’s been electrocuted. He jerks away, falls off the couch and stares at Bucky with tears filling his eyes.

“Take my hand,” he offers, and reaches down. Steve takes his hand and slowly shifts off his ass, whimpering as his hole is pressed between his cheeks. Bucky hadn’t realized how much Steve had been keeping his legs open and the realization excites him. “Oh, sweetheart. You really are hurting something terrible, aren’t you?”

Steve gives a little nod but says nothing. He looks at Bucky’s lap, at his hard cock like he’s just been told to walk across hot coals. “I’ll be sweet to you. Line it up and everything.”

Tears slip down his cheeks and he shifts on his feet, reaches behind him and presses fingers between his cheeks. “Turn. Let me see what you’re doing.”

“I was just wondering how much it will hurt.”

“Let me see you. Turn.” Steve turns, gingerly. “Look at me. Over your shoulder.” He does. He’s blushing something terrible. His fingers are between his cheeks, just touching his hole. “You gonna put your fingers in?”

“No, I’ll just get on with it,” he says, sounding grumpy.

“That’s not a very nice attitude, now is it? Here I am, offering you my cock, willing to help you out and you’re not gonna be enthusiastic?”

Steve turns to face him. His gaze narrows. He looks like he might throw a punch at Bucky.

He’s _almost_ positive Steve wouldn’t do that. “Fucking hell you make me hard. Come on. Up you go, princess.”

Steve flushes from his chest to his forehead and steps closer. A leg on either side of Bucky and Bucky angles his cock towards Steve’s hole but stops him with his other hand, pressing it flat against Steve’s taint and brushing his hole. “Oh fuck! That hurts!”

“You should ask me nicely. ‘Please, Bucky, may I ride your cock so I can feel better?’” He says, offering an example.

“You’ve gotta be shitting me.”

It’s a struggle not to laugh as Steve is so angry. “I’ll take an alternative. Maybe, ‘Please, Bucky, will you fuck my swollen cunt until I’m dripping with your seed? I need it.’ It’s up to you. Whatever you’re comfortable with,” he says, to be a total asshole.

Steve presses down against Bucky’s fingers, almost testing the feeling,and then lifts quickly away, shuddering. “I don’t want it to hurt anymore.” He kisses Steve then. Kisses him endlessly until they’re both breathless and Steve is dripping and shaking. “Hurts inside.”

“I know. So, give me what I want and I’ll give you what you need.” He gropes Steve’s tits while he waits.

“P-Please fuck me.” He swallows. Bucky can hear it. “Please…help me. Please, be…nice to me.”

“Nice to you? Be _nice to you_? Well, how the fuck do I say no to that? Always, sweetheart.” He moves his hand away, gets his cock lined up and wraps an arm around Steve to support him as he lowers himself slowly onto Bucky’s cock. God, he’s hot inside. He’s a fucking inferno and he’s so tight and swollen and sore that he can feel it against the head of his shaft and in the minute jerks of Steve’s body as he works through the pain.

“Will you come quickly? Please?” Steve begs, quietly.

“Yeah, baby. I’ll try to be quick,” he reassures him, kissing him chastely on the nose. “Poor you. So sore. You’ve been so good. Here we go. Nice and easy. Feel so good, baby. You’re lovely.”

Steve nods and kisses him, drinking up the kindness like it’s all he’s ever wanted (and isn’t it?) He’s sweet and submissive, mouth lax and open as Bucky likes. He takes Bucky’s hands and puts them on his chest, tries to arch into his palms, encouraging Bucky to be rough which always gets Bucky going. And then he really pulls out the big guns. “I’ll be your princess if that’s what you want, Sir. Anything for you. Please come in my pussy. Please fill me up. Sir. Sir. I’ll be sweet to you. _Please, please._ I’m such a slut for you. So easy. Just need your cock.”

“Fuck. _Fuck_. You’re a clever one, aren’t you?” he growls, and he grips Steve hard on the neck, fucks up into him, thrusting deep, Steve making high pitched noises of pain on every pass, and then he’s coming, grinding up while pulling Steve down.

“Oh god,” Steve grits and then he’s coming. His ass clamps hard on Bucky’s cock and it takes forever, a long delayed eruption that brings tears to Steve’s eyes and his first stripe of come hits under Steve’s chin and runs down his neck. It goes on for a long time and Steve is dripping when it’s over, a pool of come resting between them.

“I didn’t bring enough wet wipes.”

Steve laughs then winces. “That’s the best and worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Are you sure? There’s some pretty stiff competition in there. Plane crashes, wars, etc.”

Steve pretends to think about it. Then stops. He’s serious suddenly and he kisses Bucky on the mouth. “Thank you. Seriously. Fuck that hurt. I can’t believe you made me take you again. God, I feel good.”

“You want it again like that?” he asks, making sure.

Steve licks his lips, stares at the hollow of Bucky’s throat. Steve touches Bucky, runs his finger through the line of come he just spilled on Bucky’s chest. “Like, exactly like that scene…or that level of intensity?”

“Both, I suppose. That level of intensity.” He risks a glance at Bucky. “Not…not all the time. But….”

“Hey. Don’t be ashamed. If you need that then I’ll give it to you.” Steve wraps his arms around his own stomach protectively and falls forward, tucking his head under Bucky’s chin. Bucky wraps Steve in his arms, kisses the top of his sweaty head.

Steve’s voice is muffled against Bucky’s neck. “It’s better every time. And every time we do this it scares the hell out of me. I can’t do this with someone else. And, I thought I knew what I wanted but I maybe don’t. Maybe not completely. It makes sense to want what you want or what you want to give me, and that scares me too. I wonder if I’m changing to want what you want. What you did there with the clamps and the…fuck….That’s not the pain I ever thought I wanted. So…precise and…constant, but now it’s all I’m going to think about. I think….”

“Tell me, sweetheart.”

“I think that if you hit me,” Oh, his voice is soft, confessional and afraid. “Even if I knew it was coming and we’d planned it…I don’t know if I’d be okay with that. Mentally. I’ve never felt like that before. I don’t know what that means. It’s scary.”

“It’s scary for me, too. I promise you that it is.”

“I know. I believe you.”

He helps Steve lift off his cock and Steve limps to the bathroom, wincing with each step. He runs a bath and has to get in first to make sure Steve doesn’t fall. His eyes are still dilated and he’s deep in subspace so Bucky keeps the lights low and keeps things as gentle as possible. Steve curls into him and dozes until the water is chilled and then Bucky moves them into the shower, gets Steve all washed up and clean and takes a look at his hole. It’s still red and swollen. Still open, clenching weakly on his finger when he slips it into him. Steve makes a sound of protest. “Should we plug you before bed?”

Steve presses close to him in answer. He dries Steve off and gets him bent over the counter. Steve blinks away tears as Bucky brings out the options. He’s got a small plug, one that’s the same size as Bucky’s cock, one that’s much too large and they don’t have time for so he puts that back in the drawer, and also one that’s ridged and would be painful under any circumstances. It’s not the one he’d choose. He’s a little disturbed just at the thought of it, but he wants Steve to choose, has to know what Steve needs rather than what he wants to give him. Steve reaches out, touches it gently and looks at Bucky then whimpers and presses his face to the counter.

Fucking hell.

Steve is shaking just from the lube shooter and he says yellow when it just breaches his entrance. He tells Steve how good he is, kisses his back and breathes with him. “I’m good now,” Steve finally says.

Bucky’s careful with the syringe, slow and easy. Steve moans when the cool lube is squirted into him.

“Let’s lay you down to put this into you.” His baby might collapse to the floor.

“No. Want to walk to the bedroom.”

“I wouldn’t.”

“Well, _you_ don’t have to,” Steve says, almost annoyed. “You said I could choose. But I can tell you’re not happy with this.”

He’s right. He pulls Steve up, kisses him and apologizes into his mouth. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. It’s just so much. How do you want me to put it in? If you want it hard you need to say.” Because he doesn’t want to hurt Steve anymore. He wants to take care of him.

“It’s…it is right at the edge for me.” Steve concedes. “Gentle.”

Thank fucking christ for that one. “Good boy. Okay, then.”

He puts the tip of it at Steve’s hole, just resting there while a shudder runs through Steve. He plays gently with Steve’s balls and then his cock and finally pushes. Steve cries out, his mouth open in a silent scream as Bucky gets the head of it past his rim. He pets him, doles out the praise, finds his own cock hardening in response, although he’s pretty sure he can just go to sleep and ignore it.

Steve is such a mess over it that it takes another ten minutes before the thing is into him. And it takes another five minutes just to get him to the bedroom. He’s got an arm around him, gently leading him, Steve needing the support. Getting him down onto the bed is going to be it’s own ordeal. Steve stares at the bed and whimpers, realizing the problem at the same time Bucky does. Bending over will be agony.

“I can’t,” he says, totally broken. He sobs.

“So close, sweetheart. Then you can sleep.” At this point, taking out the plug would be worse then just getting him to sleep.

He’s crying as he lowers himself down, clinging onto Bucky the entire time. They get him onto his side and he tells Steve how good he is, kisses him gently until he falls asleep. Bucky gets up and gets them something to drink, rubs Steve’s back until he wakes up enough to take the straw Bucky offers him. “Figure you won’t want to sit up.”

“No.” Steve tries to laugh, but stops and whimpers. “Oh my god. I may never sit up again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus. Another 16k. What even is this story? Torture porn? Like, it’s kinda romantic in my own messed up opinion. But this should be over now! This story should end. But these fuckers have to go on a mission! And they keep having sex. I swear you all are gonna read on ahead and skip parts as it might just be repetitive nonsense and I’m deluding myself by thinking this is porn plot. The plot is porn.
> 
> PS- And yeah, made it back fine from the trip, all is well. Barely did laundry because I was writing 16k. 
> 
> PPS- If this doesn’t make sense please say. I’ve written so much and edited so much in the last few weeks I literally have no idea. I'm Smeagle and every comment is a beautiful ring. We've only made it this far because of the comments so thank you!


	9. Chapter 9

Steve wakes up a few hours after going to sleep and tries to turn over, to get closer to Bucky but the plug in his ass, ridges and all, shifts painfully inside him and all he can do is reach behind him until he comes into contact with his body. Bucky is on his back, and Steve’s hand grazes his warm thigh.

Steve’s fumbling touch is enough to have Bucky wake, groan sleepily and turn towards him, pressing up close, back to back, arm over his waist, thighs against his and his cock, just a sleepy press of comfort but Steve is still so sore that it’s too much. He swallows down a yelp, knows Bucky needs to sleep.

“You okay, baby?” Bucky murmurs, voice rough and flat with sleep. He loves that Bucky is checking on him like this, asking after his comfort. Or discomfort, as the case may be. He can’t help but feel that he’s asking out of obligation. That he’d rather be asleep and Steve is being a problem. It’s an unhealthy thought, and he’s pretty sure it’s wrong, but….

“It hurts is all.”

“Poor sweetheart,” Bucky says, and lips press against the back of his neck soothingly. His hand spreads slowly upwards but stops before grazing Steve’s nipple. He cups the flesh in his hand softly, lifting it just a little, like a test and Steve is still so sore that it also gets a muffled yelp.

“I should have put arnica on you before bed. Help with the swelling. Let me go get you some.” He starts to roll over.

“No. Stay. I shouldn’t need it because I heal so fast. Go back to sleep.” He doesn’t want Bucky to leave, even if it’s just to get up.

Bucky’s breathing is quiet behind him and Steve hopes that Bucky’s rhythmic in-out will lull him to sleep too. There’s a tension in Bucky’s body that doesn’t go away. He’s awake. What’s he thinking? The tears come again. Steve can’t stop them and he certainly has no idea why they’re happening.

“I think I went too hard on you,” Bucky says. “I’m sorry. You were so good. So beautiful and sweet, you gave me everything.”

Steve chuckles and it sounds water logged. “I’m fine. It’s not you or what we did. I just haven’t felt like this since the serum. Hurting so much it’s hard to sleep. I dreamed…it just woke me up.”

“What did you dream?” Bucky asks, stroking a hand down his back. Bucky’s knuckle goes down his spine, to the crack of his ass, slides down, hovers over the massive plug but doesn’t touch. Bucky sighs heavily.

Steve doesn’t want to talk about it. In fact, he doesn’t want to think about it ever again. “Coming home after being out…there was one time I took two guys. Let them use me and I was remembering that. How I smelled like blood and come and….and I opened the door to my apartment and you were there with my mother. You’d been waiting for me and I don’t know if I forgot or, well, you know how dreams are. It shifted and I just knew I’d lost you. Saw you look at me and realize I wasn’t good enough. My ma was laughing and you were laughing and I opened the door and you both looked at me and I’d ruined everything.”

“You know that’s not gonna happen. And I’ll never judge you for your past and what you did to cope with your designation.”

He nods to agree because he can’t speak. He wishes he’d waited for this man. Wishes he hadn’t let strange, violent men do a lot of the things to him that he had. Maybe if he’d waited, not been such a greedy slut succumbing to any attention at all, then he wouldn’t want things that Bucky thought were too extreme.

It’s easy for Bucky to say that he doesn’t judge Steve but how could he not? And now here he is, waking them up after just a few hours, still so sore and injured, Bucky wanting to take care of him and Steve wants…well, the best thing he can do is be content with this.

Steve just has to keep his mouth shut. “You don’t like that I wanted that. Maybe…I’d thought it was the serum but I did all that before the serum. So, it’s just me. You deserve better than a—“

“No. _Stop_. Finish that sentence, say what I think you’re going to say about my boy and I’ll spank you on your hole, got it?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you? You’re not a slut, you’re not bad. You’re mine. If you talk bad about yourself, you’re insulting me.” Bucky smacks his ass cheek hard enough to sting and it jostles the plug in him. He cries out. Bucky rubs the spot roughly, “You gonna insult my boy?” It’s like a dare.

“No, sir.” Bucky kisses his ear, his hand goes down, traces gently around the plug and his painfully opened rim. He’s so scared suddenly. A small, horrible, never satisfied part of him is tempted to push Bucky and see where it gets him. He might pass out from the pain if Bucky smacks his hole right now.

“You sure?” Bucky asks, and Steve is almost dizzy with the desire to make it happen. Wonders if Bucky actually wants that. Bucky shoves away from him, to his back and Steve is crushed. As though, he’s been lying in a cold bed alone and unloved, a wrong freak, just how he felt in the olden days.

“Sweetheart, I think you’re having an endorphin crash,” Bucky says.

He isn’t. What they’d done last night had been amazing. He’d loved it but Bucky hadn’t. This is just the reality of it all.

“Stay here. I’ll be right back,” Bucky says, and he gets out of bed, pads to the dresser and opens it, fishes around inside for a long moment and then comes back. He opens the nightstand, there’s a bit more rummaging, and then he throws the bedding off of Steve. The room has gone chilly and he shivers. He wants Bucky at his back again. He wants—

Bucky puts a fabric cuff on his ankle and then the other so they’re tied together. He puts a knee on the bed and leans over Steve, puts cuffs on his wrists and then links the two together with a chain.

“Lift your head for a second,” he orders and Steve does, feels Bucky sliding a collar around his neck. He buckles it and Steve shakes and feels the tears come again. A collar is a big deal for Steve and this is…what? It doesn’t even _mean_ anything. No ceremony, no words of love or claiming. No promises. Is this just something that will happen every now and again with no symbolism? There is something crushing about it.

Devastating. He’s felt like this before, in a plane as it sped towards an ocean. As he looked down at his mother’s coffin.

Another chain and the collar is connected to the cuffs and Bucky gives it a little tug. “I’m keeping you. You can’t leave me now. I won’t let you.” Bucky’s fingers are between Steve’s cheeks and he’s got fingers on the plug, fingers on the base of it. “This is going to come out now. You’re going to sleep with my cock in you for the night. Push out, baby.”

Steve doesn’t know if he can. His body feels like it isn’t even his. It’s a thing holding him here, a construct. He’s nothing but a shell and a thing and he isn’t real. What’s the point? Bucky will leave him. “If you knew what I’d been….”

“I gave you an order, Steve.”

Steve pushes out and Bucky withdraws the plug slowly. He clenches accidentally, the pain is so great that it’s all he can do, clench even though it’s a mistake, and it’s just so _big_. Is it tearing him in two?

And now Bucky is going to put his cock in him? Not to fuck him or own him, but to keep him quiet? Bucky is hushing him through it, nonsense and praise as he works the plug out slowly, stopping when Steve’s body demands it. And then the plug is out and he knows, he just _knows_ that Bucky will be disappointed in Steve. If not here then at work. What if he makes a mistake and Bucky gets hurt? What if Bucky realizes what a fraud he is, this dancing monkey who gets trotted out as a spectacle. Steve is a hero because of something someone did to him. It’s actually nothing to do with him at all. He’s not a hero. He’s not strong. He’s a quitter. He’s given up before by going into the ice.

He might do it again.

Bucky is saying something to him but he doesn’t know what it is.A prick on his finger as Bucky takes his levels. Bucky is calling his name and he should respond but fuck it’s hard to talk and what’s the point of it all, anyway?

Hard hands grab him by the hips, drag him to the edge of the bed. His feet touch the floor, his chest is draped onto the bed. A hand on his ass and then fire all over his back as Bucky hits him with a flogger. It isn’t a nice one like deer or rabbit but has rough leather and plastic in it, little knots that catch on his skin. And is that braiding too? A nasty piece of work. Bucky is hitting him hard.

Over and over. It takes him awhile to figure it all out. To realize that there is a pattern. He can count it, one-two-three strike. At the top then working down his body. His shoulders, his upper back, lower back, ass. Up and down.

And the impact is a hard thing, diffused pain that’s sharp and hot and it grows more demanding as the hits go on and on, becomes more distinct and he can feel each bit of material that’s hitting him. Each strike brings the feelings into sharper focus. He’s a kaleidoscope being adjusted into a picture that makes sense. He’s being made into something beautiful.

A small braid of leather lands on a welt made by the knot and the stinging plastic causes brighter bursts of pain like fireworks exploding over his skin. He is the night sky. Full dark, no stars. Except for what Bucky lights up in him.

He’s drinking it all in, the heat and the pain, the feel of Bucky’s dominance oppressing him, forcing him into the bed. Fuck, his dominance is a thing all on its own, a weighted blanket that secures and traps him, demands he endures.

The sheets are rough under him and he’s gripping the sheets so hard something rips. A hard strike on his ass and he must be bleeding from it, he’s been hit there so many times and the welts are fire and yet the knots are still pulling at his skin with each strike.

“I love you,” he says to Bucky and the hits eventually stop. Is that why he stopped? Bucky is breathing heavily behind him, the flogger drops to the bed near his face. Bucky’s cock is hard and so fucking heavy and wide, pressed against his ass cheek.

“Thank you. Thank you. _Fuck_.” Steve manages as the head breaches him, lodges and cores deeper and deeper inside. This is better. Hot breath on his neck as Bucky drapes himself over Steve and clamps down on his neck like he’s some animal. Like he’s Bucky’s bitch and he imagines Bucky’s teeth biting into him, just like the flogger but worse and more, and maybe his blood would fill Bucky’s mouth and he’d scar. He’d _finally_ have a mark that would stay and everyone would know Bucky bred him like an animal.

Steve comes at the idea and Bucky pounds relentlessly into him as his body pulses and releases. Bucky comes with a grunt, the teeth bite harder and Steve screams with it. His body releases again. Without an orgasm. Just let’s go.

Steve’s body is hot, like a heat flash, as if he’s got a temperature. He’s sweating and sticky.

“Am I bleeding?” he whispers.

“No, baby. You’re alright. There’s a few places where it’s close.” Bucky lifts up off his back but stays seated in his ass, lightly touches a few of the bright spots on his back. “Blood under the surface. Bad bruising. You’ll be black and blue in places. Is that alright?” he asks, and he can tell by the grip on his hips, one hand firm, like it’s locked onto Steve and can’t let go that his Sir is worried.

“It’s fine. I want to see it. See how you remade me.”

“Stevie, you crashed. I didn’t know what else to do. To bring you back up.” The hand on his hip relaxes, lifts away, comes back. It’s trembling.

“What do you need now, Sir?”

“Me?” Bucky asks, dumbly. “I need to put arnica onyou.” That trembling hand goes to the small of his back. “I’m going to pull out now.”

He relaxes, pushes and Bucky slips free. His cock is still hard. Which is…surprising. He’s pale as he moves away from Steve, comes back with a few tissues and presses them to Steve’s hole as he leaks.

“You could fuck me again?” he offers. He looks back at Bucky. His face is pale and he looks a little, or a lot, out of it. Steve uses his mouth to pull the velcro on the cuffs and gets a hand free then takes both off. He reaches back between his thighs so he can hold the tissue in place.

“No. I don’t…I’ll hold you,” Bucky says, sounding uncertain. His eyes go to Steve’s back, and he closes his eyes, walks out of the bedroom. Is Bucky crashing? What would that even mean?

Bucky comes back into the room carrying the arnica. He’s a caretaker, he probably just needs to take care of him. Bucky looks at the cuffs, reaches for them and frowns, hesitating. “I liked them on,” Steve offers, as though Bucky needs the reassurance that he didn’t go too far.

Bucky nods. Gives him a weak smile. Steve hasn’t moved from the side of the bed, he’s still got these stupid tissues pressed to him and it definitely gives him a sense of embarrassment and smallness.

“I’ll take that,” Bucky says, and his fingers are over Steve’s. It’s that touch on his hand that makes him really feel the deep, throbbing in his ass. Much deeper than usual, more intense.

“Um, no. I can just throw it away,” Steve says, turning red.

“Drop it.” Bucky orders, softly.

“I’m not going to leave it on the ground. Surely, we have to keep some level of stand— _oh_!” Bucky’s lifted Steve’s hand, taken the tissues and dropped them on the ground. He grips Steve by the neck, presses like he wants Steve to drop the floor, gasps and then lets go.

“Get,” Bucky swallows, audibly. “Get on the bed so I can put this on you.”

Weird. Weirder. He risks a glance at Bucky and has no idea what the man is thinking. Steve rolls awkwardly onto the bed since his ankles are still cuffed, feels come slipping out of him and winces.

“Does it hurt?” Bucky demands, instantly.

“Yeah. But, I was just leaking. The pain is fine. I’ll be alright in an hour or two.”

Bucky nods. A sharp jerk. He bends down, picks up the tissue, stands there, looks at Steve’s mouth and walks away. When he comes back his cheeks are pink. His cock is still hard. Bucky puts on underpants, turning away so Steve can’t see how careful he’s being about his hard cock.

Bucky gets onto the bed and for a moment there’s a look on his face like he’s about to do _something_ to Steve. He doesn’t have any idea what it might be, but the hair on his body rises in primal awareness and Steve arches his back, offering his ass, his body and whatever Bucky might want. The bite on his neck throbs in awareness. He’s a mass of pain, can’t quite pin down individual things unless something draws his attention there.

But, then the look is gone and Bucky is sitting there, on his heels, cock hidden in his underwear and he’s staring intently at the cream he’s holding. He squeezes some out and touches Steve’s back, lightly spreading it onto him. Gentle. It’s so light it almost tickles.

“What are you doing?” he asks, because Bucky is just off.

“Taking care of you.”

“I’m not gonna break. Do you not want to touch me? Are you disgusted?” he wants to look away, but doesn’t.

“Of course I want to touch you. Why would I be disgusted?”

“The tissues. You just seemed…you’re just acting oddly.”

“I don’t feel like myself.” An overly long pause. “It’s not you.”

“Jesus. Even I know ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ is bad.” Steve is pretty sure he’s making a joke there but a strange, icy fear is unspooling inside of him.

“Please, just let me do this. We’re tired. I’ll fix you up, we can go to sleep and in the morning it will be okay.”

“Why is it not okay now?” Steve asks, weakly.

Bucky doesn’t answer. He’s putting more cream on Steve’s back. It’s as though Bucky is scared to touch him. “Is it done?” Steve asks. He can feel it all just sitting on his back.

“It’s not rubbed in,” Bucky says, stating the obvious.

And yet.

_That_ is a tone of voice Steve knows. That’s lust. When Bucky needs him and his voice drops lower. It’s how he sounds when he is having Steve do something difficult. Something that’s going to make him cry and which Bucky gets off on.

“Please, rub it in, Sir,” Steve asks.

“Get onto your knees,” Bucky orders, quickly, like he’s been waiting to say it. Steve pulls his legs in, ass in the air. Bucky grunts, his hand goes to his cock, gives himself a quick squeeze through his underwear and then he moves between Steve’s legs. Fingers press gently along his lower back, soft and slow motions to work the cream in.

The sting flares at contact and then cools. Bucky lifts his hands, puts them on Steve’s hips like he’s about to mount him, getting the position right. Bucky’s hands clench for a long few seconds and Bucky is panting behind him. He grunts, let’s go of Steve and then his hand smacks down hard on Steve’s ass and Steve grunts in surprise.

He looks back over his shoulder and Bucky’s eyes are wide. The front of his underwear is damp from frustrated arousal. “I’ll be right back,” Bucky growls.

“What? _Why_? Tell me you’re not going to jerk off.” It’s a ridiculous thought. Why would Bucky jerk off when Steve is willing and able? Ever so willing.

Under other circumstances, the look of guilt on Bucky’s face would be funny. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what this is. I’ll deal with it and then I can take care of you.” His hands are covered in cream so he puts the back of his hand against his eyes like he’s getting himself together or hiding his face. “This isn’t me, Stevie. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Tell me what you want,” Steve demands and it’s such an exact reversal of what usually happens that everything makes sense. Whatever his dominant wants, he’s ashamed to say it aloud. Hell, this isn’t want. This is need, there’s something desperate about Bucky. Why is he keeping that from Steve? “I can take more. I can…. _yeah_ ,” Steve says, already getting lost in the idea. Bucky _needs_ to fuck him. He’s alreadybeen used so hard, to the point of almost bleeding. And now he’s gotta take more because his dominant needs him. Only him. Fear, some complicated form of satisfaction or pride is welling up inside him, replacing the coldness and insecurity. This will make things better.

“I don’t really want it. You’ll get the wrong idea,” Bucky says.

“Do you trust me to say red?” Steve asks, and he pushes up off his hands and turns so he’s facing Bucky. His back pulls something dreadful and he hisses as he loops his arms around Bucky’s neck.

“You hurt,” Bucky says, and there’s that lust, he’s trying to keep it hidden under comfort and restraint, but it’s there.

“I could hurt more,” he offers, and he kisses Bucky’s neck. “Want that. For you.”

“No. Sweetheart, no.” He sounds horrified.

The thought of Bucky losing control, of being used by him and not knowing where it’s going to wind up, where it could stop or how has Steve shaking with arousal.

How would it end? Would it stop because Steve had to shout red? Would it stop because Bucky was so sated and glutted on Steve and his pain that he was satisfied…. Steve needs to know. He needs it more than air and food and a hell of a lot more than arnica gel. He runs his hands over Bucky, along his arms, his ass, grabbing the hard, firm muscle and pulling him closer. “Bucky. Sir. I—I thought you made me bleed. That’s why I came. Thinking of you, biting my neck so hard it was permanent. I want it. God, _please_.”

Bucky’s breath is picking up again and fuck is his cock hard against Steve. “What? No. No. You can see the outline of my teeth. I’m so fucking sorry. I almost lost control with you. I still want….you should go.”

“What? Everything is fine. I like it. Hell, I _want_ it. You’ve gotta know you can do anything to me.”

Bucky sits back on his heels, head bowed. His shoulders shake in a sob. “Don’t say that! It’s never been like this. And you’re saying it’s _okay_? Just, _keep going_ and make you bleed? What do I, I rip your throat out? Did you think that?” Bucky is so close to hysterical that it’s like Steve is talking to a completely different person. “Stevie. I should let you go.” Bucky’s eyes widen at the shock of registering what he’s just said. “Fuck. _Fuck_! What will we do? How do I let you _go_?”

“What?” Steve demands again. This is spiraling out of control. “There is no letting go. What the _fuck_ are you talking about?” Steve grabs at Bucky. Bucky who doesn’t resist him, who won’t meet his gaze. He sways into Steve’s grip, utterly passive to Steve’s touch, his attention focused on some internal horror Steve can only guess at. He slaps him across the face, needing Bucky to look at him. See him.

“You’re _not_ letting me go. Don’t even fucking say it. I’m yours. I’m fucking _yours_ ,” Steve shouts and he’s hitting him, open handed on his chest, he shoves Bucky and Bucky grunts, still weirdly non-responsive. Steve shoves harder, almost pushes him off the bed and Bucky grabs his hands, holds them still and his eyes are empty of hope and full of something awful. Maybe it’s the same look Steve had when he put the plane into the water.

“Stevie,” he says, voice breaking.

“You can’t say that to me. You _can’t_.”

Bucky lets him go, releases his hands, turns his head away and he’s going to get up, get off the bed. This is the end. It’s happening right this moment. Bucky is letting him go, it’s all he can think. It’s pure, blinding panic and devastation. “If you leave me, I’ll—“ He stops himself but it’s too late. Bucky has turned back to him, his focus laser sharp. Steve didn’t need to finish the sentence, and there’s no taking it back. He was going to say, ‘ _if you leave me I’ll kill myself_ ’ and Bucky knows it.

This is it, Steve realizes, the big lie of his life revealed.

Everything is over now. He laughs. A low, demented chuckle at the total fuck you the universe has just given him. “Almost seventy years and there’s no escape is there? I couldn’t make it when I _didn’t_ have you. Now what? You give me days? I could count my time with you in _hours_ and you’re done with me?” Steve stumbles off the bed, rushes to the bathroom, retching until he vomits.

“ _Fuck._ Stevie. Sweetheart.” Bucky puts hands on him, on his arms, careful of his back, and Steve flushes the toilet, feels the press of a kiss against the top of his head as Bucky leaves to get him water. He makes him drink and Steve just sits there, won’t even look at him because he’ll just fall apart. Bucky is leaving him. How can he do that? How could Steve have really expected it to turn out differently? This is his life. He doesn’t get to keep people. They die. He fails them. They leave him.

He’s sobbing then, begging. “You can’t. You _can’t_.”

“I don’t know. I don’t.” He forces Steve to look at him, gets into his space in the cramped room, cups his cheeks so Steve has to look at the perfection of what he can’t have. “I _promise_ I’ll do what’s best for you.”

Steve jerks away from him. “Fuck you!” That is not what he needs to hear. “What did you even want? I’m a fucking super soldier! It’s the one god damned benefit of the serum! You can hurt me as much as you want to. You want to cut me up, you want to shoot me, you can _literally_ do anything and I can walk it off. So, fuck you and whatever excuse this is.”

“Just because you can heal doesn’t mean you can take it. It’s mental and physical. And, it doesn’t mean you should take it or that it isn’t abuse. Have you seen your back? Your neck?”

“I don’t actually care,” Steve sobs.

“Well, maybe that’s a separate problem.”

Steve grabs him, yanks him close, threatening. “What the fuck does that mean? You wanted me to say red and I fucking _did_. You wanted me to cry and beg for your cock and I _did_.” He gave Bucky everything he could, all that he asked for and he’d keep doing it if that’s what Bucky wanted.

_Oh. Right_. So, Bucky doesn’t want him and what he can give. That’s the conclusion Steve hadn’t quite reached. “I can’t believe you’d let me go.” And he stumbles away, finds himself putting on clothes somehow and even shoes. He has keys, his own keys and he heads to the front door.

“Fuck. _Wait_!” Bucky shouts after him.

No. He doesn’t get to tell Steve to wait. He leaves the building and starts walking home. He hears Bucky running after him, can hear him following at a distance, making sure Steve gets home alright. Which is stupidly unnecessary, sweet and really just fucking cruel. Like he needed more evidence that Bucky was too good for the likes of him. He makes it to his door. “I guess I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

And then Bucky is there, shoving him against the door, frantic. He’s wearing a jacket with no shirt he was in such a hurry. “Will you be there?”

“Go away,” Steve says, and the tears are already sliding down his face. He can smell him, feel him. He could be homeless, stuck in a war zone, _anything_ and as long as he had Bucky he’d get up and keep fighting.

“Tell me you understand. That you won’t do something stupid between now and then.”

It takes him two tries to get the words out. “You don’t get to ask me that. You don’t want me. You’re letting me go so whatever I do isn’t your concern. You want to make demands of me then you…you _stay_.”His voice cracks on the last work like he’s a teenager again, being told his mother just died.

“That isn’t it. You know it.” He shakes Steve, pulls him off the door and shoves him back against it again. It hits the welts on his back and his eyes slide shut. Fuck, how does it feel so good when everything is going to shit?

Bucky releases him, like Steve burned him. “I’m sorry.”

“I like it. Is _that_ the problem? That I like it too much?”

“No. I want us to see a counselor tomorrow. I’ve already texted Fury.You have to be there for that. You…will you?”

Everything is loud and ringing in Steve’s ears and he slides down to the ground. Bucky gets Steve’s keys from his hand and opens his door, helps him to his feet and leads him inside. His apartment sucks. It’s impersonal, cold since the heating has been off all week. It has that emptiness a place gets when one goes on vacation for too long. Anyone who ever thought this place a home is long gone. Bucky turns on the lights and Steve pushes away from him, goes to his bedroom, looks at his bed and has no idea how he can get in it alone.

“Come on, babe.” Bucky says, and he goes to the bed, pulls the sheets down and gestures for Steve to get in. Steve summons up the energy to take off his shoes, undoes his pants and takes off his jacket. He leaves his shirt and underwear on because who the fuck cares anyway and prays for unconsciousness.

“I think I should stay. I’ll get up early, go home and change before work.”

“Okay.” Did Bucky actually think Steve would be the one to kick him out? He will take every painful moment with Bucky he can.

Bucky sighs in relief, takes off his jacket and shoes, then his pants. He looks at Steve in his shirt. “Can I borrow a shirt?”

“Oh my god,” Steve whispers and the tears are flowing again. What does he think is going to happen? That Steve is going to put his disgusting self all over him when he isn’t wanted?

Bucky is in bed next to him, pulling him close in his arms and it’s awful that it feels so good. It’s home. You don’t say no to home when you can go back. It’s impossible. He holds Bucky tight, the two of them clinging desperately to each other, and cries himself to sleep.

Bucky wakes him up with coffee. He hears the cup being set down. “Hey, sweetheart.” Bucky looks like shit. As much as someone so gorgeous can, anyway. He has dark circles under his eyes and looks like he might be sick. Looking as bad as you feel is now a club for two, apparently.

“Did you sleep?” Steve asks him.

“No. I just…thought.”

Which actually infuriates him enough to sit up and give Bucky a glare. “I’m usually in by eight.” He takes a sip of coffee and his stomach contemplates throwing it back up again.

“Fury sent me a message. We’re meeting with a designational therapist at nine.” 

“I’ll show you out,” Steve says, and he gets up and goes to the door, opens it and waits for Bucky to leave. Bucky stands there for a moment, looks at his phone. “It’s 645. Want me to come get you at 830?”

“Don’t worry about it. Probably can’t commandeer a plane til noon anyway.”

“That’s not funny.”

Steve shrugs. Turns away.

“Hey.” Bucky reaches for him. Steve grabs him by the arm, jerks him forward, back, slams Bucky’s chest against the wall and keeps him pinned there for a few breaths before letting go. Bucky pushes slowly away from the wall. The shock at how strong and fast Steve actually is, shows on his face.

Steve’s voice is venom. “You don’t get to touch me like I belong to you. I _let you_ do that. Every single time you won I let you.”

“I guess you did.” Bucky turns away from him, finally leaves and Steve goes to the bathroom and throws up his one sip of coffee.

****

Because the universe hates him he runs into Tony at the elevator. “Wow. Steve. You look better and somehow worse than the last time I saw you. Your boy just went up.” Tony shrugs. “Your man? Would you be the boy? Is that daddy kink?”

“Why are you waiting for me? And no, it isn’t daddy kink.”

Tony raises a brow. “Because he looked even worse than you and inquiring minds want to know.”

Steve has no idea where he’s supposed to go. Is the therapist even in this building? He’d assumed it was someone from SHIELD. “You saw Bucky?”

“Yup.”

“So, I am in the right place.”

The elevator opens and Natasha is there. Her look is meant to be bland but he can see the sympathy. “Does everyone know?”

She shrugs. “Only the people who’ve seen him. Or who see you. Not exactly how we expected the day to go.”

“It was supposed to be sparring and drills and we were going to keep track of how long it took you two to leave and bang it out,” Tony says, unhelpfully.

“Tony. Go away,” Natasha says. Tony goes. Which means Steve must be a wreck. “I’ll take you up.”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

She takes him to the fifth floor and leads him to an office. Dr. Stalf. Whoever that is. Natasha shows him in and Bucky is standing by the window, arms crossed. He turns to look at Steve. It’s so awful he wants to leave. The door opens. A middle-aged woman with glasses comes out, gestures for them both to go into her office.

There’s a spanking bench in the corner and instead of a basket of toys for kids like most therapists have, there’s a basket of implements. Floggers, cuffs, even a few feathers. He’s both curious and grief-stricken.

She introduces herself. They sit on opposite ends of the couch facing her. She’s got a small notepad and pen on her thigh. “This is to take notes for any questions that come up. I won’t want to interrupt you but I don’t want to forget, either. Why don’t you tell me a bit about your dynamic.” She looks at them both like she has no clue who they are or why they’re there.

“We both work for the government. We’re both very high designations at the opposite ends of the spectrum, and the hope was we could help each other.”

“What sort of _useless_ explanation is that?” Steve says. “I’m Steve Rogers. Captain America.” He assumes she knows, everyone fucking knows. But, he’s going to give a thorough answer since Bucky is being vague. “I’m a submissive. I fucking hate it. I’ve self-medicated, been forcefully medicated to try to bring it under control and it’s all been a disaster. I drop hard after missions but the government keeps sending me out on them. James was brought in because the army let SHIELD borrow him, hoping he could help me.”

Her smile is kind. “Did he?”

He opens his mouth. Closes it again. He doesn’t know. The answer to that question was a hell of a lot simpler twelve hours ago. “I would have said yes. Before yesterday. I would have said he was the best thing that ever happened to me and that everything has been worth it. But, he’s ending it and so I think meeting him, having him for a few days might be the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. Because that’s it.”

She frowns. “What do you mean ‘that’s it?’”

He shrugs.

She stands up, gets a kit to read his levels and comes closer. She pricks his finger and then Bucky’s, sets it on her desk. “This one takes a bit longer because the tests are more extensive.” She sits back down. Looks at Bucky. “What do you think Steve means when he says ‘that’s it?’”

Bucky gives Steve a long, thorough look. “Steve is high on the spectrum. Very submissive. It’s complicated. Difficult. When he says that’s it I think he means he gives up. He’s done.”

“How would you describe your designational needs?” she asks, when Steve makes no response.

“Very high. Very dominant…controlled. Understood. Before yesterday I would have said being a dominant was who I was. That it wasn’t a fight, it wasn’t complicated. I was very confident of my limits and abilities.”

“This is my fault,” Steve says. He honestly has no idea if he’s asking a question or not.

“No.” Bucky says, quickly. Then he amends his answer. “Well, not like that. I know what I like. I can meet his needs and my own are completely fulfilled by Steve’s. He’s…it for me, too. _Everything_. It’s soon, but we both feel it. He’s _mine_. I look at him and I want to collar him and have him living with me. I’d….Yeah, I’d marry him today if I could.” Bucky scrubs his hand across his face. He won’t even look at Steve. “It’s obsessional. I don’t know who I am, sometimes. I’m scared I’ll hurt him. I _will_ hurt him.”

She nods. Doesn’t seem particularly shocked.

“He can’t hurt me. I’m Captain America.”

“Do you believe that he is genuinely concerned for your welfare?” the therapist asks.

“Yes. Of course,” Steve says.

“Do you think he’s being truthful in his fears that he will hurt you?” She holds up a hand. “I’m not asking you if he actually _will_. I’m asking you if he believes that.”

Steve nods. He reaches for a tissue and blows his nose. Therapy sucks. He’s got his head in his hands, trying to get himself together.

“Steve. How would you feel if he collared you and asked you to marry him?”

It’s the stupidest, most horrible question anyone has ever asked him. He sobs. Bucky makes a rough sound of distress and that makes it worse.

“Do you feel the same way he does?” she asks, instead. He manages a ‘yes’ and he knows Bucky has moved closer, wants to touch him. But isn’t. And he should. If he’s Bucky’s then Bucky should touch him.

“I think you’d both be happier if Steve was at your feet,” she says, quietly.

Steve is waiting, breath held, desperate for Bucky to order him there. Bucky says nothing. Steve cries harder. She brings the box over to him and rubs his back for a moment, then goes over to the desk and looks at the print out.

“Mr. Barnes, at this point I would say your rejection of your submissive is doing him serious harm.”

“I’m terrified I’m going to hurt him. I can’t do that. I don’t trust myself.” He sounds agonized.

“What do you think this is? This is harm,” she says, gesturing to Steve like he’s a living, breathing disaster sign. “There is a difference between sadism and cruelty.”

Bucky jumps to his feet. “I don’t fucking want this! Of course, I want him at my feet! He’s _mine.”_ Bucky goes to the corner of the room and takes deep breaths, putting as much space between him and Steve as he can.

“If I didn’t know better I’d think you were contemplating punching my wall. You should know that violent outbursts are reported to Director Fury.”

Bucky turns around very slowly, he looks downright murderous. “What do you want? What is this?” he asks her.

“Your control is incredibly impressive. With your designation and your hormone levels, the fact that you haven’t punched a wall or much worse is grounds for a promotion.”

“You’re congratulating me for not being a monster?”

Her smile is sharp. Steve dries his eyes, is getting himself together. He needs to be paying attention to this. “I haven’t said you were a monster. You’re not a monster, you’re not a bully. The way your submissive has responded to you, the trust he’s given you so quickly should make it clear what sort of man you are.”

“It’s not the man part of me I’m worried about. I won’t ever risk my dominance getting out of control and hurting him. I _know_ that’s the right answer.”

She turns away from Bucky. “Steve. Your dominant is in distress. He is incapable of asking you for help at this point. What do you want to do?”

He blushes.

She chuckles. “The couch has already been replaced three times. A hazard of the profession. The Re-connection Room is through that door if you two ever need to step out.” Steve looks to the door, uncertain. Is she saying that’s a room where her clients go have sex? “Lubricants, condoms, absorbent pads, replacement clothing. It’s all in there.”

Steve doesn’t move, doesn’t say anything. She sighs. Comes back with an open iPad. “Here are your results. This is a 24-hour view, this is a week-long chart and this is an average of your various hormones over the month.”

It’s a lot of squiggles on a graph.

“I don’t know what I’m looking at,” Bucky says, bluntly.

“Steven, a dominant who is willing to ask questions and admit lack of knowledge is a very good thing.”

“I know.”

“Anyways, James, as Steven’s levels have been stabilizing yours have begun to fluctuate. The chemical production and release of designational hormones have increased exponentially because you both have high demands and are almost perfectly complementary for each other.” She looks at them both to make sure they’re following what she’s saying. “Your demands increase. He becomes more submissive. You become more dominant. You find the balance that works for you. Steve has been ramping up fine. You, and your excellent control are undoubtedly experiencing new urges. More extreme. Things you may not be comfortable with.” She gives that a moment to sink in. “New doesn’t mean wrong,” she says, gently.

“How can I decrease my urges or at least get them to even out? When is that?” Bucky demands.

“It’s not like I can just tell you it will be 4 pm next Thursday and you’ll be fine. Your body has needs, your designation and Steve’s does too.” She gives Bucky time to respond. He doesn’t.

“Steve,” she says, turning her attention to him. “Have you noticed an increase in urges or extreme desires?”

“Yes. Urges especially.” This is embarrassing. He supposes she hears it all day long. And any discomfort is worth it to keep Bucky. “I had no idea how I was going to get through the day without having him.”

“Having him inside you?”

“Right,” Steve says, blushing.

“And desires? Have they become more extreme?”

“No. I don’t…I suppose I’m more open to the idea of trying things or giving in to things because he likes them,” Steve says, picking his words carefully.

“Can you give me an example?”

Steve can. He really doesn’t want to. “Sometimes, he will…he’ll call me princess and kind of feminize me. It’s the sort of thing I used to get teased about a lot before the serum and I hated it.”

“Fuck. Stevie,” Bucky says, clearly horrified.

“It’s fine. I like it. You say it fondly and it turns me on. I like that you say it even though I’m uncomfortable with it.”

Bucky shakes his head, berating himself. Steve takes a step towards Bucky and stops himself. He couldn’t bear to be rejected by him. Tears well up in his eyes again.

“Mr. Barnes,” she says, gently. He turns and looks at her, glances at Steve and then winces. “Is he yours?”

“Yes.” Bucky says, without hesitation.

“Is he worth fighting for?”

“Yes. Absolutely.”

“Is he worth taking risks and changing for?” she asks. Is he? Steve feels like the question is life or death.

“How can you say he’s yours if you’re going to let him stand there alone?” she asks.

“Stevie,” he says, and he opens his arms. Steve goes to him because there isn’t any other choice. Going to Bucky when Bucky wants him is who he is. Bucky’s scent, his heat and his strength seep into him. Steve needs him. Urgently, he needs Bucky inside him. Needs to feel wanted. He presses closer, needs to know if Bucky feels it too.

Bucky tries to twist to the side so Steve can’t tell. Bucky doesn’t want him. He tries to pull away from Bucky’s grip as if he’s a naughty dog that wants to hide in a corner but Bucky keeps him there with a firm touch and he isn’t strong enough to try all that hard to get free. “James. Take his hand and put it on your cock. Let him know that you feel it, too.”

“No, it’s okay. He doesn’t want to,” Steve is pulling himself out of Bucky’s arms. God, he might throw up again. He has nothing in his stomach. Hasn’t eaten since yesterday.

“Steve. I do want to. If he touches me I’m not sure where it will end. I’m unsettled. I don’t trust myself.”

She blinks. “Tell me the worst case scenario.”

“I don’t even know,” Bucky whispers.

“What are his hard limits?” she asks.

“Steve wants a total power exchange.”

“Do you want that?” she asks.

“I didn’t. Before Steve, I would have run away from anyone who even suggested it.”

“Part of that excellent control. And now?” she asks.

“Look, I want to eat cake for three meals a day, that doesn’t make it a good idea,” Bucky says.

“This isn’t cake. Steven deserves to know what you would do to him if you had a complete power exchange. If you’re worried you’ll hurt him, tell him the danger. Keeping information from him so he can’t make an informed decision is the cruelty.”

Bucky jerks back like he’s been slapped. “That’s not what I’m doing. I would never do that.”

“Then what is it?”

“I’m protecting the both of us. Because he’ll say yes. If I want it, Steve will say yes. So someone has to stay sane. That’s _me._ I have to make good decisions for both of us and it’s making me crazy. I don’t trust myself to do it. I want everything. I look at him and I think….”

Bucky moves away from him, his neck flushes red in shame. “Tell him. He deserves to know if you’re going to end it with him. Doesn’t he?”

Steve hates her then. How dare she put that out there when it hadn’t been said like _that_. And Bucky is now nodding like that’s exactly what he’s planning to do. It’s like those are the magic words because Bucky turns to him, meets his gaze.

“Stevie. I keep thinking I want to…I want to _break_ you. And I’m sorry. Half the time I don’t even know what that means. It’s waking me up in the night now. It’s like an itch under my skin. Last night, I told you…I told you that you hadn’t bled but you did. Not a lot. It healed almost instantly, just scratches in a few places. But you did. I didn’t want to stop hurting you. I didn’t want to put arnica on you. I thought about it before we went to sleep, what I should do to be good and responsible. To take care of you. I didn’t do the cream. I knew how fast you healed and I wanted you to hurt for as long as possible. I know that’s fucked up.”

Steve is trying to blink through the tears. Now that Bucky has started talking it’s almost like he can’t stop himself, the words are pouring out of him. “I wanted to cover you in my come, rub it into you like it was salt. I was going to…I wanted to feed you those tissues that were covered in my come and lube and gag you with them. Lock you up so you couldn’t fight me and tell me no and…I don’t recognize myself or what I _want_. And after that plug came out there were little marks on your rim, dark, blood red and I wondered if you could take my fist. It’s so easy to see where we could go, what we’d make of each other and there would have to be a day I’d go too far.”

“Why would there be that day?” Steve asks, oddly calm.

“That’s how greed works. How I would be. I would want a little more every time, I can feel it. I don’t think….” Bucky takes a deep breath, his lip wobbles. “I don’t think I can live without you. Not well or for long. But, if I _violated_ you, abused you, I _know_ I can’t live with that. Hurting you would destroy me. I’d rather be miserable then risk it.”

Bucky’s serious. And it leads them to exactly the same place they were at yesterday. What does Steve say to that? Where does he start? How can he convince him?

“You’ve both mentioned an inability or unwillingness to go on if the relationship ends. Emotional bonds, physical and chemical dependency are real things. Normal people call it true love. We call it designational design- when your body gets its needs met chemically, emotionally and physically the release of hormones is overwhelming. The spike in oxytocin, what is called the ‘love’ hormone or the ‘new mom’ hormone that creates love from mother to a dependent baby is typical at the three month mark.” She’s looking at them both as though they’re supposed to get what she means. She’s been clear before now, why be opaque now?

Bucky nods. “You’re saying our extreme emotional connection is going to get worse.”

“I’m going to recommend some further tests so you both know what you’d be looking at if withdrawal is a path you want to pursue. But, yes, if this is where you both are _now_ , then it will be very difficult, potentially impossible to be without each other in a few months.”

“Tell me about withdrawal,” Bucky says, and his voice is wavering. Steve’s legs go weak under him and he sits back down on the couch. “How can the connection be counteracted?”

Steve is furious. “No. Not _‘the’_ connection. This is _us_. You’re talking about breaking _our_ connection. Don’t fucking pretend it isn’t.”

Bucky looks like Steve has slapped him. “We both know I mean us. But, I don’t want to fucking say it. There isn’t anything worse than this, Steve.”

Steve grinds the palms of his hands into his eyes. His head is pounding. “Let’s do the tests and we can talk. You’d both need specialists and probably continuous monitoring in a hospital setting for a lengthy period of time while your hormones adapt. At a minimum, it’s a broken heart, suicidal ideation, depression, anxiety, and physical symptoms comparable to heroin withdrawal. If either of you want out of this relationship the window for that happening is shrinking very quickly.”

“Could it already be too late?” Steve asks, trying very hard to be sensible and think of how he feels as chemicals and reactions rather than lust and affection. She is looking hard at Steve and he suddenly wonders if she has a designation and what it is. His gut tells him she’s a dominant.

“The answer should be no. But, the serum you were given has altered every part of you. Accelerated processes, optimized them. I don’t know.”

“All right,” Steve says. He’s expected to say something because she’s still staring at him.

“How does that make you feel Steve?”

“I don’t know.” He glances quickly at Bucky and away. He can’t read anything beyond focused attention and concern on his face. Does it matter what the science says when he knows on a fundamental level that Bucky is it for him? Steve isn’t going to walk away from him. If Bucky does….He swallows down bile.

Eventually, she moves on. “Well, that’s all very worst-cased scenario and I’m not sure we need to spend more time on that now. I honestly believe you two can work this out, and it’s clear you both want to.”

She shows Bucky the iPad again. “This is last night. He ended the night here, the best he’s ever been. Everything in range. Optimal. But then Steve went to sleep and James, your levels were here,” she says, pointing to a dark green line in the middle that’s tapering downwards.

“His body reacted to the pheromones and distress you were unwittingly secreting. His body ramped up, he needed you to gain satisfaction, you denied yourself that _again_ and he completely crashed. Now, you’re here in my office.”

“Are you saying I’m not…good?” Steve asks, utterly devastated. It feels like a knife is ripping him to pieces inside. Steve gags.

“Mr. Barnes! Get the hell over there and comfort him!” Bucky moves, sits next to Steve, holds him awkwardly. Steve shoves him away. Bucky lets him. The distance between them is a chasm.

“I don’t know what to do!” Bucky shouts.

The therapist looks furious. “You do. You just _won’t_. He is in distress. He is spiraling and this is all something that can be fixed if you would trust yourself.”

“Fuck!” Bucky shouts and he is lunging for Steve, grabs him by the back of the neck snd drags him to the floor. The shock to his knees, the hard grip forces the grief away. Steve scrambles closer, pulled tight between Bucky’s legs. Instinct compels him to obey, to get as close as possible and concentrate on what his dominant needs in that moment. Bucky’s hand is in his hair now, so tight Steve’s mouth drops open in a silent cry. Bucky doesn’t let up, sees the pain in Steve’s eyes and doesn’t look away, doesn’t let Steve look away. And then Bucky’s hand is down Steve’s pants, grabbing him by the balls. Bucky yanks his head to the side, exposing his neck. “Who do you fucking belong to?” he demands.

“You. _You_. Sir.” The dominance is rising, palpable and Steve is dropping, the strain of all this lessening. He gives up fighting in a rush, eyes lowering in submission, shoulders dropping. “That’s right,” Bucky growls. His hand moves, grips Steve’s cock and squeezes hard and harder and Steve abruptly releases with a cry, slumping over. “Thank you,” he whispers, letting himself slide down, head on Bucky’s leg.

Bucky reaches for his own pants, hand sticky with Steve’s come and then hesitates. “Don’t hesitate. That was exactly right,” The therapist says and Steve is trying to turn to look at her. He’d completely forgotten she was here. He just did that in front of a stranger. It’s mortifying. Should he stand up? Bucky yanks Steve’s head back so he’s looking him in the eyes. He gets his cock out, shoves Steve’s head down to his lap. “Ignore her. Quick. Be quick. Fuck, you’re good.” Bucky is shoving deep into his throat, thrusting, relentless and if it isn’t fast Steve doesn’t know how he’ll endure. “Yes. That’s right. Here. Swallow.” And he comes, flooding Steve’s mouth. Steve gets it all down and Bucky closes his eyes as he recovers. Steve nuzzles his cock wanting more. He’s floating.

“Good boy,” Bucky says, hoarse. He pulls him up, drags Steve so he’s over his thighs, urges him down to his lap, shifts him so he’s seated right over his cock. Like a promise for later. This is where he belongs. “Thank you, Sir.” And he feels like he’s placed here to be soft and receptive, as if his body will protect Bucky’s cock, shelter him. He belongs there. His hole clenches empty and unfulfilled. “Empty.”

“I’m not going to fuck you now, sweetheart.” Bucky kisses Steve, pulls him down by his shirt and thrusts his tongue into his mouth until Steve is panting and rocking on Bucky’s lap, his body not getting the memo that penetration isn’t happening. Steve’s so hard he’s shaking with it. “Can I come, Sir?”

“Stevie,” Bucky says, half-indulgent.

“On your cock. Please. _Please_.”

“Leave him hard. He’s released submissively. He doesn’t need it. He is now in a much better headspace for this conversation and so are you. Now, on a scale of 1 to 10 how satisfying was that for you, Mr. Barnes? At the moment of release is most likely 10, the question is how quickly does that dissipate. At the two minutes past release mark how would you rate it? How satisfied are you?”

“Do you mean how soon I’ll need to dominate him again?”

“And, how much do you feel like you held back?” she asks him.

Bucky tenses. Steve tries to sit up and look at him but Bucky puts a hand on the back of his neck, keeping him close against his chest. Steve’s body is throbbing in need. He both hurts and feels calmer.

“6?” Bucky answers. “This was…nice. It felt good, we both needed that, but there’s still this restlessness inside me and it’s been there since last night. I think that’s why it’s a 6 instead of an 8, I’ve got this residual need to… _wreck_ him,” Bucky says, with so much longing and angst that the floaty feeling dissipates. He’s let his dominant down. He’s not done enough. How can he do more when all he can do is follow direction and be willing?

“If we weren’t here I’d continue. We wouldn’t be done. Typically, we both release multiple times during a scene.”

“Yes. His body creates vast quantities of toxins because it’s super at everything it does. He needs a lot of food, a lot of exercise, a lot of releases to maintain good health.”

“So, we could carry on and even though I’m at a six now, in an hour or however long it takes I’ll finish at an 8.”

“That’s decent. Most often that would be good enough and would count as a healthy designational dynamic. That’s not good enough for you two. We need to find ways for you to be at a 10 with a fair amount of regularity.”

“Well, that doesn’t even sound possible. Last night, Steve was at the edge of what he could take. He told me so. It was the most difficult scene we’ve ever had. Very intense. I can’t burden him with that.”

“Not intense enough,” she says, and shrugs like this isn’t a big deal.

“Does that mean we’re not compatible?” Bucky asks, grief stricken. Steve can feel the panic creeping back in, the nausea and tears. The yawning distance between them opens up even though he’s right there.

“No, it means you need to continue past a point of what you’ve decided is acceptable and trust that he can handle the ‘burden’ of your dominance.”

“It’s not a burden,” Steve interrupts. 

“ _Exactly_. What is it, Steve, if it’s not a burden?”

“I’m not sure there’s an answer for that. It’s just good. It’s love. That’s how I react to it or process it.”

“So, when he holds back and denies you both he’s denying you love?”

He nods. “Yeah. That’s how it feels.”

“See James. You think you’re protecting him, he thinks you’re denying him and your hormones go crazy in response. Could you have taken more, Steve? Are you worried about him demanding too much from you?” she asks.

“Always more,” Steve says, and he means it. “I want to experience him letting go. Just be overwhelmed by him. He’s been very clear he won’t do that. And, if this is a 6…if he wanted more…I don’t know how to convince him that I can keep going but I can. Anything he wants, I can do it all day and I _want_ to….I want to fulfill his needs and be enough.” The last sentence was barely audible. It’s hard to be this needy and honest.

Bucky squeezes him tightly, kisses the top of his head.

“Thank you, Steve. Let’s play devil’s advocate a little bit. Is there _any_ scenario where James wins against you if he kept going and lost control?”

“No.” It’s just a fact.

“Why not?”

“I can stop him physically and if I don’t want to stop him I’ll always heal. We’re discussing soft tissue damage. I won’t even scar.”

She chuckles. “I’m going to ignore the note of longing in your tone, desire for permanent marks can be discussed at another session.”

“Is Steve right, are we only discussing soft tissue damage or are more extreme acts appealing?”

“No, that’s all. I’m not a straight sadist. Everything I want is tied into sexual submission and sexual sadism, so yeah, soft tissue,” he says, holding Steve like he’s protecting him from the very idea. It’s clear Bucky isn’t happy about voicing his needs and wants beyond his own prescribed limits.

“Our time today is just about up, but, Mr. Barnes, if it were anyone else in the world you wouldn’t be in this situation. Steve is not normal and he has no normal range. Your body is compensating, your needs growing to keep pace with his. You feel like you don’t know yourself and to an extent, you don’t. Being with Steve will require a loss of control. Steve would have to be very clear, always, that your more extreme scenes are satisfying and you would both need to accept the fact that it won’t always be perfect. There very well might be mistakes. The bond you two have makes me believe you’d be able to work through those issues. And, I would recommend you come check in with me regularly and when issues arise,” she says, like that’s the end of it. “He will stop you, James.”

“He wants to be a slave,” Bucky says.

“Then, congratulations, you are a slave owner! Be benevolent,” she says, as if it’s a joke. Bucky growls at her. She sighs.

“You are a powder keg and you will go off, Mr. Barnes. The sooner you give in to your dominant needs and subject him to them— completely— the sooner you will know if you two can make it work. If it can’t, if the relationship needs to end for either one of you, it has to be soon or you’ll be too chemically dependent upon each other to seperate. And, it isn’t fair to either of you to be hiding what you need from your submissive.”

“I’m not trying to hide. I’ve never needed this before.”

She shrugs. “You said he was yours. Wouldn’t you give anything to make him happy?”

“Of course.”

She nods. “So, perhaps this is what he needs and your body is reacting accordingly. Perhaps this is what you’ve always needed but you’ve been able to deny it or push it aside. Who knows?”

“I’ve always had a plan. I’ve been so careful,” Bucky says, devastated.

“And that will no longer work. Not all of the time. You’re now with the one man in all the world you don’t have to be careful with. Don’t underestimate him.”

Bucky wraps Steve tight in his arms, hard, like Steve’s a child or a teddy bear. “I love him,” Bucky whispers.

“Then show him who you are. Your initial scenes may be very rough, potentially frightening for both of you. It’s always difficult to reconcile our darker passions with our decent natures. It will be challenging.”

“Slavehood is….”

She sounds tired. As if Bucky is being obtuse on purpose. “It isn’t all at once. You’re not discussing slavery now. And if that time comes we can work through it.”She smiles at them. Bucky seems struck dumb.

“Would you like to meet next week at the same time?”

“Yes,” Steve answers for them.

She gives Steve a wink. “Now, go use the room. I’ve got to have a meeting with Fury, anyways.” 

***

Steve doesn’t move from Bucky’s lap. The therapist leaves and the room is much too quiet. It’s hard to stay still and just sit here but that’s apparently what Bucky wants so Steve closes his eyes, focuses on the pleasure of having him so close, tries to be content until Bucky is ready for more.

“How are you?” Bucky finally asks.

“That’s a stupid question. How _am_ I? _I’m_ fucking fine. The only thing that matters right now is how are _you_?” Steve drags in a breath. He hadn’t meant to say that. But, the truth is that he is a mess and he is just barely clinging on. How does Bucky feel if this is how Steve feels? He looks so calm, so relaxed and sated but he can’t be, can he? If Steve is like this, if Bucky’s been frustrated and denying himself then this cool, collected thing is bullshit.

Bucky winces. “Well, you don’t have to be a punk about it. And, to be fair, you’ve only known me for a week so there might be a lot more stupid questions in your future.” Bucky kisses Steve gently on the lips, fingers barely touching his face as he kisses him and pulls back to look at Steve over and over again. “You’re so beautiful, babydoll.”

“Is this a lie?” Steve asks, and the anger is gone. He is empty in his heart. His stomach is absolutely hollow and he feels numb and disconnected from himself. “How do I trust you if this isn’t what you want but—“

“I do want this. I want this and I want more. There is no lie.”

Steve looks down. He wants to believe him.

“Come on, sweetheart. Let’s get us sorted out and see what’s next.” He holds out a hand and Steve takes it. They step through the door into the Reconnecting Room. There’s a table, chairs, couch and a St. Andrew’s Cross. There’s a bed in the corner and a bathroom.

“You could tie me to the cross and whip me.”

“I don’t like to be that far apart from you. I like to be touching you when I hurt you. I like knowing it’s my body that’s hurting you.”

“Yes, sir,” Steve says, and Steve’s cock gets hard. He can hear the truth in Bucky’s words. And that makes sense, Steve’s felt that in Bucky’s touches and he wants the same thing. Bucky pushes Steve so he backs into the table, ass resting on the ledge. He undoes Steve’s pants, pulls down the zipper and sinks to his knees.

“Umm,” Steve isn’t sure how comfortable he is with this. Bucky above him, servicing him while he just does nothing.

“Can I open myself up for you?” Steve asks, because that would be something.

“No. Just stand there. You’re where I want you. All I want from you is for you to come. You come and then I’m going to fuck you without any prep.”

“None?” Steve asks, because it sounds too good to be true.

Bucky gives him a look undoubtedly similar to the one Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother got just before the main event. Bucky licks his lips, rolling the bottom one into his mouth. His lip is shiny and wet. Steve’s cock twitches but it’s mainly because of the manhandling and the hungry look on his face.

“Please, let me be on my knees for you instead. I need it,” Steve confesses.

“I’m not interested in that right now,” Bucky says, petting Steve’s cock, gaze intent.

“Can I touch myself? Play with my nipples?” Steve asks, becoming more desperate each moment that goes by.

“No. Just hold onto the table so you don’t fall down. You just have to feel it.”

He gives Steve the lightest kiss to his shaft and Steve chews his bottom lip. He might start crying again. “I _can’t_. I can’t be up here while you’re on the ground. Please. I won’t be able to come this way. I’m sorry.”

Bucky buries his face in Steve’s groin, breathes him in, pets him through his trimmed hair. “We’re going to get you waxed. It fucking hurts. That’s going to be your new normal. Say, yes sir.”

“Yes, sir,” he says, imagining how painful it’s going to be. Maybe that thought will help him come?

“I might get your nipples pierced.”

Oh fuck. Yeah, that’s good. “Yes, sir.”

Another horrible and gentle kiss. His eyes roll up to Steve. “You don’t know this about me. I didn’t want to tell you until you were a sure thing—“

“I was a sure thing from the moment we met.”

Bucky laughs, gives him a lick up his shaft. “I give the _worst_ blow jobs.”

“O-oh?” Steve asks, and doesn’t know what that means.

“Yeah. All teeth,” Bucky murmurs and his head tilts. Soft lips and a wet mouth touch his shaft first, then a swipe of a tongue, and teeth. Teeth that ever so carefully set into his skin, lock on him and squeeze him tighter and tighter, until he’s shaking and can’t breathe because of the throbbing pain.

Panic pounds through him, he’s so vulnerable like this, it’s so much trust Bucky is demanding of him. God, he can feel the endorphins fizzing through his body, demanding he submit and give his dominant everything. And then there’s the pain, growing, relentless. It may never end. His head is thrown back in horrible ecstasy. _Fuck. Fuck_. Bucky lets go and Steve cries out at the feeling.

“Uh. Uhm. _Sir_.” He drops down beside Bucky, kisses him frantically, is trying to get into his pants. Fabric rips, Steve doesn’t know his own strength, he can’t moderate it and he needs to. He’s got to get himself together. In the back of his mind he knows that he’s disobeying, but he needs Bucky’s cock inside him. After last night and the session with the therapist, he has to have it. He needs to be owned and put in his place. Steve’s cock is throbbing but it’s nothing compared to his hole, aching to be filled. “You _have_ to. Now. I need you now.”

Bucky grabs his hands. Steve’s arms are trembling at how much self-control it’s taking to not pull free and grab for Bucky’s cock. “Let me. _Please_. Just let me. I can do all the work. I’ll make you come so hard,” Steve gasps, leaning forward to press their lips together.

“We’ve been through a lot so I’m not going to punish you for this, but you are on very thin ice, Steve. Get up. I’m not done.” It’s the Steve that really gets through to him. He’s Stevie, sweetheart, babydoll, baby, princess…he isn’t Steve when they’re like this.

It’s hard to get back up, to lean against the table and wait. The tears come and they aren’t even good tears to make Bucky proud or hard. They’re just his own disappointment. “There you go,” Bucky says, when he’s back in position, and he’s petting Steve’s thighs, along the inside where he’s softer and practically hairless. There’s so much fucking petting. He wants to beg Bucky to stop being nice to him. And what about punishment? He’d said Steve deserved it and wouldn’t get it, why not?

Another soft kiss on his cock, then another fucking one, it’s taking forever. And then Bucky swallows him down, pulls up and off and slides deep again. Bucky even moans like he loves sucking cock. Like this is a treat for him. What if this happens all the time now? He’s supposed to be the one down there. Bucky snaps his fingers. Steve makes eye contact. Shit, he’s started to go soft.

He takes a deep breath, wills himself to get hard again. Bucky is watching him. Does he know, does he feel it yet? Bucky’s teeth are back, pressing in at the base of his shaft. “Thank you,” he gasps. Fear and terror go through him and he braces his arms so he doesn’t fall down. “Yes,” he breathes, instinctive because as much as he’s afraid, he’s also becoming rock hard.

He takes a moment to enjoy it, how good he’s being, that he won’t disappoint Bucky by being soft. Bucky hasn’t moved, isn’t doing anything else. The relief clears from his mind, his cock throbs in Bucky’s mouth.

This is going to hurt, he realizes. He doesn’t want this, the rational part of him absolutely doesn’t want this. “Oh, fuck. Oh, no. Oh, _Sir,_ ” he babbles as Bucky draws back slowly, so slowly,teeth scraping down his shaft towards the head. His eyes slam shut and he’s terrified he’s going to come. Bucky stops before the head. There’s a high pitched sound coming from somewhere. Fuck, it’s from him. It’s Steve breathing and trying to work through the pain.

“Please no. Please don’t. I’m begging you.” The agony of teeth over his glands might make him pass out. The teeth release, he slips out of Bucky’s mouth. Steve’s cock is throbbing and hard.

“Okay. Don’t worry. I can be sweet toyou.”

Steve snorts. “That means there’s an 80% chance you’re going to make me cry.”

“Those are good odds,” Bucky says, winking at him. He’s nosing around Steve’s balls, his lips slide over one, suck gently until the globe is in his mouth. He sucks more firmly and Steve is watching him, all fear and lust and that sense of wrongness because Sir is on his knees and Steve is being serviced. Bucky lets go. Steve slumps, the tension releasing. Bucky moves to the other ball, sucks hard, has him lined up in his mouth where he could bite down.

He’s scared. So scared. Steve’s cock spurts heavily onto his stomach, releasing without orgasm. Bucky pulls back. He swipes up the come and stands, then feeds it to Steve. Steve sucks Bucky’s finger into his mouth, tongues it, showing him how good he could be if only Bucky put him on his knees. Bucky takes his fingers away and then feeds him more come. It’s his own so it’s not like it tastes all that great. It’s slimy, viscous, and bitter. And, its only Bucky watching him and the filthiness of it that does anything for him.

‘Thank you, Sir,” he says, when his stomach is all clean. Bucky leans in to kiss him, licks the seam of Steve’s lips.

“Close your mouth. I’ll open it.”

Why is that so hot? He nods, closes his mouth, but can’t quite keep still and quiet. “You can open my mouth. Open me. Open…um, whatever you want,” he says, lost to the various possibilities of Bucky telling him to be open and wider, of being forced open.

Bucky pulls back, gives him a look. _Oh_. He wants Steve to stop talking. Steve shuts up and Bucky kisses him again, the tip of his tongue along the seam of Steve’s lips, his head tilts and Bucky crowds closer with a groan.

He sucks Steve’s bottom lip into his mouth and bites until Steve’s mouth opens on a gasp. His tongue surges inside, deep and claiming, tasting Steve’s come. Bucky finally pulls back, blinking his eyes open slowly, dazed. Bucky’s cock is hard and his pants are damp at the front from where he’s been leaking. Steve needs that come in his ass. Maybe down his throat. It’s his.

Which is a weird thing to be proprietary about but it _is_ and that’s where he’s at. Steve’s been denied too long. Discarded. A finger pushes his chin up and he blinks, realizes he’s been staring at Bucky’s cock, at the wet patch. “Want it.”

“My come?”

He nods, tries to slip down to the floor again but Bucky stops him with a smirk. If he had his way, Bucky would never jerk off, he’d never come in a tissue or a towel, it wouldn’t go to waste, but would be on Steve or inside him.

Bucky would wake up in the morning and if he didn’t want to bother with Steve he could just jerk off into his mouth and carry on with his day. He could stand next to the bed and jerk off on Steve’s back or over Steve’s cock or….He’s lost to this idea, being used that carelessly and consistently. If Bucky is going to come Steve needs to be responsible, accountable to that somehow. That’s what he wants.

God, he’s hard and he aches. He feels weighted inside, the pressure and the need to be fucked isn’t just his passage and the puckered entrance of his hole, it’s his perineum and his sack, the skin all around it, like it’s spreading throughout his entire body, “If you knew how much I needed you right now.”He needs Bucky’s cock in his ass.

Bucky is sliding back down to the ground and it’s the worst possible thing. “No, no. Use me. I can’t do this. I swear I can’t. _Please._ ”

“Hush, sweetheart. This isn’t about you.”

“You said it was. You said you were going to take care of me. Reward. This isn’t a reward.”

Bucky gives his cock a gentle lick. “If it isn’t a reward then what is it, babydoll?” God, his voice is dark and there’s something in his eyes that Steve can’t quite work out he’s so turned around and desperate.

“Don’t know.” Steve admits. “Tell me what it is. What you want.”

“What if I’m doing what I want?”

Which makes Steve cry. This can’t be what Bucky wants. Because it’s horrible and soft. It’s so boring and Steve needs more than this. He can’t give in and subsume his own needs if this is what Bucky wants. Not if it’s this.

Bucky’s gone back to the shaft now, little nibbles of varying intensity,affectionate and with zero pay off. “Do you need me, sweetheart?” he asks, voice muffled as he presses against Steve’s cock.

“Yes! So much. Yes.”

“Where?” Steve takes Bucky’s hand from his thigh, meets his gaze, asking for permission to show him. Bucky hums a no and Steve’s passage spasms, empty, clenching on nothing. “All you have to do is come and then you can show me. You can put my hand where you want it, put my cock where you need it and I’ll give you anything. Just be a good boy for me and come. Here we go. You can do it.”

Steve closes his eyes, wills himself to come as the heat of Bucky’s mouth surrounds him. _Enjoy it_. That’s all Steve has to do. His body will take care of itself. This is like masturbating. He tries not to think about the fact that he’s not very good at that. He’s going to get a reward after he comes. Bucky will be proud of him and will pound the hell out of him.

“Harder. Please,” Steve begs, voice shaky.

“Put your hand in my hair, grip me tight. Move me where you want me,” Bucky says. “You’ve been so good, baby. You’ve earned this.”

Steve hates that fucking idea. He’s not going to fuck his Sir’s face like he’s a thing. If Steve’s not careful he’ll go soft and that would be devastating. “All I want is you,” he manages, helplessly.

Bucky takes Steve’s hands, puts them on his head, in his hair, silky and perfect and Bucky’s mouth is so wet and slick and worshipful. Like Steve is amazing and lives up to his exterior.

This is what real men like. Getting their dick sucked. He’s getting soft. Bucky must notice. He looks up at Steve, questioning. “Just fuck my face. Let me make you feel good,” Bucky whispers.

Steve puts a hand down around his cock, bumping into Bucky’s mouth and tries to jerk himself off in furtive little movements, desperately trying to stay hard. His other hand goes down, to his ball, cups them, pinches hard behind his sack, praying that a sting of pain will help him. Bucky takes both of his hands, puts them gently back on the counter and Steve can’t take it anymore. He tries to twist away, doesn’t want Bucky to think he can’t be hard for him.

“I’m sorry. I can’t. Please, stop. Yellow. Or….”Bucky stands back up, has a hand on Steve’s cheek, strokes his thumb against the damp skin. This is like Peggy, like how things were back before the ice. This isn’t the sort of thing one safe words for. It’s not physical pain. It hurts him but….

“I don’t want to say red, Sir. I shouldn’t have said yellow. I just don’t want this to happen with you. I don’t want to be this with you.”

“Be what?” he asks gently.

Steve closes his eyes, wishes he was somewhere else. “I thought it was….This was the past. This isn’t who I am with you. I’m sorry. I want you. Please, don’t think I do. Just hurt me, let me service you.”

Bucky is close to him, leaning into his space, nose pressed under Steve’s ear as he breathes him in. “Feel how much I need you to service me,” he says, and he brushes his cock against Steve’s softening one. Through the material he can feel how hard Bucky is. Bucky takes his cock away, shifting back enough to get his hand onto Steve, to brush a finger gently over the soft, small flesh of Steve’s cock.

“Oh, baby. Initially, I was going to give you head. Stevie. Angel. I’ve never been with someone so submissive they didn’t like head. I wouldn’t have believed such a thing was possible. But here we are.”

“I’m sorry. I can work on it. It’s not that I don’t want you-- I like being afraid for you. That made me hard. I can come from that, I swear.” 

Bucky chuckles, low and pleased. “Yeah, I’m sure you can.” He’s cupping Steve gently in his hand, looks down as Steve’s cock begins to fill and get hard again.

“If you use your teeth I could get hard for you, Sir. So fast.”

“I know it, baby. I can hear it in your voice. I felt it when I touched you. There you go,” he murmurs, rubbing his thumb roughly against the glans.”

“Yes, sir,” Steve gasps, and god it’s such a relief. Steve grinds his ass against the table, the need for Bucky inside him surging to life again. He spreads his legs, wanting to make room for Bucky to press against him.

“Here’s the thing,” Bucky says, pulling back his mouth and his hand when Steve is almost completely hard. His voice is dark and a little cruel. “These tears on your face taste different,” Bucky says, kissing them off his cheeks. “You even smell different,” he says, and he takes Steve’s arms and puts them around his neck. Steve’s hot and sweating from fear and panic and he can smell himself now that Bucky has made him lift his arms, his scent bitter and he doesn’t like that. He tries to bring them back down but Bucky stops him with a shake of his head.

“I need to shower,” Steve’s voice is pleading.

“I don’t care, sweetheart. The reality is that I’m holding myself back again. I’ve pulled back, I’m giving you a moment now. You make me feel like two different people, Steve. The man who might someday be good enough for you, who wants to protect you and love you. Make you feel better. That’s the me I know and want to be. That me would let you take a shower and wash the fear and self-loathing away. That version of me would have let you blow me and shoved you to the ground where you belong.”

“Do you understand this is something different? Do you feel it?” The dominance is pouring off of him as he lets the reigns go a little, his voice is lowering, there’s a rasp to it and Steve feels almost drunk with Bucky so close and intoxicating. His smell is different too, it’s like lightning and violence and Steve’s balls are throbbing and full.

“Yes, sir,” he says, the words oozing out of him.

“Don’t touch me,” Bucky orders, and his hands go to his pants, he unbuttons and unzips and Steve is transfixed as Bucky’s hard cock is pulled into view. The head is leaking. Bucky swipes a finger over it and smears it onto Steve’s cheek. Steve’s mouth is watering and he’s not sure how to feel about being denied even that small thing. He whimpers.

“Good.” Bucky says, flatly. Bucky jerks himself off while he stands before Steve. Steve watches, growing more and more upset with each stroke that Bucky isn’t using him when he’s literally right here.

“Do you want me to beg?” Steve asks.

“Would begging make you feel better?” Bucky asks, watching the tears fill in Steve’s eyes and slide down his face.

Steve licks his lips, gaze drawn back to Bucky’s cock. “Yes. Just want you to know how much I want you.”

“Then, no.”

Steve lunges forward to kiss him and Bucky shoves him back hard enough that Steve has to brace himself so he doesn’t fall flat to his back. Bucky laughs. Hips roll in pleasure as he fucks his fist and then he’s looking at Steve and his mouth like he’s thinking of coming in it. “Don’t move or I won’t fuck you for a week.”

Steve holds every muscle still and Bucky’s breath catches. He’s going to come. Steve bites back a cry and Bucky shifts to the side, comes on the table several inches away from Steve. Thick lines of come taunt Steve and he struggles to stay still. To not cry or drop to his knees. Bucky covers his cock with his shirt and sighs indulgently. As if that was just as good as what he gets from Steve. He rubs a knuckle against Steve’s cock, testing, smiles at how soft Steve is.

He grabs Steve by the jaw, forces eye contact. Bucky leans in, uses his tongue to lick the tears off Steve’s face. “There it is again. That stink of fear and misery. I made you feel that way. That’s mine, too. I want that, sweetheart. I want everything. Good, bad, shameful. It’s all mine if we carry on. That’s what ownership is. And I’ll tell you something really awful. As soon as she said it might be too late, that we may already be chemically dependent upon each other, I was glad. I won’t be the one to suffer, Steve. I won’t be the one who’s trapped.”

Steve laughs at that idea. “I’d be trapped? You’re the one getting a bad bargain, Buck. You want to be stuck with someone who can’t stay hard? Who…who can’t get hard?”

“Tell me,” Bucky orders, watching Steve.

“I wanted so badly to love her. Part of me did. And she was so beautiful and strong and I…I couldn’t stay hard for her. At the end I couldn’t even _get_ hard. It was awful. I’m a disappointment. I’ll disappoint you. I couldn’t….” Bucky kisses him, claiming and like he still wants him. Kisses him until Steve’s hands reach out and touch Bucky gently on the chest. “You’ll want to leave me too.”

“No, I won’t. Not for anything.” Steve tries to take comfort in that but he knows that’s the not the same as not going, it just means he wouldn’t want to.

“And you know that’s designational not you. You’re so easy to get hard, I’ll prove it to you. But you need to finish telling me first.”

“There’s nothing to tell.”

“Say it, sweetheart. I already know but you need to say it.”

“You don’t know.”

“The files, the plane and Peggy. I know you. I can only imagine what that must have been like for you. Letting down the person you loved most in the world. So, tell me. Tell me so we can move past it.”

Steve doesn’t want to, doesn’t think he can even though, yeah, seems like he knows but saying it is different. Seeing the look on Bucky’s face.

“Steve. You let go and I’ll let go.”

Which makes it easy. He wants a future with Bucky more than he wants to protect his past. “I didn’t even try to save myself. Didn’t want to hear another option orsurvive the plane crash. I couldn’t live with myself. I just needed it to be over. The files that were deleted, that’s what they’re about. The dysfunction with her, the speculation it was a form of suicide.” He wants to hide. That’s it. Bucky won’t want him now. He’d never wanted to tell him. Or, if he’d had to know why couldn’t it have been later, when they were tied together for good.

“Good boy. Thank you, sweetheart. _Steve_. Look at me. That’s done now. I’m everything. I will always get you hard if I want you hard. And if I want you soft I’ll make you soft. Turn around,” Bucky orders. Steve lets himself turn, Bucky grips his neck presses down and down until Steve’s face is just over Bucky’s cold come. “Lick it up.”

He should protest. He should….Bucky pushes and he goes down, his mouth opens and just like that he’s hard again, aching and needy. He licks until the table is spotless. Bucky drags him up and turns him. Steve can hear his heart pounding in his ears. Bucky’s hand goes down to Steve’s cock.

“There you go. Look how hard you are, babydoll. Do you know what that does to me? That you couldn’t get it up for her when you’re the easiest slut alive for me?” Bucky is panting now.He undoes Steve’s pants, drops them down and turns Steve around, bends him over the table and shoves a finger, dry, deep inside him. Steve clutches the wood table, tries to relax and it’s impossible. It hurts so much Steve shouts. “I’ll be the instrument of all the cruelty and pleasure in your world. Say ‘yes sir.’ 

‘Yes, sir,” Steve grits out. His finger feels massive. It isn’t much better when he takes it out either.

“Going to fuck you now. And you, you are going to be my perfect whore and you’re going to thank me and beg for more. Because that’s what I turn you into.”

Bucky spits on his hole, pushes his thumb into Steve and lets it stay there, this horrible intrusion his body is trying desperately to expel. “Ungh. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.” His teeth are clenched as he endures. 

The thumb comes out, the head of Bucky’s cock is there, relentless even though he’s much too dry. Bucky is going to split him open. His dominance is tangible. If it’s a wave crashing over Steve then he was already drowning. It’s like being stuck in tar. He can’t move away, he isn’t sure he could say red even if he wanted to. But he doesn’t. He wants to be here and be this thing Bucky wants him to be. Bucky is going to ruin him and take him apart.

Bucky is pushing hard, trying to force his way into Steve’s body but some part of him, some remnant of self-preservation is keeping Bucky from pushing in. He’s clenched down tight and Bucky can’t force past the muscles. Certainly not when he’s this dry.

“Jesus. Fuck. I need inside you, sweetheart. You gonna keep me out?”

“No, I…I don’t know. I’m not trying to.”

His chuckle is villainous, foreign to Steve. “Relax. Let me. Push, baby. I’m going to fuck you. I’m going to come in you. I’m not letting you out of here until you scream my name. It’s instinct to try to move, to escape and Bucky’s hand is around his cock, squeezing relentlessly, keeping him there. And Bucky is still pressing against his hole and Steve feels the give, the faintest tremor as his muscles open.

Bucky takes instant advantage, feels that minute change and he fucks forward and drags Steve back like he’s a rag doll. Steve screams and drags in a breath, fingers scrambling on the table for something to hold onto. It’s the exhale that does it, makes his sphincter loosen so the head of Bucky’s cock is in him, breeching him.

“Please.” Steve whimpers. God, he’s down, he literally feels like he’s falling, disappearing from himself and everything. Is he coming? Is he dying? He doesn’t know the person behind him, fucking him. No one has ever made him feel like this. Bucky snarls in his ear, fingers graze his ass cheeks as Bucky wraps a hand around the shaft of his own cock and jerks himself off while the head of himself is lodged into Steve. Each small jerk ripples through him, stings and pulls at his rim.

“I’ll get mine. You can’t keep me out.”

_Good._ Bucky will get off. His cock fills at the thought, his balls ache and Bucky’s hand nudges them with each upward glide of his hand. The head of Bucky’s cock swells inside him and he just needs it to end. “Fuck. There. God, you’re good,” he gasps into Steve’s ear as he comes, cock jerking inside him, filling him with come, wetting him down. The pulsing of his release makes Steve whimper, is brutal.

It’s only a minute that Bucky lays on top of him, boneless, coming back to himself but Steve feels like glass trembling on the edge of a shelf. Bucky is the hand that will push him off and smash him to pieces or move him out of harm’s way. He doesn’t know what he’ll do. He doesn’t. Not when Bucky is like this.

Unfettered. Purely dominant and selfish. Unknown to himself. Clarity comes to Steve. There’s only one decision to make. Does he want to be on that journey with Bucky? Will he let himself be broken and glued back together again and again while Bucky works through this, gets a hold of it? He may never get a hold of it. He might descend further and further, demand more and ever harder things. He doesn’t know what the could be. He doesn’t want to know. He’s almost positive he doesn’t.

But, he’s the idiot who’d go into a dark alley even when he knew he was going to get his ass kicked. He’s the idiot who drives towards gun toting nazis while exposed on a motorcycle, uncaring if he gets riddled with bullets. He’s the idiot who jumps out of planes without a parachute because nothing has killed him yet.

Bucky groans, selfish and indulgent, fucks forward again and Steve stifles a cry of shock and pain as Bucky forces him open the rest of the way. “Yes,” Bucky hisses, plundering him, coring and awful and pure. “There you are. _Mine._ Are you crying?” He knows the answer is supposed to be yes. It is yes. He’s beyond words so he makes a sound.

“There’s my boy. Fucked out and lovely with it.” He is. Steve releases, can’t breathe through the feeling of it, has to wait to drag in a breath until it’s over. Bucky rides him through it. Bucky grabs his head, fist in his hair, lifts it off the table. “I’m going to fuck you later. Do you want to ask me for it? Ask me and I’ll come.”

“Don’t stop,” Steve says.

“You still want more?”

“Always.” His eyes are closed, it’s a promise to the universe.

And then Bucky comes. He pulls out, come splashes onto Steve’s lower back and his cheeks. Bucky drops down to look at Steve’s hole, to see what he’s done. Come drips out of Steve. Even that hurts. Bucky stands up and gets a tissue.

“No!” Steve says, as Bucky comes close. He tries to hold out a hand but it’s shaking too much. “Last time, you left me.”

“I won’t leave you. I’ll be gentle,” he says, and Steve lets him even though he’s scared Bucky will be upset. The barest press is agony. Bucky pulls the tissue away, sets it down so Steve can see even though he already knows. See that it’s pink because Bucky made him bleed inside.

Bucky is white as a sheet. “It felt good, Steve.” His voice is trembling. He’s crying. The self-loathing is there, fear of himself, fear for Steve. “I’d…I’d do it again. I’ll do worse. I--”

“Take care of me now.”

Bucky looks at him, wide eyed, on the edge of his own internal disaster.

“You hurt me. You used me. I loved it but you won’t believe me. So, make amends.” He can’t hardly say it. It’s the most desperate, vulnerable thing he’s ever had to say. “Be sweet to me now.”

“Of course. Stevie,” he says, like Steve is a genius. He gathers him up and leads him to the couch, lays him down and tries to move back but then he lays down next to Steve, moves closer. “I’m too heavy for you,” Bucky says, even as he’s looming over him.

“Please do what feels right. I need that, Sir. I trust you.”

“Tell me if you don’t like it. Promise you’ll tell me,” he says, as he moves closer, settles halfway on top of him, half to the side. He’s shielding Steve with his body, something almost feral about it. He’s touching Steve everywhere, kissing his face, his eyelids, whatever he can reach.

“I’ll tell you. I’m all right.”

“How do you feel?”

“Incredible. But, like I’ll break down if you leave me. I need you closer still,” Steve says.

“Sweetheart. I’m so…I love you. I’m so ashamed and it hurts to love you this much. You’re the good one. The perfect one. I’m the stray dog who will follow you home. That’s where we are. Let me in and I won’t leave.”

“Keep going,” Steve says, kissing Bucky on the mouth. “I want to know what it will be like on the other side.”

“No, baby. You hurt.”

“I don’t. Please don’t think this is all I can handle. Please, don’t—“

“Hush, Stevie. It’s okay.” He kisses Steve until all the tears stop. Bucky lifts Steve’s thigh, pulls it over him so it rests on his hip, opening him so Bucky can have good access to his hole. Steve ducks his head against Bucky’s chin worried and anticipating what he might do. “It’s alright, babydoll.” Bucky’s got a hand sliding back down Steve’s sticky ass cheek. His hand dips in, so gentle, so careful, kissing Steve sweetly to put him at ease as he presses the flat of his fingers against Steve’s hole. Steve whimpers. “Gentle. Promise.”

Steve nods in assent, his hips twitching forward. He doesn’t know if he wants to get away or have more. It stings. “I need my come to stay inside you. Just for a little bit,” Bucky tells him.

Steve nods. He needs that, too. He drifts. “What does it look like?” Steve asks, and he has no idea how much time has passed.

“Your bottom?” he asks.

Steve nods, embarrassed. “Oh, it looks like someone needed you bad. So desperately that they were careless, mindless. Well used and painful. It looks like…they were greedy.”

“I loved it,” he says, and it’s only then that he realizes his hips are moving, just the barest amount, pressing back against Bucky’s hand and thrusting forward, pressure and release against his stinging hole.

“You’re hot and swollen. So wet. My come is all pink, sweetheart.”

“Please, help me come,” he begs, eyes closed, lips offered. He’s passive and waiting to see what Bucky gives him. He’ll take anything.

“Of course. Of course, my beautiful boy. Keep working my hand. You look like you like that.”

“I do.”

“It’s making me hard again, babydoll. Watching you fuck yourself on my fingers even though it hurts.”

“It does hurt. Hurts so much, sir.”

“Good. Isn’t that good?”

Bucky kisses him, wraps his free hand around Steve’s cock and his own, presses them together. “Keep going, sweetheart. Work yourself, use my hand. This is about you. Supposed to be all about you but I need you again. Need to come. You make me so hard all the fucking time.”

“I do?” he asks, and he’s leaking everywhere, the glide is slick now as he drips and spurts between them, releasing.

“Of course you do.”

Steve’s breath hitches, he clutches onto Bucky’s shoulder and works his hips faster. “There you go. That’s my boy. Is it okay if I come again too? Come on you, with you?”

“Please, please.”

“Come, sweetheart. Come so I can come too. You’re going to make me. Only you.”

“I want to be everything to you.”

“Fuck. You are. Anything you want, sweetheart. You can have anything. I love you. I won’t leave. I swear.”

Steve comes, feels Bucky’s cock jerking moments later as his orgasm crests. Bucky feeds every drop of their release that he can to Steve, makes him full with it and strokes his stomach. He falls asleep and when he wakes up he’s boneless. Perfect. Loved. “Let’s go home, sweetheart.”

Bucky gets up and gets dressed first, giving Steve a look when he realizes his zipper is broken. “Don’t wear clothes and this won’t happen,” Steve says, defensively.

“That’s the lesson?” Bucky asks, with a smile.

He pulls Steve to his feet and gets him dressed, sits him down to get his half boots back on him and then drags him back up. He gives him a kiss, sloppy and wet, trails it down his neck and sucks a mark into his neck. He reaches into Steve’s pants where he’s sure he’s soaked and coats his hands in the come leaking out of his ass. He smears it all over Steve’s back, under his shirt and he feels like a whore.

“Everyone will know,” Steve says, trembling.

“Good,” he growls. Steve’s cock swells in arousal as Bucky pulls him by the hand out of the office. The hallway is empty. Bucky is in front of him, dragging Steve behind him, on edge like he might punch anyone who so much as looks at Steve with interest. They wait for the elevator. It’s coming down.

“No. They’ll see.” He crowds close to Bucky, closing his eyes, forehead to Bucky’s shoulder as he waits for Bucky to decide. Bucky shifts towards the stairs, willing to spare Steve but the doors open. Bucky pulls him forward. Steve looks. “Brock,” Bucky says, voice low.

“What the fuck?” Rumlow says, taking in Steve’s debauched appearance, the reek of come and sex. He opens his mouth to say something, probably hello, but Bucky growls at the man, pushes Steve back against the wall, crowding him into the corner and kisses him, presses his hips into his crotch until Steve whimpers.

“Perfect,” Bucky murmurs.

The elevator stops and Steve opens his eyes, sees Brock staring at them both with shocked eyes. He isn’t even attempting to moderate his reaction. He looks at Bucky, Bucky who’s basically dry humping him in public, at the mess Bucky has already made of him. “Good luck with that,” he says, and leaves the elevator.

“Bucky. We have to go now. Let’s go home.” He pushes weakly and Bucky gives him a bit of space. Bucky’s hard again. Steve can see the large shape of him through his jeans. He grabs Steve’s pec, gropes him, cups Steve’s hardening cock in his hand and then steps away. Like he’s checking his property. He pulls him from the elevator, all dominance and restrained violence. Brock has a walkie-talkie. He’s near the exit, watching them as they get close.

He starts backing up as Bucky gets closer. “Got you a car. They’ll drive you back. Just give them the address.”

Right. Because Brock doesn’t know the address. Doesn’t know where Bucky lives since Bucky never took him there. “It’s the first time he’s let me out of bed in a week,” Steve says, shrugging.

“Was that necessary?” Bucky asks, hand on Steve’s ass as he guides them through the lobby.

Making sure Rumlow knows Bucky is taken? Hell, yeah it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I actually wrote this fairly quickly but it's been hard to get it into shape which is why it wasn't out a few days ago. Feedback on this will likely determine if we carry on with this story or not (It's 90k! Can you believe it? I can't fucking believe it. The longest book I ever wrote was in 2013, and it was also 90k and it was so exhausting I actually turned down a publishing contract, because i didn't think i'd be able to write to schedule. Which is why fan fic is amazing. it's so much more fun!) 
> 
> Why would it wrap up? Mainly because the drama in this chapter changes the story. It's not Steve and his submissive stuff but Bucky and his dominance issues which would result in a lot more dub con, verging as much to non con as is possible in this world (by which i mean Steve loves it but wouldn't enjoy some stuff as it was happening). I'm not sure that's the bargain I made with you readers when this story started. It's also different from the in-control Bucky we met at the beginning of the story. Continuing on would be how he copes with having to let go of control.... Anyway, that's my dilemma. 
> 
> Part of me wonders if this whole 16k section went off on the wrong track and our boys should have just had a mission, met the avengers and then everything come to an end. IDK.
> 
> Thanks for reading the story AND another long note. Any thoughts/feedback is always appreciated.


	10. Chapter 10

Brock backs away and Bucky gets them into the waiting SUV. He shoves Steve to the ground between his legs, puts his hands to his crotch, thinking very hard about making Steve suck him off as they drive. The divider between the front seat and back rolls down.

“For the love of God, roll down the damned windows,” Fury says, and Steve turns, realizes Fury and Natasha are in the front seat of the car. “I’m gonna lose my other eye if I have to see much more of this.”

“Why are you here? What’s happening?” Steve asks.

“Nothing world ending if that’s what you’re asking. I was told everything had gone to shit between you two and then an urgent call from Rumlow goes out saying you needed a lift and we were going to go to lunch, figured we’d drop you off first and see how it’s going. That was a mistake.”

Natasha gives them a look in the rearview, taking in everything in a glance. “If you need a monitor, or someone to bounce stuff off of, let me know,” she says, meeting Bucky’s gaze in the mirror.

“What’s your designation?” Steve asks. From the look on her face it’s gotta be something.

“Switch.”

Bucky whistles. “That’s rare.”

He’s running his fingers through Steve’s hair absently, turns Steve’s head to see his mouth. Bucky licks his lips, wanting everything. It isn’t even defined. He just knows that Steve is there, Steve has a mouth and it’s very close to his hard cock. Bucky looks out the window, trying to keep it together.

“Don’t come in for another week,” Fury says. “This is crazy. You’re both crazy. Roll up the glass. How far is it til we can get them out of the car?”

“Ten minutes.”

“People can get up to a lot of things in 10 minutes,” Fury says, sounding resigned.

The partition goes up and Bucky undoes his pants. Steve’s eyes are wide. They’re both thinking about the fact that Bucky’s come in Steve’s ass. He’s never asked him to suck him off without cleaning up properly before.

Bucky leans forward, gets a hand on the back of Steve’s neck and drags his face forward. Steve opens his mouth. “No sucking. Just keep me warm. Don’t drool. When we get out of the car you spit.”

Steve wants to nod. He doesn’t because he’s just a resting place for Bucky’s cock. His eyes slide shut and he forces them open. Ten minutes before they’re home.

The therapy session was helpful. Clearly not enough and he’s thinking he’s going to set up an appointment for just himself as soon as he can. Steve is apparently fine with where they’re going. He has no qualms and will follow Bucky down any dark path he chooses.

“You’re so good, Steve.” He touches Steve’s lips, where his cock is buried in his mouth and tries to imagine letting Steve go. Letting him be in pain and alone. Letting him move on, letting him be drugged and going through withdrawal because he wants Bucky and Bucky cared about his pride and rules more than Steve. He tries to imagine letting Steve go because Bucky can’t change.

“Who wouldn’t I become for you? What wouldn’t I do to keep you safe?” he asks, wanting Steve to know. Steve looks away from his gaze, to the side, finally just closes his eyes. His lashes are damp with tears but they don’t spill over.

If he lets Steve go, those tears won’t be his responsibility. He won’t get to help Steve or cause them. They will have nothing to do with him. Who would Steve find that would love him more than Bucky? Who would Steve _allow_ himself to love?

“It’s done, isn’t it?” Bucky rasps, “There is no one else for me. There never will be. I don’t think either of us would be better without each other. Her saying we still have time to separate,” Steve looks at him again. There is so much in his eyes. Feeling and love. “I don’t know if she’s right. If we could. I don’t care….I don’t want to.” Bucky licks his lips, keeps touching Steve’s mouth with one hand and slides his other hand down Steve’s shirt to get to his pec and feel him up.

Steve drags in a breath at the touch. “You hard, sweetheart?”

Steve blinks long and slow to mean yes. “Me playing with you here gets you all distracted,” Bucky says, not really a question. He slows his touch, settles so it’s just his hand flat over Steve’s pec, pebbled nipple pressing into his palm. “Let me tell you. Maybe the one and only time.My plan, back in that room, was to really treat you right, let you come hard in my mouth as some sort of apology or sign of devotion. But as soon as I saw your cock, as soon as I was down on my knees, my plan to be nice to you, to put you first, flew out the window. The urge to hurt you, to scare you was overwhelming.”

Steve’s hand lands on his thigh. His brows are furrowed in disagreement. “You don’t think you were scared?”

He can tell Steve wants to talk to him, but Bucky doesn’t give him permission. Not yet. “You were scared. Scared of my teeth. Scared I wouldn’t let you come, scared you couldn’t come, couldn’t get hard. That was particularly exciting to me. I’ll want more of that. You crying in fear and shame makes me want to fuck you. Do you understand?”

Steve nods, a blush rising on his cheeks. Bucky groans at the tug on his cock as Steve’s head moves.

“Your fear is intoxicating and it’s something I shy away from because I can’t control your fear the same way I can control the pain I cause you. How afraid you are is internal and in your head, what scares you is likely to be unknowable to me. And even if I know you’re afraid I won’t necessarily know _how_ afraid. And in that moment, when you’re scared and I’m leaking and thinking only about coming, I just don’t care. Blink if you understand that.”

Steve blinks. The car slows and Steve pulls off, tucks Bucky carefully into his pants and buttons him up. They get out of the car and as soon as the car turns the corner Steve spits into a plant.

“I would have swallowed,” he says.

“Of course you would have. You would have liked the dirty thrill of it, too.”

Bucky unlocks his door, takes Steve’s hand again as he pulls him inside. Bucky undoes his belt, puts it between Steve’s teeth. “I’m not done talking to you yet,” he says, and he sits down on the couch. He snaps his fingers and points to the floor. Steve fidgets and something hot flares in his eyes at the dismissive treatment. Bucky isn’t sure if Steve likes it or not.

“Orgasm denial. That’s something you like.” Steve jerks his head in negation. “I know. You like to come. You get worried if you don’t. Fear maybe you can’t. I liked that. And you fell apart so beautifully. And that was because you were pleasing me. So, you like it. The things you hate, as long as I love them, they’ll give you satisfaction, if not outright pleasure.” Steve reaches up to his mouth, asking a silent question to remove the gag and talk. Bucky nods. Steve takes the belt out, swallows. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

“There are times you won’t have a choice. You’ll need to trust that anything I’m doing to you or making you feel is because I want it. Because it gets me hard or makes me feel powerful or makes me love you more. When it’s over, I’ll tell you how good you’ve been and I’ll reward you but there will definitely be difficulties for you, Steve. There are times where you might struggle with saying red. And I’d want you at that edge. Not all the time, and maybe my instincts will settle down and that won’t happen often at all, but that’s what we’re talking about if I’m letting go.”

Steve looks away from him, jaw clenching tight as he thinks about what Bucky’s said. He gives him all the time he wants. This is a big deal for the both of them.

“Why are you telling me this?” Steve asks, sounding uncertain and sad.

“I wanted to tell you this as I was fucking you. Tell you when you’re delirious and out of your mind because my dick was in your ass and you couldn’t consent properly.”

“But that’s not who you are,” Steve says, convinced.

“When someone tells you who they are, believe them.”

“I know where to put my trust. And I’d trust you with my life and my body. This doesn’t scare me.”

“Do you still want to by my slave?”

Steve frowns at him. “You’re not asking me that because you want me to be your slave. You’re asking me…why? To make another point about how evil you are?”

“The truth is that I can see that. Maybe even see a point in time where we play and you don’t have red as an option,” The words are shaky. This is the worst thing Bucky’s ever thought about wanting. But, this is it. Every card has to be on the table now because they’re never having this conversation again. “Vibranium cuffs, a gag and a blindfold. You would have no way to stop me.”

“I guess I wouldn’t.” As if it’s that easy. Maybe for Steve who-needs-a-parachute Rogers it is.

“I don’t like how fast you answered that question”

Steve shrugs. “I don’t know what to tell you. Telling you I don’t want everything from you is a lie. I’m okay with mistakes. As long as I know you love me, I can get up and keep going. If you’re my dominant, my master, my everything then I can handle anything. I’ll only really have problems if you’re pushing things that make me afraid you’ll realize you don’t love me. Like my…impotence. Not being able to get hard, if that’s how you want me in a scene, um, I need to know you like it that way. If that’s the game you’re playing, you have to be fucking me while you do it or making me service you sexually.” Steve grabs Bucky’s leg hard. “I have to know you want me if you’re gonna go there.”

“Always, sweetheart,” he says, and he bends down to kiss Steve. Loves that fragility and emotional vulnerability Steve gives up so easily. “Making you feel worthless holds no appeal for me. Making you feel like your flaws are understood and that I love you anyway, in my mind that’s different.”

Steve presses his forehead to Bucky’s leg. “Yeah, that is different.”

Bucky feels like he’s about to be sick. “So, I’m gonna ask you, Steve. For the least time and then never, ever again. Do you want out of this relationship? Do you have any doubts at all?”

His eyes are wide. “No.” He notices Steve doesn’t ask him that in return.

“Take your clothes off. I want to finish this conversation with my cock in your ass.”

Steve gets to his feet and takes his clothes off, casting almost bashful looks at Bucky as he does so. When he’s naked he looks at Bucky’s lap.

“Go get lube and come back.”

Steve leaves the room, comes back with lube and looks from Bucky to his pants. “Take me out, sweetheart.”

Steve puts the lube down and undoes Bucky’s pants, helps while Bucky lifts enough to get them out of the way and watches as Steve slicks up Bucky’s cock. His hand is trembling.

“How sore are you?”

“It will be fine.”

“Turn around, spread your cheeks. Let me see.” Steve turns slowly, his face bright red. He leans over smoothly, spreads his cheeks, the hole winking at Bucky as he looks at it. “Yeah, that’s gonna hurt. Take it at your own speed, princess. Do you want the lube shooter?”

Steve nods his head. “Go get it, sweetheart. I wanna watch you do it. You know I like that.”

“Yes, sir.”

Steve is back soon enough, bending over again, awkwardly pressing the lube shooter between his cheeks. He makes a sound of discomfort at the angle and then depresses the plunger. He pulls it out and goes to set it down. “Wipe it off first with a kleenex. I want to see if there’s any blood.”

Steve doesn’t move very quickly to obey. “I don’t know why there would be. It was just a little pink before. I’ve healed by now.”

“Then hurry up.”

Steve does as asked, shows him the kleenex and gives him a smirk when he’s proved right and there’s no trace of blood. He climbs onto Bucky’s lap and Bucky goes straight for his tits, feeling him up and playing with them. “I’m obsessed with your tits, you know.”

“You’ve mentioned,” Steve says, on a gasp as he gets Bucky’s cock pressed to his hole. He kisses Bucky as he takes him inside, little gasps the only indication of discomfort.

“I like you letting me know how it feels.”

“Yeah? Your big cock splitting me open. Making me…um…struggle. _Fuck_.” He’s breathing hard, has broken into a sweat as his ass finally rests against Bucky’s balls.

“Do I…tell me I feel good.”

“Like heaven, princess.”

Steve starts to rise up and Bucky stops him. “We’re talking still.” Steve whimpers and Bucky wraps a hand around Steve’s cock, gives him a few solid pumps before touching his balls with gentle fingers.

“Can’t we talk after?” Steve begs, hips moving in small circles. The clutch of his passage, so hot and swollen, is something Bucky will never get tired of. 

“No. I want to do this now, when your defenses are down and you’re distracted. When you’re thinking about my dick and how much you need it, because I want you to give me what I want. I have a series of decisions I want us to make.” Steve stiffens up, tries to pay attention. Bucky leans forward, kisses Steve until his eyes close and his hips start twitchingagain. Bucky pulls back. When Steve opens his eyes, he’s hazy and slipping deeper into subspace.

“Not fair,” Steve murmurs.

“Yeah I know. Good boy. I need you to give me what I want.”

“Umm,” Steve says, blinking to clear the fog. Bucky wraps a hand around Steve again and Steve puts a hand on him to make him stop. His touch is gentle, hesitant. Stopping Bucky is something he knows he should do instead of something he wants to do.

“It isn’t fair, Stevie. It’s downright wrong. Isn’t it, baby? Slick your cock up so I can stroke you.”

“Bucky,” he whispers in faint protest. Bucky wraps a hand around Steve’s neck and squeezes. Steve’s shoulders slump and his eyes close. He’s drifting almost instantly.

“Slick your cock, doll.”

Steve doesn’t move, his brows are drawn into a frown. Bucky eases up on his neck and Steve comes back to himself. Steve gets lube and Bucky praises him and squeezes his neck again, watching hungrily as Steve falls quickly back into subspace.

“God, you’re incredible. And to think you’re mine. This is where you start agreeing, princess. You ready,” he growls, and his balls spasm warningly. He likes his boy helpless and so needy he’ll agree to anything.

“Yes, Bucky,” Steve says, and presses close for a kiss.

“You’re mine,” he murmurs into Steve’s mouth.

“I’m yours,” Steve agrees, brushing their noses together.

“Good boy.” Steve leans in, kisses Bucky soft and sweet, mouth opening, head tilting for Bucky’s convenience and Bucky keeps going until Steve’s hand is moving up and down on his own cock as he works Bucky’s cock deep inside his passage. It’s gentle and easy and Steve is trembling.

He’s clenching, wanting to milk Bucky’s cock and have his come. “Think you need a load, don’t you, baby?”

Steve nods, begins to move. It doesn’t take long before Bucky comes. He groans and stills Steve’s hips. Steve’s breathing is erratic and he’s hazy as he tries to stay still like Bucky wants. “I didn’t come.”

“No orgasm for you. Unless you can come untouched.” Steve doesn’t say fuck you aloud but Bucky knows he’s thinking it. They both watch as Steve’s cock twitches, several fraught seconds of his shaft twitching and bobbing, struggling to come untouched.

Steve exhales miserably and drops his head to Bucky’s shoulder. “I can’t.”

“Poor baby,” he says, and wraps him tight in his arms until he subsides and his cock softens and slips out of Steve’s ass. They go to get cleaned up, Steve still hard and clearly very, very annoyed.

****

When Steve wakes up he’s alone. He stretches and takes stock of how he feels. He feels…good. Healed, with barely a twinge in his ass and calm.

He gets up and goes to the living room but Bucky isn’t there, he’s at the kitchen table with a pad of paper and a few large text books sitting around him. Little scraps of paper are bookmarking places and he’s got a highlighter open too.

“What are you doing?”

Bucky blinks, seems surprised to see Steve standing there. “Hey. Come here, sweetheart,” he says, and Steve goes. Bucky gets the monitor and pricks his finger, stares at them for a moment and nods.

“That’s a great reading,” Steve says.

Bucky gives him a slightly strained smile. “It is. We’ll need to see how long it lasts. Why don’t you get us a snack. Make sure you drink a lot of water as well.”

“Sure. But, seriously what are you doing?” he asks, and then reads the titles aloud. “Foundational Dominance, Dancing at the Edge, Strategies for Dealing with Extreme Designations, what are you getting a PHD?”

“Steve. Go get food and then we can talk.”

Steve goes with a shrug. He’s curious but it’s not a big deal. Is it? Isn’t this a good thing because it means Bucky is trying to find solutions? That has to mean he’s giving up this stupid idea of letting each other go, right? He makes them food and when he comes back to the table there’s a book in front of his place called Understanding Your Submission. Ugh.

Bucky takes the plate of food and gives him a kiss of thanks, and tells Steve to eat and if he wants to read he can. He flips open the book while he chews. It’s dense. Lots of small writing and no pictures as far as he can tell. He goes to the index to see how the book is divided up and hears Bucky underlining something and then making a note on his pad of paper. He tries to read it but Bucky’s handwriting is messy and there’s a book in the way.

The first section of the book deals with expectations, myths about presentation and how to tell people you have a submissive designation. The next section of the book is about safety. It’s long. There are many things one should take as a warning if a dominant does. “Is this book for teenagers?”

Bucky squints at him. “No, why?”

“Don’t know just seems a bit…pedantic? It’s like it’s for beginners and….” Bucky puts down his pen and leans in like Steve is going to say something important. He’s not. He’s just trying to find a better way of saying, ‘this is fucking lame’ because he’s damned sure that Mr. By-the-book over there won’t like that response. And it’s not like he wants to be dismissive or anything it’s just…. “You know what it reminds me of? It reminds me of the guides they gave us before we were deployed. Ridiculously impractical suggestions of what to do in various situations from condom usage, to food cooking, even if you’re in a jungle and need to build a boat. Like, I guess it’s good to know how to build a boat but if I’m in fucking Italy getting shot at I’m not gonna ask for a timeout so I can see what the US governmental guidelines are. The guides burned well,” he says, and takes a bite of his sandwich.

Bucky gets up and goes to the kitchen, comes back with two Snickers. He gives one to Steve, sits back down and places his in front of him but doesn’t open it. “Okay,” he says, and then he picks up the chocolate and opens it up. “So, do you want a more advanced book? I think Dancing at the Edge is good for submissives too. You might like that one more. It’s got more anecdotes and practical advice.”

“The title is stupid.”

Bucky smirks and eats a bite of his candy bar. “True. But, it’s a bit of a classic. My dad gave me a copy and I lost it in the Middle East somewhere when I was deployed.”

“So, you bought another copy?”

Bucky nods. Steve eats his chocolate. It’s gone in four bites. “You can get another one if you want. Keeping your calories up is something we have to pay attention to.”

Steve doesn’t mean to laugh, but he does. “Is that what the book said?”

Bucky sighs like Steve makes him tired. “If I had a book about super-soldier submissives with an extreme designation then I’m sure it would mention it. But, I don’t have that book. There is no book.”

“Probably for the best. It sounds like the sort of book I might want to burn,” Steve says, and gets up to go to the kitchen and get another Snickers bar.When he comes back Bucky has closed the books and his notepad, putting them into a stack.

“You made notes about me?”

“I made notes about our relationship and things that seemed relevant.”

Which is great. It’s all a good thing and Steve is lucky to have a dominant who is so cautious. “You know, there are a lot of times where one can’t make plans for things. I can’t tell you how many times I’d be dead if I’d waited to do the perfect thing.”

“I’m a sniper. It’s all responsibility for lives and patience. You want me to sit in a fucking tree freezing my ass off for two days in hopes of getting the perfect shot if it comes? I’ll do that. And if I wait two days and I think I can get a good shot but I’m not sure, then I won’t take it. I do my job well because it’s an extension of how I live my life.”

“And I’m only who I am because I’m willing to take risks when I believe in something. If I lived cautiously and planned everything out there’s no way I’d have taken that serum, no way I’d be alive and here with you today.”

“That’s true. And I would never make some of the decisions you have. That doesn’t mean either of us is wrong. If anything, it’s complimentary. And, you know what, if I hadn’t been who I was when we first me. If I hadn’t been careful and cautious with you, there’s no way we’d be here now.”

“I know,” Steve says, frustrated. “And, I’m grateful for that. I am. And I trust you completely. But, it concerns me that we had that scene where you let go just a little bit and now you’re here in research mode like I’m a problem you’re gonna solve.”

“You’re not a problem,” Bucky says, gently.

“And you’re not, either. This _isn’t_ necessary. I’m healed already for fuck’s sake!”

“Stevie. Come here. At my feet.”

His muscles tense, ready to get up and obey, but he’s also furious and he isn’t going to get up and then get tricked into letting it go because Bucky tells him to bend over and he does. He stays where he is, crosses his arms. “I feel like you gave me a taste of what things could be like and now you’re trying to take it away from me. From us. I want to be the one that you lose your mind for. I give you everything. Why don’t you trust me to be able to take it?”

“That’s not what’s happening here.”

“Then what is?”

“Do you have any idea how many times we have sex a day? The amount of time that is spent having sex or sleeping is crazy.”

“Are you saying you don’t want me?”

Bucky gives him a raised brow. “Don’t twist this. You know damned well that isn’t what I’m saying. I’m saying we have jobs and lives and we need to resume them soon and in order for that to happen we have to find stability. Structure will give us that.”He reaches across the table to take Steve’s hand and Steve goes willingly, happy to touch him at least a little.

“Stevie, we came into this relationship with you in crisis and we’ve never really been out of that. None of this has been normal. If you were _just_ a submissive and I was _just_ a dominant this is, in no way, how our relationship would be. You want more and yet we are already in a state of anarchy. I think, if we had a set of rules for you to follow, set discipline, routines for maintenance that we’d even out sooner.”

“What does ‘routines for maintenance’ mean?” he asks, because that sounds the most ominously boring.

“We need a framework. If it doesn’t work we can scrap it.”

“How long do I have to do it for?”

“You know, I’m surprised you don’t like the idea. Let me give you an example of what I was thinking and if you don’t like it, we scrap it.”

“Immediately?” Steve demands.

“This rule? Sure,” he says, clearly convinced Steve will be happy with whatever he offers. Steve pulls away, crosses his arms and waits. “Every morning and evening you’re expected to offer me your mouth and/or your ass.”

“And/or?”

Bucky shrugs and resists smiling by biting his lip. “What if you’re too sore? I thought you might like a little choice. But if you don’t want that to be mandatory then let’s get rid of it.”

“Fuck you. You know I want that.”

“Exactly. How do you know you won’t like the rest of the list?”

“What’s on the list?” Steve demands.

“Come sit at my feet,” Bucky says, almost before Steve is done speaking. It makes Steve feel predictable and like Bucky is one step ahead of him. He loves that idea. That maybe Bucky has been thinking about Steve and his objections and coming up with ways to get around them. He shifts in his seat, his cock plumping up in interest at the idea.

And yet, Steve hesitates because he can’t help but feel like he’s being manipulated. It’s hot and bad. Bucky drops a hand between his thighs, casually, and maybe he is just making space for Steve to come sit there, but Steve can’t help but look at how close Bucky’s hand is to his cock and not have certain ideas come into his head.

“I have a rule I want.”

Bucky blinks in surprise. “By all means,” he says, intrigued.

“Your cock is mine. I want to be involved with every orgasm. Even if it’s just you jerking off into my mouth or onto me, fine. But, I…yeah, that’s what I want.” He can feel himself blushing furiously.

“You want me to use _every_ time I want to get off?” he asks, confirming. And Steve can tell by the way he asks that he doesn’t quite believe it. What if you’re tired or I would be leaving early for work or—“

“I don’t care. I can handle it. And even if I didn’t want it, I’d want it.”

Bucky opens his mouth to argue more and then closes it. “All right.”

“Wait. That’s it?”

He shrugs. “Well, its hot as hell and it isn’t me who’s going to have to swallow come at inopportune moments so lets do that. Any other rules you want?”

“Uh, not at the moment. Maybe it will come to me later.” 

Bucky grins at him. “I’m happy to make changes at any point. This isn’t a bad thing, Steve. I very much think you and I will both enjoy it.”

“I don’t know it that’s true but I’m willing to try if you promise things will get taken off the list if they’re not right.”

“Of course. Now come here. I won’t ask you again, sweetheart.”

Dominance rolls out of him, and Steve gets to his feet, comes closer. He goes to his knees between Bucky’s legs and looks up at him. “Get yourself hard” he orders.

“Yes, sir,” Steve pulls himself out, half hard and strokes himself to hardness. Bucky is watching his face, occasionally looking down at Steve’s lap but mainly focused on keeping eye contact.

“Tell me when you’re getting close.”

Steve nods and keeps going. It takes a few minutes, just the sound of his breathing in the quiet house. “I’m getting close, sir,” he says.

“Good. Stop.”

Steve continues for another few seconds, feels that edge getting closer and closes his eyes, forces himself to slow and then open his hand one finger at a time. He makes a sound of frustration and Bucky leans forward, kisses him hard on the mouth, looming over him in a way Steve loves.

“I’m pleased. Now come along. Time to shower.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is a smaller chapter. Sorry!
> 
> It's taken me a few days to wrangle together a few more scenes and find the story. I think I'll be posting another, larger chapter, within the next few days but I'm on my way to VanCon for SPN so might not have as much time as I think I do and it needs another read through. Chapter after next will be a mission (finally!) and unless there's something pretty compelling anyone brings up, I think that will be the end of this story. Thank you for the comments after the last chapter, it honestly means there's another 20k of this. It's kind of funny that I'll do eight or nine hours of writing for some positive feedback. Maybe it's a sign I need to get out more. :)
> 
> I haven't responded to you kind commenting friends because I didn't know what was left of the story and felt like I owed anyone who took the time to reach out to me the courtesy of an answer on whether or not there would be more. If you're going to VanCon let me know!
> 
> PPS- If you were one of the people who wanted more world buidling. Here it is. What do you think???


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a few of you are still persevering despite the sadistic increase. Um, there is very rough sex at the end of the chapter.

Bucky holds Steve’s hand as he leads him through the living room. Steve’s cock is aching and it’s both pleasant and awful. Being denied gives him that floaty subspace feeling, and makes Bucky happy so its worth it.

But he does, also, kind of hate it.

Just to be clear.

Bucky enters the bathroom and lets Steve go, before turning to the shower. “Strip and then knees.” Bucky is watching him, doesn’t move until Steve is naked and on the fuzzy mat.

He sits back on his heels, bows his head a little and has his hands in his lap. Even though he hasn’t said they’re starting with Bucky’s rules, Steve can feel a subtle difference between them. That _this_ is different. The submissive in him is responding accordingly, reacting and wanting in a slightly different way than he’s used to. A formal pose seems ridiculous and isn’t something he’s comfortable (or confident) with but Bucky is watching him and this feels right.

“Perfect. Now put your hands on your thighs or behind you. When you’re kneeling, that’s how you’ll do it.”

Steve blushes and puts his hands on his thighs. Bucky nods. “Very nice. Spread your legs open another few inches. I’ll…I’ll want to see you.” Steve shuffles his legs open so Bucky can get a good view of his cock and balls when he’s on the ground. “You’ll look here, unless told otherwise,” Bucky says, pointing to a spot a foot in front of Steve. When Steve fixes his gaze there, he can’t see much of Bucky. “That’s your resting position, understand?”

“Yes, sir.” Goosebumps break out all over his skin and he desperately wishes Bucky would put a hand on his neck. The enforced pose is…well, apparently people do it for a reason because he does feel smaller and the reminder that he is posed for Bucky calms something deep inside him. 

“Sir?”

“Yes, Steve?”

“Do you want my hands in front or in back or….”

“You looking for more rules, already?”

Steve blushes. “Uh, no. Not intentionally, but maybe. It’s more that isn’t this the sort of thing you should get really precise about? Form and stuff.” Because that’s what he reads about and sees in movies.

Bucky squats down in front of Steve so he’s in his sightline. Steve risks a glance at him. “I do whatever the fuck I want to do. If I’m giving you lots of small corrections then it means I’m fucking with you and you’re playing a game I want to play. Otherwise, I don’t really care that much. You’ll do your best for me and I like the broad strokes of positions rather than minutiae.”

“Oh,” Steve says. Frankly, he’s still hung up on the dismissive and confident way Bucky had told him he’d do what he wanted and nothing else.

“You look beautiful like that,” Bucky says, running a hand down Steve’s chest, touching his relaxed hand that’s on top of his thighs. “And look, you’re swaying towards me a little bit, I like that.Some people might say you’re out of position. I like seeing your natural responses. And, Steve, if it’s not comfortable at any point then you should tell me.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good boy,” Bucky murmurs, then he stands up, gives Steve a slightly distracted kiss on top of his head and disappears into his walk-in closet.He can hear him shuffling around in there. It sounds like he’s looking for something or organizing a shelf, Steve has no idea. He’s back with a monitor and he pricks Steve finger to check his levels and then goes back into the closet.

Steve shifts around a little, trying to get comfortable. He was comfortable just a moment ago. He lifts his gaze, looking for Bucky but he’s quiet and Steve isn’t sure what he’s doing. Why is he down here if Bucky isn’t even going to appreciate it?

Another minute goes by and he clears his throat, not so surreptitiously trying to get Bucky’s attention. Another minute goes by and it’s actually just getting a little annoying now. He’s got a walk in closet but it’s not like there’s anything to do in there.

Is he okay? Should Steve check? Is he supposed to stay here when Bucky might need him? He closes his eyes, and breathes. He’s being ridiculous. He just needs to chill. Obviously, Bucky is fine. If he wasn’t Steve would have heard his body hit the ground.

Which is not a thought he can handle.

Why is Bucky doing this? When is it over? If this is a rule then he hates it. He won’t do it. He doesn’t think he could even if he wanted to.

As soon as he thinks it he gets a lump in his throat. Maybe this is how it will be from now on. Steve put aside and waiting for Bucky to notice him. Well, use him.

His panic is rising and it’s difficult to work out why. Is it because he can’t _see_ Bucky? Because he could just get up and walk away? Or is it because Bucky is able to ignore him if he’s like this? Here he is being good and supposedly beautiful and Bucky walks away and must literally be staring at a wall, and that’s more appealing than Steve.

He knows there are submissives who like to be furniture, like a foot stool or like to be good and quiet. It’s a sign of devotion. From what he’s read, a submissive sitting alone, collecting their thoughts in a rest pose while they wait for their dominant is a good thing. Steve should drop into subspace and be happy.

He rolls out his shoulders and puts his hands behind his back instead of on his thighs and clasps them loosely. It’s not better, but he doesn’t think it’s worse. He could grip his forearms? It’s a harder pose to maintain, more strain on the shoulders and maybe the problem is that he needs more of a challenge. And, he bets it looks good. Gets his chest out more which might entice Bucky to notice him and use him.

Although, it’s not like he can be used _all the time_. Like, they do have lives they need to resume soon. He tries to lean a little closer to the closet. Why is he so fucking quiet? What is Bucky doing? They’re supposed to take a shower. Should Steve offer to turn the water on? He clears his throat again, just to remind Bucky that he’s here…being patient.

Would this be easier if he had a collar on or a plug in? Or maybe some cuffs? Perhaps it’s just the fact that he was aroused and then told not to come. Again. And Steve had been upset about the books and the stupid rules. Maybe it’s just that this isn’t a good time to be left alone. Any other day this would most likely be fine.

And yet, he better find a way for it to be fine, because this is probably what he’ll often want from Steve. The thought is crushing. Bucky comes back out abruptly, demands Steve’s hand again and does another test. He frowns at the reading and puts the monitor on the counter then starts the shower. He plays with Steve’s hair while they wait for it to warm up.

“What were you doing?” he asks, hoping his voice doesn’t convey how unsettled he was becoming.

“Just fiddling with the monitor,” he says, absently.

This casual, slightly proprietary touching is something Steve likes. _Now_ he could sit here all fucking day. Bucky is here, touching him, and it makes him feel content. He leans his head against Bucky’s leg, brings his hands back to his thighs, resting there. He shifts over, Bucky’s cock is so close. He presses a kiss to Bucky’s leg, and then another one, the hand in his hair still soothing and somehow urging him onwards. He continues to press kisses into Bucky’s skin, ever so slowly trying to move closer to Bucky’s cock. Bucky makes it clear he wants Steve to slow down and Steve huffs out a breath against Bucky’s leg but renews his efforts, almost moaning at how much better this is.

“Enough. Up. One more time. Sorry, sweetheart,” he says, and he takes another reading when Steve is on his feet. He nods like he isn’t surprised. “Let’s get in the shower.”

“What are you doing?” he asks, when they’re under the water. He doesn’t like tests and mind games.

“Wash me, but focus on it being relaxing rather than arousing.”

“Is there a relaxing way to wash your cock, sir?”

“That’s why _you_ won’t wash it. I’ll take care of it.” Steve gives him a look, but does as he’s told. He loves touching Bucky so it’s fine. He loves the details of him, the way the muscles bunch and the shape of them. He loves every finger on his hands.

His thighs are absolutely incredible. Even his feet are good. Who the hell likes feet? He lingers for a second when he’s down on the ground, licks his lips as he stares at Bucky’s cock because Bucky is watching him and he’s trying to give him ideas.

“Steve. Up.”

He gets to his feet. “Face the wall and I’ll wash you.”

Steve faces the wall and puts his hands on the tile which gets a hum of approval. Bucky gets soap on his hands and starts cleaning Steve. He spends a lot of time on Steve’s ass. Not just the soaping part but he has water based lube in the shower and he presses a finger into Steve, trying to feel if he’s okay inside.

“Tomorrow, when you get up, you’ll do an enema and then we take a shower together. That will be your new routine. If I’ve used you hard the night before, then we’ll do a check like this. But you’ll need to get used to it not being sexual.”

“Okay.” _Good luck with that_ , he thinks but keeps his mouth shut.

“And, you can ask for me to check you. You’ll be expected to advocate for your physical health. If I’m going to be rougher with you then you have to be vocal and protect yourself for the both of us.”

He nods. Bucky grips his shoulder to make sure he gets it. “Steve. Think of our relationship as us both holding ropes, trying to keep a boulder from falling. If I don’t pull my weight you have to compensate. If we both relax, we lose. I’m only going to give up control if I think you’re safe. Well, if I think you’re keeping me safe.”

Something flips over inside Steve’s stomach, like a hundred very fat butterflies fluttering around and swooping. He loves Bucky. He’s grateful that Bucky thinks of it that way, recognizes that he can protect Bucky too. He’s submissive, not weak.“Thank you. I get it.”

Bucky turns him back around and washes him everywhere but his cock. Bucky is watching him to see how he’s reacting to this. “Stevie.” He waits until Steve is looking at him. “You’re mine. I take care of what’s mine. This is another way of me doing that. Now we each finish up and then we get food.”

Yeah, yeah, Steve knows. And in a couple of days maybe he’ll get used to it and believe it. But, it’s an odd and annoying situation to be right next to Bucky, each of them having a hand on their own cock and keeping it non-sexual. Steve fucking hates it. It’d be so easy to just get Bucky hard and make him come, then carry on. It’s not like they’re short on time as they have nowhere to go. And, even if it was a timing issue, then Steve could be left hard so they weren’t late.

They get out of the shower, Bucky dries himself off, puts on underwear and leaves Steve in the bathroom. He comes back a moment later. “In general, I want you to wear the submissive briefs. I’m thinking you should always prepare yourself with lube in the morning, too. We’ll get you something more long lasting and viscous.”

“What have we been using?” Steve asks.

“Normal people lube. It dries out faster and you need a lot more of it. I like the mess of it and how easy it is to change the roughness from one hour to the next. The long lasting stuff means you’ll be just as slick in the evening as you are in the morning.”

“Oh.” He’s not actually sure how he feels about that.

Bucky cups his jaw, makes Steve look at him. “If we’re out and we need each other, it has to be something we’re prepared for. We both settle a lot better if you’ve given yourself to me anally. The briefs mean you won’t leak come and people won’t know what we’ve just done, and the lube means we won’t find ourselves in a situation where we don’t have it. That would potentially be more unsettling if you happened to be in a bad headspace.”

“Yes, Bucky.” He knows his dominant is right.

“Let’s go eat,” he says, and Steve follows him out. He wouldn’t say Bucky is subdued, but he isn’t clingy and possessive, his dominance isn’t particularly tangible. Steve likes being able to feel it, enjoys that prickling feeling that makes him on edge and a little turned on just to be in the same room with him. He likes the feeling that Bucky might be one moment away from making Steve do something.

This is normal, vanilla, boyfriend Bucky and it’s great but Steve is wired and unsettled and shouldn’t Bucky be too? Isn’t that the whole thing with he pheromones?

If Steve had to guess Bucky’s mood, he’d go with thoughtful, plus a dash of concerned. Bucky has him making a salad while he grills chicken and makes quinoa (Steve could do without the quinoa but whatever.) Bucky makes a lot of effort to come by and kiss Steve on the cheek or touch him, press against him and by the time the meal is made Steve is a bit dazed from the attention. Bucky takes his readings again before they eat.

Steve sits down opposite Bucky at the table and Bucky is watching him with a certain intensity. “What?” Steve asks.

“I think we should get you a wooden chair, unpadded.” Steve blushes. “I think we both like you having a reminder that we’ve had sex. And since you heal so fast, anything we can do to get you a little discomfort before it’s gone is probably a good idea.”

“Yes, sir,” Steve says, and has to put a hand down under the table and give himself a squeeze. So, his chair would be different. A visible reminder when he came into the room that the chair is there solely in hopes of making him hurt.

“Steve, do you like that idea?”

“Yeah, actually, I love that idea.”

“Good. Me too.” They eat dinner and Bucky goes to the couch and sits down. “Come here, sweetheart. Bring a pillow.”

Steve grabs a pillow and puts it down at Bucky’s feet. Bucky stops him with a hand reached out towards him. “Hang on a minute. How would you want to sit?”

Steve licks his lips. “What do you mean?”

“I mean level of attention from me and your submission if given a choice. My plan is to start having you at my feet if I’m watching tv or reading.” He frowns, and then he’s basically talking to himself. “I should take your readings when you’re at my feet non-sexually and also at my feet cock warming as I suspect we’ll be doing that a lot.”

“Umm.” He loves the idea of cock warming. Is a little hung up on the readings aspect of it all and the Steve as-a-science-experiment approach to dominance. 

“We need to find areas of submission that are easy wins for the both of us.”

“What do you mean by easy wins?” he asks. That description rankles.

“I need to be dominating you at a higher and also at a more _consistent_ level in order to get us under control.”

“Is that why you keep taking my levels? Trying to _optimize_ my hormone levels?”

“Yeah, it’s not perfect. Tomorrow morning I’ll write down activities, time of day, duration…maybe intensity too and we can see how you react to those.”

Steve unconsciously takes a step backwards. “That sounds very…controlled and scientific of you.”

“Where are you going?”

Steve freezes, shifts on his feet. “Nowhere. I didn’t mean to back away.”

Bucky runs a hand through his hair. “So, what do you think?” he asks, Steve, returning to the situation at hand. “At my feet, between my legs, or in a corner?”

“I don’t want to be in a corner.”

Bucky nods. “Come sit next to me.” He waits.

“Is this like _for good_? It is, isn’t it? You don’t even want me to do it a certain way, do you? You’re just gonna make a plan and this is how it’s always going to be.” Bucky is looking at Steve’s hand and it isn’t until that moment that he realizes it’s wrapped around his stomach protectively. He does it when he’s seriously distressed and becoming nauseous.

“Over my lap. Immediately.”

“But. I want to talk about this,” he begs. Bucky will spank him, will calm all this anxiety and he needs it, doesn’t want to let go of it. “That sounds like hell to me. All the same, all the time, and—“

“Steve. _Now_. I’m not interested in your opinion anymore. Over my lap or you will go into the corner because I _know_ you fucking hate it.”

Steve moves forward and settles over Bucky’s lap but he’s shaking. Bucky yanks his underwear down and starts raining blows on his ass.

Steve tenses, starts to move away, more in surprise than anything else, but Bucky snarls at him and his free hand is hard in Steve’s hair and his head is shoved down into the couch. “Fuck,” Steve breathes, because that’s definitely better. The hits continue and his ass gets warm and then hot.

When Bucky stops, he’s panting and Steve’s ass is throbbing nicely. “Anyone else would be bruised and yelping by now. Crawl to the bedroom and get the paddle. It’s in my bedside drawer. Put it in your mouth and crawl back.” He stops touching Steve. Steve stands up and Bucky makes a sound.

“No. On my lap. You’re going to try that again. You don’t stand up and then go back down.”

“What does it matter?” Steve asks, pissed off and vulnerable. Is Bucky annoyed he isn’t bruising? It’s not his fault. He can’t fucking fix that.

“It’s not a choice. You’re not making the decision to get back down on the ground again. It’s not graceful or what you want. This is punishment. You moved away from me. You are not letting me help settle you. If you’re being punished, the expectation is that you abase yourself and if that means you look ridiculous getting onto the ground and crawling away then it does. Your transition is from where I place you to where I order you. Now. Over. We’ll do this again.”

Steve goes, chewing his lower lip, unsettled because he doesn’t know what to expect or what to do. He doesn’t know this Bucky who’s giving him weird orders and is unhappy with him. As soon as he’s over Bucky’s lap, Bucky puts a hand on Steve’s lower back to hold him still. “My hand is tired from spanking you.”

“I’m sorry, sir.” Jesus, fuck. If Steve starts crying, he’s going to be fucking angry at himself.

“It’s fine. I’m adaptable. Hold your cheeks open.” Steve hesitates, wondering if he misheard. “I’m mentally counting and you’re adding to how many hits you’re going to get for each moment you delay. You’re at three more already.”

Steve grabs his cheeks and pulls them open, exposing his hole. His heart is beating rapidly and he’s breaking out into a sweat along the back of his neck. “You’ve got 10 smacks to your hole plus the 3. You count aloud. You lose track, I start again. When I’m done you’re going to kiss my hand in gratitude, you’re going to slide down to the ground and crawl on your hands and knees to get the fucking paddle.”

Steve doesn’t respond. Bucky sighs. He hears the slap and pain radiates from his hole as Bucky spanks him. “What do you say?”

“Fuck! Yes, sir!” Steve gasps. He wiggles, lets go and clenches his ass cheeks to protect himself, because that did hurt. That hurt a lot more than he was expecting. His whole groin is throbbing, he can practically feel it in his throat. The smack connects with his taint and his hole and the entire area is so soft. And it’s so intimate. How much of this pain is mental? 

“Where will you hold the paddle? Answer quickly.”

“Oh. Um, my mouth. Sir.”

“Good. Very good. Now, spread that ass open, babydoll.”

Steve drags in a deep breath to steady himself, swears at the dark pleasure that slips through him when Bucky says something commanding and obscene. He both wants another and he’s afraid. Subspace looms and he has that peculiar feeling he can sometimes detect before his body gives in, up and just releases. Another blow and Steve gasps two.

Bucky chuckles. “No. That was one, sweetheart. We started over. So, what’s this?”

Another slap. “One,” Steve says, after a brief moment of working out his words.

“Better.” Another slap, but Bucky keeps his hand flat against Steve’s hole for a moment, and Steve feels it spasming against his palm.

“Two,” Steve grunts.

The next one comes and Steve thrusts against Bucky’s lap. His cock is hardening. Bucky hits him again and Steve whimpers. It hurts a lot. “I’m sorry, sir. Four.”

“Do you like this, babydoll?”

Steve just manages not to glare at Bucky. “ _No_ , it hurts.” But, also there’s a hint of ‘maybe’ running through him but he’ll be damned if he admits it.

The next smack is even harder and his leg kicks accidentally and slides off the couch. “Five,” Steve gasps.

Bucky chuckles and hits him again. “You say that but you sure are hard, aren’t you?”

“That doesn’t mean anything!” Steve says, indignantly. His cock is a fucking idiot that’s always hard for Bucky. Bucky seems to find his comment funny as he snorts in response. Another smack comes and Steve writhes up and down, his hand moves off his cheek, covering his hole protectively. He tries to twist his body closer to Bucky, turning his ass away and Bucky is having none of it. The hand is back in his hair, Bucky yanks Steve’s hand out of the way and claps his own down on Steve’s exposed taint.

Steve hollers. 

“You broke form and tried to escape? Oh, _sweetheart_. Now we have to do it again from the beginning,” Bucky says, like it’s the worst thing in the world. But Steve knows he’s getting off on it because his cock is hard and he can hear it in Bucky’s voice that he’s overjoyed this spanking is continuing.

“Fuck you! You’re doing this on purpose!”

“Fuck _me_? Fuck _me_?” Bucky repeats, sounding shocked at Steve’s outburst. “You are digging this hole deeper. It’s rather fascinating in a bizarre way. Now. Cheeks. Hold them open. You let go, we start over. And look,” he says, pressing his hips up so Steve can feel his hard cock. “You get me too worked up and I’ll fuck you in that sore hole when this is over. The longer this goes on the more trouble you’re in. You’ve gotta take your punishment, Stevie. I won’t tolerate misbehavior. It’s not good for you or me.”

“Um, promise?” Steve says, then swallows because his throat is dry and it sounds like he’s just had his throat fucked.

A mean laugh. “Yeah, sweetheart. I promise. Fuck, I’ll always keep my promises to you. Here you go. Ready?” The last word is gleeful, like they’re about to go do something fun or crazy together. That’s not what this is. Bucky smacks him.

“Nine,” Steve says, because he’s stupid and doesn’t want to go back to one.

Bucky spanks him, over and over, thirteen smacks, hard and without pause. Steve is frozen, mouth open in shock and agony as it all happens at once. Bucky stops, shoves him off and Steve slides to the floor in a relatively graceful manner, all things considered.

“Go get it.”

Steve crawls to the bedroom, wincing as his cheeks press against his hole. He gets the paddle out and carries it back in his mouth. He offers it to Bucky and Bucky stands up, moves around him, takes it from his mouth and then points to the back of the couch. “Up.”

“I don’t understand.”

“We don’t have a spanking bench. _Yet,_ ” he says, shaking his head like he fucked up big time by not having one already. “So, get up here. I want to reach you easier.”

“But, it’s awkward. I’ll fall off and how do I stay in one place? Hell, I might make the couch tip over.”

“I don’t actually fucking care. Do it,” he says, utterly unconcerned. Which, in some ways is super fucking hot but really just makes Steve nervous and he blinks through tears. Bucky sees it, nods like he’s making another fucking note and Steve grumbles in annoyance. This is stupid. It’s not really going to work and he’s going to look ridiculous clinging onto the couch for dear life.

“Wait.” Bucky says, and Steve is fucking relieved Bucky has come to his senses.

He hasn’t. He picks up the blanket and spreads it out over the back of the couch. “For clean up when you make a mess,” he says, and gestures with the paddle.

“I highly doubt you’ll need it,” Steve says, full of snark.

Bucky turns away from him, rubs a hand over his mouth which hides his face. Steve isn’t even sure what the best way is to do this. He goes to the back of the couch and tries laying out on it. It’s a bit too tall and he can barely touch the ground with the tips of one foot if he slings a leg over. And to keep the position, his other leg is hooked over the back cushions. He’s like a cat or something.

“ _No_. This is _so_ stupid. Just hit me draped over the coffee table. And order the bench. I’ll pay for it,” Steve says. He starts to push himself up. Bucky is suddenly there, one hand hard on his neck pressing him down.

“If you get up and defy me in this, I’ll put you in the corner for the rest of the day. I will watch you sob and break apart and I will walk away from you. You will sleep on the ground next to the bed tonight. Is _that_ what you want?”

“No! Please, no. I just…let’s get a bench. You can use a cane on me if that would make it easier. I just….”

“What? Finish that sentence.”

“I don’t _want_ this.” Steve whispers. He feels possessed with the need to argue and fight and see how bad it can get. He wants to push Bucky and see what happens. But, Bucky is serious and his control over Steve is like a hot oven pressing against his skin and making his cock weep. He shouldn’t defy his dominant. His Sir. This isn’t meant to be about what he wants.

A very small, sensible part of him knows Bucky is right and that he’s misbehaving something awful but it’s almost like he’s a spectator to his own behavior. He really shouldn’t be doing this, but he just wants to _know_ what will happen.

He wants to know, no, he _needs_ to know if he can convince Bucky to go easy on him. He said he promised to take care of him, give him what he needed and punish him. But, does he mean it?“First of all, I know I can use a fucking cane on you. But, I don’t _want_ to use a cane. I _want_ to spank you. And I _want_ to do it this way. You are being a _brat_.”

Which is not true. At all. Before he can say anything the paddle comes down hard on his ass. Bucky doesn’t bother with making him count or giving him time, he just lays into him. His cheeks, his upper thighs and straight over his sit spot. Steve jerks forward at that and his cock digs hard into the couch frame. It hurts so much he squirms to the side and the couch starts to tip backwards. He rights it with a grunt and looks at Bucky with wide, pleading eyes.

“See?”

“I don’t, sorry. You worked it out.” And then Bucky is smacking him again. He smacks him until Steve is hazy and pain filled and making noises with each hit. His eyes close and his muscles relax. He’s exposed now, draped obscenely and ridiculously over the back of the couch and he hates it but this is what’s happening, it will be over soon and all he has to do is take it.

At some point Bucky stops, looks at his face, makes him open his eyes. “Good boy. So much better,”he says, and kisses Steve hungrily. Hands roam his back and his neck, stroke over the hot globes of his ass and he arches and presses into it, knows he’s more than a little contrite.

Bucky moves back and then there’s a cock pressed between his lips, hard and smearing against his tongue. Bucky praises him, tells him to relax and Bucky will take care of the rest. He’s purposeful in his thrusts and Bucky urges him to suck harder, to tongue under the head, to open his throat and swallow. All he has to do is follow directions and he can hear how happy Bucky is, feel it in the way his fat cock swells in his mouth and leaks down his throat.

He sucks until Bucky comes with a grunt and a final deep thrust that makes him gag. He pulls out of Steve’s mouth and the last few splashes stripe his face.

“Thank you, sir.” He owes Bucky that. Steve is relieved it’s over and that Bucky has come to his senses. Now they can move on, Steve can get fucked and then he’ll be put to bed and held.

“You’re very polite now.”

Steve hums in response. “Was I your good boy?”

“For the blowjob? Yes you were,” he says, and Steve is so boneless and horny that the qualifier doesn’t register. Bucky gets him off the couch and tugs him to the front. Bucky sits down, holding Steve’s hand like he won’t let him go. With a small tug, Steve moves forward, straddles Bucky’s thighs eagerly, wraps his arms around his neck and snuggles in with a sound of contentment.

“Please, please fuck me now,” he asks, already reaching for Bucky’s cock.

“Do you feel better now, baby?”

Steve nods into his neck, “Yes, sir. Just need you now.” In fact, it wasn’t so bad. It was pleasant. Fun even. Not like punishment at all and now he’s going to get fucked and everything is going to be amazing.

“Good. Now, let’s get that spanking finished and then I’ll consider fucking you.”

It’s like ice water has been poured over him. But worse, because somehow it feels like a betrayal. Hadn’t Steve done what was wanted? Hadn’t he endured and found a way to behave? His ass burns, his mouth still tastes like come, but Bucky wants to hit him some more?

“Bucky, Bucky, no,” he whispers, pawing ineffectually at his shoulders and chest. “I thought—“

“Why? Why were you thinking when I’m your dominant? You won’t top me, sweetheart. You’ll pay for it every fucking time.”

“I wasn’t trying to top you—“ Steve says, panic rushing in and chasing away some of the good endorphins.

“Let’s get that hole spanked and we can move on.”

Steve bursts into tears. Bucky can’t do this to him. It’s not fair. He thought it was over. “I was good!”

“No, actually you weren’t. You argued, complained, broke form and now you’re happy and not particularly contrite. I’ll tell you when you’ve been good. And that’s at _least_ 13 smacks away. Tell me the truth, sweetheart. Did you get punished like you need to?”

Steve looks at Bucky, at the hardness and dominance and he knows he isn’t getting out of it. “No, sir.” He knows he screwed up. He heaves out a sob as he shifts and lowers himself over Bucky’s lap, getting into position. Thank fuck, there is actually a part of him that’s grateful Bucky is keeping them on track, holding Steve accountable. He can take some more swats for a good cause.

“No, Stevie. Being over my lap like a slutty princess is gone now. You had that chance and you blew it. When I tell you to do something, you do it. We’re going to do something more challenging. I want your hands on the ground, legs on either side of mine. Present that hole to me. I’ve worked hard enough on your ass already. I just want to sit here and have you easy, open ass on my lap.”

He can’t do that. He just can’t. Bucky needs to change his mind. Steve starts to sit up, to kiss him and make him understand. “One…Two… Three…,” Bucky counts, and Steve gives up with a glare, moving his body stiffly as he tries to figure out the best way to assume the position Bucky wants.

“Do you need help, sweetheart?” Bucky asks, sounding so kind and gentle. Steve moves instinctively towards him, sees the twitch of his mouth, how he covers his face again and realizes he thinks the whole thing is funny. Bucky’s been laughing at his misery?

“Would you like to tell me to go fuck myself again?” Bucky asks, seeing the anger on his face.

Ah. Steve vaguely remembers saying that. He shouldn’t have said that. He shakes his head.

“Words.”

“No, Sir. I’m… _sorry_ , sir.”

“That was a very unconvincing apology.”

Steve bites back a ‘fuck you’ and Bucky grabs him by the back of the neck, pulls him closer, and somehow he winds up on Bucky’s lap, legs under him, staring at Bucky’s shoes, his back pressed to Bucky’s chest. Bucky’s hard cock is pressing between his burning cheeks.

Steve’s panting now, trembling and saying ‘no’ over and over again in a quiet murmur.Bucky pushes him forward by the neck and Steve goes down towards the ground, ass rising into the air, catching himself with his hands. Bucky drags a finger up his taint and rubs it gently against his hole. 

Steve feels dizzy and he needs…what? What is it? He doesn’t even know. Bucky’s warm, firm hand settles on his hot cheek. It’s so gentle and soft and yet it’s agony after all the hits he’s already taken. “Give me something, Sir. I don’t know….” Steve gasps. He doesn’t know what he needs or why he’s acting out. He’s so strung out and confused he can’t even get his thoughts out. He’s just going on instinct, on some half-formed fight or flight response.

“I do,” he growls, the words settling over Steve like bricks.

“Will you give me what I need?” Steve asks, voice breaking on the final word. Hands are on his hips, rubbing steady circles into the skin. He’s steady and safe.

“Yeah, sweetheart. That’s exactly what I’m going to give you. Are you crying?” Bucky asks, and scrapes his nails over the hot skin of his ass and he whimpers, writhes on his thighs.

“Yes, sir.”

“It’s not going to be 13, babydoll.” And by the tone of his voice Steve knows it’s bad. “I’m going to spank you until you release.”

“Oh god, I can’t,” he whispers.

“All on your hole,” he says, pressing a thumb gently against him. “That was the plan before and it’s the plan now. I may add to your punishment but we will always complete it. You won’t _ever_ get out of it.” He pauses, lets Steve process that.

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.” 

“After you release, you’re going to kiss the paddle and then I’m going to fuck you because you’re beautiful and you’ve got me really hard with all these tears of yours.”

Steve drops his head, the rush of blood from the angle making him dizzy. Hewhimpers at the touch of Bucky’s fingers brushing against his hole. “Count so we know,” Bucky says, quietly and then he spanks Steve with his hand again, rocking him forward. A groan and Steve thrusts blindly forward, unable to help himself. Bucky takes him by the hips, pulling him back. He hits him over and over and Steve chokes out numbers. He sobs and trembles and there is no way he’s going to release from this. He can’t. He just _can’t_. He needs Bucky to hold him or fuck him and then he can.

This is a failure. He cries harder. He’s a failure. He’s breaking down, he can tell. But, it’s not good because Bucky wants him to do something and he can’t get there. Even his arms are beginning to feel the strain, and the inside of his thighs, and his cock is dripping, his hole aches and burns and Bucky is still scraping his free hand all over the red hot skin of his ass and the pain is building and he might scream or explode or something but he can’t, he just can’t and then, suddenly, he’s gone.

The next hit comes and he feels it, somehow from the tips of his toes and rolling up his calves, exploding in his ass and his core and lighting him up to the top of his head and the tips of his fingers as his swollen hole clenches in a futile attempt to escape Bucky’s hard hard. “Oh god,” he manages, because it’s horrible and wonderful as he releases, lets go in a flood, like the gate was just opened and every negative fear and doubt and angst is washing out in a heady rush. He’s clean now. That’s his first thought.

“There you go. You did it,” he hears Bucky saying, and Bucky is shifting him to the floor, half lifting him to get him into child’s pose.

He’s drooling and beyond words, his eyes are closed and he can’t open them even if he wanted to. He doesn’t. There is nowhere else he has to be, he is perfect. He drifts and breathing above him registers dimly. There’s a grunt and warm come splatters onto his naked back. It’s an anointing, a reward, the final piece of the puzzle that he didn’t even suspect was missing.

It’s so good, he’s so attuned to Bucky that the drops almost sizzle on his skin and his body releases again with a shuddering sigh. He whimpers at the discomfort in his balls, too soon to do it again but its what his master would want, what Bucky is owed after all the trouble Steve just put him through so his body gives in. 

Eventually, he comes back to himself, and he’s in the same spot he was when he dropped so hard. Bucky’s hand is resting gently on his neck, grounding him and he’s reading on his phone. The paddle is on his leg and Steve lifts his head and kisses it, knows it’s there for him to finish the spanking.

“Very good,” Bucky murmurs, warm and proud. Steve kisses Bucky’s hand that’s holding the phone, the back of it and all the knuckles. He breathes in the scent of his skin and Bucky puts the phone down, turns his hand up and Steve kisses every part of his palm and fingertips, wanting him to know how much he loves him. He pulls away and kisses Bucky’s leg and his thigh, buries his face in Bucky’s crotch, mouthing at his tucked away cock, desperate for it.

“You’re hard. You should have woken me,” Steve rasps, voice hoarse from crying and begging.

“I liked watching you sleep. You needed it, baby. God, you went down hard. So hard _I_ felt it.” He isn’t sure if that’s just talk or if Bucky means it. He should probably care but Bucky’s cock is hard and this is his goal. This is all that matters.

“Do you want to make me feel good, sweetheart?”

Steve nods, mouthing at him through the fabric. “You’re so good to me,” he says, as Steve takes him out and slurps him down. Bucky is watching him, moaning and grunting when Steve does a particularly good job, sucks hard or takes him as deep as he can. When he chokes, Bucky calls him a good boy. When the tears roll down his face Bucky fucks deeper and his hand tightens on Steve’s hair.

“Fuck. It’s going to be a lot. Don’t waste a drop, Stevie. Every drop is yours. You earned it, babydoll. I came on you and it barely took the edge off. Christ. Swallow. Here it is,” He grunts and fucks deep, holds Steve’s head down so Steve gags and chokes on it. He thinks it’s in his nose and it makes him feel used and small to have his face used so roughly.

He gets it all down and then he’s shaky. Bucky takes him by the hand, pulling him to his feet and leads him to the bedroom. He gets Steve naked and under the covers, gives him a bottle of lube to open himself up and leaves to get them both something to drink. He comes back and Steve has two fingers in himself. He’s going too fast and it hurts. He’s spasming, body protesting. He hasn’t felt like this since before he had the serum. He doesn’t even remember what pain like this felt like.

He’d forgotten what real, human pain is like.

“I think…I think my pain tolerance is lower,” he says, ashamed to admit it. “Is that possible?” he asks, blinking blearily at Bucky.

Bucky frowns thoughtfully, runs a hand over Steve’s ass and he hisses in protest. He cries out, has to ease his fingers back out of his passage almost completely because he clenched down too hard and it was agony. Bucky sits down on the bed next to him and Steve presses his head against the side of his leg. “Wow. Okay. Yeah. It’s possible. That’s been recorded in those with extremely high designations. It’s part of a natural adaptation and a sign that we’re on the right track. It will make it easier to get you where we need you and keep you there. I’ll adjust too. Do you know what did it?”

Steve swallows hard. “I wasn’t a brat.”

“Oh my fucking god. You were _worse_ than that. A punk. Desperate to be put in your place. The injustice, uncomfortableness, embarrassment and spanking undoubtedly helped. But, I imagine you acting up and being put in your place, that fight and the giving in…you released _twice_.”

“The second time hurt.”

“Hmm. I enjoyed it. Not to encourage you, but, fuck, the look on your face when you realized you had at least 13 to go….” Fuck, the look on your face will always get me hard.

“You tricked me.”

Bucky laughs. “No, you said _nine_. You were supposed to go back to one. You left me no other option as it was clear you needed a lot more. A firm over the lap spanking wasn’t getting you anywhere.”

“I don’t know if that’s true,” he says, giving Bucky a narrow look. “And the Kama Sutra spanking was….”

“Steve. Do you really want to tell me you didn’t like it?”

He shrugs. He both wants it to happen and never wants it to happen again so he isn’t sure what to say. Bucky is suddenly serious. Fingers brushing over Steve’s where he’s got two tucked into his hole but only to the first knuckle. “What do you think we should do now since it hurts so badly?”

“Will you open me up? Maybe…gentle? I want it to be your fingers instead of mine.”

Bucky grabs a wet wipe from the nightstand and hands it to Steve. He winces when he pulls his fingers free and he’s so embarrassed he can barely look at Bucky. God, Bucky is staring at him, analyzing and judging. Evaluating. He might deny Steve. After all he’s done, all the praise, the promises to fuck him, seeing Steve like this might be enough to stop him. “My pain tolerance, it’s like it used to be. Before I had the serum and I…I never thought I’d feel like this again.”

Bucky is quiet for a long moment. “Before me you had a lot of bad experiences, Steve.”

He nods an agreement into Bucky’s leg. That’s true, but it’s not the only truth. “But, I never would have had a single bad experience if it had been you. If I’d found you back then,” he shrugs. He won’t beg Bucky for it. What if he asks and Bucky says no or Bucky starts to fuck him and decides Steve can’t handle it? He knows Bucky can feel the tears against his leg. He wants it so much he can’t hardly stand it.

“You’re worried I’m not going to give it to you.”

“I’m,” Steve has to clear his throat to speak. “I’m terrified you won’t and I’m terrified you will. But, I promise I want that fear.” 

“Oh, my love,” he sighs, “You can say red, Steve. Do you know that?”

“I do. It feels impossible. You’re so big and I couldn’t get my fingers to go in more, it was just too difficult. But I want it. I _need_ you to come in me.”

“Do you want to fight me on this, a little? Make sure I know how hard it is for you?”

“I…yes, please.”

Bucky is the one taking shuddering breaths now. “Then you need to promise me you’ll say red if you need to. If it crosses a line that isn’t good, you have to say.”

“Yeah, Buck. I know.” He makes his voice steady. As close to Captain America as he can get with how overstimulated and wrung out he feels. “I promise I’ll say red if it’s too much and I get that this is a big deal. We’re trusting each other.”

“Good. Okay. Okay,” Bucky says, a few more times. And Steve has no idea which of them he’s talking to. He lays down on the bed and Steve lifts his head. Bucky gives him a watery smile and then grabs another tissue. He wipes Steve’s face, and kisses him on the lips.

“Are you sure?” Bucky asks him.

Steve turns over, facing away from him “You don’t sound sure,” Steve grumbles. “Maybe _you_ should say red.” 

“Steve, you have to face me if we’re going to do this.”

Steve needs a moment to gather that courage and then he turns back over, tries hard not to hope. Bucky looks like he’s really thinking about saying it.Then he shakes his head. “I _don’t_ want to say red. I want you so fucking badly, Steve. All the time.” He kisses Steve gently for a few minutes, making hickies on Steve’s skin that will no doubt be gone in a few hours and he’s got a hand between Steve’s legs, weighing his balls in his hand.

“Umm,” Steve manages because they feel sore and aching. All of him does. He grabs onto Bucky’s shoulders and pants into his mouth.

“Look at you. Look how sensitive you are, right now. _Fuck_.” Bucky rubs his thumb over the head of Steve’s cock, drags a nail up the length of the shaft and presses into the head of his cock. “Does it hurt, sweetheart?”

“Yes, sir.” His eyes squeeze closed and his nostrils flare as Bucky touches him more and more firmly. He whimpers and squirms and Bucky growls and moves closer, scrapes teeth down his neck and holds him in a light bite over his jugular.

“Oh god, no. No, no, _no_ ,” Steve moans, spreading his legs and encouragingBucky to move on top of him.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, clearly grateful Steve went a little further to show Bucky he did want this. “I’ve got it now. I’ve got you,” Bucky says, voice dropping low and ragged. Bucky’s eyes close and he can feel Bucky sinking into it, letting go and all that hard, bottomless dominance finally coming to the surface as he presses his weight hard against Steve’s body.

He can see Bucky’s pulse pounding in his neck, a contrast to the calm exterior. Revelation comes to him: the more careful Bucky is, the more scared, the more Bucky wants it. It seems profound and obvious at once. Like Steve should have known and always did know that. Bucky wants to take him like this, defenses down, pain tolerance shot to hell, vulnerable. At Bucky’s mercy.

“You’re gonna…you’re gonna come in me?” Steve asks and Bucky’s cock leaks at the weakness and fear Steve puts in his tone.

“Yeah, Steve, I am.”

Steve wants more. “I don’t think I can. Please, _don’t_ ,” he says, kissing Bucky on the mouth and grinding up into him. Bucky breaks out into a sweat, his lips are actually hard, compressed and he looks like he’s trying very hard not to shatter them both apart. Bucky’s forehead presses against his, he takes a shaky breath and Steve feels overwhelmed with love at how much Bucky is trying here. 

“I have to. The sounds you make…I’ve got to. Gotta have you, doll.” He sounds more confident by the end of the sentence. Bucky pushes back and looks down at him.

“Bucky, Bucky it’s going to hurt.”

“Yeah, sweetheart. It looks like it is. Do you need to feel how hard I am? Will that help? We can’t sleep until this is taken care of.”Bucky drags Steve’s hand down to his hard cock and thrusts lazily against Steve’s hand. “See, baby? Put me in you, princess.”

Steve nods. He does understand the problem. He does want to fix it, but it seems overwhelming. “My mouth,” he offers, licking his lips. The lines blur and he isn’t confident anymore that he wants to be fucked in the ass. He is afraid and worried and Bucky watches avidly as the tears go down Steve’s face.

“No, not your mouth. I’ve done that already. I need something else from you.”

“Maybe…maybe someone else.”

“No, it’s gotta be you. _Only you_.” Which makes Steve shiver.

“I’m too….” He was going to say small. But, that’s just stupid. He isn’t small, he’ll never be small again. That version of him, the real version of him is someone Bucky will never know. And that’s nothing to mourn for. Not really.

It doesn’t matter if he feels pain like he used to, if he wishes desperately he could have had Bucky back then and experienced this with him. There is no going back, this is his reality and being a 6’3 block of muscles isn’t something he can actually be conflicted over.

“What? What, Stevie?”

“Nothing. It’s stupid. I used to be small and I guess I forgot or wanted to forget or something. It doesn’t matter,” Bucky kisses him hard, teeth bumping his in his urgency.

“I won’t break you, doll face. We’re gonna work it into you. Slow and steady. I can see how strong you really are. I don’t care how small you are. How tight and little this hole is. I see you. You can take anything I can give you, I can tell.”

Bucky is palming his chest, his hand is suddenly damp with sweat and he’s grinding into Steve’s leg with an urgency that’s overwhelming. “Let’s…um, we can start slow,” Bucky murmurs and it’s glorious to have him be the one at a loss for words this time. “It’s just a finger, babydoll. Just one. Do you think you’d let me do that?” Bucky asks, already pressing a finger into Steve, like he can’t wait a second longer. He’s hot and wet inside with lube but he’s swollen too. “You must hurt, sweetheart if you feel like this.”

“I don’t think I can take you.”

“Course you can,” he kisses into Steve’s mouth and Bucky slips a second finger into him, stops at the first knuckle and checks on him. Steve’s head turns to the side, automatically. Hiding. Scared Bucky will take this away from him. His passage is rippling so hard, protesting at this slight invasion. God, this is nothing. He can take this usually.

“Let me see your eyes,” he orders and Steve turns to him. Bucky looks at Steve like he’s perfect. “You are so far down, honey.”

“Yeah, yeah, I am. Would you have wanted me? _No._ Tell me you would have,” he amends quickly, desperately needing to know, wanting to buy into that fiction of this big, beautiful dominant wanting him even when he was sick and weak.

“You’re mine, I fucking want you. I don’t care what size you are, you’re going to take my cock because that’s who you’ve always been, and that’s what you do for me. Nothing scares you.” Steve lifts a leg, letting his thigh open and brush along Bucky’s hip. “What side were you deaf on?”

“What?” Steve asks, thinking for a moment that he must have misunderstood.

“Before the serum. You were deaf in one ear, right? That’s what I was taught. So, turn your head because I want you to hear me.”

“Okay. Sure,” he says, stomach fluttering oddly like he’s nervous. He turns his head, presenting Bucky with the ear he used to not be able to hear out of. Bucky kisses his neck, his jaw, moves to his ear and sucks his earlobe into his mouth.Bucky exhales and it’s not just arousing it’s more and better because the sound of that exhale, the sound of his desire is perfect and clear. “I love that I can get you to this point. I love that you’re willing to be vulnerable enough to let me. You make me feel like a good man and that has nothing to do with your exterior or your reputation. You are incredible. Just you.”

Steve turns back, pulls Bucky close and kisses him. Bucky’s fingers slide a little deeper and Steve whimpers, adjusts his hips to try to find a good angle.“You won’t stop, will you?” Bucky pulls his fingers free and Steve clutches at him with a desperate whine.

“No. I won’t. Nothing else will do now. If you could feel what I do, how hot and sore you are in there…yeah, it’s going to feel so good for me. I need you,” he says and wedges his hips between Steve’s thighs, keeping him open.

Bucky is heavy and he’s pressing the head of his cock against Steve’s hole and it’s all overwhelming and all-consuming and he never wants it to end.

“Sweetheart, this is going to be a tight fit, isn’t it?”

He nods and trembles and Bucky begins to slip into him. It hurts so bad he closes his eyes, arches a little, baring his throat at the pain of it all. Bucky hushes him and gives him little kisses, doesn’t move at all while Steve works through the tsunami of forgotten pain. “It’s okay. Look at me. Watch my face. See how good it is for me? How much I love you for taking this?” Bucky kisses the hard line of his mouth. “And I’ll watch you too, okay? It’s me and you. This is it, baby.”

And then he’s deeper than his fingers went and Steve sobs as Bucky slowly rocks his way into him. Steve’s hand slips down, shaky and feels between them, needing to know how much there is to go.

“Just another inch or two.”

“ _Sir_. You have to have it? Have to?” Steve asks, still wanting to know. There is never enough reassurance. He’s greedy for all of Bucky. Words, body, all of it.

“That’s right. Have to, sweetheart. Move your fingers now so I can get in there. Need to be in you, babydoll.” Steve lets go, grabs Bucky’s ass and doesn’t pull, just touches him. Holding on. Steve’s cock releases and the internal release loosens him up for just a moment, just enough for Bucky to slide home. Steve cries out at the flaring burn, the horrible flex of Bucky’s cock as he’s fully sheathed, pleasure making Bucky twitch. 

He gives Steve time. Waits until he’s ready for Bucky to pick up the pace, slides out and back into him carefully, kisses the tears that slip down Steve’s face. Steve is wrapped tight around Bucky’s body, enduring and sobbing, fearing he may never stop crying. Not from the pain, but emotionally. It does hurt, it hurts a hell of a lot but pain is nothing. This, whatever they’re doing here, whatever weird new level of dominance and submission they’re stumbling into is terrifying and wonderful and all he can do is cry and let the emotion out. Every time he hits an emotional bottom and feels completely empty, Bucky demands more of him. And he always has more to give.

Bucky’s face is flushed and he’s biting his lip as he pulls out of Steve, barely more than an inch, trying to go slow. He presses back in and has to hush Steve and gentle him through the agony. He comes in Steve with stuttered movements, boneless and exhausted.

“Oh my god, that was intense,” Bucky says, pulling out slowly.

He turns Steve over, parts his cheeks and presses back in again. Steve cries out, hands briefly scrabbling like he might try to escape the rough intrusion. Then he goes limp and floats away. “There you go. Go to sleep my lovely boy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's gotta be a mission next chapter. there just has to be.


	12. Chapter 12

“What if I take a cooking class?” Steve asked, the night before their first day back at work. The second attempt to work and be normal people, who don’t just fuck all day, deal with emotions, and designational bullshit.

“Do you want to?” Bucky asks, because Chef Steve Rogers has a bizarre ring to it. He can’t actually imagine it. And he isn’t saying it like he’s certain.

Steve shrugs, there’s a blush on his cheeks. “I’d like to be responsible for all the cooking, but I can’t cook anything anyone wants to eat. I can boil things, I can cook spam and pretty undesirable forms of meat…I can do thin oatmeal which is slimy and nasty. That’s about it. I want to take care of you.”

“I think you being in charge of the cooking and food is a great idea. But, you get called away on missions fairly frequently and for long periods of time. Maybe that’s not the most conducive to a class at the moment. How about we get a few cookbooks and cook together? I know how to cook and I’ll teach you.”

Steve nods, smiles and then but looks concerned. “Would you mind?”

“No. It will be fun. Probably good for both of us, too. It’s a good idea. Clever Stevie,” he says, fondly and reaches out, gets a finger through one of Steve’s belt loops on his jeans and pulls him close. He kisses him briefly.

“Would that be okay? We don’t have to do everything together.”

“No, I like that idea,” he says, sincerely.

“How do you feel?” Bucky asks.

Steve wraps his arms around him. “Good. I’m actually excited to go back to work. I miss everyone.”

Bucky gives him a quick hug and steps back. “Yeah, we should go or we’ll be late.” Steve pulls away, grabs his wallet and they head out of the house. They’re taking the subway to Nat’s, having dinner with the Avengers and hopefully watching a movie if they can make it that long. It’s a good test considering the change that’s coming.

Bucky holds his hand to the subway and it’s just crowded enough that Steve can crowd in close to him. They’re facing each other as the doors close and Bucky catches Steve’s eye and motions to the straps overhead. Steve reaches for them and blushes. Bucky puts a hand over Steve’s as they get moving, watching him closely.

Some part of his brain is already spinning fantasies of all the things Bucky could do to him in this type of situation. Which is not the point. Steve shakes his head minutely and Bucky sighs, apologizes quietly and moves his hand away. Bucky looks around the carriage and Steve pulls out his phone with one hand, tries to read. He takes a few steadying breaths and its easier now that Bucky’s attention isn’t on him.

Finally, Bucky reaches into his jeans to get his phone and Steve watches him absently, then realizes Bucky’s half hard just from Steve grabbing the straps, reminiscent of how he’d look all spread out on a St. Andrew’s Cross. At least they’re in the same boat.

“You reading?” Bucky asks him, just as he’s about to get distracted and start thinking about Bucky tying him up.

“Yup. Sure am,” he says, and forces himself to pay attention to the article before him.

They reach their stop and Bucky takes his hand, leading him through the station and up the steps. He likes being pulled along behind Bucky, finds himself getting hard for some incomprehensible reason and has to pull his hand away. Bucky gives him a look, a raised eyebrow. Steve shrugs.

“Well, this will be interesting,” Bucky says, and Steve smiles at him. And, actually, it’s good. Not just a little good but wonderful to have someone who is in the same situation he is. For them both to be in this together. He’s been alone his entire life, all his feelings and desires shameful and secret and now he has someone who gets it, who looks at him with understanding and smiles in sympathy.

Nat buzzes them up and takes their jackets. She gives them both a look and waves Steve away so she can talk to Bucky alone. Steve has super hearing, she isn’t quite as secretive as she thinks she is and he’s not sure how he feels about being excluded. So, he doesn’t leave and winds up listening in. “You stain anything and you’re replacing it,” she says, under her breath.

“Which one is it?” Bucky asks.

“Second door on the left. Even put a lock on, although I can guarantee you no one is going to go near it. I’ll put on music if that will help.”

“It might. He’s nervous. Natasha, thank you,” Bucky says, sincerely and then Bucky is beside him while Nat takes their coats away.

“Have you guys been talking about me?”

“I’ve talked to her about us,” he clarifies. “And, only about how tonight might go. We both like contingency plans. And she’s high enough that she understands that sometimes denying one’s urges is unavoidable.”

Nat is suddenly there, leading them through to her living room. Clint is sitting in a chair with his shoes off, Wanda is on the couch, legs tucked up under her and looking at her phone, but she puts it down the moment she sees Steve and gets up, comes over to give him a hug. “I’ve missed you. But, you look better.”

“Thanks. I feel better. Bucky, this is Wanda,” he says. Instead of a handshake she throws herself at Bucky in a giant hug. “I’m so happy to meet you!” she says. Bucky takes it all in stride, a smile on his face. He’s careful with her, somehow keeps her a little back from his body which Steve finds interesting.

It’s clearly intentional, but Steve isn’t sure why Bucky isn’t just giving her a normal hug. She pulls back with a frown. “Jesus, you really are high designation. I feel almost dizzy,” she says, blinking a little. She puts space between them, but Bucky doesn’t let go of her hand, like he’s staying close in case she actually does pass out. She sits back down on the couch, blinking and dazed.

“It passes,” Nat says, sympathetically. Wanda is a submissive but a fairly low one. Steve’s never seen anyone react to Bucky before. He didn’t know people felt Bucky’s dominance like that when they got close to him. He thought it was just him.

“You’re kidding me. You’re literally swooning over the new guy?” Tony says, annoyed. He strolls into the living room from the kitchen, a glass of whiskey in hand.

“Shut up, Tony,” Nat says.

“No, seriously. I want to know. Is this like a sex thing?”

Steve wants to say yes. It is most definitely a sex thing. The full force of Bucky’s attention is unlike anything he’s ever felt before and when Bucky is near the urge to give in to him is all-consuming.

Nat and Wanda give each other a look, having a silent conversation. “No,” Wanda says, slowly. “It’s like I suddenly felt too relaxed. Like too calm.”

Nat nods. “It will be good for us to train with him so we’re used to it.”

“You feel it too?” Steve asks.

She rolls her eyes. “Not like Wanda does because I grew up in the Red Room and I’ve done a hell of a lot of designational training, but it wouldn’t hurt to do training with him before a real mission because yeah, I still feel it, I just know how to cope with it. If Wanda had to pull on a lot of serious power right now she might have difficulty.”

This is fascinating and bizarre. “But, I don’t feel tired around him.”

“You got your own stuff going on because you two are in a relationship. What with the pheromones and hormone exchange I’m sure it’s been exhausting. Which I’m sure you already know,” she says, giving Bucky a look.

Bucky frowns at her. “We’re working on it. There’s only so much time in a day.”

“I’m sorry I asked,” Tony says.

“So, what’s to drink?” Steve asks.

Tony leads Steve and Bucky to the kitchen. Nat follows them in and Steve is surprised to see the kitchen tidy. “I thought you were cooking?”

“I am. It’s called Round Table.”

“I have a pizza oven,” Tony mutters, clearly annoyed they’re not at the Tower.

“We always go to your place,” Nat says.

Steve gets a beer and Bucky takes a sparkling water. Tony tries to give him whiskey but Bucky shuts him down pretty quickly. Steve is unaffected by alcohol and by the time dinner arrives, he’s surprised to find he’s had several.

Nat offers everyone another drink to go with dinner and Bucky puts a hand on Steve’s knee, getting his attention. “You should get water.”

“I’m fine. I can’t get drunk.”

Nat disappears into the kitchen, comes back with two options, beer or water and holds them out to Steve. Bucky gets up and walks away, goes to join Clint and Wanda’s conversation about some TV show Steve has never heard of. Steve isn’t sure how to take Bucky’s walking away. Is he pissed? Is he removing himself to punish Steve?”

“Steve?” Nat asks, looking at him with concern. She gives him a gentle smile and holds out the water. “Have water and then go back to beer,” she says, like it’s nothing.

“Why do you think he walked away?”

“Probably so you could make a choice without his influence.”

Maybe. He casts a look at Bucky, at his back and is instantly distracted. His ass in those jeans, the tight cling of his t-shirt and how it spreads on his back as he shifts, giving Steve a show of the muscles underneath. God, he’s beautiful. He stands up to go closer to him, feels a little tipsy. He looks at Nat, horrified. She seems unconcerned. “Your body is all fucked up. It will probably even out in a few weeks. Drink water.”

“I don’t get drunk,” he says, reminding himself and the universe.

“Sucks to be you. Looks like you can sometimes get tipsy.”

“Yeah. Guess so.” He licks his lips and drinks some water. He’s been burning at a low simmer for most of the evening, desire manageable and fairly easy to push aside, but he can feel it ramping up suddenly.

He’s suddenly damp with sweat on his forehead and his lower back. His ass has that weird empty feeling and his balls are throbbing. He’s wondering if he should slip away to the bathroom and jerk off.

Bucky laughs at something Wanda says and she grabs Bucky by the arm, shaking him gently to make a point or something. He’s smiling at her fondly and then eases his body away from her, shifting on his feet in such a way that it doesn’t look intentional. Her hands slip off Bucky and if she noticed it at all, Steve can’t see it on her face.

His fella looks calm and collected, utterly in control of himself. The conversation seems to be rotating around him and Steve realizes Bucky hasn’t been alone the entire evening. Nat and Wanda are always near his side, he and Clint don’t stop chatting and Tony…well, Tony is hard to read. He seems to creep closer and closer to Bucky and then he’ll pull himself away and make a vaguely obnoxious comment.

Steve isn’t jealous. It’s not like he’s worried, and the attention Bucky is getting isn’t sexual at all, it’s more like… it’s like being around Bucky makes everyone feel good. As if everyone here registers his dominance and somehow orbits around him whether they have designations or not.

Nat is turning on the TV and Tony goes to the kitchen for popcorn and snacks. Tony wheels in a trolley. A ridiculous concession stand trolley that Tony’d had his employees bring to Nat’s apartment. It’s ridiculous and overblown. Much like Tony, Steve thinks, and is glad he didn’t say it aloud. He finishes the bottle of water and goes to the kitchen, puts it in the recycling bin and stands there for a long minute staring at nothing.

There’s laughter from the living room and Tony is doling out bags of popcorn. Then there’s a sudden cheering as Sam finally arrives. Steve needs to go back out now, but he wants just another minute to calm down. Bucky appears in the doorway. He leans against the doorjamb, an empty bottle of Perrier in hand. He’s confident and his gaze roams Steve hungrily. His ass clenches and he wishes he’d worn a plug after all. It might have kept the need at bay a little.

“How are you doing?” Bucky asks, softly.

“I’m fine. You want me to throw that away?” he asks, looking at the bottle in Bucky’s hand.

“Yeah. Come get it,” he murmurs, eyeing Steve like a piece of meat. 

Steve pushes off the counter and walks to Bucky. He reaches for the bottle and Bucky moves his hand out of the way, holding the bottle behind him with a smirk on his face. Steve would laugh but his throat’s gone dry. He moves in closer, reaching for the bottle, but not trying very hard. Bucky’s chest grazes his.

Steve shivers. “We have to watch the movie.”

“We will. Let’s go get sorted out and then we can.”

Steve lunges and gets the bottle from Bucky, breathes in deeply when he’s close, the scent of his cologne and whatever the charge around Bucky is, making Steve horny and light-headed.

“I should put this in the recycling.” Steve turns and walks back to the sink, pulls out the recycling and bends over to put the bottle in. Bucky moves into the kitchen and when Steve rights himself he can feel Bucky at his back.

“Umm, I think I’ll wash the dishes,” Steve says.

“We ordered pizza,” Bucky whispers as he kisses Steve’s neck.

“Well, yeah, but there’s cups and plates.” His eyes close in pleasure and when he opens them again, everything is blurry.

“She’s got a dishwasher.”

Steve rests his hands on the counter, supporting himself. “Bucky,” he says, weakly. Bucky’s hands slide up his sides, pinching Steve’s nipples through his t-shirt. His body is suddenly flush against Steve and he can feel how hard Bucky is. “Stevie, you make me so fucking horny.”

“Oh god. We have to watch the movie.”

“We can watch the movie after you blow me.”

Steve licks his lips, shifts on his feet, anxious to get down on his knees and do what Bucky wants. But then everyone would know and he doesn’t want that. “But, they’ll know what we’re doing.”

“Yeah, probably. And they already know what we do. It’s not a secret. This isn’t anything to be ashamed of.” 

Steve blushes. He doesn’t like the idea of his friends explicitly knowing like this. His co-workers. “I’m not ashamed. Let’s just get home first. I can wait.” It’s not going to be a pleasant trip, but he can do it.

Bucky breathes in his skin, licks his neck, just a flat swipe of his tongue, tasting him, and Steve shifts on his feet. Bucky groans and grinds against him. “I can’t wait. I need you.”

Steve shakes his head no but his reasons are quickly disappearing, forgotten as Bucky works him up by standing so close, murmuring in his ear and pressing his hard cock against Steve’s ass. “They’ll know where we’re going. We’ll have to walk by them.”

“Yeah, they will. Is it better if I fuck you in the ass?”

“Better?” he asks, voice rising with confusion. Hands go to his hips, jerking him backwards so Bucky’s erection is between his cheeks. He doesn’t have any idea how it could be better.

Oh. And then his body seems to get the message, he can suddenly imagine it, is desperate for it. Steve needs to be fucked. Immediately. His ass is aching with it.

“I’ll be quick. Come on, princess. Won’t you give me what I need?”

“Bucky, I…I think we should wait.”

“I can’t. I can’t, baby,” he says, and his lips are moving all over Steve’s neck, kisses that are getting more aggressive, hungrier. It’s taking everything in Steve to resist, to not turn around and drop to his knees or undo his pants right here in the kitchen.

“Please, no,” he begs.

“Sorry, sweetheart. Come on now,” he says, and he turns Steve around. Steve buries his face in Bucky’s neck and bites his lip so he doesn’t give in. “Want me to hold your hand and lead you or are you going to walk?”

“Walk,” he manages.

“Good boy. I expect you in that bathroom in thirty seconds. Do you understand?”

Steve nods. Bucky turns around and leaves the kitchen and Sam comes in. It’s pretty clear he’d been loitering, waiting to come in until they were done. “Hey man. Can you hand me a beer?” he asks, and Steve takes a good ten seconds to process the request before he opens the fridge, gets Sam a beer and tries to think of what to say that isn’t, ‘I have to go service my dominant now.’

He hands Sam the beer and Sam thanks him. “Good to see you, man. How are things? You look better. Maybe a little feverish…oh. _Oh_ , I see how it is,” he says, and starts hunting around the kitchen for a beer bottle opener.

“What do you see?” Steve asks, voice rough, because he needs to say something.

“Don’t let me keep you. I can talk to you in a bit. Or tomorrow. You two are coming in to work, right?”

“Yeah. I’ll be at work. We will be.” He’s so embarrassed.

Nat is suddenly in the doorway. “What’s taking you so long? This movie is two hours and Tony is probably going to talk most of the way through it, anyway. Let’s get it over with.”

Sam gives Steve a pat on shoulder and walks out of the kitchen. Natasha hesitates. “Not to be up in your business too much, but if Bucky were my dominant, I’m damned sure I wouldn’t keep him waiting. Steve, everyone understands, no one actually gives a crap what you get up to, and we just want you to be okay.”

She’s right. Of course she’s right. And he _wants_ to go to Bucky. It’s just that it’s a lot and everyone will know, and he doesn’t want it to be a big deal.

She turns and walks away. Steve takes another breath and then leaves the kitchen, walks through the living room and Wanda looks at him, gives him a thumbs up and a blushing smile. Oh god. They all know where he’s going. What he’s going to do.

The bathroom door is open and Bucky has a box of kleenex on the counter and a dry washcloth. As soon as Steve is inside the room Bucky shuts the door and unbuckles his pants, pulls down the zipper and shoves his pants down to his thighs. His cock is hard and huge, his balls heavy and full.

“Move quick or I won’t give you the gag.” Bucky picks up the washcloth, folds it up and waits. Steve undoes his pants with shaking hands and Bucky sighs in annoyance. He pulls a pair of handcuffs out of his pocket, the vibranium ones and clicks them onto Steve.

“Wait. What are you doing?”

“Relax. I’ll take them off as soon as I’m done with you.” He waits for Steve to hold out his other wrist. Jesus. He can’t. He just can’t. Bucky grabs his hand, clicks the cuff into place and shoves the gag into Steve’s mouth. He turns him, pulls Steve’s pants down around his legs and pushes Steve down to the counter. Steve is panting, pleading with him as he locks eyes with Bucky in the mirror.

Bucky grabs his hair, the look in his eyes intense, boring into Steve. His smile is feral. “Your eyes don’t lie, Steve. You tell me no, you drag your feet and you protest but I see you going down and I’m not even in you yet.” When he lets go of Steve’s hair his head drops and he raises it again, wanting that connection, wanting to see the lust and necessity on Bucky’s face as he takes him.

Bucky’s jaw is hard, lips in a thin line as he opens Steve’s cheeks with a hand, lines himself up to Steve’s hole with the other and begins to push.

Bucky had fucked him twice today already and used the long lasting lube. He forces his way in now and it’s not impossible but the burn is real and he’s gasping and moaning as Bucky pushes deep in a single thrust. He isn’t interested in giving Steve time to adjust since this apparently has nothing to do with Steve or what he wants. Which is exactly how it should be.

He drops hard into subspace and his muscles go limp on the counter. Bucky freezes, puts a hand in the middle of Steve’s back. “Good. That’s right. I won’t be long, sweetheart.” Bucky’s gaze drops, he’s watching his cock sink into Steve’s hole and groans as he pulls out. “Look at you clinging to me. Oh, fuck you’re incredible,” he says, and fucks Steve hard and fast while Steve sinks deeper and tears slip down his cheeks. Bucky throws his head back and comes, empties himself into Steve and lays over him to recover. He pulls the gag out of Steve’s mouth.

“Thank you, sir,” Steve says, bracing himself to take Bucky’s weight, trying to be calm and steady to make Bucky’s use of him as good as it can be.

“What a gift you are, Stevie,” he says, kissing him on the shoulder and running his hands up and down his sides. In that moment, Steve feels like he is. He did exactly what Bucky wanted and he was good, and of use, and made Bucky happy. It’s fulfilling on a soul deep level, like he was a cold empty mug and someone just poured warm water into him. It’s warming him throughout.

He grinds into him again and Steve whimpers. “Hang on, sweetheart. Don’t move yet,” he says, and he feels for Steve’s cock, finds it hard and leaking. He begins to jerk him off, gets him close so Steve is panting and then pauses. Steve groans miserably and his cock spasms in Bucky’s hand. Bucky loosens his grip, rightfully worried Steve might come.

“Do you want to face me or you want me to finish you off like this?”

“I want you to decide.”

“I know,” he says, and he’s watching Steve in the mirror. “So, tell me and give me your reason.”

Steve doesn’t want to. But he does. “Face you. Want to kiss you as I come.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do,” he says, looking at Steve like he’s precious. Bucky pulls out of Steve slowly, puts the plug in him as soon as he’s out and it makes Steve feel dirty and owned. Bucky gets him up, turns him and has him lean back on the counter. “I want that plug against the edge of the counter so you can feel it.”

“Yeah,” he says, and he sounds drunk. Hell, he almost feels drunk. He hears laughter come from the living room and he tenses, comes back to himself a little. Bucky is watching him through half-lidded eyes.

“No. We’re here now. You’re mine and I’m taking care of you. Get your arms around me. Open your mouth.”

Steve falls into it eagerly, pressing his chest close, rubbing against Bucky in his frustrated excitement. Bucky chuckles, lifts both their shirts up and out of the way, rightfully worried Steve is going to smear come all over the hem or jizz all over their clothes.

“Get tissue ready, Steve. I don’t want a single drop to wind up on either of us. And you know she’ll kill you if we leave a mess in her bathroom.”

Steve laughs and grabs tissues, awkwardly wrapping them around the head of his cock. It all seems funny and unimportant now. “Yeah. I love seeing you smile, babydoll.” He kisses Bucky hard, and gets that firm touch back on his cock as a reward. It’s so good, so right. He pants into Bucky’s mouth, knows just how much Bucky likes it when Steve is weak and needy, when he’s panting and desperate. And Steve loves it when Bucky wants him.

“I want to come.”

“You don’t have to wait. Come on, sweetheart. Do you know how difficult it’s been not to touch you? Watching you in your tight shirt and your ass in those jeans all night, keeping myself on the other side of the room when you were right there.”

“What did you want to do to me?”

“I did it,” Bucky says, chuckling as he kisses him. It makes Steve almost giddy to have Bucky pleased with him and laughing.

“What though. _What_?” he begs, because he likes the words, likes obscenities coming from Bucky’s mouth when he’s getting off. It makes him come so hard.

“Needed to fuck you. Be inside you. I wasn’t sure what it would be though, not until I got you in here, if it would be your ass or your mouth I’d use. I just knew I was going to. When you went into the kitchen, all alone, I was already hard and eager for you.”

Steve comes with a cry and Bucky swallows it down, shoves his tongue into Steve’s mouth to shut him up, to muffle him and Bucky keeps going, jerking him like he hadn’t just finished, like he wasn’t oversensitive and desperate to enjoy the moment.

“Bucky. Bucky. Please, stop. _Please_. Oh, fuck.”

“Am I hurting you?” he asks, tone indicating he knows the answer.

“Yeah, yeah, _fuck_.” Steve’s body locks up under the relentless pressure, his breath stalls in his chest and he’s on the edge. He collapses in a rush, body releasing again and Bucky hums happily at the mess.

“Tissues,” Steve gasps. Because there’s no way he had enough to come twice. Bucky draws back, grabs a few and wipes him up carefully. Steve’s relaxed and wired at the same time. Releasing submissively is the weirdest thing. He loves it and hates it. It’s close to a ruined orgasm. The pinnacle closes in, the tension rises, he’s chasing for it and swears it’s going to happen, be amazing, and then there’s nothing and yet he’s spilling everywhere. Endorphins flood through him, he can feel himself calming, settling, becoming stronger. Steady. Stupid submissive release.

“I think releasing that way makes me feel better than coming.”

“It should.”

Steve grunts in annoyance. “I feel better after but in the moment it sucks.” 

“Yeah.” He’s touching Steve all over, familiar and gentle. “How are you, babydoll? You better?Now you’ll be sweet for the night, won’t you?”

“Yes.” He kisses Bucky again and Bucky gets himself sorted out while Steve recovers, leaning against the sink, staring at him dopily.He washes his hands, gives Steve a smirk and exits the bathroom.

When he comes out of the bathroom Bucky is sitting in an armchair eating popcorn. Wanda and Nat have a space between them and they urge him over. He sits down (collapses, truthfully) and they lean against him. Five minutes later and Wanda is asleep, Nat’s eyes are closing and Steve and Sam are laughing at Tony’s ridiculousness as he bitches enthusiastically about the movie he chose.

The movie ends and Bucky stands, pulls Steve to his feet as Nat and Wanda try to grab Steve and bring him back. “You are the best pillow,” Wanda murmurs.

“I’m happy to be your pillow,” he says, and it’s true. He’s pretty sure this has been one of the best nights of his entire life. Here with his amazing dominant, getting taken care of and then getting cuddled…yeah.

“I can’t believe you both fell asleep. This movie is a masterpiece,” Tony says. 

“Hot Tub Time Machine is _not_ a masterpiece,” Nat says, rolling her eyes. “You should all leave now. I’m going to go sleep for eighteen hours and enjoy the pheromone afterglow.”

“Wanda should stay here too,” Bucky says, and Nat nods in agreement, holds out a hand and Wanda stumbles to her feet. “I’ll lock up and can give you the keys tomorrow,” Bucky says.

“You’re the best,” Nat murmurs, already heading down the hallway.

“What sort of hospitality is that?” Tony asks, outraged. “Yet another reason why we should have gone to my place.”

“Everybody out,” Bucky orders, and opens the door. Clint and Sam say goodnight, leaving happily enough. Steve, Bucky and Tony clear up the dishes and get the machine going and then head out, pausing on the sidewalk. Tony’s breath fogs in front of him.

“Did we meet at Nat’s house because she knew she’d be tired?” Tony asks, clearly still thinking it over.

Bucky chuckles. “I’ll bring you a book tomorrow so you can have all the answers. It’s clearly killing you.”

“Well, I wouldn’t go _that_ far. But, yeah, maybe a book would be good.”

Bucky takes Steve’s hand in his and Steve curls closer to be next to him. “Natasha and I were pretty sure I’d have to dominate Steve while we were there. The relationship is too new and that was a lot of external stimulus. The byproduct of what we did was that any submissives who are in very close contact right after the fact, get almost a contact high. Steve was all blissed out, he sits down next to them, and that’s why they both went to sleep. Our designations are so high that it was a lot. If you need to ask her for a favor, tomorrow is the day. She’ll be in a good mood.”

Steve can practically see Tony scheming already.

They decide to walk back. “I could have made it you know. I didn’t need to be dominated in front of them.” 

“Steve, this is the things you’ve been dreading. Really accepting who you are and not being judged for it. Now that’s over. Everyone knows and it’s fine.”

Steve snorts. “I think we’re going to be invited over to Nat or Wanda’s all the time.”

“Yeah. Probably,” he says, laughing, and sounding more than a little smug.

Steve stops them, throws his arms around Bucky and hugs him hard. “I love you.”

“I love you, sweetheart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thanks for making it this far. This is a good ending point for anyone who's feeling a bit squeamish on how dark the story wound up going. There will be at least one more chapter after this and I think it's one of the most hardcore in terms of sadistic/masochistic sex so, do as you will.
> 
> Um, apparently BDSM AU is on the brain because I have two other stories in the works that are variations of this. One is post CACW and does involve Nat with them becoming a triad. The worlds are not exactly the same but I started all three stories at the same time and this one took off so there is a lot of overlap in terms of world-building and angst. 
> 
> The other one is set during CATFA. So, if you liked this and kind of want the same thing but a bit different...should be something up in the next few days. I don't have titles yet I'm sorry to say. Thank you so much for reading, this has been such a great experience for me in terms of writing so much and having motivating feedback and I'm so grateful to you all!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, super dubious

“I’m so excited for this mission, you have no idea,” Sam says, in a way that makes a little warning bell go off in Steve’s mind.

“Why?” Steve asks, pretty sure he isn’t going to like the answer.

“Because, _you_ are a god damned idiot out there! _You_ are going to do something stupid. Probably multiple things. They will all be very brave, possibly unnecessary, and Bucky is going to see it. And finally, _fin-al-ly_ , there will be someone who can smack some sense into you. Hell, I tried to get Tony to bring the popcorn trolley, just put it right in the corner of the Quinjet.”

“One, that’s not a very nice things to say and two, you’re wrong. I usually make _sensible_ decisions and Bucky will recognize and respect that,” Steve says, and he’s not particularly confident about what he’s saying but he thinks he sounds like he is.“And if he doesn’t, well, it’s not like he’s going to haul me over his lap and spank me or something. I’m your team leader. And his.” Steve swallows hard. What if, just what if, Bucky _did_ haul Steve over his lap and spank him in front of everyone? His stupid, traitorous dick is trying to get hard. But, Bucky put him in a cock cage before they left and it’s really just painful.

He shifts in his seat uncomfortably. Their first day back at work hadn’t gone all that well. Turns out Steve has a real problem hitting Bucky. They’d both been distracted and every time Bucky was out of Steve’s sight, Steve had this irrational fear that something terrible was about to happen to the love of his life.

They’d had to go back to the therapist, and Steve has been in chastity while at work for the rest of the week. Turns out he finds it grounding. After the first day’s panic had worn off (which had resulted in Bucky dragging him out of the room multiple times to fuck him and settle him back down) he’s now grown acclimatized to it and it makes him feel weirdly cared for. He is owned. That part of him being locked away so he doesn’t think of anyone else is…well, he loves it.

By the end of the week they’d been good. He’s pretty sure the therapist asked for a raise and she certainly rolled her eyes a few times at the both of them, but he could tell she was pleased with their progress, enough that she cleared them for this mission together.

Sam gets called to the front of the Quinjet and Steve goes to find Bucky. He’s in the armory discussing guns with Natasha. “Buck, can I talk to you for a second?”

Bucky checks his watch. “We’re there in ten,” he says, eyeing Steve warily. Which is fair enough considering the amount of sex they had before they left the house.

“No. Uh, not that. I just wanted to make sure, this mission we’re going on, you’re not going to punish me in front of the crew, are you? If I do something you don’t like?”

“No, of course not. That’s wildly unprofessional.”

“Good. That’s what I thought. But, I just wanted to make sure.” Steve knows that. He does.

“Why are you asking? Now I’m worried, what are you going to do?”

“No reason. Nothing. Just something Sam said made me wonder. I’m sure it’s going to go fine.”

***

An hour later and it _isn’t_ going fine. Steve is pinned down with several heavily armed bad guys trying to blast a hole through his shield and his comm unit is down. He’s bleeding from a bullet wound in the arm, and another shot went clean through his thigh and needs to be bandaged up sooner rather than later. He’s pretty sure he has a broken rib due to his having to jump to escape getting killed, and not quite landing where he was supposed to. And there is blood in his eye. He’s not sure where it’s coming from. He thinks it’s just a scrape on his forehead but head wounds bleed a hell of a lot. 

It isn’t too much later that he realizes the gunshots have died down significantly and then they’re gone all together. Bucky is suddenly there, lifting some dark goggles off of his eyes as he takes in Steve’s appearance. “What the fuck did you do?” Bucky demands.

“My comm unit broke. Some jerk hit me in the side of the head with something and smashed it.”

“I mean, why the fuck did you run off ahead when it wasn’t cleared? I wasn’t in position yet to cover you.”

“You almost were,” Steve says, shrugging.

Bucky swears and then reaches to his comm unit, activating it. “Yeah, I fucking found him….He’s _probably_ fine,” Bucky says, through clenched teeth, looking Steve over with annoyance. “I’ll bring him back. No, I got it….No, you don’t have to be concerned that I’m going to stop to give him a whooping. We’re on our fucking way…. No, I don’t owe you twenty fucking dollars. Dammit, Tony!” Bucky holds down a hand, hauling Steve to his feet.

“Ow! Gentle. I’m injured here.”

“You got yourself injured. Sam is right. You are a fucking idiot out here.” Bucky is cold and distant, practically radiating anger. He doesn’t say anything for the whole time it takes to get to the jet. Steve even has to pause for a moment to try to catch his breath, whimpering the whole time because of his ribs.

They approach the plane and Sam is waiting for them. He laughs. “You are a mess. Come on,” he comes closer, puts another arm around Steve and they get him into the plane. Bucky leaves him with Sam, starts to walk to the door and comes back.

“Speaking as your subordinate, mission accomplished and everything has already been transmitted back to SHIELD.” Bucky is standing there waiting. He looks at Steve and the wounds and then looks away.

“Well. Okay, good,” Steve says.

“Here it comes,” Sam murmurs, quietly.

“So, the mission is over?” Bucky asks. Steve winces at whatever torture Sam is doing to his leg. He exhales hard.

“Yeah,” Steve hisses.

“Good. In that case, speaking as your dominant,” he grabs Steve’s face with both hands, tilting it up, forcing eye contact and the worry and anger radiating off of him are intoxicating, “you come find me as soon as you’re done. Clean the blood off your face, too.” 

“Yes, sir,” he says, meekly, aware that Bucky is not in the mood to be pushed.

“Oh my god. Did it just get hot in here or cold in here? What am I feeling?” Wanda asks, pressing her hand to her forehead over dramatically, before wandering away.

Sam puts three stitches above his eye, wraps his ribs and his thigh as well as his arm. Both of the bullets had gone through which is a relief. He shoves to his feet finally, blanket around his shoulders since the top half of his costume was cut off of him and the leg of his costume is sliced open. He must look ridiculous.

He gets the blood off with baby wipes and comes out of sick bay. Nat, Tony and Wanda fall silent and give him a look.

“Turn on the radio stat,” Nat murmurs.

Sam is already there. “Let me tell you about Marvin Gaye.”

“We know about Marvin Gaye,” they all say, and Sam turns it up even louder.

“I hate you all. That is not necessary,” Steve says, annoyed. Nat jerks her head towards the back. Steve limps over, goes inside and Bucky is sitting on the bed, head in his hands. Did the bed get bigger? Has the Quinjet had some sort of bizarre ADA Designational improvements made while he was gone?

“Buck? You okay?”

“Come here,” he says, voice muffled.

Steve groans and shuffles towards him. Bucky reaches for him, undoes Steve’s pants and jerks them down his thighs. It fucking hurts, going over his leg wound and he cries out, stumbles into Bucky. Bucky takes off the cock cage and tosses it aside. He stands up, undoes his pants and shoves Steve to the bed. Steve goes down hard, breath stolen with shockingly bright pain, as his wounds are ignored.

Suddenly, it’s like he’s pre-serum again and getting the crap beaten out of him, except good. This is exactly what he’s always wanted. Even down to the rib.

It’s going to be awful.

“Yes. Fuck, yes!” Steve gasps. Bucky doesn’t hesitate. While Steve had been gasping in pain and getting his bearings, pondering how much he wanted this, Bucky had been moving, is behind him, hand on Steve’s back keeping him still, and he shoves forward and stabs his cock into Steve.

Steve jerks in pain and all of his injuries scream and pulse, rebounding on each other, magnifying the intensity of it all. He releases instantly, cock still soft but suddenly come is pumping out of him in a steady flow.

“Jesus. I can’t. Oh god,” Steve wheezes. Bucky pulls out of him and Steve shouts at the rough drag. Bucky hauls his hips up, shoves back deep and Steve squeals, is positive he’s never made such a noise before in his entire life. “Mmm, _mm,_ no, can’t. I just—“ __

“Don’t care. You will,” Bucky growls, and fucks Steve with rough jerks, slamming into him again, putting his weight on him. Steve’s head turns to the side as Bucky rides him flat down to the bed and he shoves his fingers into Steve’s mouth. Steve sucks on them instantly, treating them like he would Bucky’s cock and choking himself. Bucky drags his fingers out of Steve’s mouth, pulls out of his ass again and finishes himself off by coming onto Steve’s back.

Bucky’s breathing hard as he rubs come into Steve’s skin. As soon as the last drop is in, he drags Steve’s hips back up and grabs Steve’s cheeks, pulling them apart and staring at his hole. Thumbs slip down, pressing against his rim and then breaching him, like he’s pulling him open.

“I love you,” Steve says, because he feels vulnerable. Bucky spits on Steve’s hole, presses closer, gets the head of his cock snagged onto Steve’s rim and pushes.

“You’re going to hurt me. It hurts. Fuck.” Steve can barely get the words out. Bucky’s cock is one thing, those fucking thumbs are another and he feels like the slightest movement will tear him in two.

He sobs and it ripples through his whole body. The pain of it all so intense that he releases again.

“You were careless.” Bucky says.

“I wasn’t.”

“ _Bullshit_. You were. You know it. I love you, Stevie. You’re mine. You’re supposed to _help_ _me_ take care of you.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he says.

Bucky hums uncertainly. “That isn’t enough. This is going to be the longest fucking flight of your life. I’m going to keep fucking you and using you until we land. You will beg me to leave you alone. Do you understand? You’re going to limp off this fucking jet evened out and then we’re going to talk about how you behaved out there. Shit is going to change. This is not acceptable.”

“Yeah, yeah, punish me,” he says, cock getting hard despite the pain.

“This isn’t it. This is to even you out. To take the edge off for me and you. The punishment comes later.”

“What are you going to do?” Steve asks, suddenly worried. 

“I don’t even fucking know yet. But, you scare the god damned fuck out of me.”

“So, it’s not something I’m going to like?”

Bucky’s laugh is sinister. “No. It has to be something you don’t want to do. And you have to understand that I’m doing it because I can’t go on without you. You can’t fucking die on me.” And then he’s fucking Steve, the conversation done for the moment as he chases his orgasm. He gets close and pauses, reaches under Steve and grabs his cock. “Tighten up, sweetheart.”

Bucky jerks him off and Steve gasps and twitches, overstimulated. He clenches and releases and Bucky groans when Steve’s ass convulses on his cock. “Fuck, that hurts, Sir!”

“Good. _Tighter_. Come on, Stevie.” Bucky fucks him and pulls carelessly on Steve’s cock. If Steve is going to come then he’s going to have to work for it, the touch is infrequent and unhelpful.

Steve somehow gets a rhythm going, feels the orgasm beginning to build low in his body and Bucky let’s go of Steve’s cock. “Fuck. Come on. I can do it,” Steve growls. Steve’s cock smacks his own stomach and it makes him clench.

Bucky shoves through it, the pain sharp and deep inside Steve and his cock spills a few drops even though he hasn’t come. Bucky slaps Steve hard on the ass when he doesn’t think he’s tightening up enough, and it’s so much Steve starts trembling, struggling to remember what’s wanted. When to clench and when to relax.

The hand is back on his cock, stripping him tight and painful and Steve comes with a harsh stutter of movement, desperate to get his hips away and his cock out of Bucky’s tight hand. He can’t go anywhere. The cock in his ass is too big, too hard and he drops, like the bed has suddenly collapsed or something, he just feels like all of him has lowered. Bucky comes, spilling into him with several sharp jerks of his hips.

“Gonna pull out of you. Keep your ass in the air until I get the plug. You spill my come and you’ll regret it.”

“Yes, sir. I won’t, sir. _Oh_! Ow,” he manages as Bucky pulls out too fast.

Bucky stumbles off the bed, goes to his bag and Steve can hear him searching for the plug. Bucky brings it back and presses it into Steve’s hole. There’s very little resistance and he’s thinking about asking for something bigger when it switches on, vibrating inside him.

Where the fuck did this toy come from?

It’s a low, almost heavy vibration and it makes his muscles weaken. Steve’s knees slide out from under him so he’s lying flat on the bed. “Turn over. I’ve got something for your cock, too.”

Steve whimpers but obeys. He doesn’t want to go back into chastity. Yes, he came, but he’s already getting hard again. “But the toxins,” he says, hoping to convince Bucky that he shouldn’t be caged. Bucky meets his gaze. There’s something evil there.

Bucky brings over a sleeve and slips it onto Steve’s cock. It’s soft and squishy inside, wet from a squirt of lube and he thrusts up tentatively, closes his eyes in pleasure. “Do you like that, sweetheart?”

“Yeah. Feels really good. Will I be able to come, sir? Please.”

“As much as you want,” he says, kissing Steve gently on his jaw and then his lips. Steve loses himself to the soft kissing, the vibration in his ass picks up speed and his cock gets harder.

“Are you hard yet?” Bucky whispers against his mouth.

“Yeah, yeah. Almost.”

“Good boy,” he murmurs and there’s the sound of a pump which is just weird enough that Steve opens his eyes. He feels the constriction at the same time and watches, fascinated and horrified as the sleeve compresses his cock tighter and tighter.

“Fuck, that’s so good. Stop or I’ll—” Steve comes. He groans, low and strung out. The vibration in his ass changes the orgasm, making it worse and he’s panting and writhing as soon as its over. Everything is suddenly too much.

“Off please. And out. Bucky, ngh. No. Oh, fuck.” Steve whimpers, and grips the bed hard, feels like he might come apart at the seams if this thing doesn’t come off of him and get out of him.

“No,” Bucky orders, and kisses him again. It’s all teeth and a sharp nip to his bottom lip. He covers Steve with his body, adjusts his cock so he’s pressed close to the sleeve. Bucky tries out a thrust and frowns.

Bucky pumps the sleeve and it gets tighter. Steve’s cock had softened a little and if he gets hard again it will be even worse now that there’s less room in there. He shakes his head but Bucky is ignoring him. Bucky grabs the lube and squirts some between them, all over Steve’s lower stomach and the outside of the sleeve.

Steve wants to say something but he can’t. God, he’s still sinking, falling so far fucking down at the pain of his physical wounds and the forced arousal, at Bucky covering him and feeling so safe that words are impossible. “Show me your eyes, babydoll.”

Steve blinks them open, and even that’s hard. “Beautiful. I’ll take care of you. You’re perfect, Stevie,” he says, and he thrusts gently and kisses Steve’s slack mouth, using him like he’s a toy. A doll. He kisses the tears that slide down Steve’s face. Steve is pulled out of the haze by the pleasure building inside of him.

“No, please no,” he begs.

“You’ve got a color. You say red and I’ll stop.”

Steve keeps his mouth closed, doesn’t want to risk the word slipping out of him. Bucky chases his own orgasm and Steve shakes. The vibration in his ass forces him to come and he sobs through it, feeling weak and…open.

Every piece of him is like an exposed nerve. Bucky comes on him and rests while Steve cries at the overstimulation. He’s twitching and can hardly get his breathing under control, and then he’s dropping back down again, into the dark, the weight of Bucky anchoring him to life.

He drifts for an eternity, riding the pain until it dulls and morphs into what could be pleasure, but he isn’t sure. The feeling is large and he can’t make sense of it at all, like a word that’s been said too many times and loses its coherence. Is it good? Is it awful? If he comes again, he’ll know real pain. “Fuck. No. Bucky. No, I love you. I swear.”

“I know. I love you, too. I don’t doubt it. You’re so fucking beautiful like this, you have no idea.”

“I don’t want to come,” he begs, opening his eyes and pleading with Bucky. “Don’t make me.”

“This is your job, sweetheart. Just this. Until we land this is all you have to do. I’m going to stay with you. I’ll hold you. You can do this. I know you can. God, look at what a mess you are. Poor babydoll, you’re falling apart, aren’t you?” Bucky’s voice is a growl, utterly possessive. He drops a hand down to Steve’s balls, grips them and it’s agony.

Steve releases and then he comes and that’s enough to knock him out for some amount of time. When he comes back to himself, the lights are dimmed and Bucky is asleep, half on top of him.

Steve bites his lower lip to keep himself quiet. There’s a tremor through his entire body as he pants and tries to prepare for another orgasm. They’re dry now and the build isn’t pleasure at all. It’s awful and it’s all pain and he needs Bucky to get him through it. “Bucky. Bucky. Help me,” he sobs, and Bucky wakes up, leans over him, kisses him hungrily, praises him and strokes his chest, plays with his tits and his nipples.

“Let me see you. This is for me. Come on, baby.” Bucky is looking into his eyes and the expression on his face makes Steve feel invincible. Like he can do this for as long as he has to. 

It starts in his ass, deep in his passage, locking up tight and squeezing against the plug. His muscles are weak and the effort it takes to clench and spasm steals his breath. “Noooo,” he groans, long and low, teeth clenched as it spreads to his balls and his cock. His cock barely even twitches as the electric agony of orgasm goes through him.

“Yes. Jesus, _yes_ ,” Bucky growls, and Steve realizes Bucky’s touching himself.

“We’re going to land in a minute. You did it, baby. I’m so proud of you. Let’s see you,” he says, and gives his cock a rough squeeze before letting go. Bucky’s hard and leaking, it’s been hours since Bucky last came.

Bucky deflates the sleeve and pulls it off. Steve spasms at the feeling, puts his hands down to protect his cock, worried Bucky will touch him. Bucky kisses him and Steve tries to participate, lower lip trembling in worry. Bucky smiles against his lips, rubs fingers over Steve’s nipple and drags a single finger down Steve’s chest and stomach. He hesitates, keeps eye contact and Steve feels small, reduced down to nothing but the excited terror of Bucky’s whims. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Bucky takes his hand away, pulls out the plug in Steve’s ass and Steve chokes out Bucky’s name. He’s so swollen and sensitive. He throbs.

“I want to come, Stevie. Before we land. You’ve got me too worked up. But, I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you need. I’ll come in your mouth if you want. Do all the work. Jerk off right into your mouth. You just open up and take my seed like a good boy. Do you want that?”

He wants Bucky to fuck him. He wants it so badly and is so afraid of it that he can’t even ask. His mouth is physically refusing to open and ask. He can’t look Bucky in the eye. “Prove you can talk, sweetheart.”

“Love you,” he murmurs.

“I know. More than anyone ever could. The things you take for me. The things you let me do, trust me to do to you. Steve, you’re everything to me. I want to come in you, baby. I want to feel what you just went through on my cock.”

Steve nods. He wants it too.

“Let’s take stock of you. See how you are.” Gentle fingers go to his hip, over the bandage.

It doesn’t hurt. He’s healed. Bucky takes off the bandage and whistles. “That’s fast.”

It’s ridiculously fast. He’s never healed that quickly before. “How long has it been?” he asks, wondering if he’d misjudged the time.

“Four hours,” Bucky says.

“I’m still down.”

Bucky smiles at him. “Yeah, your eyes are totally blown and you’re still all sweet and weak. How about your thigh?”

Steve contracts the muscle weakly and there’s a twinge but it’s basically fine too. “Healed. Just need to use the muscle a bit. I didn’t know I could heal that fast.”

“I’m glad, baby. I took your readings while you were out. Perfect. No buildup, you’re not gonna crash. Emotionally, you should feel amazing.”

“I do,” he says, smiling and staring at Bucky’s lips. “But, um, please fuck me.”

“I want to. Let’s see. Give me a number of how much it hurts, okay? 1 to 10.”

“It’s going to be high. But, I can take it. I want that. Please,” he says, and he raises his head to kiss Bucky on the lips.

Bucky rolls his eyes at him and trails his fingers down, between Steve’s legs to his entrance. Steve parts his thighs, grunting at the exertion because he’s so fucked out. Bucky chuckles, clearly pleased with himself. He touches the pad of a finger to Steve’s rim and Steve swallows down a cry.

“What number?”

“Uh, what number means you’ll stop?”

“No. This isn’t your decision. Give me the information or we don’t do this at all.”

Steve buries his face in Bucky’s neck. “I’m sorry. S-s-seven,” he whispers. Bucky kisses him on the lips, his fingers stroke ever so gently in small circles and Steve whimpers through all of it.

“Let me check inside, sweetheart. It’s just a finger. Just one.”

“Yes, sir,” he breathes and he tilts his hips in offering. The finger burns. It’s like burning heat is being slipped into him. “Fuck. 9 I think. 9.” Bucky stills, starts to pull his finger out and Steve cries out. “10! Don’t move. Please, don’t move.”

He’s crying. His arms warp around Bucky’s neck and Bucky stays where he is, doesn’t move a muscle, waits for Steve’s body to calm down. “You tell me when you think it’s okay.”

“Yo, we landed. We’re all getting the hell out of here. Dinner’s at 8,” Sam calls, through the door.

“At my place this time. None of this pizza delivery nonsense. Saving the world means steak!” Tony says.

“Someone should call Thor. He loves steak,” Wanda says, and then they’re gone, the sound of their feet traipsing past the closed door.

“Okay,” Steve says, as soon as it’s quiet.

“Do you mean that or do you feel like we have to hurry now?”

“I don’t know. Both, maybe.”

“No one is coming onto the jet. Fury’s orders. Everyone stays out until we’re gone.”

Steve nods, blushing hard.

“So, are you ready for me to try again?”

“Not yet,” Steve says. Bucky kisses him some more, slow and leisurely and Steve loses track of time. Bucky pulls back to kiss his jaw and Steve tries to follow, body moving the slightest amount, the finger in his hole shifting minutely.

“Will you….”

“What, sweetheart?”

“Two?”

“Stevie, it doesn’t seem like a good idea.”

“Well, that doesn’t mean a damned thing.” He jokes. “I want to take you. I don’t want to leave here until you’ve come inside me. And I want it to be at a 9.”

Bucky makes a non-committal sound. He’s thinking. “Why?”

Steve shrugs. It takes him a moment to answer. “I like you helping me. I like being dependent upon your….control. And I like testing it.”

“And you know that you being a needy, blissed out and tortured mess on my cock makes me lose my fucking mind?”

“Maybe,” he says, licking his lips. Although they both know the answer to that one.

“Hmm. I want to move my finger before I decide.”

“Okay.” Bucky pulls his finger out, slow and gentle and it’s agony. Steve doesn’t breathe until he’s out.

“Where are you, sweetheart?”

“Um, 9.” Bucky nods and kisses him, tongue fucking his mouth like he’s wishing he was fucking Steve’s ass but is trying to content himself with that. It helps him focus on the present, pay attention to Bucky when he’d been solely focussed on himself. Bucky is roasting. Steve kisses his neck and tastes damp and salt. There’s the finest tremble in him and his cock is soaking Steve’s thigh. He’s so hard. His pupils are blown wide, too. Bucky is deep in his dominant headspace and he’s possibly more of a mess than Steve’s ever seen him.

“What’s your number?” he asks, softly, and cups Bucky’s face.

“For what?” Bucky asks, confused.

“How much you need this? How close you are to losing it?”

He shakes his head. “I won’t lose it. I won’t hurt you like that.”

Steve smiles at him, touches him all over. “I know. I trust you. Do you…do you want me to show you how easily I can get you off of me?”

“Yeah, I do,” he says, with barely any hesitation.

Steve shoves him, uses that super soldier strength that’s always there, even when he’s far down, and Bucky slams back into the wall and groans. Bucky needs to be reminded that Steve is safe for whatever he wants. Bucky gives him a thumbs up, needs a moment to catch his breath after getting the wind knocked out of him.

“Do you want me to hit you, too?” Steve asks, innocently.

“You’re a punk. No. I get it. Thank you,” Bucky shakes it off and takes a moment to find the lube that had disappeared under the blanket. He gets back between Steve’s legs, and Steve opens his thighs, planting his feet. Bucky takes a pillow and presses it under Steve, having to help him lift his hips. Steve closes his eyes as his abs and internal muscles clench to raise himself up.

Bucky squirts lube onto Steve’s hole and touches the area gently again, gaze flicking up to check on Steve. “Seven,” Steve says. Which is better than it was but it’s probably too high for sex.

Bucky nods. “Nine” he says.

It takes Steve a minute to process that. Bucky presses a finger gently into him again and Steve tries to relax. He’s going slow, impossibly slow, but all his nerve endings are firing from the overstimulation and he’s so swollen and his pain and pleasure receptors so confused that all he can do is lay there. “Nine what? What does that mean?”

Bucky swallows hard. His eyes are a little haunted when he looks at Steve. He blinks and Steve is pretty sure he’s fighting back tears. “For how much I need you right now. But, um, the therapist wrote me a prescription. I can take something to help me even out so we don’t have to do this.”

“I didn’t know that,” Steve says, unsure how he feels about it.

“It’s for…emergencies. Apparently, post battle, you doing stupid shit that almost gets you killed, and then sexually torturing you for hours really ramps me up. Who knew?” he says, trying to make light of it but clearly annoyed with himself. “So, yeah. I’m a nine.” And it’s like just saying it somehow strains that thread of restraint. “How are you? You want to try two now?” Bucky asks, voice gravel.

“Yeah, Buck. I do,” he digs his hands into the bedding, can’t get a good purchase and goes for the pillows under his head, wanting to prepare himself because fuck it’s going to be a lot. Bucky doesn’t do anything.

Bucky clears his throat. “Actually, how about you put a hand on my wrist?”

Steve nods and wraps his hand around Bucky’s wrist reassuringly. “I’ll stop you, baby.” The oddness of using that endearment registers somewhere inside him. It fits, though. For all that Bucky is above him and Steve is open and vulnerable under him, he isn’t Sir at this moment. Steve is the anchor, the one who’s grounded and stable.

“Oh,” he says, the realization a little profound. He is evening out. This is the first time it’s been like this, Steve in a state to give and make sure they’ll be okay while Bucky is on the edge and adrift. Steve gives an encouraging squeeze and Bucky rubs two fingers gently against Steve’s rim. 

He bites his lip and Bucky presses both fingers into him. 

“Eight, eight, eight,” he chants, over and over again as Bucky sinks in to the knuckles, “Oh, _oh_ , Bucky!”

“Good boy. Good babydoll. That’s right. There you go,” Bucky groans, pressing deeper and deeper.His fingers are in to the first knuckle and Steve is beginning to doubt himself. Doubt that he can do it. Bucky makes a sound like he’s dying and is suddenly moving, yanking his wrist out of Steve’s grip and burying his face into Steve’s ass, kissing and licking him, spreading his thighs wide and open, ravaging Steve’s hole with a pointed tongue.

“Sir! Unnh, _Sir_.” Steve huffs out a breath. “Yes, okay. Yes, _yes_.” Steve shouts and he releases, cups his balls because the pain is so intense it’s like someone has just kicked him.

Bucky is practically mindless with it, licking and murmuring words into Steve’s skin as he fucks him with his mouth. Steve breathes when he stops, and then Bucky’s up, he’s over Steve and pressing the head of his cock to Steve’s entrance and shaking as he tries to stop himself.

Bucky’s cock spurts against Steve’s hole. Steve’s so sensitive and raw down there that he feels it like acid. “You’d stop me. Stevie. Stevie. You would. I’m sorry. I can’t—“ 

Steve has no words as Bucky enters him, the pain and submission being demanded of him requiring everything in him, every scrap of focus and love and generosity to allow it to happen. His body breathes and it’s a loud shocked sound as Steve endures the monstrous weight and heat of Bucky’s cock coring into him. Steve tilts his head, offering his neck and Bucky sucks on his skin, bites, and crowds in on him, taking him down for the kill. Heavy hands are under him, lifting Steve’s hips as he works deeper, demanding more and more. Steve is clinging onto sanity by the barest amount.

There is nothing left of him. Steve feels wetness against his jaw, Bucky’s chest rises and falls, hitches as he’s overcome. He sobs into Steve’s neck and pulls back to look down at him. Tears are sliding down Bucky’s face.

“You’re alright. I’ve got you, baby,” Steve says, the words dragged out of him and half formed. Bucky cries out hoarsely and thrusts deep into Steve, burying to the hilt. He’s coming almost instantly, panting into Steve’s mouth as he rocks and twitches over him. “Are you okay? Are you? Fuck. Baby. Baby. Tell me.” He orders, hips grinding and pressing as he pulses endlessly into Steve.

“I’m okay. I am. I swear. I could have said red. I would have. I would.” Bucky’s cock softens inside of him slowly and Steve’s ass is burning, so sore and painful he can practically feel Bucky’s own heartbeat inside him.

“I’m yours. I’m yours now,” he says, kissing Bucky’s face gently. Steve grabs the tissues and finds himself in the totally opposite position of offering them to Bucky. He has no idea how much longer it is before they get up and Bucky gets Steve clothes, helps him sit up and puts the shirt gently over his head. He makes Steve lean against him as he gets underwear and pants on him. He puts on Steve’s socks and shoes, periodically stopping to press his forehead against Steve’s thigh, seeking out his touch, needing to know they’re still okay.

There’s a part of Steve that would do this every damned day if they could because he feels so filled with love and joy. But, Bucky is clearly still struggling with what happened and Steve can’t bear to see him so uncertain and scared of himself. Bucky clings to him as they finally leave the jet. They’re driven back to Bucky’s place, a SHIELD driver Steve’s never seen before, very carefully ignoring them.

They get home and Bucky takes him to the shower, washes him gently and carefully, kisses every part of him, spending long moments on the barely noticeable pink scars of the bullet wounds. He’s careful and practically worshipful of Steve’s ass, kissing him and adoring him with gentle touches until the water goes cold. He dries Steve off, methodically and then he feeds Steve and then takes them to the living room.

“I’m sleepy,” Steve says, and he could definitely sleep for a solid year given half a chance.

“I’m sorry, baby. We can’t go to bed quite yet. Not until you’ve had your punishment. I can’t,” Bucky’s swallows hard, can’t even look at him. “I don’t want to be that afraid for you again.”

Steve is shocked speechless. “What are you going to do?”

He takes Steve to the corner, urges him to his knees and starts to walk away from him. Steve whimpers and reaches for him and Bucky is there in an instant, dropped down to his knees and pulling Steve close.

“No, sir. Please. Please don’t make me be here alone!”

Bucky sounds anguished. “You’re so fucking careless, Stevie! I can’t lose you. We _have_ to do this. It has to be bad enough for you to not do it again.”

“I won’t! Now that I know how you feel, I won’t.”

“I can’t believe you. I love you too much.”

Steve is desperate for a reprieve. “Tomorrow then.”

“No, baby. It’s just…it’s gotta be now.” He can feel Bucky’s heart breaking at how much this is hurting Steve. Which is awful and makes Steve more worried because Bucky is worried. The whole thing is a nightmare.

Bucky kisses him hard and then pulls back from Steve, gets to his feet and leaves him in the corner.

It doesn’t take long before Steve starts to tremble, his shoulders hunching in. He can feel Bucky behind him, in the room. He hasn’t left Steve alone but it’s still too much. A sob comes from his throat and Bucky is there, hand on Steve’s shoulder to steady him.

“How long has it been?” Steve asks.

“Probably three fucking minutes. Come on, we’re making each other cry. I have to….We’ll work something else out tomorrow.”

Steve gets to his feet and Bucky pulls him close, holds onto him for dear life. “I have to hold you, tonight. I don’t have it in me to hurt you anymore, even if it is for your own good. I just…let me be sweet to you now, alright?”

Bucky pulls him to the bedroom, gets them tucked in under the blankets.

“You know what would be a good punishment for me?”

“I’m scared to ask,” Bucky murmurs, already half-asleep.

“If you woke me up in a few hours to fuck me. Do you want me to set an alarm?” he asks, reaching for Bucky’s phone on the nightstand, already. Fuck is it going to hurt. Steve drifts to sleep thinking about it, a smile on his lips, anticipating how bad it’s going to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, I guess this is it? This is the longest thing I've ever written and part of me doesn't quite believe it's over. There is a chance there will be more, but I'm not sure. I guess it could be a time stamp or something. Thank you all for reading!!! If you've just read this and thought 'wow what a lot of words, i enjoyed that' then please feel free to send me a few sentences telling me so. it's karmic cash or something. 
> 
> If you want something to read after this, may I suggest the following link. It's Destiel but this is the story that inspired mine and some of the hormone talk came from. It's amazing.
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/12691629/chapters/28939284


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